Disclaimer: Neither me nor Megi owns POTC. Or Nerf. I wish we did though. The world would be filled with Disney-fied pirates and foam! It would be CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY!

Now there´s many a day on the Spanish Main

But none I hold so dear,

As that happy day I first became

A scurvy buccaneer!

(Cady's POV)

The longboat bobbed up and down in the water as we managed to row it beside the Black Pearl. Her crew hadn't noticed us sneaking up on her for the past 3 leagues because there seemed to be a celebration going on a deck. The flames from it's lanterns glowed like fireflies against the tar black sky and the smell of grog floated behind the grand ship. Someone was murdering an old sea shanty on a hornpipe as others sang along "...The sun came up over the Spanish Sea/ Our homeland far behind us/ Being hunted by the king´s navy/ I´m sure he´ll never find us/ Pull away, me lads of the Cardiff Rose and hoist the Jolly Roger..."

"Alright," I said, looking up at the deck and planning my climbing route, "I'm a goin' up the side, an-"

"Nay!" said Megi, shaking her head. "I be the Cap'n, and I'll be goin' up first. I'll, uh, subdue Jack. If I need help with the crew, I'll whistle."

"With that weapon, cap'n?" I asked doubtfully, looking at the sword (and I use that term lightly) at her belt.

"Well it be the only one yer lettin' me use! Now quit yer lollygaggin' and gimme a boost." Sighing, I crouched and she slipped her booted foot onto my interlocked fingers. I could see up the skirt of her dress and she was wearing Jolly Roger boxer shorts. Classic. In a second she was climbing the molluscs and cracks on the side as a followed her up. She jumped over the gunwall and I heard dull, drunken exclamations of surprise. I held my breath and pressed against the hull waiting for her whistle.

(Meg's POV)

I straightened up and looked around me, taking in my surroundings. Minus the few pirates who were prematurely passed out on the ground, every man on board looked at me with utter confusion, wondering what the hell a woman was doing onboard their ship.

"Ey, now. What the bloody 'ell is this?"

"SQUEEEEEE!!!"

Leaping upon the unsuspecting captain, we both crashed to the deck.

"Err, I mean...ARRR!"

Jack blinked.

Ok, time for the stupidity to desist.

Rolling to my feet on the salt encrusted deck, I pulled my sword from my belt and held it threateningly at the pirate captain's neck, holding him from behind.

"If any man moves, I'll slit his throat," I declared loudly (With absolutely NO intention of doing so).

The silence was broken by the men's laughter.

Ok...so it was a nerf sword. I could still sound threatening! So what if Sparrow was drunk and unable to fight back?

Oh...no, taking weapons out is bad...umm...think fast!

I pressed the foam closer into Jack's neck. "How do ye know I didn't just cover a blade with foam te put ye into a sense of ease?" They all froze again, drunkenness overcoming their common sense. I'm so smart, I'm so smart..."All of ye, into the boats!" They actually went toward the boats, stumbling toward the davits, not sure what they were doing, not being sober, when one of the men seemed to rise above the rum...it was obviously an historic moment.

"Mates...we're lettin' oursel's be pushed around by a wench!"

Oooook...this wasn't good.

I tried to whistle, doing everything right: puff up my cheeks with air, make a circular shape with my lips and blowing outward.

Nothing.

I tried again...and again...suddenly it dawned on me, like an apple hitting the head of that famous dead guy whose name I couldn't remember...I COULDN'T WHISTLE!

I took another look at the pirates advancing on me to rescue their captain and bellowed into the night sky.

"IRONFIST!!!"

(Cady's POV)

I got worried after she'd been up there for 10 minutes. It shouldn't take this long to grab the captain and whistle...Then I remembered, Megi can't whistle... "IRONFIST!!!" The yell she emitted could probably have been heard on distant shores. I leapt (Ok, climbed then fell) over the gunwall and drew my gun in one hand, my cutlass in the other. Megi was obviously impressed. "Oooo, nice musket!"

"It's not a musket."

"Huh?"

"It's a musketoon. Made in 1758 with a flintlock firing mechanism, brass barrel, single shot. It's more like a small cannon than it's brother the musket, but it's much more effective at..."

Megi knocked me out of my reverie with an ear-splitting screetch. "IRONFIST!!! ANGRY PIRATES!!!"

"Oh, aye!" I finally took in the scene in front of me, and it wasn't good. Megi had the nerf sword wrapped around Jack's neck, nearly choking him to death. Ten or fifteen drunken pirates were advancing on her, swords drawn but momentarily distracted by the arrival of a large, gun-weilding female pirate (A.K.A. me). I raised the gun to head level. "Stand down, ya bilge swilling younkers!" Fifteen swords clattered to the deck and I grinned homicidally. "'Tis good to see the useless glop in yer 'eads isn't cloggin' up yer ears. Now into the boats, all a'ye!" I waved my sword for good measure. The pirates, grumbling quietly, climbed into the boats suspended over the side but one mate bravely yelled "Will ya be a'givin' us supplies, guv?" I looked around the deck and noticed that there was a lot of food left from their celebration. I grabbed a roast pig and a large barrel of grog and lowered them down to the largest boat. I rooted around below deck and found an iron cask of bread and a bottle of liquer and sent them down as well. "Surely ye can't be expectin' us to live off these vittles, lass?"

"And why not? This be a PG-13 fan fiction, about a Disney movie no less! You can't die." The sailor seemed satisfied with that answer. I began to loosen the ropes and sent all boats but the largest into the water. Just as I started on those, I heard a gurgling death noise behind me. "Cap'n, yer chokin' 'im to death!" Jack's face was an odd shade of purple and he gurgled as he struggled to breathe. Meaghan lossened her grip on the sword with her right hand, freeing the pirate from her clutches.

"Ooops, sorry." Jack stumbled forward, a bit drunkenly, a bit breathlessly and a bit just plain Jack-ishly.

"My, my crew! What're ye doin' to my crew?" He leaned dangerously over the edge. Megi, ever the hero, stepped forward and attempted to cut the ropes with her sword. It bent as she pressed it against the rope then sprang back- right in Jack's face. The pirate captain of the Black Pearl fell to the floor in a heap.

"OH MY GAWD! I KILLED HIM!!!"

"You didn't kill him. He's just unconscious."

"OH MY GAWD I...UNCONCISIZED HIM!!!"

"Shut up and help me figure out what to do with these bodies!" I had forgotten completely about the passed-out pirates taking a caulk on the deck. After a short discussion, and a few failed attempts to toss them into one of the ship's boats, we decided to just toss them in the ship's brig and hold them as prisoners. I then cut the cords holding the final boat with my cutlass, sending it splashing into the water with a great splash. We looked over at it.

"Hey, Ironfist? Ye know how ye said all that stuff about not dyin' 'cuz this be PG-13?"

"Aye."

"Well, Barbossa died."

"Let's just keep that to oursel's, eh, mate?"

"Right then," She ran to the bow of the ship and pointed majestically towards the darkened horizon. "Let's go find my crew!"

"Uh, Cap'n?" "She turned and looked at me. I pointed down at Jack Sparrow's unmoving form. "We may have to wait fer him te wake up."

"Oh...right."

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Bwahahahahahaha!! Chapter one. See, I can be smart when I want to! This is Meg btw…I stole this copy from Cady and am…improving it shall we say…GO ME!!!

!theme music!

!kamikaze watermelon splats onto random wall!

Hehehe…

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