A/n: Yes, what you've been waiting for. Some good news for our sexiest Agent in a trechcoat, Agent Michael Vaughn, (after plenty of angst and flashbacks, of course) Keep reviewing and I'll keep writing, you know that though, right!
Okay, so off with a bang, let's see how Vaughn is doing back in good o'l L.A
The Other Side of The Story
Total Vaughn Lover
Season 2 (Part VII, Part III)
"Agent Jake Diekman was lost on reasons still unknown to the CIA. The last we heard of this now missing in action hero is that he was standing on the perimeter of the land identified as part of the South Brazilian diplomat, Jose Greco's property. Agent Diekman, code name: "Mt. Everest," was anticipating the switching of the guards at the main gate to Sector 12 (for more info, refer to Operation #: SB1869490015)
Diekman's operation was to decapitate the President before meeting with wanted arms dealer, Galucio Organe of Versace Italy could convene. According to Diekman's handler, Agent Carola Séance, Senior officer, Diekman went radio silent at exactly:18:06:49, April 26,2003."
Vaughn paused in his typing and reread what he'd written with a hard frown. It wasn't that he didn't like what he'd written, it was facts about a man who'd given his life for his country. If there was emotion that was meant to be felt, Vaughn thought it ought to be pride. But he couldn't just type words, human felt emotions and every word he was writing was accompanied by a painful feeling of loss. Though Vaughn didn't know every single agent in the Agency, he knew they were all family, living with the same beliefs, overcome by an almost obsessive urge to serve their country.
Agent Jake Diekman was no exception.
Vaughn cleared his mind of any lingering emotions that could make him sound biased then reviewed a page of the Operation he was quoting after taking a nice swig of Mocha Rum, his beverage of choice to deal with Sydney, withdrawl. Yes, when Sydney had been presumed dead, he'd had such a serious alcohol problem that he had not been able to stay away from the stuff even for an eight-hour workday. Assuming hell wasn't wreaking havoc some place in the world.
He then faced the screen before Jack Bristow could think of launching into conversation with him. When he saw him coming out of the corner of his eye, making his stout figure through the busily occupied pods. It wasn't that he didn't like his girlfriend's father's change of feelings for him. It was just, after four years of disliking each other, being civil only when work related, he just couldn't start calling Jack, "dad," like he had said, "son," as though it was the most natural thing in the world. He just couldn't do that. His father had been a huge position in his life and he really didn't think he could find that kind of love for Jack.
He pulled up his paper and positioned it on his rack then began typing. He stopped though when he felt a strong and heavy hand on his shoulder.
"Agent Vaughn, you have a minute to have a word with me?' he inquired, keeping his voice low.
What? Was Jack D. Bristow actually giving him a chance to say no? This was unprecedented! "Um…I'm actually working on a report. Can it wait?"
Or can it not happen at all?
Jack smiled a very pleasant smile which would usually lighten him up but instead it sent chills down his spine. "Oh really, well I guess that is certainly obvious. Tell you what, come see me when you're done with this report."
This comment made him uneasy. He braced his arm against the desk then turned around in his seat. "What is it that you need to tell me?"
"No, not here. Besides, it's not of the utmost important. I just really wanted to know if…anything happened since we last talked."
Vaughn let out an annoyed sigh. He'd gotten worked up for nothing. "No…no one has gotten back to me. I assume though that they would let you know wince you're the one who put the request in."
"Agent Vaughn, that would be the exact opposite of protocol," Agent Bristow chided him, looking around to make sure no one was glaring over at them. "Well, I need to take leave and go over some of my work. The new head of Special ops is making all senior officers endure an intensive week of strategizing training. You and I will talk later."
"Of course," Vaughn said with a grin he thought would suffice. Jack looked very satisfied and went on his way. And even managed not to shower him with words of endearment.
Vaughn watched the man go, then turned back to his work before his mind started answering the curiosities running through his head. He put his hands down onto the keyboard and began a new paragraph.
"When CIA got no response from Agent Diekman for 72 hours via a phonecall or proof that he reached the safehouse located 45 miles from San Janiero, the Agency sent a four man team to retrace Agent Diekman's steps. A week later, forensics sent in Agent Kyle Den to take samples of the ground where there was blood assumed to be Agent Diekman's.
The Cia gained a lead via Den, and a four teams of three were sent to the palace of Arsailles in Spain to cover all sectors and a back up team of six in case the meeting was a trap. It was. But all teams pulled out and no lives were lost according to the head count they took when all agents returned.
Since then the CIA has gained access to sixteen arm shelter, arrested eighteen arm dealers and we are breaking up the Gallucio Organ's project as we speak. Just a month ago, we added a mole to the security detail for Organ's.
But through all this progress, we haven't been able to locate the whereabouts of Agent Diekman, and his status is unidentified.
But going forth form the ate stated at the heading, his status has been changed from "Missing in Action," to "Presumed Dead."
