Soulmates
Chapter 8
Another day when Bern came to visit Hirosaki, he was in a red checkered shirt and jeans. His ponytail swung merrily. His paleness had vanished and he seemed to be in high spirits. Bern returned the script. She simply loved stories, put into drama.
"The story was so absorbing. I love Mitsune's role. She sounds just like a real person."
"Aw. Shucks. Have you eaten? Have a seat, I'll bring you some chocolate chip brownies. I made them myself this morning."
Her friend watched eagerly while she munched. He was very intense. "Um, it tastes quite good. I like it. Can I ------"
"Have more? Sure, try more. It's my second attempt. I find baking enjoyable," he bubbled cheerfully. She saw a rectangular portrait of a scene outside the house. A woman had been painted in, not smiling. 'Why not? Is Tomo sempai feeling down?'
"Hey this is a nice picture, Tomo. When did you start?"
"Yesterday, when I got bored. I'd like to continue. Would you like to help me?" She smiled and started to refuse. Nowadays with her choir and band practice she scarcely had the time. She'd taken two weeks to read his script. She couldn't often come.
Four days ago:
"Bern, I missed you. Why didn't you come for so long?" he'd mentioned on the telephone, a bit piqued.
"I am quite busy."
The silence informed her of his hurt, normally he was a chatty persona. It had been tense, lasting up to 6 milliseconds. "Tomo sempai, are you all right? Are you still there?"
"Yes. Sorry, I thought you're angry at me. Sorry about my rudeness. Your life is different. I understand really. laughing almost forcibly, so sharp it hurt I am such a spoilt child. Do forgive me."
Now Tomo was pulling absently at his ponytail. "Bern, why are you so silent?"
The girl sucked her thumb, pondering how to arrange her words more tactfully instead of straightaway grumbling on how lousy her life was turning out.
"I'm very very busy. Now, I could help you." He smiled, indicating he would go and get the water and brushes. They spent a fruitful day touching up on the layers, making the trees more green. Tomo wasn't tired at all, maybe his positive attitude was changing the way things turned out.
"Will you go into the hospital? They can help you, got many specialists on cancer." she had to know before he sent her off. His lips tightened, the eyes glazed over as if to numb himself from the impact.
"Yes. Soon. Thank you for advising me. But I'm scared." His voice took on a vulnerable side outsiders knew nil about. Bernadette felt helpless, afraid he would start to cry.
"I will get very tired and stuff. I'll check in with my brother. Do you think I can do my normal activities in there? Will I be able to have privacy?"
She reassured him as best as she could. Tomo became cheerful when she said goodbye, hugging her. She was some way down the road when she realized he'd clasped a chain around her neck. It was a silver necklace with her name engraved on it.
2 Months past
On the night before the 20th of September, Kenni was packing Tomo's personal belongings. He said he wanted to read over his books and decide which ones to bring along. Her packing ended up filling two large knapsacks. "So many? Where'll I find space for them?" her brother exclaimed, not in an offended way.
"All you need." He stuffed some novels into one of them. When he looked up, the girl noticed his anxiety. "C'mon we'll stay with you for a while. You don't have to take treatments until later."
He nodded, glancing around his room. He was going to miss it. He'd to stay for at least a month. Wearing the same clothes, eating bland food, lie down on a lousy pallet, and if he checked into wards, with people worse off than he was, he would have no one for company. Kennex was explaining what she would cook for him. He wanted to cancel the appointment. In the outpatients', when Saito had ordered him to sit down and spoken to the doctor, a silly fear overwhelmed him. Tomo felt like running away and hiding. Or committing suicide. Why did he have to check in? he could still rest at home. Then the nice doc spoke to him.
After doing a thorough checkup, being moved from room to room, Tomo felt exhausted. The results showed his stomach cancer had spread again. Tomo was so frustrated he shouted and threw the chair at the floor, gaining his wits! He started to hurl his X-rays out of the window. The nurses ran to pick them up. Saito was not impatient but held him tightly. He didn't cry, became totally numb, and felt like he'd died inside. Drained of his hopes. He'd asked God why this had to happen.
No answer. Expected.
Strangely when he came home he wasn't scared. He felt like a kid, jumping about. Only at night did he toss and turn from lack of sleep. The painting helped a little, calming his nerves. Until now it had been fine.
