Sunrise over the tango factory's A/N: Ug, the start of school was on wed...so drained...of will...indivdiaulity..and the desire to live...somehow managed to write, and that cheered me up! I love the character Hazza, thinking about what we could make him do is a blast, and we draw inspiration from the goons (we could use more 'fitting' words but we'd be arrested!) at our school. We've also been making Lister look a little bit...bitchy...but we love him like that. Peace, Sunrise.

Raging Tree Trunk A/N: Ok, hey ppl. I've been sick today- joy; but writing has helped I feel A LOT better. Still pretty meh, but better- anyway… School is back. OH DEAR LORD HAVE MERCY. I love my precious babies and they make me feel better :) –the characters you fools not LITERALLY! Omg, me and kids shudders at though- anyway. We are kinda drawing to the last stages of our sordid tale, and believe us as bad and angst filled an emotional rollercoaster this seems- real life is worse! My muse took a vacation and has missed his flight back as of yet… So, ya… anyway we have a few more chappies to go still. One last new character hehe ;) which is actually- ohh I can't say it'll give it away- it's only a brief character but still- haha better go now before I give it away! Peace and Love, always and forever –is that a song? - Trunky (hehe)

P.S- We are very fond of the pigeon song. It is a real song actually sung by us and made up years ago. Watch this space- ONE DAY WE WILL ROCK THE WORLD WITH THE PIGEON SONG!

-Until then. Bye.


It seemed to Lister the further he went in life the crappier it got. Hazza had took note of Lister's threat and was keeping his distance, but he kept catching his eye, shrugging his shoulders and giving off thousands of signals indicating he wanted to end this feud.

Lister ignored this, it wasn't easy, he and Hazza were like a package, if you got one you always got the other. Hazza and Lister, Lister and Hazza, they were inseparable…or at least he thought they were.

After nearly a month of not talking to Hazza, Lister felt like his world had fallen apart, he'd even stopped messing about in lessons, he didn't do work though…he just sat there staring at the wall, in his own little word.

This provoked mixed reactions from the teachers…

Some were scared, seeing a quiet Lister sent them into a trembling wreck, others were convinced he was ill and would often feel his forehead expecting him to be burning up with a fever and beg him to go and see the school nurse.

It was during one maths lesson when the messenger entered; naturally the whole class looked up from their work at the young boy's arrival.

"M…miss" he stammered, staring at the large class of 15 and 16 year olds with wide eyes "Dave Lister has got to go and see Mr Granger now…" he quickly fled the room.

All eyes then turned on Lister, who stared back un-perplexed by the increase of attention. The teacher nodded for him to leave, so he grabbed his bag and set of on the familiar route to Grangers office.

Through force of habit Lister sat on the 'naughty' chair outside, it was 15 minutes later when Mr Granger stormed out of his office, past Lister and down the corridor.

"Sir?" Lister called at the receding headmasters back.

Mr Granger stopped, and spun round, he squinted at Lister before nodding his head in recollection "ah yes, Lister. I was just about to come and find you, give you a telling off for ignoring my message" he then began to usher Lister into his room.

"Am I in trouble sir?" asked Lister, sinking into the chair that faced Grangers desk. Having been very passive these past few weeks meant he hadn't been getting into trouble, what could he possibly done that was so bad it meant Granger wanted to see him?

"No" wheezed the headmaster sitting down on his reclining office chair "you're not in trouble" he paused and pushed his glasses up his nose "My God, I thought I'd never say those words to you…"

Lister admitted he'd have never thought he'd see the day when a teacher said he wasn't it trouble!

Mr Granger coughed and fixed Lister with a sympathetic stare, something which really scared him…. there was something un-natural about a teacher being kind.

"I have heard about yours and Aaron Harrison's...erm…little disagreement…"

Lister hurriedly looked away, but Mr Granger continued, "Now, when I first heard this I thought I was going senile but it turned out-"

"You were going senile," muttered Lister,

Mr Granger frowned "less cheek boy, more respect…I wasn't going senile, and I was shocked to discover I'd heard it correctly, you and Harrison had fallen out…"

"Sir, does this discussion have a point?" groaned Lister, as the memories of his and Hazza's fight became clear in his mind.