Vaughn swallowed the bile that he felt rush into his throat. Could he really be writing this, the means to make the family lose all hope of ever seeing him again? Didn't he remember how in disbelief he'd been when he'd been notified that Sydney's status had been changed from missing to just never coming back? He tried no think about it as he wrote the paragraph regarding instructions to give the loved ones on how to act, how to cry and how the procession would occur.
"Jake Z. Diekman 1969-2005, leaves behind two sons, Andrew and Jordan, a daughter, Caroline and a wife to whom he was married sixteen years, Morgan Fairchilde Diekman. Family support to contact the family and provide instructions and mandatory debriefing within the lines of protocol. Date of procession to be determines as well as the engraving of the name onto the plaque of agents killed in action."
He sat there, trying not to start crying as he wrote, "All arrangements to be cleared through and immediately notified to Agent Michael C. Vaughn, Funereal Officer of L.A's JTF."
He reread it briefly, looking strictly for punctuation and grammatical errors. Then he hit save and electronically signed the report before he printed out a copy to himself and then sent it via e-mail to Langley.
He shuddered as his printer hummed to life and his screen went through a download process before confirming the mail was sent. He then bent down to retrieve the report and quickly slipped it into a clear folder. Then he saw down and clasped his hands together under his chin and let out a slow breath as a painful memory worked itself back out of the cracks of his broken heart.
(Flashback)
"Vaughn, Kendall is ready to see you," Weiss informed his friend who was frantically writing then crumpling it up and started again several times. "Vaughn, did you hear me? They've come to a decision on your latest proposal."
Michael dropped his work in mid sentence and closed his eyes to calm himself. He then checked out the gold watch on his wrist. Whoa, it had been less than forty-eight hours, this was the fastest he'd ever received a response from upper management. It made him very nervous but he silently rose from his seat, after laying a finger onto his heart-shaped picture frame that Sydney had presented to him sometime before,he strode over to the entrance to the JTF and hurried up the stairs.
When he entered the room, a formidable looking desk was present, scattered with papers. Sitting behind it was a formidable looking Kendall with his shiny bald head and eyes that were always following him and he didn't know if he was angry of if he just wanted to be intimidating for the day. He was currently conversing with someone who reminded him greatly of Carrie Bowman.
Vaughn didn't notice how irritated he must have looked until Kendall said, "well, I guess we caught, "Boy Scout," at a bad time."
"Don't tease the poor guy. Hehe just got back from a trek around the world," he heard her say. It pained him when he heard her voice crack. "II guess, I'll leave you two alone."
Vaughn gave her a gentle, "thank you," smile as he stepped away from the door to let Carrie exit the room. He then instinctively closed the door behind him and walked towards Kendall's desk.
"Have a seat, Agent Vaughn."
Michael really didn't want to look nervous, overworked or inept so he plopped down into his seat as soon as she could. He then leaned back just slightly to show that he wasn't as uncomfortable as he felt.
"First off, I wanted to welcome you back to the United States soil. If I've been keeping track of this correctly, you've been on indefinite leave from the CIA for six and a half months."
"Yes sir. And I do thank you for putting up with my stubborness. It's just that Syd…I mean Agent Bristow has proved not only to be a completely capable and skilled spy but she's a very well-rounded person for someone who's job is to deceive, torture and even kill as the opportunity presents itself. And even if this much time has passed, I don't think a day has gone by where we've actually believed anyone could actually kill Sydney Bristow."
Kendall didn't share his enthusiasm. In face, even the smile had fallen from his face." Michael C. Vaughn, I…"
"So if you will excuse my abruptness, get to the point of all this, I'd like to move things along and get on the next plane out. I think I've given enough information regarding the operation I want to carry out so I just need teams assigned and the artillery funded. I would like to leave this base camp in as little as 72 hours," Vaughn continued to rant, his voice actually getting scratchy from nervousness. He had this awful gut feeling something wasn't going to go right.
"Agent Vaughn, I am the one who called you in here. You think you can let me get in my two cents?" Kendall interrupted.
Michael felt as though he could argue his case against the Supreme Court, but somehow he managed to push those feelings aside and silence himself.
"Of course sir, you must excuse my rude behavior."
"Good," Kendall boomed then he pulled out a clear folder. Through the transparent cover, Michael recognized the paperwork lying underneath as the proposal he'd spent working on his first two days back on U.S ground. "I've looked over this, believe it or not, Mr. Vaughn, and this is very impressive to say the least."
"Thank you sir. I think it's obvious in there that my optimism for Sydney's survival is high and I've even got the information to back up my theory."
"Yyes, you could be blind and still notice it. The thing is Agent Vaughn, as wonderful and genius your projects may be…do you realize you have made the CIA exhaust million, possibly billions to help track one agent down?"
"She isn't just one agent, Director Kendall!"
"Okay, I've obviously worded that wrong," Kendall stammered, his cheeks flushing slightly purple. "But this is a fact. Wasn't that why you left because the CIA would no longer fund your, excuse my slang," wild goose chases?"
Wild goose chases? Was that what this man called his, long painful journey to find the love of his life? Did Kendall really want to get punched in the face? He certainly he seemed to be asking for it.
