Severus reflects on his past, and future.
That brat cost me an order of Merlin first class!
People wonder why I hate him.
It was my finest hour, my chance to finally get rid of all the hatred. Black and Lupin, about to get kissed, their souls going. James dead and Pettigrew a martyr.
They are the reason I am branded for life, they are the reason I am hated by students and teachers alike, they caused me to become this...this man. With an Order of Merlin first class...that would show everyone. I've always been afraid that I'll get mine posthumously.
Ha. How happy the Potter brat must have been, as he robbed me of my prize, spewing forth lies about an insane criminal, he hates me so much he'll side with a murderer and a werewolf rather than with me.
Of course later I found out what he was saying was true…not that it makes a difference. He's attempted murder before, he nearly killed me, and he deserved Azkaban.
No one else seems to understand this; they just think I'm being petty.
They don't understand
I'm a spy for the order. I face death everyday it's not that. It's my choice to do those things, to make up for my time as a Death Eater.
The death I was facing at the hands of a werewolf. That is the death I'm afraid of.
The death before I had chance to make my mark. The death of my lingering vestiges of innocence. For me, that attempted murder, which Dumbledore dismisses casually as a schoolboy prank, is like a rape. Like I was pack-raped for days. Raping me of my trust and faith in Dumbledore, in the Light.
I'm alone now, brewing my potions, teaching the Potter brat all he needs to save the world, kill Voldemort and get his order of Merlin.
I'll be there when they pin it on him, and everyone smiles and claps and cheers.
He'll never understand what it means.
No one will.
This is just my random little Snape fic. Please Review people, even if its to tell me to stop wasting my time on this stuff. BTW Next chapter of changes should be up by the weekend