"Of course it has a bloody point boy" snapped Granger "why d'you think I dragged your worthless arse up here, for a cup of bloody tea perhaps?" he then laughed at his own joke, and looked towards Lister as a way of saying 'join in'

"Ha Ha…" said Lister unenthusiastically.

Granger scowled at him "I'm referring you to our school counsellor" he said, writing out a note.

"What?" cried Lister "we have a school counsellor?"

"Yes" barked Mr Granger; glancing up momentarily from his note "her office is next to the library…"

There was a thoughtful pause from Lister,

"We have a library!?!" he exclaimed shocked.

At first Lister was sceptical about seeing a counsellor, he'd had previous encounters with people in a psychological career and quickly developed a strong feeling of loathing to anyone had Dr. at the start of their name but didn't wear a white coat.

He was sent to see a child psychologist when he was found with his head down the toilet apparently talking to his dead dad.

Lister remembered being very scared of the man who he was sat in a room with.

He was freakishly tall with large shiny black eyes, a large pointy nose and a curly beard, which he stroked like a cat whilst he talked. Lister did his best not to talk to the scarily-tall-beard-stroking-stranger who asked bizarre questions like "Under what context do you think you and your father 'bonded' most?"

Lister just sat and stared at the funny man, wondering what kind of drugs he was on, and after nearly 2 hours of 'therapy' the psychologist gave up and announced Lister was a difficult child who was incapable of advanced communication.

When Lister had found the notes on his session several years later, he was outraged… "Difficult?!?" he yelled in a mixture of anger and confusion "For not answering some probing questions asked by a man who looked like a reject extra from the 'Gremlins' film! 'Incapable of advanced communication' what did the tosser expect from a 6 year old, Shakespearean verse? What a wanker!"

Lister then came up with the assumption that all psychologists and counsellors must be like that, and should therefore be avoided at all costs.

He then read the note Mr Granger had given him.

"I herby give me permission for Dave Lister

To be out of his lesson as he is seeing the school counsellor.

Signed Mr Granger
Headmaster"

"Get out of lesson free card" Lister grinned "perfect!" now all he had to do was find the library…tricky!

"Dr Phillips: School Counsellor"

A shiny brass plaque was mounted to the door, it was like a sign announcing on coming death. Lister took a deep breath and knocked on the door before opening it.

The first thing he noticed was a nicely rounded bottom in a tight skirt,

"If this is counselling" thought Lister "I think I'm having a mental break down…"

The owner of the bottom stood up and smiled at Lister.

"Hello" she breezed "I'm Dr Phillips but you can call me Helen" She was tall, large chested with a pleasant, understanding face…quite unlike the long nosed beard stroking individual he'd been expecting.

"Dave Lister" smiled Lister,
"I know" smiled Helen "you're quite well known..."
Lister grinned back at her, and took a seat…

Lister found Hazza kicking a football (huge shock) at the side of the sports hall,

"Hi" said Lister meekly

Hazza stopped and straightened up to full height "what's this, Dave Lister...talking to moi!" he said to apologise" grimaced Lister.

"Oh" laughed Hazza sarcastically "you've come to apologise..."

You're not making this any easier," groaned Lister, but Hazza still continued getting more and more sarcastic

"Oh, i'm not making this any easier am I...well sorrr-rrrryyyy!" Hazza then began to kick the ball at the wall again, with more venom this time.

"I'm sorry," muttered Lister, resisting the urge to play football with Hazza's big stupid, arrogant sarcastic head.

"Oh, you're sorry are you?" Snarled Hazza "what's the matter, a pretty feathery angel came down and told you to mend your wicked ways...or else!"

"No" said Lister; shaking his head "I've been referred to a counsellor..."

Hazza carried on once again, sarcasm clearly in full flow "oh you've been to a counsellor...there's a new excuse..." he paused "actually" he said turning to face Lister; face screwed up in confusion "that is a new excuse...a counsellor?"

Lister nodded, "Yeah."

Hazza raised an eyebrow and nodded Lister's slow nod, "Alright then- I think- so a counsellor eh? Err, why?"

Lister shrugged "kindayou" he muttered,

"What?"

"You…"

"Sorry didn't hear..."

"YOU! YOU FREAK!"

Hazza paled, "Lister- I... I never knew you felt that way- I..."

"What?"