"Sir, I think of myself as doing something everyone else is afraid to do," Michael stammered, angrily. "How dare you insult me like this!"
"Well insult or not, the CIA is not your agency. The money is there for use by the 100's of us. I'm sorry Agent Vaughn, at this time, I will not be able to put your request through."
Vaughn forced himself not to start bawling, in reality he didn't want to do much else. He was getting rejected. He knew it was like finding a pin in a haystack, but Sydney was that pin and she deserved to be looked for. She was essential to the CIA and also for him to retain his sanity.
"I understand," Vaughn said, though his voice didn't convey that he understood at all. I guess that means I'll have to go looking for her again myself." He stood up to leave, barely holding it together.
"Agent Vaughn, I'm not finished. There is one more thing I have to say. More you have to hear. It is not only the issue of the funds that we rejected you request," Kendall cut in, all in his all-business tone.
Michael stopped so abruptly that his neck popped. Didn't Kendall know that he believed in Sydney and that nothing was going to change that. Certainly not what he said. But he had the gut instinct, fighting Kendall on this was not the way to go about this. Fighting was not going to get him closer to finding Sydney. He walked back over to Kendall's desk, and fixed him with an emotionless expression.
'I'm listening."
Kendall nodded He then stared down at his hands. Vaughn was a bit troubled by the way Kendall was acting. Kendall slipped a manila folder onto the desk and opened it.
Vaughn realized that he was holding a folder labeled, "Sydney Bristow." This wracked his nerves worse than they already were.
"Agent Vaughn, t…this piece of paper came from Langley this morning and since you were very close to her professionally and…personally, I thought you'd want to see it."
"What does it say?"
"Agent Vaughn, I think you should read it yourself. That way you'll know it's from Langley and not from me. And…this paper will explain everything better than I can. I…I'm still mildly shocked in myself."
"Kendall!' Vaughn cut in angrily, dropping his hands heavily onto the desk. "WHAT THE HELL DID LANGLEY SAY?!"
The director took a calming breath and put the paper under his view. "Read it. If you have any questions. I'll escalate them to HQ but I think after reading this you'll understand why, it is not all my doing that you operation was denied."
Vaughn had to take a breath himself to keep from screaming in his face. But Kendall's patience with him was diminishing as they spoke. He was surprised Kendall didn't just write him up and send him to the Farm for a week to learn how to show his respect for a supervisor.
"Take it Agent Vaughn, please."
Agent Vaughn took hold of the sheet of important looking intel and briefly skimmed the top of it, with his legs, shoulder width apart and his arms folded.
It was a letter from Langley. Vaughn took a deep breath, expecting some kind of update, some kind of confirmation that the love of his life was alive. That his sweat, blood and forehead full of creases hadn't all been for nothing.
It read:
Agent Gail D Brendon
CIA Mortality Special Officer, Langley…Oct 22,2003
At 8:00 hours, Oct 16,2003m the CIA received notification, that the special project team at the Britain Office 626 have collected what is presumed to the DNA of Agent Sydney A. Bristow.
Vaughn was sure he'd read that wrong.
But he looked again and the letters stayed the same.
"No," Michael groaned as his heart fell to his stomach "No, this can't be right."
The DNA was extracted from a hair sample that was stuck near an explosive in a warehouse near London, England by Agent Cornwall and Leighton.
The hair was run through genitical testing and compared to the chromosomes findings already located in Bristow's file. It was a 99.9987 match. The findings were immediately faxed via a secure fax line to Langley at 12:00 on the 18th of October 2003. The information was again studied and verified for genuinity and at 0800 October 19,2003, all info was confirmed to be fact.
CIA has conducted twelve extensive missions in the respective cities of Milan, Indonesia, Afghanistan, Russia, Argentina, Germany, Marseilles, Versace and Stockholm but none of these missions were able to give a location for Sydney A. Bristow. We have arrested fourteen potential suspects that had been in with Sd-6 Director, Arvin Sloane, prime suspect to kidnapping the federal agent. At this time interrogating this Kaizer is our priority.
This is a note to all field offices affiliated with the retrieval of Sydney A. Bristow, forth the date stated at the top of the document, Sydney A. Bristow's status will be moved from, "Missing in Action," to "Presumed dead." This means that all slated missions and recovery operations are to be denied until further notice.
Vaughn fell down into his seat as though all his weight had just decided to obey the laws of gravity. His eyes had stopped reacting to the light and the paper was clenched in his shaking fists, no…presumed dead, that was just a fancy way of saying they were going to stop looking for her because it was inconvenient because they didn't care as much as he did.
"N…No, I won't believe it," he shrieked and threw it back onto his desk in the form of a crumpled ball.
"Michael," Kendall said in a gentle voice, not even raising his voice to scold him.
"No, you just tell Langley to tear that stupid document up" Michael commanded, pointing a trembling finger at the offensive sheet of paper.
"V..Vaughn, don't you think I would have done that if I could have?" Kendall murmured quietly, looking just as devastated as he was with the news. "I told you I thought you proposals were good. But I would be breaking regulations if I went forward with it."
