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Isolated

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GOB: Finally an update! Sorry about the delays, but I had things to deal with. I hope I haven't lost all my readers!

Kai: No, I'm not that lucky.

GOB: Kai ish very mean pouts

Tala: Here are the thanks to reviewers:

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Aku dark silver kitsune - Don't worry, none of that happened! And knives don't scare me so there! Barbies and Barney do... deep shudder

Phoenix the 1st – Thanks! I did update Dangerous Memories, so go read!!! Tsk, tsk, you need to study more!!!

Sacred Phoenix – Aww, thanks! Lot's of people like the Kai staying with Tala option. But like I've said before, there will be NO romance in this fic!

Kai-lovr – Yay! Poor Max... But like they say, you hurt the ones you love! And I love Max-Kun! But Kai-Kun is still my fave followed by Tally-Wally!

DarkVixenOfLight – I'm really sorry for your friend, but please read the note right after the thanks! As to proofreading, if spell check doesn't find it, it was meant to be!

Anime Reader – MY KAI-FIC IS YOUR FAVE?!?!? YAY! I hope you haven't forgotten about my story!

Hiwatari-gurl – Lol, you really do love Tala!

Lefty – Yay! Another Tala fan! I'm glad some people read my replies! I try hard to make them sound smart and thoughtful! Which is hard for an OUTsane person like me! I'm too far from SHEEP sanity to be insane... PICKLES!!!

Broken-Wings-Of-Rain – Read the note at the end. Cutters are just humans with either no purpose or a purpose to great for any mere person to understand.

ComputerDevil – Lol, I only fixed it up because the quick edit thing screwed up the rest of the chapter!

Kazeilla – Lol, I thought that was a pretty good chapter too! I hope you finish your picture soon; I really want to see it!

False-image – I'm glad you liked the saying! Hehe, I made it up on the spot!!!

GreyCloud – Short and sweet! Thank you very much!

Syaoran-Lover – Max cutting himself was the outcome of me being very pissed off at my family and cutting myself. I really wanted more D-Boys in my fic so I added more! I don't even know half the answers to your questions! All my fics are made up as I go along!

Demon's-gurl – I'm glad you liked it! I liked it too! Well, not really... Not enough Tala-Kun and Kai-Kun...

MasterFranny – I think I may have the Majestic's play a small role in the next few chapters... You'll just have to wait and read. I don't even know what'll be in the chapter until I write it!

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!!!IMPORTANT NOTE!!!

I had Max as a CUTTER in my last chapter. For those of you who don't know what that means, it means someone who slits their own wrists a.k.a. self- mutilation. I have gotten a few e-mails regarding cutting, suicide, ect. I want to state that I am in no way promoting this!!! I have been slitting my wrists for years now, but I am NOT suicidal. Not everyone who slits his or her wrists is suicidal. I slit my wrists because it helps me deal with life. When you've just gone so numb and you can't feel anything, you search for an answer. My answer was cutting. I use it to help me release all the pent-up anger inside of me, on me. I do not try to kill myself. Unfortunately, there ARE people who slit to kill themselves and if you discover someone cutting, do not just turn away, because you never know what the outcome could be! Never turn around and pretend everything's all right or that nothing happened. I've made the mistake of not taking enough action and lost a very good friend. I can still remember the date, time and place when I discovered she was dead. You can't get pain like that from anywhere else. Even if you don't know that person taking the pills, standing on the ledge of a bridge, holding the knife, help them. You wouldn't want to lose someone close to you, but if you just walk away, you're letting another person, maybe even many people, go through the agony of loss. Never just walk away.

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GOB: Okay, I think that's all, except for this

I UPDATED DANGEROUS MEMORIES SO CHECK IT OUT!!!

Tala: On with the fic!

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The Bladebreakers

The four remaining Bladebreakers arrived early in the morning to their destination, London, England. Fighting off jetlag, they drudged out of the plane and into the gloomy airport.

Or gloomy to them at least. They could see groups of friends and families happily greeting each other. It felt as if the whole world was mocking them.