"Please come and visit me everyday," he told her his voice wobbly. She smiled and kissed his cheek. Now he wanted to weep, but she was strong.
"Have an early night. I got you a stuffed pig."
"Hey arigatou! It's so kawaii no da. What time will I have to go?" In his room when everyone had retired, he couldn't sleep at all, crying painfully, feeling terribly homesick.
Morning. The 20th of September.
Tomo knew it was unavoidable he had to go. He stared at his tired pale visage in the glass. Kenni knocked calling him out for breakfast. "Wait... I'll be out soon," His hand reached for the comb, pulled gently through his stray black hair. He'd to be careful or they'd start falling out in clumps. The white fingers rubbed rouge on his cheeks to show a good hue. He chose his sunshine yellow Tshirt to wear out.
"Tomo!"
"Yeah I'm coming." He said sulkily. Breakfast was delicious but his appetite was gone. He ate slowly and sullenly. Kenni and Saito watched intently. The drive there was beautiful, they passed the trees, the forest outside their place. Children were laughing playing, their holidays. If only he could be relaxed too, he'd give anything to be young and healthy again! Tomo closed his eyes, tears threatening to prickle. Alan had come along, but didn't say a word. His hand on his shoulder was comforting.
The bedroom.... An ugly plain white one. The room smelled of sick, vomit and medicine. Tomo wrinkled up his nose in distaste. Eugh. Three other patients hooked up to their chemotherapy stared like zombies to him. The opera singer turned his back on them. Alan took his arm. "Here, lie down. Make yourself rest, you didn't sleep well."
A lump rose in the guy's throat. If only they wouldn't leave him like this, he would soon turn into a zombie as well!! Numb, the raven haired artiste lay down. The doctor wrote a lot on his board, twitched his spectacles and murmured to his relatives. 'Talk to me idiot!' he screamed silently. 'I'm the patient here.' He did then, like clockwork and told him to wear his hospital gown by the lunch break. Tomo listened with dread as the man announced his treatment schedules in the order they would happen. Twice a month, beginning and end of the month next. This Sep, he'd just need to rest and they'd do plenty of bloodtests for him.
Kenni hugged him, told him to be brave. By then his brother had left to organize the opera troupe for their next performance at 11am. "Why didn't he say goodbye to me?"
"He did, Tomo-san. You were dreaming just now," Alan informed him. Tomo struggled valiantly to hold back his tears and smiled weakly at his friends. Sleep- eluded until lunch time. The nurses nagged him to get changed. This shift's head: Florence. Hirosaki was determined he not be cooperative, but be angry at everyone and make things difficult. He snapped at them sarcastically, as how he treated them at home and reluctantly pulling on the stiff hot clothing. It was bright green. Then he laid upon the hard pillow.
Transformation/ The inner self
"Get up for lunch, you!""I don't want to eat, can't I? Just leave me alone!" Florence forced him up, spoon fed him. He resisted fiercely. Unseen, Alan had stayed, his heart felt like it was being pricked by hot coals. Hirosaki was so stubborn and full of frustration, he refused to be sensible. Perhaps they should have talked to the doctor about his uncooperativeness. The patient looked his way. He averted his face.
"I want to die! Don't you get it? Stop forcing me to eat! I want to die!" the patient yelled, fighting to rise from the bed. He was crying painfully. Some food trays clattered to the ground.
"Please lie down, you'll make it worse." Alan couldn't bear to watch and walked off. "Hey! Hey, stop! You fucker why are you turning away from me? Get back here, coward!"
Alan sat with Tomo, watching him restrained by cuffs. The patient's face was flushed, sweaty and he constantly muttered curse words. "Why do you behave like this? Won't change anything. Just be good can't you?"
Tomo smiled bitterly, Which no one had expected or seen him do so. "Easy for you. You've never been in this state of helplessness, pain, torment," he spat. The manager kept silent, in shock. Hirosaki restrained his cuffs until he felt too worn out and fell back, sweating heavily. He appealed to all the staff to release him and when they refused, he became angry once more and threatened to call the cops. Railing at the top of his voice.