Vaughn didn't know what to say. He wanted to retort but every smart comment that had ever existed had disappeared from his brain. He just stared at the Director thinking this couldn't be true, this could not be happening. He'd actually prayed silently to God to help him wake up from this nightmare to see Sydney lying next to him.
"Agent Vaughn, maybe you should take a moment to let this all out," Kendall suggested and Vaughn almost told him to stop being so patronizing but he didn't have the strength to say anything louder than a whisper.
"No…no….this…this can't be true. Director Kendall, give me a good answer for once" Michael pleaded, burying his head in his hands. "Please tell me that you wont' give up on Sydney.'
Kendall frowned as he stood up. "Agent Vaughn, don't ask me that. You know I can't answer that and now you know Vaughn, this is the reason you have to keep your relationships professional."
Vaughn gave him the glare of death.
"And perhaps you can finally start moving on with your life," the Director said in his gentlest voice, his cool blue irises actually looking kind for once.
"WHAT! That's like saying she's already dead," the handsome agent pointed out angrily as though the Direcotr didn't know that he knew that already. He was so sure he'd been slapped that he was ready to retaliate.
"Well, the DNA we found is hers. And the testing it went through to confirm that is the most advanced technology in the world. You know that," Kendall sclded him like he was being foolish for holding on.
"Yeah, but that does not mean that she's dead. It could be a lot of things. Maybe she was supposed to blow with the explosive but she got away and a hair got stuck," Vaughn protested but his panic and desperation made him appear irrational.
"Vaughn, go, take a moment. The briefing isn't for another fifteen minutes. Pull yourself together. If people see how distressed you are, they'll start panicking. I want them to hear everything I have to say before them jump all over me and Langley."
Michael looked at the Director's sympathetic frown and gave a dry laugh as he wiped the tears that he could feel burning behind his eyes. "I guess I can't argue with that. It sure wouldn't be professional of me to go into the briefing looking like I'd just gone through hell and back." He blew a breath out slowly then with trembling knees, got slowly to his feet. "Is there a…anyone that knows about t…this?' he asked as he gathered his coat.
"No, I believe you are the first."
"This made Vaughn feel even more horrible. He was just an ex-boyfriend, a man who had foolishly gotten himself blinded by love. It was Jack, Sydney's father who ought to have learned about this first. So there was no one he could go to commiserate with, well he would after the briefing but he needed someone…now.
"I guess I'll be discharged from the agency if I leave on another personal mission" but Vaughn didn't give his Director a chance to answer.
"Well, thanks for being honest with me and making me feel important," Vaughn thanked sadly as he made it to the door. "See you in the briefing."
Kendall only stood there with a solemn expression and watched his young, terribly heart broken agent left the room with his head down and shoulders sagging.
(In a unspecified location in the CIA HQ)
"I won't believe it!" Vaughn screamed for the twentieth time as he pounded his fists onto the hard table top, while he sat or tried to sit anyway in an unused briefing room.
Sydney couldn't be dead. She just couldn't be. She was an excellent agent, an agent that kept surprising him her handler as well as the CIA for making it out of the sticky situations, even risking her life to retrieve a lost agent cause she didn't want anyone to feel like they were left behind. So why was the any different? Why was it six months and she still not returned?
No! He wasn't going to go there. He couldn't go there. If he gave up on Sydney, it would mean the end of everything and she would be forgotten. He wasn't about to let that happen.
Only what could he do? He had gone off for six months and had found nothing. But that hadn't been the reason he'd come back, he'd run out of money, artillery, wit energy. He'd never realized how big the earth was until he'd been forced to trek a good portion of it. And now he had no funding, no helping hands. And if he went out again to search for her that meant resigning from the CIA. He didn't have the means to do that. He'd found out his apartment had been broken into not mention he no longer had any money to pay for rent.
The only thin he had left was the two hundred dollars Weiss had given him to allow him to spend his rights in a place that sort of felt like home. And that was dwindling quickly as well since he'd actually used half of it to buy alcohol. He put his hand into pocket and retrieved his wallet. He unfolded the worn leather and fished out a very crisp looking hundred-dollar bill.
Vaughn let out a dry laugh. He was definitely going to need a drink today and if nobody was going to drink today and if nobody was going to stop him, he would drink till he got kicked out into the street, and they maybe he'd get lucky and a gang member would shot him amidst causing havoc for the night.
Face it, Michael C. Vaughn had hit an all time low.
He shoved the bill back into the bill holder and his eye caught a glimpse of brown hair, pink cheeks and the world's brightest smile. He flipped to it and pulled the picture out of it's protective casing and stared at it.
"Bet you're just loving what's happened to me, huh, Syd? He chuckled, disgusted with himself. "You're probably looking down on me, thinking how pathetic your boyfriend has become."
He then paused as though he was expecting Sydney to appear before him, surrounded by light, wearing a white gown and speaking to him in a voice that reached off the walls of heaven.