Tired expressions adorned each of their faces along with large bags under their eyes and tousled hair. They got their luggage and dragged it out to a waiting Taxicab. They all piled into the musty interior and drifted off into their own minds as the scenery of London slipped by, each thinking of different things. Would they find Kai? Would he come back to the team? What would they do differently if/when he came back? Why were they so blind to his pain?

The last question would seem almost obvious to those on the outside, those who could see the truth. But those few were too uncertain to speak up. They too succumbed to the selfishness that plagues our world today, as it did in the days before, and yes, even the days to come.

They thought everything was all right, because they wanted too. They wanted their lives to be perfect, but dealing with the pain of another would upset that. So they pretended. They acted. They ignored. They let the pain of others slip past them, for they were too selfish. In wishing and vying for 'perfection', or at least society's vision of it, they stopped caring for one another. They let their friends, their families, and their enemies slowly succumb to the power of pain. The pain left untouched by the kindness and care of a true friend. There, in the power of pain, Kai lost himself.

All because the selfish needs of his 'friends' seemed to outweigh the hope needed to keep Kai above the pain. For hope is the air that souls breathe. Without hope, the soul will suffocate. And as it slowly suffocates, more pain in brought into the world, resulting in less hope, less air, and more dieing souls.

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Spencer's P.O.V.

( I've decided, that additional to a journal entry each from Kai, Tala and Max, I will also do a P.O.V. of a Demolition Boy each chapter, so be sure to vote for who's P.O.V. you'd like!!! )

I'm worried... As much as I hate to say it, the fact that neither Kai nor Tala have bothered to get in contact with us for a while now is eating me alive. What on earth could be so god damn important that they forgot to drop us a line? Sometimes I really wonder if those two aren't just doing this to drive me mental. It wouldn't be the first time...

Kai and Tala were the biggest idiots you could ever hope NOT to cross when they were younger. The Duo were pretty notorious for their pranks, and nothing could stop them from pulling prank after prank after unbelievable prank.

I swear, if Ian doesn't stop asking me if I've heard from Kai or Tala every five freaking minutes... I'M GOING TO MURDER THOSE TWO NIMRODS!!! And then lock Ian in a cupboard.

This is just like old times... Those two never let anyone stop them.

Not even all the beatings, all the punishments, all the threats could bring them down. They weren't willing to give up their childhood that easily. Bryan, Ian and I were also pretty horrible too, but we would sometimes succumb to the pain.

I know for a fact that Tala won't let Kai drown in the pain alone. They are too damn close to allow that too happen to the other. None of us would allow that to happen.

The abbey was supposed to break any bonds that we had with others, to separate us from the rest of humanity. But instead, it did the opposite... our bonds were strengthened, to the point where no one could ever get us to betray one another.

Through everything I've gone through, I went through it not alone, but with Kai, Tala, Bryan and Ian by my side. We've always shared one another's pain, and each other's triumphs...

Actually, that's not completely true...

Kai was the odd man out. He never told us about the pain he went through. He had us share in his joys, but his pain was just that. His. Not ours. He hated seeing us in pain, and would do anything he could to keep us from having to go through anymore than absolutely necessary.

(GOB: Just a note to you all, but my Internet is fucked up right now! Telus has to go and repair the whole bloody connection! I for one find it pretty amusing, but very annoying!)

I remember waking up once during the darkest time of night, and watching Kai drag his battered body to bed. He was completely covered in bruises and cuts. I remember bolting straight up in bed and demanding to know what had happened to him.

He just said he was mouthing off about Boris and Boris caught him.

I always doubted that, but left it alone. I knew it brought Kai a lot of pain to talk about what his real punishments were. He was already going through enough. I also knew that it made him feel better about himself if he thought he was protecting us from any sort of pain; physical or psychological.

He was always trying his best to do what was right, but what was right always seemed to end up making him miserable, making him give some huge sacrifice that seemed to kill him. Boris and Voltaire could never break Kai with their 'punishments' and words, but whenever Kai gave up something to do the right thing, it seemed to break him, piece by piece.

That was how Black Dranzer was created...

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The Bladebreakers

The Bladebreakers, after making it to their hotel, all collapsed exhausted into their hotel room.

