bDisclaimer:/b My love of Alex and Claire is the only thing from this
fic that I own exclusively. The characters belong to some lucky person!
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My Best Mate,
Alex, you are my oldest friend, closest companion and the love of my life.
Yes, the love of my life. I love you almost as much as the country, if not more. Sorry if I never found the moment to tell you this, although I hope I have
You deserve all the love in this world, and I hope you find someone who loves you as I do and that you will love her as much as she deserves nah as much as she needs. There is nothing as heartbreaking as not being loved in return.
I may not have gotten the time with you that I currently hope for, and if that is so, I will be eternally unhappy for the good times we had missed, but not for the world would I change a minute we have had, from before you left for boarding school and after you came back, more of a rascal than ever, even though boarding school was supposed to cure you of that!
I loved you the entire time, and I loved you more when you said that Charlotte was yours, to stop the scandal with Peter, although in the long term that might have been a bad mistake, I still am grateful that you did so.
I need you to help Tess with Bom. In Tess she has a mother who will love her, treat her right and teach her all the womanly things that I never had a mother around to learn. But she also needs a father, even if not her biological one.
I hope one day Peter will be able to look at his daughter and accept that she is his, but until then and afterwards, my daughter needs the love and attention of a dad. She needs a dad, and had I lived, I would have had you be her dad so please be there for her, even if Peter is too.
As I said in my letter to Tess, the two of you have been there for her since the beginning and I want the both of you to raise her, each having the other for support. I suppose that might end up a bit awkward, but please try your best. I suppose she is more your daughter than she is Tess' anyway. There is so much in her that shows me you, even at her young age.
I love you Alex, as both a friend and more and I always will. I have always believed that love does not die with people, it is still there, even if it is only passed to the back of the mind. I do not believe that you will forget me, your love may be passed on to another, but you will not forget.
Please do me the favour of not loosing yourself because I died. I don't think I could ever live with that (bit of a sad joke I know!)
I love you forever,
Claire
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For the first time since Claire had died before he was able to propose, Alex cried. Because, for the first time, it had hit him that she was gone, she had loved him and that even though he'd never been able to tell her exactly how much he loved her, he knew she felt the same way about him. He cried because they would have got married and lived happily ever after, or as close to as any humans were able to get.
He cried for the little girl who had lost a mother before she was able to know her. He cried for the mother who would never see her little girl grow up, never really get to know her daughter or properly love her daughter. He knew in his mind that that was ridiculous, but his heart knew different. His heart knew that she had not loved her daughter to the full extent, because she had not really known her and he knew that it is impossible to really love someone unless you know what is good and what is bad about them.
But most of all he cried for himself. He cried for all he had lost, all he would now never know because of that loss and all that was yet to come. A future he had never even imagined would not hold her, the woman of his childhood, the woman of his heart, the woman of his dreams.
~*~*~*~*~
The kitchen was silent, nobody speaking, all lost deep in thought, sorrow and memories. Thoughts of what their own letter might hold what final insight Claire had in store for them. Sorrow at the loss of such an insightful and wonderful sister, friend and mother (although Charlotte was not really able to share her thoughts!)
Terry was the first to be shaken from reverie, realising that Alex was yet to return to the fold, so to speak.
"Someone should really go and see how Alex is," the rest of the mob were slow to remove themselves from their respective thoughts. "Make sure he hasn't harmed himself."
In due course it was decided that Meg and Charlotte would make the pilgrimage outside, Meg because she had been the first to agree, and Charlotte because of the healing power of babies, plus Alex adored Bom. Plus it was almost her bedtime and not a night had passed where Alex had not said goodnight to his little girl.
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"Alex? Where are you? It's almost Bom's bedtime." Meg had taken some time to come up with a plausible excuse for looking for Alex, feeling that he might not appreciate someone coming looking for him.
"I'm over here, in the shed."
After some looking, he was to be discovered, with a rather tear and dirt stained face, sitting next to Tess' bug with Roy. At the sight of her favourite guy, Bom sighed contentedly and smiled. That was all it took to bring a somewhat half hearted smile to Alex's features.
"Do you want to put her to bed?" It had become a routine in the house, one that started in the trip to the city and Alex continued after Claire's death. Whenever Alex was around, he dropped what he was doing at the time and said goodnight to his little girl and put her to bed. Bom didn't sleep as soon if Alex was not there and Alex in turn, did not feel complete. He felt as if he hadn't done what he was suppose to. The time at the rodeo was the worst. Bom wouldn't sleep through the night for days and Alex was highly strung, not realising what it was that he was missing in his life.