"But what did you expect to happen, huh, Syd? You know how much I love you! You've taken away something that's become essential to me as water. Of course I would go crazy. Of course I'd want to leave the earth and join you in heaven, assuming God forgives me for killing myself. I know that you had no control over what happened, but we were so close. I was just about to ask you to become my wife and made me the happiest man in the world. But I can't do that if you're not here, Why Syd? Why did you leave me? Why did God take you away from me? Wasn't losing my father enough?
He began sobbing convulsively. He'd practically admitted that he'd given up, that he was giving into Langley's report and taking in the evidence. He knew in hi heart he wanted to believe that she would come back, that she was still alive, but there was only so much a man could take. He couldn't be expected to believe something when the whole world wanted him not to. And he'd already been in a weakened state and that statement filing Sydney from MIA to presumed dead had become the last straw. Not he was beyond hopeless, he felt weak and no matter what direction he turned, he felt helpless.
"Oh Sydney…my sweet little Sydney," Vaughn cried most heart brokenly as he clutched the wallet to his chest. "I don't know what to do. I have no money, CIA won't help me out, everyone thinks your dead and wants me to let you go…I…I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel so damn lost! Sydney, just give me something, anything to prove that you are waiting for me, that the most outstanding technology can be proved wrong, Please Syd…tell me what do I do next."
Vaughn buried his head against the desk and silently tears trailed down his cheeks. What had he done to deserve this? He wondered for a second if he was allowed funereal leave for this event, because the way it was looking now, he was going to be able to keep himself presentable during the briefing.
He heard a door click open behind him but didn't bother to raise his head or acknowledge the sound of the footsteps that indicated that someone had entered the room. But he did move away to give the one trying to sit down in the next seat some rom. Just long enough to give him an unfriendly glare that would state clearly that he didn't want an audience.
"Hope you're not planning on staying long," Vaughn stated out of nowhere as he rested his chin on his hands. "If you didn't notice, I'm alone and..I really would like to keep it that way."
"Agent Vaughn, is that anyway to talk to the father of the woman you love?" the intruder chuckled, his voice dangerously edgy as though if he said too much, he would undoubtedly break down.
The young CIA agent turned his head so sharply he felt it snap. But he ignored the pain and just stared. "Agent Bristow. I didn't know it was you," he said sheepishly and immediately straightened up in his seat.
"Point taken," Jack sniggered then looked closely at Vaughn and made an assessment from the current broken state the poor thirty some year old seemed to be in. "God, you look like hell!"
Vaughn gave a sick grin, his cheeks paling. "Well good, I certainly feel like hell. Actually, I feel like I've gotten through hell and I though I was on my way back to me, only today…I feel like was just thrown back into the raging inferno." He squeezed his eyes hut to suppress the tears that he felt were just waiting to pour out of his eyes. He couldn't' cry in front of Sydney's dad. He wouldn't, not when he was being so collected and so strong even in the fact of tragic news. But then Vaughn wondered, did Jack know, or was he going to find out with the rest of the people at the briefing? More questions ran through his mind like should he act like he was just having an episode? Or did Sydney's father deserve the truth now? And if he did, could he deliver it without making a scene bigger than he already had?
Jack stayed very still for a moment as he considered what could have happened to Vaughn. Sydney had told him he became a wreck whenever his father's anniversary came around. Jack wondered if someone else had passed away in his family. It would certainly explain why he'd said that he wanted to be left alone.
He realized how mournful Agent Vaughn looked and he knew the guy needed help. Maybe a temporary maternal insight would make him feel a tad better, knowing he wasn't alone. Only he didn't know how to talk to Vaughn. Heck, having a conversation with him regarding Ops had become more and more of a hassle since he'd gotten closer with his daughter.
So it must have been some power from up above that had prompted him to say, "do you want to talk about it?"
Jack fought the urge to slap a hand over his mouth after he realized what he'd said. Just as he'd feared, Vaughn lifted his red-rimmed eyes to look at the man who was trying to be the father he'd lost.
"Actually, I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it, not sure I believe it all yet. I…I appreciate the effort but…I just really want to be alone right now," he murmured as he bit his lower lip, trying to gain control of himself before he totally broke down into pieces that could no longer be mended.
Jack almost said, "oh." This was the perfect moment to leave the situation and not have to go through any awkwardness trying to comfort a man that he used to be annoyed by, especially since the French-based young man had tried to show himself up more than one time, trying to impress (who else?) his daughter, even going as far as saying that he wasn't a good father to his face.
So why didn't he just get up and leave the room so Vaughn could mull over to himself whatever it was that was bothering him? He didn't have a clue other than a hunch that through watching Michael grieve over his daughter as he was, reminding him everyday he probably loved her as much as he did, that Jack's heart had gone soft for the guy.
That could be the only reason he bothered saying," look, I don't know what's going on but, you look devastated enough for the both of us. You sure there's no venting you sort of feel like doing?"
God! What was going on? Was he actually trying to get him to come out of whatever shell had formed around his body?
Vaughn remained still as though he hadn't heard Jack address him. Tears continued to flow down the cheeks of the man in his thirties, making him appear a lot younger than he was.
