GOB: I am in a really sad mood right now. I don't know why. I'm writing this to see if it can cheer me up. Please read and review like always. And tell me to continue if you don't want this to be a one shot.

// thoughts \\

" speech "

/* memory *\

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// Deep in thought... I seem to be doing that more than often. I should be happy, after all, I have my so-called freedom back. Yes, that's right, 'so- called'.

I still feel that I should never have left, I was never truly happy, or felt that I belonged on the outside. Like that made any sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't belong here, surrounded by lights, and people. I have never felt well, safe here.

I have always preferred the darkness over the light, including the dark of the alleys over the light of the streets, the dark of the coldness over the light of the feelings, and yes, I have always, and will always, prefer the dark of my mind, over the light of anyone else's.

Many people believe, and I can not really blame them, for I would have thought the same, that my cold exterior is all due to the abbey, to my past, to my grandfather. They are all wrong. There has always been a part of me that seemed to be missing, and don't be a smart aleck. I have feelings, though I choose not to portray them. I don't know what is missing.

I have felt like this for what seems to be an eternity. I don't know why I feel like this. Somedays I feel like I don't know anything... \\

/* "Hey Kai! Kai? KAI!!!" Tyson screamed as Kai was suddenly propelled back into the real world, and out of the one he found himself searching for answers, answers to which he didn't know the questions, in. "What?" Kai asked, never bothering to look up, but continue to stare at the nothing which he found himself completely engulfed in. "What's with you lately? You've been zoning out all day long!" Tyson said, looking at the older boy quizzically. "Yeah," Max chimed in, "If something's wrong, maybe we could help?"

Here Kai let out a short bitter laugh, to which Ray said, "Kai???" and Kenny started to shift his feet nervously. "Why don't you all just mind your own fucking business!"

With that, he stood up, and walked out of the room, leaving the Bladebreakers shocked and even more concerned than before. Kai was Kai, but he had never been that harsh to them. *\

// Why did I say that? I don't know why I say what I don't mean. But I do, and I hate it. I feel so helpless, so damn clueless.

I know I should tell the Bladebreakers, but what would I say? Hey guys, guess what? Your team leader hates his life, it suicidal, doesn't have a clue what's going on in his life, past, present, and future! Hell I don't even know what's worth fighting for anymore!

Yeah, like that would work. But it's all true. For as long as I can remember, I've been lie this. Stuck in the habit of living, when all I want to do is die. I just wish it was all over. No one would really notice if I left them. After all, it's not like I have ever done anything important in my life.

The only good thing today is that all the others have left to go sightseeing. We're all here in Tokyo staying at a hotel, which of all places decided to invite our teams to stay there, though I can't figure out why the hell they would.

I started keeping a journal since the abbey. I had a feeling that someday I would need the record. And it turns out I did. Not only did it provide the police with all the necessary information to get the abbey shut down for good, but these day's it's my only source of memories.

I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm glad that no one has really noticed what's been going on. I have a bad feeling that one of them knows something's not right. But at least he's keeping his mouth shut.

I don't know, maybe it's time to admit defeat. Beyblading isn't for me. Not anymore. I'm going to tell Dickinson that right now. The Bladebreakers deserve a better leader who could actually help them improve, not one that is never around. \\

The blue orbs finished reading the last word on the piece of paper that seemed to have been hastily shoved into a book, only to have fallen out. Right. In. Kai's. Room. Kai's. Empty. Room.

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GOB: Well there you go. Read and review.