"Come here squirt!" Meg handed her precious bundle over to Alex, somewhat relieved that he was still partially himself, after whatever it was that had upset him so much from Claire's letter.
'I wonder what that is?' her sarcastic self thought. 'The man's just got a letter from the love of his life, how would you feel?'
"I can't believe I left you here squirt!" Alex talking to his 'daughter' brought Meg back to Earth. "And went so far away from you. Don't ever let me do it again, I'd miss you too much."
"I'm sure she'd miss you just as much. She really loves you, you do know that don't you?" Meg was probing gently, trying to gauge how Alex was, how affected he was by the letter.
"Just like her mother I suppose." His answer was thoughtful. "Don't give me that innocent look Meg."
"Me?"
"Yes you! I know you want to read the letter. Must have something to do with you being so far down the reading list." They had drawn names out of a hat to decide in what order the letters would be read. They had decided not to read them all at once because of the emotional stress that they had agreed might occur during the readings.
"I just want to make sure that you're not planning on doing anything stupid" Meg was quick to defend herself.
"Why is it they say that? Why do they say that when they mean to ask whether you're contemplating suicide? How can you be sure that committing suicide is something stupid?" There followed a few moments of silence. "Not that I am, there is nothing to worry about!"
"Oh good! Not to change the subject, but those were some rather morbid thoughts! How about we go inside and put this little one to bed? You really should teach me how you manage it, so that she sleeps the whole night through."
"It's really quite simple." They started moving towards the house
"Oh, really? Care to share the master's secret?" Meg was rather glad to find that he wasn't upset as she first thought, if he was willing to talk about Bom, he was basically willing to talk about anything.
"You won't believe me. When we were in the city and she woke up; I remembered something Mum told me once about how I wouldn't sleep through the night when I was younger, and then one day she stumbled on the answer. In sheer desperation she put on a record she had to listen to in an attempt to get me to sleep and it worked! I slept the entire night.
"Well, after that, she played or sang me to sleep. I do the same thing!" He paused on the veranda.
"What song?" Meg was adamant to find out all she could in case something happened and there was a repeat performance of what happened when Alex was at the Rodeo.
"Well, with me it was Elvis, because that's basically all Mum had, but Bom and I listen to all sorts, don't we squirt? Classical works well, Carnival de Animaux (A/N: Carnival of the Animals by Sain-Seines) works well, but I can't sing that, so I tend to stick to Morning Town Ride (A/N: I had to include this, I would never go to sleep without it when I was younger), Goodnight My Angel, Landslide. Anything simple and soothing."
"So that's all there is to it? I can't believe I didn't think of that! Jodi used to sleep fitfully and someone mentioned it for her, but it never worked so I didn't think to try it with Charlotte."
"Well, don't worry about it. It took me ages to find several songs that would sooth her. Some of them made her hyperactive, if it is possible for someone her age to get so."
"Oh, its possible! They're even worse at that age than they are when they're ten and hypo. We should be getting back to everyone, so how about you take little missy upstairs and get her settled in, and I'll go back to the kitchen and put the kettle on for a cuppa before we open the next letter. I think it's gonna be a long night"
With that, they entered the house and went in their separate directions, separated for the moment, but holding a stronger bond. On Meg's half because of the openness he had shown, a secret divulged often does that, on Alex's because of the understanding and thoughtfulness shown by Meg's inquiries.
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Wow! I thought the last chapter was big! This is like over twice the size of the last one! I hope the length of this chapter makes up for the lack of updates during these holidays. I go back to school soon, so you might not get as regular updates, but then again, I now have the DVDs and MD starts soon so my muse might like me better.
I noticed that I have not been able to review other stories, because the window was not allowing me to log in. I do accept anonymous reviews; in fact, they are welcomed just as much as logged in reviews!
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A/N: Edgar and I, Edgar being my muse, have not yet agreed on whose letter the next chapter will be about. He is all rearing and ready to go with the Bom chapter, but I have been firm about the fact that it will be the last chapter. He's currently sulking over in the corner of the room. I think we might be able to come to a compromise about it, maybe we'll write it and save it for later. So it might be a while until this conflict is resolved.
However, Edgar gets along with me better when people tell him three things:
1-What they liked
2-What they didn't and
3- what they (or their muse) think should happen in the coming chapters.
So you see, reviewing would be doing us all a favour, it would make sure that I didn't have to threaten to go shopping for a new muse, or something just as drastic; it would stop Edgar from feeling unloved; and it would mean that you would get a new chapter sooner. So really, if you review, you're helping yourself in many ways.
Thanks!
Bai!