Okay, finally Jack's instinct to leave kicked in and he stood up. But not before he flashed another concerned glance over his shoulder to Vaughn. "I know it'll take time, anything devastating takes time, especially to accept it to start with…but when you're ready…you know…I'm here."
Silence continued to engulf them. Okay, now even the Higher power seemed to agree with Jack that he had given his best effort. If the kid didn't want to talk, he certainly couldn't make him.
"They…they want me to believe she's dead."
Jack stopped in his tracks. "What do you mean? Who?" Gawd please, don't let be his mother. He was really not going to know what to say if it was.
"S…Sydney!" he let out with a raggedy breath. "They want me to believe Sydney is dead, all because the team in England found some freaking hair samples that they claim match Sydney's DNA samples!"
Jack was sure he'd gotten a hard-blow from an invisible hand. Sydney's dna samples? Where had they found it? Michael was devastated so he immediately assumed that it had been in the remains of some suspicious explosion or vacant lab.
But he couldn't get riled up. He had to remain calm. Getting emotional about anything just wasn't' his style. He bit the inside of his cheek hard to keep the tears at bay and his cry from just exploding out of his throat. Then he headed next to Vaughn and took his original seat and gave him an expectant glance.
"What?" Vaughn whimpered, glaring back at him as though he hadn't spoken a work and really did want to be left alone. "What do you want?"
"To know what's going on," Jack said simply, clasping his hands together in his lap.
Vaughn blinked and his emerald eyes grew clouded with confusion. "Man…you really don't know. I thought Kendall was just trying to make me feel important."
Jack shook his head. "No, and since it's about my daughter, I'd really appreciate if you would fill me in," he stammered then gave Vaughn his softest glance. "Tell me…Michael Vaughn."
Maybe it was the shock of Jack's gentleness or perhaps it was just that he couldn't hold it back any longer. Either way, the reason didn't matter, but something broke the dam to Agent Vaughn's thoughts and he began pouring out information that at times was so muffled with sobs, Jack couldn't make out what he was trying to say. But he did get the gist of it so he didn't comment on his crying or that he was taking this too personally. Vaughn was a real smart ass at times but he'd never doubted that what Vaughn and Sydney felt for each other had been genuine.
Jack sat there and just listened, staring at Vaughn who wrung his hands, slammed the table with his fists and then at times, buried his head in his hands to keep from totally lashing out at the father of the possibly dead girlfriend and strangle his neck because of his fury. If he broke his concentration of telling himself to remain completely neutral, he was sure he'd shed tears he never thought he'd have to shed, or perhaps shoot someone to release his anger. He felt as though someone had taken a knife and had stabbed him straight through his abdomen with so much force that the blade protruded from his back, and not only once but every time Vaughn made a statement, the latter always sounded more devastating than the one before it.
DNA samples of Sydney's hair?
Found attached to the remains of an explosive?
My god! What could she have done to deserve this? Wasn't her mom jumping off a building before she'd disappeared been enough? Heck, wasn't she going through enough grief just by being a CIA agent?
Jack closed his eyes to keep the tears he could no longer suppress from presenting themselves on his face, and made a mental note to himself to get drunk to take the edge off for a while. And to ask the Director to assign someone to watch over Vaughn in case he was thinking of doing something more permanent than getting stoned. Vaughn and he worked well together, especially on missions and he knew that if he held an operation to go and scope out the place where Sydney had supposedly blown up or disintegrated, he would find no one more willing than Agent Vaughn.
This would be the worst time to lose him.
When Jack heard Vaughn utter that they had changed his daughter's status from MIA to Presumed dead, he wished God would just strike him with lightning. In fact he was so angry for taking his child that if he could turn it around and blast him, he felt he wouldn't hesitate a second.
The sound of Vaughn's heartbroken sobs stung him more than he though and managed to break through his thoughts.
"Why Jack?" Vaughn cried, his eyes red and he had to keep blinking to clear his vision. "How can they do this? I drafted a whole new operation and everything but now that Langley has made this stupid announcement, they won't fund my project. They basically want me to sit here and accept that she's gone!"
Jack shifted in his seat and suddenly had Vaughn in his face.
"I know what you're thinking," he accused," that they have evidence to back up their theory but you know what, DNA samples is not going to cut it with me. This is a lie! It's all a big goddamn LIE!"
Jack didn't blame him, he even agreed with him. But he didn't make any comment that would show Vaughn he was just as hurt as he was, if not more. One agent crumbling to pieces was enough. So instead, he said the first matter-of-fact sounding thing that popped into his mind. "So Langley has finally did it," Jack said with a sigh, shaking his head slightly as he gazed at the boring linoleum floor.
"What are you saying?" Vaughn spouted, jerking his head up so sharply it hurt. "You were expecting this?"
Jack nodded his head. When he realized how in disbelief his companion was, he added, "you should have expected this as well. You've been in the CIA for long enough, we have had no intel for six months and now they have found DNA and it was run through not one but two high-tech genetic tests and the results were conclusive. I know that Langley was not happy about giving you funding to go after one agent but they gave it to you because they had nothing concrete they could say to stop you," Jack paused and the room became a tad bit chilly. "And now they do. The CIA believes that Sydney is dead, Agent Vaughn, that is why they closed the case."