Rei and Tyson fell asleep almost instantly, whereas Kenny once again tried to search for Kai's exact location. Dizzi was still being unhelpful, and doing her best to distract Kenny, but to no avail.

Max had left the gloomy atmosphere, heading towards a park they had passed on their way. He wanted to try and clear his thoughts, so he set out with his jacket, a pen and his little journal.

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Tala

Tala gazed at nothing, the serious thoughts going through his mind were shown to the world only by the deep frown where his normal arrogant expression usually lay. Thoughts darted through his mind going this way and that way, not making any true sense, but melding together to form a deep concentration that could not be broken by any mortal ways.

As he lay on his bed, fingers absentmindedly tracing the pattern of a large snowflake, his gaze drifted out to the scene in the window. It had begun to rain extremely hard, with the wind whipping back and forth. He could hear the rain hammering on the window, but paid it no attention. What had caught his attention had been purely the sight of the rain.

After all, it had been raining the day he, Kai and the others had first stepped foot inside the Abbey...

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Max

"Why me?" Max muttered under his breath. He was currently standing under the cover of a bus stop booth. The torrential rains had forced him to flee the park in search of shelter. As his hotel was too far away, he ended up sitting on the cold, hard, metal bench.

He was completely alone, that is until a gruff voice interrupted his moping.

"Oy, scoot over and... Max? Mizuhura Max?!?"

Max looked up and the intruder and felt his eyes widen. The two stared at one another in shock for a good three minutes before Max managed a feeble,

"Hey Johnny..."

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GOB: Yes! It's Johnny from the Majestics! Making his debut appearance on Depth!!!

Kai: sarcastic voice Yay...

Tala: sarcastic voice Joy...

Max: voice Woot!

GOB: U

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Kai's P.O.V.

Only another five minutes before I can barge in... Damn it... Why couldn't I have decided on half an hour?

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Tala And Kai

Tala continued to gaze out the window until he was, rather rudely, hit in the face with a wrapped fajita. (GOB: I don't know why... Just keep reading!)

He shot straight up and looked wildly around the room. His eyes finally rested on a smirking, two-toned bluenette leaning against the doorframe.

"What the hell was that for???" Tala demanded getting up angrily. Kai just rolled his crimson eyes and responded cockily with,

"Giving you lunch. That's why you got hit with a fajita, Einstein."

Tala glanced at the fajita and scratched his head slightly, "Oops..."

As Tala unwrapped his lunch and began to eat, Kai studied him carefully. There was no trace of any pain or concern. He was back to being just Tala. Kai smiled softly and thought, "If he seems fine, I'll leave it alone... for now."

The two boys just sat around Tala's room and talked about everything and anything, as long as it had nothing to do with anything bearing serious thought.

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Max And Now, Johnny!

"Hey Johnny..."

Johnny McGregor gazed in utter and complete shock at the happy-go-lucky, blonde, American beyblader. The kid who always had a smile on his bright face was now slumped against the wall of the bus stop booth, gazing miserably at him.

"Hey, what's wrong? You're not your usual sugar-high, happy self." Johnny questioned as he sat down next to the blonde. He had never thought he'd see a day when Mizuhura Max looked down in the dumps, or if he was, he'd have Tyson, Rei and Kenny cheering him up... thinking of which, were no where to be seen.

"Try asking what's right... you'll get a much, much shorter list... besides, I wouldn't know where to start." Max responded glumly, slouching even more.

Johnny sighed and couldn't help but mutter, "And I thought Kai was the cynical, pessimistic one..." He froze when he saw the flash in Max's eyes. His mind slowly understood, "This has something to do with Hiwatari, doesn't it?" When Max nodded half-heartedly, Johnny was silent for a moment, before stating, "Then I guess you better start at the beginning."

And that's just what Max did.

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Kai And Tala

Kai glanced at the wall and let out a short string of swears. Tala looked mildly surprised, but just asked lazily,

"What now?"

Kai sent a dark, murderous glare towards his friend, before answering with a slight edge to his voice,

"I have to call the others. By now, Spencer's probably thinking we're not keeping in touch just to drive him mental, Bryan's probably called the freaking army on us and Ian... he's probably made things worse with Spencer and Bryan by asking every five minutes if we've called yet..."

