Please Note (on April 29, 2005): I saw this on homepage and thought others should see it. I didn't know that it was wrong to do this thing. I'm just letting others know so that their accounts don't get deleted.
April 27th, 2005 -- In addition, would like to address a growing problem. For whatever reason, some writers feel its okay to copy-n-paste musical lyrics they have not written into their fiction. If you did not write it, do not post it. This has always been our policy. Please remove these entries immediately to avoid account closure.
D.S.: I removed the song ('TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART') I used from this fic because of this message.
Kagome's Voice
Please Note: With 'Inuyasha's Dilemma,' that part was set a little before Kagome told Inuyasha that she was comfortable with his choice of Kikyo and that she'd still help them find the jewel shards. 'Kagome's Voice' does not really have a setting directly from the series. It's just after Inuyasha (for whatever reason) is uncertain 100 about his feelings again and both Kagome and Kikyo are hanging by a thread, waiting for his decision. Next part will be 'Kikyo's Heart' and the final part will be 'Inuyasha's decision.' Now people I'm a Kikyo lover, but I will still make a fair decision. Plus I am not disallowing anyone from flaming Kikyo or any other character, it's your business what you want to put in my review box unless it's a rude and personal flame. Read on People!
Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha, Kagome would be smarter and actually know how to keep men waiting (and they'd actually wait).
Dedication: Airalynn, you were the first person to review this my story and encourage me to continue. Also your pro-Kagome and Kagome fans should sort of like this story.
Everyone: I actually was making this story a one-shot because I was trying to write a story as good as one that I saw on the Internet. It was also an Inuyasha song-fic (plus it was entered in an Inuyasha Fan guild Competition) using 'My Immortal'. It was a fic that turned out be the union of someone some people might not have expected. If anyone wants to read this fic, leave your e-mail address and I'll e-mail it to you, it's extremely good and I'm not sure if my story 'I am Tired of It' can compare to it. Also I DID NOT look at story when I wrote 'I am Tired of it.' 'I am Tired of It' was actually something that popped into my head at U.W.I. when I decided not to go to my Spanish lecture because I was sick of hearing Spanish and having to study so hard for it (strange huh?). But since people want me to continue and I finally have the time, I'll do so. Oh and I'm doing a fic based on Speedy, the new character in the Teen Titans Television Series (and no I have never read the comic) called 'Battle Tactics and Romance Strategies'. It will be a serial.
Anywayz, ON WITH THE FIC!
Kagome sits down in a clearing by herself. She just needed some time alone. Inuyasha kissing Kikyo, now again unsure about his feelings, she felt as she was on a roller coaster without brakes and she knew that she'd be hurt if she didn't find a way to get off. But she didn't want to get off; she wanted to be with Inuyasha so bad that she felt as if her very soul was bleeding in great anguish. Every time that she looked at the young hanyou, she felt another stab at her heart. But there was a certain feeling that was stronger than she felt; it was like an insatiable hunger that she couldn't describe. She wanted to kiss him, run her hands through his long white hair, go over the moon with him and probably never come back, marry him, have his children, stay beside him for eternity, protect him, love him and... These feelings were so confusing, love, desire and lust. All combined to make an unsatisfied hunger, which was of course her undying love for Inuyasha. She was not a dirty person and wouldn't dream of such a union without marriage, but she wanted to be with him and was almost willing to kick marriage out the window if Inuyasha would agree to be with her and her alone. Also she was uncertain if demons (especially dog demons) were familiar with the concept of marriage.
Uhh, This is SOOOO Confusing! (Kagome's thoughts)
(Kagome's POV)
Sometimes I'd want your strong arms to be around me lovingly. Promising that you'd be with me forever. But I sometimes have to wonder if that would never be.
I am SO sick of shedding tears for YOU! Do YOU even shed tears for ME!
"I'd have to find my love hundreds of years before I time," I muttered angrily to myself, "couldn't find someone to like in my time like Hijou did," she continued with great disdain, "no I Kagome had to fall in love with someone from the distant past," she said and sighed, "and he's a demon no less," she said slightly but her voice sounded small and happy as her eyes shone with her memories of him.
I have to truly wonder if my present time has stolen my lifetime love by placing him in the distant past. What if I never found the well? What if I ended up marrying Hijou! Thinking that no one would love me? How could the best years of my life almost slip so easily by?
Sometimes, I get so scared. But then there is a certain look a gleam in your eyes sometimes; when you that I'm worried, that makes me feel, in fact makes me know that everything is going to be all right.
Your eyes, your eyes, I can't help but be mesmerized by time. If I fall apart, feel down, angry or depressed, apart of me is calmed down by just looking into your beautiful loving eyes. Even when you're angry, your eyes seem to have a certain fire in them. When you are happy or content, your eyes are something that I could look into all day. But when they're filled with total dedication and love, that's the eyes, I'd love to see looking at me. But so far I've only seen them look that way at Kikyo. Sure you've looked at me in ways that might be similar. But you're yet to truly look at me that way. Even though my heart breaks even more for each day that look isn't bestowed, it would probably shatter the day that I decide not to wait for it anymore.
