A/N: sorry it's been so long. It's midterm time at school and that's been kicking my ass. I wrote this today between my classes. I wrote it fast so I'm sure there are a ton of mistakes and I apologize about them. Once the school stuff dies down I'm planning on writing more and I will most definetly go back and edit this one. THANKS again for the reviews they really really mean a lot to me!
Disclaimer: All the characters besides Rae belong to Jonathan Larson.
It was late morning and Rae and I were still going through her pictures. Whenever we found good ones, we would bring them into to the other bedroom and show Collins who would smile and reminisce about the picture right along with us. By late afternoon I began to get restless and decided to out for a walk and get food. That was my excuse anyways. The truth was that I needed to get away, all those memories, Collins being sick; I just needed to get away and be by my self. I think that Rae knew this, she didn't
protest when I told her I was going to the store, she had everything we could possibly need at her place. She just let me go without saying anything. Maybe she
needed time to think by her self too. I went out onto the street I made a turn and started
walking with no place in particular of where I was going I just walked. I looked at the vendors on the street, the little mom pop grocery stores with their wrapped in plastic flowers and over priced fruit. I walked past a square where a man on a microphone was preaching something to the passersby. I kept walking. I didn't realize where I actually was until the road stopped and opened up to a park. Tompkins Square Park. The park where we first met Rae the park that Maureen and I used to plan and rehearse her protests a lot of things happened in this park. I looked down another street and started walking, I didn't really know why I was doing it but I couldn't stop my feet, they just kept going like they had a mind of their own, with every step I got closer and closer. Finally they stopped; they stopped at the payphone right outside an old industrial building. The loft. I looked up to the third floor, the apartment that roger, Collins, Benny and I had shared. I was black; the windows were frosted with dirt. I looked at window below, it was dark too, Mimi's apartment. The building it's self looked disheveled the windows closer to the ground were boarded up and broken. I wondered if anyone lived here. Did the Greys still own the building, or did they sell it? Did Benny still own the building? My focus moved from the Third floor to the building next door where the lot used to be. Of course I couldn't really expect it to remain empty, this was New York but some part of me was upset that it was gone.
I turned back to the building, I looked pretty disserted, once again my feet took over, they lead me to the front door, the door was pad locked but the hinges were removed from the opposite side leaving a small opening just big enough for a dog or cat or a small person. I looked around me looking to see if there was anyone else around. I pulled open the door
and went in. The inside was disgusting; it was covered in dirt and animal feces and what was left of the squatters that stayed in here. I climbed the stairs going to the second floor to Mimi's apartment. The door was wide open I walked in, this was definitely used by the squatters, and there were blankets and boxes on the floor, garbage, food wrappers everywhere. And by the looks of things it was still being used. I didn't want to stay to long in case the people that lived here came back. So I left and climbed that last flight of
stairs. The door to the loft was closed. I stood in front of it for some time trying to decided if I really wanted to go into it or not. But I came all that way; I put my hand on the door knob and tried to turn it. It was locked. Why would it be locked when nothing else in the building was? I tried again. Nothing. Now I was desperate I had to get in there. So I went down stairs back into Mimi's apartment, I stepped carefully over the things on the floor and went into what used to be Mimi's bedroom. I opened the window and crawled out it on to the fire escape. I climbed the stairs until I came to the next window,
the window that used to be mine and Maureen's room. I pulled on the window but it didn't move. Frustrated now, I pulled harder until I herd a little squeak. I continued to pull until the window was open wide enough for me to squeeze through. When I stood up I
looked around the room. Nothing had changed since the last time I saw it, it was empty there was nothing left. I left this room and wandered into the main room of the loft. It was still the same; the table was still there, even the old sofa that we used to have.
It looked like no one had lived here since Roger and Mimi. I walked around the room, taking everything in. I felt like I never left, I could still hear Roger tuning his guitar; I could see Angel drumming along with him or dancing around the room. I could see Mimi sitting on the couch just staring at roger while he played, And Collins reading something next to her. I stood at the window looking down on the street. When I turned back into the room I saw something that I hadn't noticed when I first came in. Under the table
there was a small box I went over to it and opened it. Inside was a box of stuff left behind by Rae and I left after Roger and Mimi died. We left it because we didn't want it, it was just junk that the two of them had laying around, at the time we didn't see the need for it. But when I opened it, I didn't see the junk that I saw before. Inside the box there were posters of Rogers Gigs he did both before and after he met Mimi. There was an old notebook full of lyrics, and music that he wrote down. I was so surprised that it was still there, the must not have been anyone else in this apartment since Rae and I left it a week after Roger and Mimi died.
I couldn't leave the box there and I didn't want to go through it without Rae there, so I grabbed the box and went back to the window. I crawled my way back out of the loft and down the fire escape. I started my trek back to Rae's with the box, excited about my findings. I had no idea how long I was gone, but I didn't really think it was more then an hour. When I got back to Rae's apartment she was sitting on the couch, her eyes were red and blotchy, and it was obvious that she had been crying. I immediately started to panic.
"Collins?" I asked nervously setting the box down and moving toward his room. Rae was now crying into her hands. I went into the room, he was still alive, but his breathing was really shallow, and he was wheezing badly, but he was asleep. Once I saw Collins was ok, I went back to Rae, and sat next to her. She immediately leaned into me and I hugged her.
"What happened?"
She continued to sob. "not- nothing we… we-were just ta-talking and then he went into a hug coughing fit, but it was worse then the rest….I panicked and you were gone for over two hours mark. I freaked out, but when the coughing stopped and he fell asleep, mark it's not good….his breathing is so shallow. And you weren't here." She said and started crying harder.
"Oh Rae I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was gone that long. I'm really sorry I won't do that again I promise." I said to her hugging her tighter.
She pulled away from me and wiped her eyes "its ok I just panicked…where did you go?"
"I just walked…and…and I ended up at the loft…I got lost in my thoughts I really didn't know how long I had been gone" I explained grabbing the box "I went in the loft, it's exactly the same nothing had been changed this was there under the table" I handed her the box
"All the stuff we left? I knew the building had been vacant for a while I thought the squatters had taken it over, I didn't think anything would still be there"
"Me either this was the last thing I expected"
She opened the box and emptied out the contents on the table, carefully examining everything in the box.
The day had been so exhausting on both of us, after looking at the stuff in the box I managed to convince Rae to go in her room and sleep, promising her that I would try to get some sleep on the couch as well. I couldn't sleep, walking in to Collins' room when I came back, not knowing if he was alive or not was the worst feeling I ever had I couldn't get that feeling out of my mind. I thought that we would have at least a few more days until it got bad. But I guess I was wrong, and the thought of not saying goodbye to him plagued me. So I went into his where we would have our last conversation.
A/N: sorry there was almost no dialog, I hope it's ok!