Tala snickered and replied, arrogantly as always, "Just like the good old, bad old, days!"

Kai just rolled his eyes up towards Heaven as if asking what he had done in a past life to deserve this.

As he left the room he heard Tala turn on the radio and start softly singing to the song, he smiled softly...

"I must've saved all of the bloody Universe in one of my past lives..."

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Tala

Tala looked around his room and groaned... Once again, he was completely bored. He pulled out his journal and immediately scowled.

The binding was already beginning to come undone. Why was it he could never keep anything but his beyblade, clothes and hair in good condition?

He rummaged through his bag for a pen. Then he gave up. He rummaged through the drawers for a pencil. Then he gave up. He searched the floor for something to write with. Then he gave up. He finally dragged himself into the kitchen and grabbed the pen he had left in the refrigerator when he had gotten a drink.

He called out to Kai to tell him that he was heading down to the main lobby of the hotel. He planned to spend some time there. Because of the rain, he couldn't go out, and he'd die if he had to spend another minute in that room. Maybe Kai was right about the whole claustrophobia thing...

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Max And Johnny

"YOU IDIOTS!!!"

Max hung his head at Johnny's outburst. He knew that the Scottish teen was right. They had been total idiots. Kai's pain should have been obvious to them, especially after what had happened during the World Championships in Russia.

Johnny sighed and then asked, in a somewhat softer voice, "So all you know is that he's somewhere in London?"

Max looked up once more and nodded. "Kenny's been working twenty-four seven to pinpoint his exact location but Dizzi's being extremely uncooperative."

Johnny shook his head. This seemed so unreal. He had always thought of Kai as someone who felt no pain, someone who could take whatever the world threw at him and throw it back with ten times the force. That was one of the reasons that he hated, and respected, Kai.

Kai had been through so much in his life, more than you would think possible. He had dealt with the pain, all without drawing others in, without causing anyone to suffer with him.

"Well, where do you think he'd go? Or maybe, where do you think Tala would be?"

Johnny asked Max, but his mind was elsewhere. To him, it sort of made sense that Kai would trust Tala more than he would trust anyone else. After going through all that shit at the abbey, they had to have former some sort of bond. Johnny didn't care what anybody said, everyone, even cold-hearted, arrogant, bastards, needed someone they trusted to confide in.

Max closed his eyes and thought, before answering in a dull voice, "I'm not all that sure. Although, they're probably spending most of their time in hotels. They obviously don't want to attract much attention."

Johnny nodded, and replied, "That's probably right. Now all we have to do is figure out which hotel they're staying in."

Max looked up surprised when he heard the "we". Johnny noticed this and sent Max his superior smirk and replied,

"Yes, we. You don't think I'm just going to sit here and let Kai disappear, do you? That jerk still owes me a rematch!"

Max smiled at Johnny and the two waited out the rest of the storm in companionable silence, with only the rain, the scritch scratch of Max's pen as he wrote in his journal and Johnny drumming his fingers against the bench in thought breaking the silence.

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Max's Journal Entry

(GOB: Whew, about time I added a journal entry! 10 pages, of size 12 font, without one... wow!)

Right now, even as I'm writing this, I'm sitting in a bus stop booth while it's pounding rain outside. To make it even more interesting, I'm sitting here on the metal bench with none other than Johnny McGregor of the Majestics. Even more intriguing, he's going to help us look for Kai...

It's strange though. Even after I told Johnny that Kai was traveling with Tala, he didn't seem too surprised. It was almost as if he thought of a reason for those two to stick together. Actually, so can I. They've been through hell and back. Together. You just can't break a bond like that. Not over anything.

There are a lot of times when I wondered about Kai and the Demolition Boyz. During the World Championships, after Kai had left their team and re-joined ours, they still seemed to not care. As if they had been expecting it, as if they had knew, almost like, almost like Kai had discussed his decision with them.