Nightfall. Tomo was reasonably subdued and apologized to Alan. "Gomen, I didn't wish you to see the devil in me.... Neither do I want anyone else to..... I am so tired. Really tired to be like this. But it makes me scared. I'm a spoilt child right?"
The visitor smiled wanly, rubbing his eyes. Tomo immediately asked him to go home for a break. "Yeah Tomo, I almost forgot... you asked me to find you a lawyer sometime ago. I did. When do you want to see him?"
The patient made a face and took his mobile phone. "I'll make an appointment. I want to be prepared. Thank you so much Alan. You're a real friend."
Saito spent much of his time coaching the young stars. 'Actually in the opera it isn't a life cut out for people who want to enjoy life. It is a life of hardship.' He marveled at how his patience would still maintain when he wanted to blow up, and wondered how Tomo was so patient. His ototo chan...... he hadn't got the time to visit him, even when he promised him he would. Tomo must feel so isolated in there. He'd been so melancholic, according to Alan.
Another youngster again asked him to explain the concept of using his voicebox for the millionth time. Saito sucked in a tired breath. He was almost grateful when the all shining glory star Touga came. They threw themselves at his feet and he regaled them with his own version.
"That's the wrong technique! Nobody should sing like you! They'd die of throat infection. You breathe from the diaphragm," the senior told him sarcastically. The newbie was coughing badly.
"I'm trying to help out. We all should be exemplifying our leader. That is what you taught me." Saito thought he'd burst a blood vessel. This boy didn't have any manners or anyone to kick his ass! He stormed away, unwilling to concede defeat but Touga was too energetic for him to win.
Hirosaki had a fever that refused to cool down on the 3rd October. He was very unhappy with his damned immune system that he fumed and ranted at his visitors. Bow didn't budge until Tomo was lucid, and the fever was running amok for the next few days. Ignorant to the fact that he was hurting all his loved ones.
"Hey why aren't you isolating me?" he remarked drily when his best friend sat beside him. "This stupid body of mine. Why aren't I dead yet?"
"Don't be stupid. You're going to get better...." Bow cried, grasping him by the shoulders. "Try not to think too much."
"It won't change. I won't get better. Sorry. I'm not in a sunshine mood today. Look, I'll try to think positive," he promised half heartedly, for his sake. Machines beeped softly at an even tone to monitor the patient's heartbeat and every few hours a nurse would come check on him, take temperature and blood pressure.
"Don't worry Tomo chan. You just lie down and sleep. Don't need to chat with me if you're tired. Just sleep. I won't peep." The artiste smiled, squeezed his hand and slid down until he was on his back again. "How come you changed your ward?"
"I was under the aircon's direct blow. If I didn't change I'd become a human ice cube! I'm sorry, I was such an asshole," he laughed. It was a carefree laugh. Bow was happy------------ it meant he was feeling a lot better.
"Moodswings, the secret behind the shining star."
"Stop teasing," he smoothed his black hair behind his ears, pretending not to notice the coming out in clumps. His hair was much shorter now; they had insisted they cut some off. Now his hair only touched the back of his shoulders. It had taken years to grow out. 'Stop this pondering! My friend is here.' The voice scolded. At least I'm not bald.
Bernadette proved to be a star guest as well when she was free. She only came at weekends and alternate Wednesdays. Tomo was concerned she shouldn't spend time in here with an invalid. She ought to be playing outside.
"I'm your soulmate. I should come. You're lonely."
"C'mon, I'm not. I talk to plenty of people. If you're too tired stay home and rest." He blew his nose on a tissue. "I've got a bad cold. Don't want to infect you. One of the side effects of chemo."
She often brought nice baskets of flowers, from the shop downstairs. They were costly. He didn't wish to hurt her feelings, but felt terrible when she turned up with them. Nevertheless he enjoyed the flowers, his friends did not bother to buy anything. These businessmen and salesmen looked very awkward and Hirosaki would rather be quiet than talk to them. Seeing their stiff white shirts and ties, he was regretful they had to take time off their busy schedules to come. This terrible tension was unbearable.
"Gomen nasai, watashi daijobu ka. I'm sorry for bothering you, I'm fine now," he had to obligingly say. These acquaintances, not friends, smiled plastic smiles and breezed off, never heard of again.