Vaughn just stood there and gasped. He knew hwy Jack was acting so calm. It was because he probably though that remaining clam would keep him from becoming any more emotional. Only he'd failed to consider Vaughn's feelings and his emotionless calm expression was getting on his last nerve! Didn't Jack know better than to tell a rebel that everything was going to be okay, that things would get better when they obviously were not?
"Jack, Sydney is your daughter, they'd telling you that they're going to stop looking for her because some stupid scientist is saying that hair was Sydney's! how can you stay so emotionless and understanding? I thought you and Sydney had moved forward from that phase, that you really do care about each other!"
A nerve in Jack's forehead twitched which made it clear that despite his calm and collected presence, Jack was indeed on the verge of doing exactly what Vaughn was doing, screaming at the heavens, demanding to be heart. He was a dormant volcano quietly collecting his anger and if he touched just the right buttons, an explosion ten times bigger than Vaughn's would surface. Vaughn did the only smart thing he could and backed down.
"To answer you question, Agent Vaughn., it's simply because I have no choice. I don't have the liberty to give into my feelings as you do," Jack explained in a rough tone, looking away. "The last time I gave myself whole-heartedly to a situation, I was betrayed. And it doesn't take a genius to know I never fully recovered. You've seen my interaction with Irina."
Vaughn really didn't want to hear a reference to the woman who had caused him his first heartbreak, losing his father, but he nodded, knowing why Jack was referring to the traitor.
"if I give into this right now, you will see me and I will not be recognizeable. If I cry now…I will not be able to stop," Jack admitted, closing his eyes and Vaughn was sure he heard Sydney's old man's voice crack. "One exceptional agent losing his control and tearing apart is dangerous enough. I will not compromise the well being of this agency."
Vaughn was sure Jack had struck him. How could Jack make a comment like that? Did Jack think the wanted to be an emotional wreck?
The answer was, no. Jack was just trying to get him to compartmentalize his feelings as they'd been trained to do from day one. It was okay to have a cry or punish yourself after the mission was either completed or aborted, but acting this way on the field meant endangering not only yourself but the well being of the team."
A big CIA NO NO.
"And anyway, Agent Vaughn. I don't believe it," Jack said then which lifted a weight off of Michael's shoulders.
"You don't?" Vaughn inquired. "But you just said,…"
"I know what I said, Vaughn, but I am her father. If she dies, I will know and I don't feel her spirit has left." He then got up from his seat and gave a grim smile. "I wanted to prove I was human and my emotions right now are over frustration that Langley will not help me locate her. I suppose it will be time I take matters into my own hands."
Vaughn looked at Jack as though Christmas had come a mite early. This was the Agent Bristow he knew, conniving, rebellious and dedicated to a cause. No one else could have fooled Arvin Sloane for as long as he had.
"But don't get your bags packed, Agent Vaughn. It's likely that Dir. Kendal will be keeping tabs on our whereabouts, we have to act normal," Jack warned as he straightened his suit. "We will have to wait on intel, which I will decide is valid. And hten,"he studied Vaughn closely, "we will move only when I move."
Vaughn felt a bit offended. As if he hadn't known that Jack would say that but he supposed Jack did have just reason to believe Vaughn would take matters into his own hands. "I understand."
"Good," Jack grumbled. "But I suggest you prepare yourself for the worst, the last…six months haven't looked promising. I don't' want to be responsible for raising your hopes."
Vaughn didn't want to hear that comment either but took it in stride. "Yes, sir."
For a moment, Vaughn and Jack looked like they'd reached mutual ground but the next second the moment was broken.
"Well, we've got a briefing and I suppose I'm not supposed to know what you've told me. I suggest your clean yourself up. Remember, you are a human being, but right now you're a federal officer." Jack was nice enough to leave the, "start acting like it," out of the sentence.
Besides, Vaughn didn't have to hear it to know it.
(End of flashback)
Agent Vaughn's eyes popped open and instinctively his eyes went to the clock. Man, how long had he been out? He hoped the Director hadn't caught him sleeping on the job. Having that flashback reminded him of just how tarnished his record had become in the last two years.
"Oh good, you're up," Eric whispered as he took a seat on the edge of Vaughn's desk.
"Why? Did someone come by looking for me?" Michael inquired, becoming strangely alert. He couldn't' have missed his meeting with Kendall!
"No, but Jack is waiting for you in the briefing room," Weiss told him in a low tone. "Jack came by to tell me where'd he be. And why do you have a meeting with Sydney'' dad?"
"Not by choice, believe me," Michael sighed as he got to his feet. "But I wasn't going to say no. I need to stay on Jack's good side if I'm thinking of creating a life with Sydney."
"Which you can't do until after you divorce Jess," Eric pointed out and poked him in the shoulder. "Have you finalized your papers yet?"
"N…no," Michael admitted and braced himself for his fellow agent's whiplash, but it didn't come. "The only reason I'm staying near is because I want to at least leave this thing as friends. Jess tried to kill herself while I was away. I mean, I'm finally getting her to eat three meals a day."