I'm happy for Kai. After all he's had to deal with, he deserves someone, at least one person, whom he can confide in, can tell his greatest victories and more horrendous fears. If anyone asked me who Kai's confidant is, I could honestly answer it with any of the Demolition Boys, but especially Tala.

I wonder who I would confide in, who I could trust with anything and everything. Everyone would probably think that my confidant is Tyson, or maybe Kenny or Rei. Actually, in all honesty, I think Kai may be the one person I can tell anything to. He may not have trusted me enough to confide in me, but he was always there when I needed help sorting my head, whenever I just needed someone to listen. After all, just because somebody doesn't talk much, and prefers to be alone most of the time, doesn't mean they don't listen. Think about it, a person who is a mute can still understand joy; can still understand pain.

I think the fact that Kai let me confide in him without asking for anything in return just made me trust him all the more. It's easy to give things to someone and expect something in return, but not so easy to give something freely.

I wonder if when the time comes, I'll be able to do that and help someone just the same way Kai helped me, but for the time being, every little bit helps.

The rain just seems to keep coming down. If this keeps up, this bust stop booth may end up flooded, there's already a pool of water in the far east corner that's getting bigger every minute.

Johnny seems to be thinking about something. He keeps drumming his fingers against the bench. Considering how well known England is, it's surprising that the Majestics don't have a team member from here.

I think Johnny's just plain bored now. I'm going to end my entry here and talk with him for a while. Maybe he has some ideas on how to deal with talking to Kai when we find him.

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Kai

Kai picked up the phone and put in the, what seemed like, hundred digit number. He lounged on the sofa, head on one armrest and his feet on the other. He let it ring what seemed to be over twenty times, before he heard Bryan's familiar voice over the answering machine.

"You have reached Bryan, Tala, Spencer and Ian from the beyblading team, The Demolition Boyz. We..."

Here, Kai could hear some scuffling and then voices;

Ian – "Hey? Why do I get last billing???"

Spencer – "Cause you're short! Now scram!"

Bryan – "Will you guys let me finish already???"

Tala – "Hey... the little red light is still on... I think it's still recording..."

All Of Them – "WH..."

The rest of their "WHAT" was cut off by the beep...

Kai couldn't help but chuckle softly at that. It was so like them to screw up and never get around to fixing it.

He then spoke swiftly into the phone, while staring at the ceiling.

"Hey guys, it's me. Tala and I are currently in London, England. We're staying at some hotel and are both doing fine. If you need to contact us, try Tala's e-mail. Mine's been completely flooded by the Bladebreakers and Mr. Dickinson. I'll call you later. Bye."

He then gazed out the window and slowly, but surely, fell into a deep sleep.

Lying on the sofa, sleeping, he seemed to be almost peaceful.

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Tala's Journal Entry

The lobby is pretty empty; I guess most people are just staying in their cozy, little rooms. Other than me, there's this creepy old guy who keeps glancing around the room as if the Police are going to rush in any second and bust him for some international crime. There's also this young blonde hottie sitting across from me. I swear she's staring at me... too bad she looks like a freaking prostitute... I may have gone out with her. Lastly, there's a normal, everyday, middle-aged, slightly balding, man drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

I wonder if Kai's called the others yet? I sure as hell hope he got the answering machine. We haven't contacted the others in forever; they're probably ready to kill us by now. Oh crap... The answering machine... Damn it, why didn't we ever get around to putting a proper message instead of that... little argument. I sounded like such a retard...

Then again, we never really did try to hard to fix little mistakes like that. We always 'forgot' about them...

The rain is really coming down. I wonder when we're going to ditch this city and move on. Kai plans on traveling to Australia or Mexico. Personally, I'm all for Australia. After all, I'm from Russia... I'd fucking melt in the heat of Mexico!

Okay... That blonde chick is really starting to give me the creeps... I think I'll continue writing in the cafeteria.

. . . . . . . .

If I thought I was alone before, I am for sure now... there isn't a single person other than me in the room. It's pretty eerie actually. The lights were all off when I came in and I nearly killed myself tripping over a chair trying to find the light switch. No one must ever find out...