Emsta
~*~*~*~*~*
My Best Mate,
Alex, you are my oldest friend, closest companion and the love of my life.
Yes, the love of my life. I love you almost as much as the country, if not more. Sorry if I never found the moment to tell you this, although I hope I have
You deserve all the love in this world, and I hope you find someone who loves you as I do and that you will love her as much as she deserves nah as much as she needs. There is nothing as heartbreaking as not being loved in return.
I may not have gotten the time with you that I currently hope for, and if that is so, I will be eternally unhappy for the good times we had missed, but not for the world would I change a minute we have had, from before you left for boarding school and after you came back, more of a rascal than ever, even though boarding school was supposed to cure you of that!
I loved you the entire time, and I loved you more when you said that Charlotte was yours, to stop the scandal with Peter, although in the long term that might have been a bad mistake, I still am grateful that you did so.
I need you to help Tess with Bom. In Tess she has a mother who will love her, treat her right and teach her all the womanly things that I never had a mother around to learn. But she also needs a father, even if not her biological one.
I hope one day Peter will be able to look at his daughter and accept that she is his, but until then and afterwards, my daughter needs the love and attention of a dad. She needs a dad, and had I lived, I would have had you be her dad so please be there for her, even if Peter is too.
As I said in my letter to Tess, the two of you have been there for her since the beginning and I want the both of you to raise her, each having the other for support. I suppose that might end up a bit awkward, but please try your best. I suppose she is more your daughter than she is Tess' anyway. There is so much in her that shows me you, even at her young age.
I love you Alex, as both a friend and more and I always will. I have always believed that love does not die with people, it is still there, even if it is only passed to the back of the mind. I do not believe that you will forget me, your love may be passed on to another, but you will not forget.
Please do me the favour of not loosing yourself because I died. I don't think I could ever live with that (bit of a sad joke I know!)
I love you forever,
Claire
~*~*~*~*~
For the first time since Claire had died before he was able to propose, Alex cried. Because, for the first time, it had hit him that she was gone, she had loved him and that even though he'd never been able to tell her exactly how much he loved her, he knew she felt the same way about him. He cried because they would have got married and lived happily ever after, or as close to as any humans were able to get.
He cried for the little girl who had lost a mother before she was able to know her. He cried for the mother who would never see her little girl grow up, never really get to know her daughter or properly love her daughter. He knew in his mind that that was ridiculous, but his heart knew different. His heart knew that she had not loved her daughter to the full extent, because she had not really known her and he knew that it is impossible to really love someone unless you know what is good and what is bad about them.
But most of all he cried for himself. He cried for all he had lost, all he would now never know because of that loss and all that was yet to come. A future he had never even imagined would not hold her, the woman of his childhood, the woman of his heart, the woman of his dreams.
~*~*~*~*~
The kitchen was silent, nobody speaking, all lost deep in thought, sorrow and memories. Thoughts of what their own letter might hold what final insight Claire had in store for them. Sorrow at the loss of such an insightful and wonderful sister, friend and mother (although Charlotte was not really able to share her thoughts!)
Terry was the first to be shaken from reverie, realising that Alex was yet to return to the fold, so to speak.
"Someone should really go and see how Alex is," the rest of the mob were slow to remove themselves from their respective thoughts. "Make sure he hasn't harmed himself."
In due course it was decided that Meg and Charlotte would make the pilgrimage outside, Meg because she had been the first to agree, and Charlotte because of the healing power of babies, plus Alex adored Bom. Plus it was almost her bedtime and not a night had passed where Alex had not said goodnight to his little girl.
~*~*~*~*~
"Alex? Where are you? It's almost Bom's bedtime." Meg had taken some time to come up with a plausible excuse for looking for Alex, feeling that he might not appreciate someone coming looking for him.
"I'm over here, in the shed."
After some looking, he was to be discovered, with a rather tear and dirt stained face, sitting next to Tess' bug with Roy. At the sight of her favourite guy, Bom sighed contentedly and smiled. That was all it took to bring a somewhat half hearted smile to Alex's features.
"Do you want to put her to bed?" It had become a routine in the house, one that started in the trip to the city and Alex continued after Claire's death. Whenever Alex was around, he dropped what he was doing at the time and said goodnight to his little girl and put her to bed. Bom didn't sleep as soon if Alex was not there and Alex in turn, did not feel complete. He felt as if he hadn't done what he was suppose to. The time at the rodeo was the worst. Bom wouldn't sleep through the night for days and Alex was highly strung, not realising what it was that he was missing in his life.