"And why would you care about that?"
"Because, I don't know. I just don't want Sydney to become a victim to Jess' revenge or something. I have to make sure she's okay, that she'll understand that it's no her, it's just I never stopped loving Syd," Michael concluded, not expecting Weiss to understand anything he was saying.
"That she'll understand? Mike, you have to be the most insensitive guy! You're divorcing her, you promised to honor and cherish her for life and now you're cutting her out because you want to make that same promise to someone else. If Jessica is okay with that, I'll shoot myself. I mean, how would you feel if Danny comes back and Sydney says she never stopped loving him?"
Michael fixed Eric with a shocked stare. "Weiss. I though you wanted me to be with Syd!"
"I do."
"Then why are you making me feel guilty about leaving Jess?"
"Mike, that's not what I'm doing. I'm just making you face the facts. If I didn't tell you, who would?"
Michael had to agree with the last comment but he refused to sit there another moment and let him feel terrible about the Jess situation. "Listen Weiss, thanks for the input I'm going to try and not think about it. And maybe if I'm lucky, ill survive this meeting with Jack Bristow."
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Michael Vaughn greeted a few familiar faces and congratulated them on making it back before he headed down the hall till he reached the same room where he and Jack had discussed Sydney's change in status.
He took a composing breath then knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Jack's voice asked.
"Agent Vaughn."
There was a pause before the door opened and a grinning Jack greeted Vaughn. "About time, Agent Vaughn. The briefing will commence as soon as our Director shows up. Have a seat."
Vaughn wasn't sure he heard Jack correctly but went to sit down in his usual seat and touched the folder that laid before him.
"Don't look at that, Michael. Not until you're instructed to do so," Jack chided him and Vaughn embarrassingly pulled his hands back.
For about two minutes, the room was quiet. All Vaughn could do was wait and stare at Jack who looked content, like he knew something he would learn.
Finally Vaughn could no longer take the tension.
"All right Jack, it's obvious you know something and you also know it's driving me crazy."
Jack nodded.
"Are you going to tell me what we're doing here? I've been off the field since Cowell took my position. Am I getting fired? Am I a field agent again?" Vaughn spouted, but all Jack would give him was a statement indicating that he wasn't allowed to say anymore.
Suddenly the door opened and Kendall came in, sporting his intimidating expression.
"Agent Vaughn, I didn't call you in here so you can terrorize one of my best agents," he thundered which shocked Vaughn so bad he through he was going to pee in his pants.
"Hurry up and sit down. I've got a mission to send you on, Agent Vaughn and I need you to absorb all the information I need to fill you in on before your departure in seventy-two hours," Kendall boomed as he took his seat at the head of the large wooden table.
Vaughn straightened up in his seat and faced Kendall. Jack pulled his folder to him and Vaughn pulled his to him as well when Kendall's eyes flickered his way.
"No, first order of business, if you haven't realized, "Boy Scout," is that your request has been reviewed and you are once again, field-rated."
"Uh…thank you sir!"
"Don't thank me, Agent Vaughn," Kendall corrected him. "Thank Agent Bristow."
Vaughn couldn't help it, he grinned as he looked over at his father-in-law. And what made that moment even better was when Jack added, "and of course Kendall and I somehow came to a agreement that since you proved that you and Sydney work well professionally, it only seemed natural that your first mission should be to join Sydney in England."
England? So that's where Sydney was? "But Director Kendall, I thought her mission was just a few days, and then she will return if she doesn't put her transfer in," Vaughn blurted out so fast he didn't realize what he'd said until he'd said it.
Jack looked very surprised but didn't say anything.
Kendall wasn't that considerate. "So, is there anything about this mission that you need to learn from me?" he said testily
"Sorry, it's a personal issue. I know nothing specific about this mission," Vaughn admitted, blushing.
"Tippin probably tipped you off, didn't he?" Jack suggested which made Vaughn flash him a, "no, you didn't just mention Will's name," glare.
"Tippin, you mean Will Tippin, that analyst you recruited?"
Vaughn nodded, praying God would let him live through this embarrassing moment.
Fortunately Kendall only made a few more comments that Vaughn couldn't' decipher whether he was being admonished or if Kendall was just taking advantage of the opportunity to push a few of Vaughn's buttons; then it was back to the beginning of what would turn out to be an hour long briefing.
"I suggest we first study the vital intel that the CIA received which I believe would be of interest to you two," Kendall began and flicked a switch.
Vaughn excitedly turned to the monitor and tried not to grin. But he couldn't help it. Because now he knew that after this briefing it would be less than seventy-two hours before he would be able to rendez-vous with Sydney
And his first mission was to make Cowell remember never to mess with him and Sydney's professional relationship again and to make sure everyone knew they couldn't keep him and Sydney apart.
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So! I know, about time I updated! I am working on updating faster so please review and let me know you're reading! Thanks for your support last year and here's to another year at fanfiction.
Till next update,
Total Vaughn Lover