Hazza blushed, "If I'd known you loved me man, I'd you know- I don't mind that you gay or anything- it makes sense really-"

Lister let out an unholy shriek, "You think I'm gay?!? IT MAKES SENSE!?"

Hazza blushed, "Well that's why they refer you to counsellor's innit- to get over a broken..." Hazza trailed off as he noticed Lister's expression.

"I'm not gay, man."

Hazza nodded, "sure...."

"I'm not."

"Ok. Calm down…" Hazza grinned smugly before adding, "I know you ogle my arse"

Lister laughed "yeah, and everyone knows you can't keep your eyes off mine..." "Man bitch!" laughed Hazza, kicking the ball over to him. "She-male" retorted Lister, "GIGALO!" They both screamed before laughing heartily, glad everything was back to normal, Lister laughed, 'God, it's like a musical' he thought 'everything working out' it was then that he remembered something. "Hazza man, I've got to show you summit" he grabbed Hazza's arm and dragged him to the music department.

Lister strummed a few notes on his guitar, making Hazza shudder slightly.

"Now" said Lister, flicking his eyes towards Hazza to check he had his full concentration "bear with me on this one, man. It's a little serious, so just sit back, relax and concentrate solely on the poetry of lyrics…"

Hazza give a strained smile as Lister began to sing.

"Watch out, pigeon!

Car hit, pigeon!

Very smushed, pigeon

Go to heaven, pigeon

Go to Hell, pigeon

End of…pigeon!"

He grinned at Hazza expectantly "Whatcha think?" he asked brightly.

Hazza truly didn't know whether to laugh or cry, "it was…interesting" he said meekly.

"Did you get the metaphoric symbolism in the song?"

Hazza gaped open mouthed at Lister "What metaphoric symbolism, it was a song about a bloody PIGEON!"

"Yeah" shrugged Lister, annoyed that his creative genius was being subjected to such slander…from Hazza even "but only people with teeny tiny minds can't see that the pigeon is a hugely important piece in the jigsaw of the song!

Hazza's face became desperate, and if not a little confused "IT'S. A. BLOODY. PIGOEN" he wailed.

"It's not just a pigeon" huffed Lister, plucking a string on his guitar sulkily "the pigeon represents life, and the car, you know the car that ran over the pigeon?"

Hazza nodded mutely

"Well the car is like life begin a total bitch, I got the idea when I saw a can I was kickin' get squashed by a lorry"

Hazza frowned "then why isn't this song about a can?"

Lister shrugged his shoulders "can just didn't have the same ring as pigeon" he then began to repeat a bit of the song "Watch out, can!

"Car hit, can!"

He paused; eagerly awaiting Hazza's cry of 'my god, pigeon sounds so much better', but it didn't come.

"See" said Lister excitedly "can just doesn't flow as well as pigeon"

"I've got to be brutally honest, mate" said Hazza "it doesn't flow well when it's pigeon either!"

Lister scowled "critic" he snapped darkly.

Hazza shrugged his shoulders, but then smiled.

"Lemme guess" sighed Lister "Maria's coming this way…"

"How'd?" was all Hazza could manage,

"I know you too well," said Lister.

Maria wrapped her arms round Hazza's shoulders and settled herself into his lap "Hello baby" she cooed, running her fingers through her boyfriend's hair.

Lister coughed, partly as a way of obtaining attention but also as a warning to Hazza and Maria, as he didn't feel like watching the two of them 'get it on' at this precise moment.

Maria then noticed the guitar Lister was holding "wow" she said, "You play guitar?"

Lister looked at her, trying to decide if she was serious, she did sound interested "yeah" he replied proudly,

"Who taught you to play?" she asked.

"This old guy who lived outside the church"

Hazza coughed, "The guy who lives outside the church? The old one with the beard?"

Lister nodded, "Yup."

"The one with the wooden leg and that big scar?"

"The very same"

"The one who has an eye patch although he has both eyes in perfect working order?"

"Yea…"

"The one that doesn't actually play the guitar, but does however play harmonica with a comb and paper…except without any paper so he just basically plays the comb- oh and he stinks of cider? That one?"

"Well-"

"The one with the-"

"ALRIGHT MAN YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT, I MEAN HOW MANY BEARDED, WOODEN LEGGED, SCARRED, CIDER DRINKING, EYEPATCH WEARING, COMB PLAYING GUYS DO YOU KNOW?"