X3 SUPERCONDENSED

The citizens of the world live in FEAR. Then DR. DOPPLER shows up and the fear GOES AWAY.

Doppler

"You guys are going Maverick because you've got a virus, but I've made an antivirus program that cures the whole thing."

Unfortunately no HMO's or INSURANCE PLANS cover the antivirus program, so NO ONE GETS IT. Doppler tries SOMETHING ELSE.

Doppler

"Look, I've made a Utopia. Let's all live together, because I want peace."

Cain

"No, you don't."

Cain is RIGHT. Doppler sends LEGIONS OF DEATH to Maverick Hunter Headquarters.

Mac

"Does anyone know who I am?"

X

"I haven't a clue."

X and Zero DEFEAT Doppler's forces and rush to DOPPLER TOWN, where the newest uprising originates from. They defeat TWO Maverick Bosses.

Doppler

"Crappy hell, they're onto me. Backgroundless Plotholes, report!"

Bit and Byte

"Yessir, reporting for duty sir! We'll defeat Megaman X, sir!" They don't.

Mysterious Maverick

"It's a good thing I have this shadow effect going, or people might recognize me!"

X FROLICS through Doppler Town and stumbles into a TRAP inside of a WAREHOUSE that has been rigged to go KABOOMIES by VILE, who is sitting in a BIG NASTY RIDE ARMOR.

Vile

"What NOW, bitch?"

X DEFEATS Vile, who runs off like a PUSSY, and then X ESCAPES from the factory before it EXPLODES. He goes throughout Doppler Town killing things—

Zero

"I'm in this too, it's just that I'm entirely useless."

Like I said, X was KILLING THINGS, and on the way he finds CAPSULES.

Dr. Light

"This time around, I've even made fancy red capsules to upgrade these capsule powers. I figure this way you might think twice before losing them again."

X WIPES THE FLOOR with the Maverick Bosses.

Sigma

(Krang) "Doppler, make me my new boooody!"

Cain

"X, Zero, Doppler's making this huge battle body, but he's a wuss so I doubt he could use it himself. He must be making it for someone else. I wonder who that could be? Oh look his laboratory just popped up from nowhere!"

X and Zero dash to DOPPLER'S SECRET LAB.

Zero

"Capcom needs an excuse to get rid of me for a while, so I'm gonna go look around on my own."

X goes ALONE through Doppler's Secret Lab, where he meets Bit and Byte, who merge into GODKARMACHINE O NARY.

Godkarmachine O Nary

"None shall pass."

X passes anyway. He goes on to meet VILE, who is in the BIGGEST MEANEST RIDE ARMOR IN THE WORLD EVER.

Vile

"WHAT NOW, BIZNATCH?!?!"

They fight. X FRANTICALLY REPEATS HAIL MARYS while using his MAD SKILLS to defeat Vile.

Vile

"FUX0R, well I'll just have to haunt you till the day you die!"(Dies)

X continues forth, and finds the SPECIAL CAPSULE.

Dr. Light

"X if you wear this armor you'll look like a piece of cheese!"

X, with his NEWFOUND POWERS, goes to meet DOPPLER.

Doppler

"I may look like a measly old scientist, but just wait until I throw off my lab coat!" (He does. X shoots him in the face.) YEOWCH. Whoa…looks like Sigma's been possessing me. I hope I didn't cause anyone any trouble?"

X rushes to the final level of Doppler's Secret Lab.

Zero

"I'd offer to help you kill Sigma, but since you're just oh-so-powerful in your cheese costume I'll just destroy the stupid power generator like usual and let you have all the fun."

X encounters SIGMA, who is decked out as a WARRIOR.

Sigma

FREEEEEEDOOOOOMMMM!!!!

The ETERNAL STRUGGLE begins, only it's NOT ETERNAL because X WINS. Then Sigma comes back in the form of a BIG BIG BIG MONSTER FROM THE DEEPEST DARKEST PIT OF YUCKINESS.

Kaiser Sigma

"Me squash X bug flat."

They fight. X PULLS A VICTORY OUT OF HIS ASS, but then Zero STEALS THE SPOTLIGHT.

Zero

"Yo. Doppler gave me this bitchin new sword doohicky."

Sigma dies. Doppler's Secret Lab starts to EXPLODE. Molten lava RISES from the floor, and X and Zero SCALE THE WALLS. Suddenly Sigma RETURNS in the form of the GIANT FLOATING HEAD from the last game.

Sigma

"Come back here, I'll bite yer legs off!"

The Hunters ESCAPE. Sigma VANISHES. X and Zero SAVOR VICTORY.

X

"Another one bites the dust."

Zero

"Yeah, I just hope that Capcom isn't so biased against me in the future."

Capcom

"To ensure peace, X must one day destroy Zero."

Set against the sound of ZERO'S CURSING, the CREDITS ROLL.