Not A Total Loss
By Ms. Kinnikufan
Disclaimer: I own no one.
In the end, it wasn't a total loss.
Ryo may have not loved me for even a moment's time, but I learned that was capable of loving someone with my whole heart.
That was a first for me. In the past, I had only wanted guys other girls had. I didn't love any of them. Not a single one. I didn't think I was capable of doing so.
It was a game to me, I guess. I felt useless at everything else. Stealing other girl's boyfriends did take skill. It made me feel like a winner. I know it was sick and wrong and all other negative adjectives, but it made me feel like a winner.
When I got together with Ryo, I thought I had someone all my own. Someone who would love me no matter what.
Wrong, wrong, wrong!
I was just another one to be used. I wonder if he really loved Miaso either? Or was he just using her as an excuse to break things off with me?
I don't think he even loved me when he thought I had miscarried. He maybe felt sorry for me, and maybe even ashamed of himself for the way he treated me, but I don't think he loved me.
I still can't believe I tricked myself into thinking I was pregnant.
Thank God I really wasn't. Learning that I had tricked myself into thinking I was pregnant was the hardest thing I ever went through, but after it was over, it was a relief too.
Even if Ryo had wanted to take care of me, my life would have still been seriously messed-up. I'm not fit to be a mother, at least not now. Definitely not now. Maybe someday, when I'm older and have learn more things about life.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I can get through life without trying to mess up other people's lives.
I learn that my some deceitful actions can be used for good as well evil. They got Momo and Kiley back together, didn't they?
They love each other with their whole hearts.
Maybe someday I will love someone with my whole heart again. Now that I know I'm capable of doing so.
I'm 16 years old, and for the first time I feel like I have the abilities to truly do useful thing instead of just messing with other people's lives.
I don't know what will happen in the future, but it looks hopeful.