Sometimes I get so impatient waiting for you to decide, that I imagine myself jumping up on top of you and placing my lips upon yours and soon we'd be kissing passionately. Our fingers running madly through each other's hair. I'd chastise myself afterwards, not only because I felt it wrong to be thinking of such things, but also because that's not how I wanted to get Inuyasha. I wanted to be his one and only lover, not his TRAMP or CONCUBINE!
Sometimes I just break out in tears because of all the emotions that are raging inside of me. I know that many times you don't understand, but it's just so good that you don't move your arms away when I come sobbing into them.
When I get angry, I need some time alone. Plus I can't let you always see me cry. I'm no CRYBABY! I often jump on my bicycle and ride away, but it's not just because of you. It's me too. I think that sometimes I jump on my bicycle and ride off to try and get away from the feelings that are plaguing me inside.
"But that has obviously been proven to be futile and impossible," I muttered to myself as I tore out a blade of grass and threw it ahead of me to see it be carried away by the wind, "But do I really want to loose these feelings that have been plaguing me?" I suddenly ask myself softly.
I don't need to speak to know that the answer is on.
No matter what, you seem to always be there for me. But what if you choose Kikyo; I definitely can't imagine myself sticking around if that is your final decision!
"At least not after all the jewel shards are collected," I to myself softly, "I have a life too!" I cried firmly to myself, "I can't be sticking around here if he chooses someone else!" I cried, "Visit maybe, but definitely not to stay."
Every time I look into your eyes, I either feel defeated that you haven't expressed eternal love for me or I become more determined to make you see that you belong with me.
"Thank God I mostly feel the latter," I said laughing slightly to myself, "hopelessness will not let me get Inuyasha, now will it?"
"I will not let Kikyou get YOU!" I cried suddenly, "even if I have to continue pretending to be okay with your uncertainty just to keep near you," I said with great determination, "she died fifty years ago and it's not my fault that she now walks about as the living dead," I stated, "Inuyasha and I belong together and I refuse to take the alternative!"
I imagine Hijou grinning at me and I shudder severely.
"Definitely not the alternative," I said shaking my head vigorously, "I'd rather live my life alone or marry Miroku," I said, "I can't be with Kouga, he'd only remind me even more of the half demon that I lost," I said despairingly and I lay down on my back.
I can't escape your love! I want it so bad! I love you so much, more than life itself. I'm always so unsure, why can't I be confident like Kikyou!
Then again if the only place that I thought I could with my lover were hell, maybe I wouldn't have much to worry about either. (Kagome thinks bitterly)
I'm visiting a time when at my age I could legally become your wife without question. I try to remind myself that I'm not here to start fireworks, but having to wait for you to make up my mind is driving me crazy inside!
I want to know your decision and I'd really like to know right now.
I remember how I first felt when you had chosen Kikyou. It was a horrible feeling! I thought that I was going to die! I hope to never have to go through that again. But in the end, it is your decision, I cannot choose for you.
I know that you being pinned to a tree after the whole thing with your mother dying when you were so small really pushed you into becoming a man. Maybe some of your dreams got squashed because of all the horrible things that happened in your life.
"Would I be able to make him feel better?" I ask myself softly as I sit up and look down at the open space between my lap, "would I be able to take all the pain away?"
"Hijou," I say softly to myself, "I'm so sorry that I don't feel the same about you," I said but surprisingly felt no true regret, "your just not the one that I have feelings for."
I have fallen in love with a hanyou from the distant past. Where else am I going to experience something like that?
"Definitely not in my time," I spat bitterly.
I know in my heart that you're the only one for me and that there's nothing I wouldn't do if you decided to love me and me alone.
"I refuse to give in and just let her have you," I concluded suddenly as I rose from my quiet spot, "if fate gives you to her fine," I said as I started to walk towards the others, "but until then your open game and I'm not giving up," I said firmly to myself.
"I will not allow myself to feel lonely again," I said softly but sternly to myself as I neared the vines that divided me from my friends.
I refuse to have to sit alone heartbroken in the dark. I will have you Inuyasha. (Kagome thinks with great determination)
But as I emerge from the vines and see him along with the others sitting down eating quietly I start having doubts.
What if he decides not to be with me? How will I survive? Will I be able to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move on with my life? Or will I shrivel up? Will I wither and die? (Kagome's thoughts)
But then I remember the time when my voice woke up Inuyasha and saved him from being dragged by Kikyou into hell. If my voice was strong enough to do that, wouldn't my hear be even stronger?
"Hey guys," I say happily as I hurry over to sit with them around the roaring fire, "Did you miss me?" I asked as I sat in the nearest space beside Inuyasha.
(End Kagome's POV)
Inuyasha's ears perked the moment he heard her footsteps. But his heart rejoiced, not at the moment he saw her beside him, but just at the sound of her voice.
END (of this part)
Please read and review people! Sorry if Kagome seems a bit OC and if this was not necessarily as good as the first chapter (whimpers ) but I really tried. Will have up 'Kikyou's heart up as soon as possible! It will be a poetry, story, song-fic. (Well the poetry will definitely be in it and the poem is mine! YAH!).
