… random thoughts of Woody about a very pregnant Jordan
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Most people said she was cranky, unbearable most of the time. They blamed it on the hormones and on the unwanted pregnancy. Some even claimed she still didn't act like a mother to be. But he knew none of this was true. He could see the caring mother in her. She loved her baby more than anything.
But he had learned a lot about her during the past months. They had talked a lot. For example about her fears. And she had a lot of fears that she could hide pretty well. One of them was love. One might ask what could be scary about love. Love, for most people, is a beautiful thing. Loving somebody or be loved by someone, for them, is fulfilling, peaceful, save, life. But for Jordan it was dangerous. Loving somebody, for her, meant she could be hurt. And being loved by someone meant she could, and most likely would hurt them. So she'd rather run. And build a thick brick wall around her heart and let no one in. But with the baby it was different. It wasn't even born and she already loved it. A baby, a fragile being. Anything could happen to it. And if something did, she would be broken. She wouldn't know how to survive.
And the baby, once it was born, will depend upon her for everything. And she didn't know if she could do that. Care for her baby. Keep it safe and sound. She couldn't even keep a goldfish safe. Or a plant for that matter. And a baby? What if anything happened because she did something wrong. She would never forgive herself. Never.
And on top of this all the baby wouldn't be satisfied with food and shelter only, like a goldfish, she also had to teach it. Education. Speech. Manner. That kind of things maybe she could manage. But Love? Trust? Faith? She was sure to screw it up. Even if she tried her best. And that she was scared of. To screw someone up she loved. Someone that couldn't defend themselves. Someone innocent.
She had told him all this in those few times when she let her guard down a little. Most of the time her guard was up and she would be like the others said. Unbearable. Almost ignoring she was pregnant. But sometimes, when they were alone, she would let herself go a little. Then she would snuggle into him and tell him some of these things. Not all at once. But gradually he had learned this much about her. Once she even admitted that she wished the baby was his. He wished so too. But not because he loved her and wanted her and the baby to be his. At least not only. He hoped that she would let him take some of the responsibility and not insist on doing everything herself. Not that she couldn't do it. He was sure she could. But maybe that way she would learn to trust others. Giving your baby in somebody's care needs a lot trust. And it would be a start. Maybe slowly she would learn other types of trust.
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Woody: Happy Birthday, Jordan. (hands her a small package)
Jordan: Woody, You don't have to …
Woody: Open it. Please.
Jordan: Thanks. (opens present to reveal a locket, similar to the one her mother had) Thank you, Woody. It's beautiful.
Woody: Open it. There is a little key.
Jordan: (opens locket curiously, there is a little picture of her mother and her on one side, the other is empty) Where did you …?
Woody: It was in the register in the Pogue. (He had been helping in the bar sometimes over the past months.) Guess your father left it there. I borrowed it to make a copy and put it back.
Jordan: Okay. Thank you, Woody. This is … I really love this. Thank you.
Woody: (lays a hand on her round belly) The other side is for your little one. I tried to take one of those ultrasounds but you don't see anything if you make them that tiny. So you have to wait 'till it's out.
Jordan: (smiling) Woody, you're the best.
Woody: It's so you can carry them with you all the time.
