Alex's eye twitched as, for what had to be the millionth time that...hour? Half-hour? Century? She couldn't really tell, but the stupid fairy was talking. Incessently.

"An' then m'sister, she t'would stick two carro's up her nose, an' my 'ter brother would laugh like a moron- ..er..bloody fool..."

Very slowly, she began counting to ten in her mind.

He droned onward like a peculiar sort of bee, only bees do not normally talk about Gran's Really Superb Fish Stuff.

...threee...

Something in her snapped and she watched, appreciatively, as one of her arms shot out apparently of it's own accord and pinched the fairy's wings together. He made a satisfactory 'waugh' noise.

Very slowly her arm lowered the tiny but doubly obnoxious male to face level.

In a calm, measured voice that could not only have sliced food, but would have also cut the hand using it for said reason, she spoke.

"You are going to stop using the stupid fake accent and tell me your bloody name because I already know the names of each and every one of your relatives and 'the girl from the cave two trees over' or I am going to bite your bloody head off and drape your corpse from something." She smiled pleasently, eye still twitching.

The grubby miniature boy's eyes had glazed over with fear at the second vowel, but he somehow managed to prolong his life perhaps another hour by squeaking a reply.

"yes'm m'nameisErekm'm." He whimpered, provoking fond memories of the boy who had called her lips "As red and delicious as strawberries without the seeds on." He had mysteriously fallen out of a tree.

She grinned and let him fall into a clump of particularly nasty looking ...brown... stuff...

Alex looked up very slowly and smirked at LonLon ranch. If it weren't a group of buildings, it would've tucked its tail between its legs and whimpered.


Talon blinked, yawned, looked up, blinked again, rubbed his eyes, and sat up, provoking a disapproving squawk from the chicken seated on his head.

"..Urrrr?" He managed, staring at the girl in front of him. She was wearing the strangest clothing he had ever seen. Well..maybe except for that time Malon had tried to make a dress..

Her lips were also moving in the same pattern over and over again, as though she was trying to remember something. And her left ear seemed to be glowing green.

"..What ho, good sir!" She chirped after a few seconds, while the light flickered irritably..how does a light flicker irritably?..

"I am but a humble traveler, come to seek shelter from the monsters of the field for a few days. May I make use of your stables?"

Talon stared at her. Maybe she was insane.

"..Y'all right, miss?" He managed after a very long, pointed moment. She grimaced and shoved a red, fiendishly pointy glimmering object under his nose before walking very deliberately out of the chicken coop.


Days passed.

Picture, if it helps you, pages being ripped off one of those little daily calenders. Or perhaps the sun rising and setting several times.

Or we could just hit fast forward and, during the unfortunate incident where Ingo's deranged mutterings about "hello, little boy, would you like to ride my pony.." got on Alex's nerves, which we have learned have all the strength of a marshmallow with razors in it. He is currently in the only bed in the actual place, face wrapped in bandages.

Our heroine is currently being forced, gently but firmly, to leave.

Malon smiled, strainedly, at the strange girl whose eye was still twitching dangerously. It was a smile with all the properties of someone saying "How nice. Why don't you just walk out the back exit, now?"

"No, no, I must insist, you'll find lodgings in the city far better than our humble ranch." She oozed, mentally adding And I hope someone breaks your nose.

Alex grimaced downward, tying the laces on her sneakers. Erek was currently shoved in her hair, and had stopped his muffled complaints when she threatened to feed him to the cows. In pieces.

"Oh, if you do insist. But I shall come back and visit you shortly!" She cooed, grinning like a maniac piranha.

There may not be such a thing as hate at first sight. But then, they had seen each other numerous times.


Alex glanced around shiftily, and then yanked Erek out of her ponytail. He spat desperately, eventually going so far as to stick a hand in his mouth and yank out a wad of blonde hairs.

"Your hair does not taste nice." He grumbled, still spitting. Alex snickered, then pulled out the Amazing Map of Saria's Annoyance.

"Mmm... hmm... right." She folded it again, and then struck a pose, waving the ridiculously puny Kokiri Sword.

"..I really need a bigger weapon. Oh well, even if I were a guy people wouldn't be able to make 'Big Sword! awhahaha, snort.' jokes."

She paused, considering this.

"..Umm..on second thought, maybe that wouldn't be a good thing."

Erek rolled his eyes, hovering next to her ear.

"Um..you might wanna start moving. Nearly sunset." He grinned, satisfied, and flew after Alex's rapidly retreating form.

"Hey, you're going the wrong way!"

"OHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAP!"