There are a lot of things that no one must ever find out about me, but even more about Kai. It's not right... it's just not right. He always has to hide what he does, who he is! No one deserved that. I remember when the old head of the Beyblade Battle Association (BBA) told Kai that he was wise beyond his years and Kai had answered that that was his curse.

I was just as confused as the old crone, but I don't think anybody could have guessed what Kai's explanation to that was... It was so obvious, yet so unthinkable. After I had thought about it for a while, it seemed to make perfect sense to me.

A lot of what Kai had to say didn't seem to make much sense until you took some time to just sit down and think about it. He never liked to just come out and tell people what to do. He'd rather have them figure it out themselves and even if they lost, they would have learned how to deal with things themselves.

Kai may not have said a lot, but whenever he did say something, it was usually something that could benefit others. I watched the tournaments in China and the United States of America. I saw how Kai gave out advice, without just telling the Bladebreakers how to win.

That will always be something I respect in Kai. It takes a great leader to know when to step back and let his team learn things for themselves, even if it causes a loss...

"It is my curse because wisdom destroys innocence. The destruction of a person's innocence is a punishment which not a single individual in this world, the past world and the future world will ever deserve."

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The Bladebreakers

Kenny's fingers typed furiously, he was so close. He had finally had to shut Dizzi down in order to be able to work. She kept blocking all of his efforts, forcing them to become futile. Kenny had no possible explanation for Dizzi's odd behavior, but he thought that it may have something to do with her little outburst when he had first uncovered the fact that Kai was somewhere in London, England.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly and glanced through the open doors of both Tyson's and Rei's rooms. Tyson was, as expected, deep in slumber, but Rei was just sitting on his bed and staring out the window. Kenny noticed the look of dejection on Rei's face and went to go check on him.

"Hey. What's up?" The only response to Kenny's question was a short, deliberate,

"Hn..."

Kenny frowned, then tried for a humor approach.

"Come on Rei. We're getting Kai back so you don't need to try and be him!"

Rei refused to comment. At least ten minuets went by, when Kenny gave up and was about to return to his search when Rei's voice suddenly cut him off.

"He used to always stare out of the window when it rained. He once said softly to himself, but I heard, 'It was raining when we first entered there...' who did he mean? And where were they that was so important?"

Without another word, Rei crept back in bed and fell into a deep, but fitful, sleep. Kenny gazed at his friend and headed back to his laptop.

When he got there, he just sat there for who knows how long, thinking about Rei's questions. The answers seemed pretty obvious. The Demolition Boys and when they first got to the Abbey. But was there more to it?

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Max & Johnny

"Hey Johnny?" Max asked softly, to which Johnny stopped drumming his fingers and gazed at the blonde, raising his eyebrows in response.

"Who are the Demolition Boys?"

Johnny froze and was shocked when he realized that Max was serious. He slowly answered, slightly unsure of what was going on,

"Well, you know, they're Tala, Spencer, Ian and Bryan..."

Max shook his head vehemently, before retorting, "No, I know WHO they are, but I want to know who THEY are. I mean, we know their names, but we have no idea who they are as people. Everyday, regular people."

Johnny snorted, before replying, "Yeah right. You saw what they did at the World's. They're monsters!"

Max stared at Johnny, before responding in a soft, calm voice, "Maybe not. They may have not had a choice. You know what went on there, what happened to those kids. What if we only know a little bit? What if there was more? What forced them to act like that? What could have happened to them?"

Johnny froze. He had no idea. He was about to reply when Max turned away. Johnny got the message and began to think about what Max had just said. What could have happened to them?

The scenarios that Johnny thought of were too horrible to mention. Sadly though, his musings were not even close to the horror the FIVE Demolition Boys had faced... They had all been subjected to pain beyond comprehension.

Poor, poor Ian...

Poor, poor, Spencer...

Poor, poor, Bryan...

Poor, poor, Tala...

Poor, poor, Kai...

They had never even stood a chance.

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Kai

Kai yawned and stretched as he got up. His body felt slightly less tense than it had before his little nap.

The fact he had even taken a nap surprised him. He normally slept for only two hours or so a night, never more.