"Come here squirt!" Meg handed her precious bundle over to Alex, somewhat relieved that he was still partially himself, after whatever it was that had upset him so much from Claire's letter.
'I wonder what that is?' her sarcastic self thought. 'The man's just got a letter from the love of his life, how would you feel?'
"I can't believe I left you here squirt!" Alex talking to his 'daughter' brought Meg back to Earth. "And went so far away from you. Don't ever let me do it again, I'd miss you too much."
"I'm sure she'd miss you just as much. She really loves you, you do know that don't you?" Meg was probing gently, trying to gauge how Alex was, how affected he was by the letter.
"Just like her mother I suppose." His answer was thoughtful. "Don't give me that innocent look Meg."
"Me?"
"Yes you! I know you want to read the letter. Must have something to do with you being so far down the reading list." They had drawn names out of a hat to decide in what order the letters would be read. They had decided not to read them all at once because of the emotional stress that they had agreed might occur during the readings.
"I just want to make sure that you're not planning on doing anything stupid" Meg was quick to defend herself.
"Why is it they say that? Why do they say that when they mean to ask whether you're contemplating suicide? How can you be sure that committing suicide is something stupid?" There followed a few moments of silence. "Not that I am, there is nothing to worry about!"
"Oh good! Not to change the subject, but those were some rather morbid thoughts! How about we go inside and put this little one to bed? You really should teach me how you manage it, so that she sleeps the whole night through."
"It's really quite simple." They started moving towards the house
"Oh, really? Care to share the master's secret?" Meg was rather glad to find that he wasn't upset as she first thought, if he was willing to talk about Bom, he was basically willing to talk about anything.
"You won't believe me. When we were in the city and she woke up; I remembered something Mum told me once about how I wouldn't sleep through the night when I was younger, and then one day she stumbled on the answer. In sheer desperation she put on a record she had to listen to in an attempt to get me to sleep and it worked! I slept the entire night.
"Well, after that, she played or sang me to sleep. I do the same thing!" He paused on the veranda.
"What song?" Meg was adamant to find out all she could in case something happened and there was a repeat performance of what happened when Alex was at the Rodeo.
"Well, with me it was Elvis, because that's basically all Mum had, but Bom and I listen to all sorts, don't we squirt? Classical works well, Carnival de Animaux (A/N: Carnival of the Animals by Sain-Seines) works well, but I can't sing that, so I tend to stick to Morning Town Ride (A/N: I had to include this, I would never go to sleep without it when I was younger), Goodnight My Angel, Landslide. Anything simple and soothing."
"So that's all there is to it? I can't believe I didn't think of that! Jodi used to sleep fitfully and someone mentioned it for her, but it never worked so I didn't think to try it with Charlotte."
"Well, don't worry about it. It took me ages to find several songs that would sooth her. Some of them made her hyperactive, if it is possible for someone her age to get so."
"Oh, its possible! They're even worse at that age than they are when they're ten and hypo. We should be getting back to everyone, so how about you take little missy upstairs and get her settled in, and I'll go back to the kitchen and put the kettle on for a cuppa before we open the next letter. I think it's gonna be a long night"
With that, they entered the house and went in their separate directions, separated for the moment, but holding a stronger bond. On Meg's half because of the openness he had shown, a secret divulged often does that, on Alex's because of the understanding and thoughtfulness shown by Meg's inquiries.
~*~*~*~*~
Wow! I thought the last chapter was big! This is like over twice the size of the last one! I hope the length of this chapter makes up for the lack of updates during these holidays. I go back to school soon, so you might not get as regular updates, but then again, I now have the DVDs and MD starts soon so my muse might like me better.
I noticed that I have not been able to review other stories, because the window was not allowing me to log in. I do accept anonymous reviews; in fact, they are welcomed just as much as logged in reviews!
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A/N: Edgar and I, Edgar being my muse, have not yet agreed on whose letter the next chapter will be about. He is all rearing and ready to go with the Bom chapter, but I have been firm about the fact that it will be the last chapter. He's currently sulking over in the corner of the room. I think we might be able to come to a compromise about it, maybe we'll write it and save it for later. So it might be a while until this conflict is resolved.
However, Edgar gets along with me better when people tell him three things:
1-What they liked
2-What they didn't and
3- what they (or their muse) think should happen in the coming chapters.
So you see, reviewing would be doing us all a favour, it would make sure that I didn't have to threaten to go shopping for a new muse, or something just as drastic; it would stop Edgar from feeling unloved; and it would mean that you would get a new chapter sooner. So really, if you review, you're helping yourself in many ways.
Thanks!
Bai!
Emsta