He glanced around the room, looking for Tala, when he recalled Tala calling out to him that he would be in the lobby. Kai sighed and ran a hand through his already unruly hair. He scowled slightly when he glanced in a mirror. His hair never stayed flat, but always went spiky. He spent another three seconds glaring at his reflection before he stopped caring. Unlike Tala, Kai couldn't give a rat's ass about his appearance.... Unless he was wearing a freaking suit of any kind... If it ever came to that, he'd probably commit suicide...

(GOB: I didn't like Kai's school uniform in V Force... Didn't suit him... I bet he hated it.)

He flopped onto the bed in Tala's room and unearthed his journal from between the mattresses. He knew the only place Tala would never think to search for Kai's journal was in his own room.

He pulled out a pen and wrote, as the minutes ticked by, and the rain pounded the window, Kai just concentrated on the little scritch scratch of his pen against the paper.

For once, he was completely off guard.

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Kai's Journal Entry

It feels nice to be able to relax once in a while. To be just completely off guard, no worries, no problems. But then, you start to think. You become completely on guard, but lost in your own thoughts.

My thoughts seem to be drifting more and more towards my fears. Everyone fears something. Even a cold hearted, arrogant, bastard.

Only, sometimes, I'm not exactly sure what it is that I fear...

It would be easy to say that I fear Boris, that I fear the abbey and that I fear my Grandfather, Voltaire. A part of me agrees that that is what I fear, but then another, hidden, part of me disagrees, without a reason.

Actually, there is a reason. For the most part of my life, I was taught that fear was for the weak. I was punished immensely every second I spent showing any type of fear; physical or physiological.

Throughout that time, I believe that I grew to fear nothing, nothing but fear. I hated fearing anything; I couldn't fear anything. My quest to diminish any fear in my soul only destroyed all small fears and created one enormous fear. I was terrified to fear anything.

A part of me is still like that. But a part of me, which has never changed, is the fear for my friends.

I can still recall the numerous threats Boris used to get me to comply to his and my Grandfather's wishes. Most of them were threats that poised danger towards the Demolition Boys. I hated seeing them in any pain. A little fact that the Abbey new and abused.

I hated letting them get the best of me. I hated my Grandfather, Boris and the Abbey. It was always hate, not fear. After all, how can you fear something or someone you pity, find pitiful? For I do pity my Grandfather and Boris.

They have so much power, they are feared by many, yet they have no ones respect or care. I sometimes wonder what their lives must have been like, to cause them to be how they are now. After all, you live what you learn.

A part of me will always be eternally grateful to Tala, Spencer, Bryan and Ian. For if it was not for them, I'm afraid I would have turned out just like, if not worse, than my Grandfather and Boris combined.

I started out thinking that I only had one fear. But I think I'm becoming more human. I just discovered that I have many fears. And all of them valid.

Fear is a very funny thing,

It can make you forget how to laugh, to sing,

It can make you howl, wail and scream,

And then it's over, it was just a dream.

Some fear the dark and lonely night,

Where our savior is the blessed light,

It keeps your mind at rest, the fear at bay,

But it's best to wait, to wait for day.

Others fear the boom of thunder,

It makes them panic, makes them blunder,

Or the flash of lightning, filling the dark sky,

With raindrop tears and shrieking cries.

Some fear what they cannot touch or see,

When everything must be nice ad lovely,

They cannot stand the changes of life,

The pain of fear, the pain of strife.

But some dread the fear of fear itself,

They go out of their way to fight it, to prove oneself,

While the rest, the wisest, get on with living,

And to the others who spend their life fearing the fear,

Life shall always be unforgiving.


And I'm glad I have fears. They help make me who I am.

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Kai

Kai set down his pen and journal and gazed out the window, smiling. He was beginning to find out who he really was. And so far, he didn't think he was that horrible.

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Owari

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GOB: Well? 18 pages... I need reviews! AND SO DOES DANGEROUS MEMORIES!!! Lol. I'll catch all you peoples later! BAIBAI!!!!!! Oh, and quick edit hates me. it doesn't like my bolding efforts, italic efforts, underline efforts or symbols!!! DIE QUICK EDIT!!!!!