Hindsight
Chapter 2

Atton had been giving her strange looks all day. She thought he would be happy coming here, but something about Nar Shaddaa was bothering him and he had been eyeing her strangely ever since she had Force Persuaded three thugs to get away. At first she had thought he was irritated that she had drawn attention to them (something in her years of Exile she had not needed to worry about), but he seemed to be holding something else back. She wanted to reach out into his mind and find out, mostly to sate her own curiosity, but after the last time she had done that to him had ended badly, she decided against it. If she had been paying more attention to her surroundings, instead of letting her thoughts wander, she might not have run into Atton's back.

She groaned and rubbed her nose, feeling glad that Kreia had decided to stay on the Hawk with Disciple and Visas, so as not to be lectured on not keeping her senses open. On the other hand, Kreia was probably listening in on her thoughts and feelings at this very moment. She shook off the shivers running up her spine and saw that Atton had not even noticed her intrusion. "Why did you stop?" she asked still rubbing her nose in an irritated manner.

Atton was grinning and that was never a good sign. He turned towards her, his hands rubbing together in a way that signified he was having a brilliant (in Atton's mind) idea. She frowned; this was definitely not a good sign. Bao-Dur shot her a look; he understood why she was worried. Atton was completely nonplussed by the looks they were giving him.

He took a deep breath and a smile. "I can smell a Cantina from miles away."

"I don't think that's a Cantina, Atton," she grimaced, "And if it is, it's one of the worst smelling ones I've ever been to," she sighed, "And that's saying a lot."

Atton waved her off, "I told you the smell got bad, but no… over there with the," he had a feral smile, "glow of adulterous red light, bathed in the sweet nectar of the juma and loose women all around, is the Cantina."

She fought the urge to roll her eyes at him. "What possible help could any of those things be?"

Atton glanced at her for moment and it was one of the times she really could not read his expression. He shook his head and shrugged. "Not a big secret that Cantinas are a great place for information, and if you want to get in contact with the Exchange the best way to get their attention is to rustle up some small fame," he glanced back at Bao-Dur who had both arms crossed in front of him, the glowing one in front. "The Exchange watches everything, winning the Pazaak championship, beating some idiots in a swoop race, even getting drunk and ending up in the dumpster the next morning with only your pants and a blaster…" he smiled, "Not that, that ever happened to me or anything."

She groaned and shook her head. "Alright, we should find out 'who' we need to get into contact with. Leaders are always going to have some kind of enemy and if we exploit that to our own advantage we should break through their defenses easily," she shared a slow gaze with both Bao-Dur and Atton, "Besides it will be easier to get on the bad side of the Exchange than the good side."

Atton sighed. "Usually because no one is ever trying…" he rolled his eyes, "Jedi and their damn death wishes."

Bao-Dur looked around and kept up pace with her as she glared at Atton's back. "General?"

She turned towards him and her gaze softened. "Yes?"

He scratched his ear with his unaffected arm, "I heard from the Droid owner, Kodin, that there was a surge of requests for 'specialty' droids."

She turned her full attention towards the soft-spoken Zabrak. "What kind of specialty?"

He shrugged, "Couldn't get more than that out of him, other than it had some kind of special detection system that he wasn't familiar with."

She nodded. "Like something that could hunt Jedi more effectively…"

"Exactly."

Bao-Dur had his arms behind him now, the perfect solider waiting for orders. The Exile really did not feel like going with Atton alone into a shady Cantina, but this lead was too good to pass up and Bao-Dur was the best person for the job. "Go check for leads in this area," he nodded and was about to turn in another direction, she saw her arm moving out to catch him before she realized what she was doing, "Um, be careful."

He raised one eyebrow at her but nodded and went off in a different direction. She sighed again and wiped her hands on the clothes she had bought from Dantooine. They were not the most comfortable of attire, but when one wanted to fit in at Nar Shaddaa, without really fitting in, there was a certain way to dress. She looked in front of her in slight annoyance that Atton had not even waited for her before entering the Cantina. She shrugged it off with indifference and nervously pulled on her leather vest. She had not been in a Cantina like this for at least six months, each time more depressing and numbing than the first. The atmosphere of these establishments was always the same… smoky and infested with people that were vapid or empty.

She looked to her left where Atton was arguing with a guard. She sighed; this was not the type of attention they should be getting. He barked at Atton in a scrambled mix of Huttese, with a few Trandoshan swear words. She pushed Atton aside and the guard/bouncer barked at her. "No Password, No Enter."

She rolled her eyes in annoyance and with a quick wave of her hand and a few words, "You will let us in," the bouncer's eyes glazed over for a moment before he proceeded to open the door. Atton was giving her an undecipherable look again. She frowned in annoyance as they walked into a ritzy (for Nar Shaddaa) Pazaak club. "What?"

He just stared blankly at her for a moment before turning his gaze elsewhere. "You ever wonder if that gives people brain damage?"

"They'd have to have a brain in the first place," she muttered angrily, the environment was slowly souring her mood.

Atton either did not hear her or ignored her, because he headed towards where a portly man was playing a droid. The droid (who had an unusual female vocabulator) was losing badly. Atton smiled and leaned back, knowing that the Exile was right behind him. "I bet even you could beat this thing."

She glared at him and crossed her arms around her chest, accentuating the low cut top and causing Atton's gaze to linger. She stepped on his foot and waited until the portly man had left the area before sitting near the droid. He frowned at her and crossed his arms in a huff, as if saying that it was her fault he was looking in the first place. She ignored him and came up to talk to the droid, not paying much attention to its designation. She talked to it for a moment, before discovering that it was malfunctioning. "That's an odd malfunction to have…" she pondered on it for a moment before Atton broke her out of her thoughts.

"Who cares, maybe we can score some easy creds off this thing."

She frowned deeply at him and turned back to the droid. "Do you mind if I take a look at you?" The droid was hesitant at first, but after being reassured it assented. The Exile was almost certain that she heard Atton murmur something about force persuade on droids. She chose to use his own approach and ignore him. She found an odd casing in the droid that suggested it was being used to monitor the Pazaak players, which might have been connected to Bao-Dur's investigation. She pocketed it to have him examine it later. She closed up the droid's front panel and brushed her hands on her pants. "There, how do you feel?"

The droid whirred in appreciation. "Thank you, now I can rest. I was quiet tired of losing."

She nodded and rolled her shoulders back, causing another lecherous look from Atton. She glared at him and pulled her vest around her more, which only caused the overly large pants that were filled with too many items to slip further down on her hips. Atton unsuccessfully stifled a laugh. She pulled on the pants, feeling her lightsaber rub against her thigh in one of the pockets. "Where to next, Mr. Pazaak?"

Atton quirked an eyebrow at this comment, "I'm not quite sure if that's supposed to be an insult or a compliment."

She rolled her eyes and crinkled her nose. "Consider it both, I guess."

He grinned leisurely and wrapped a casual arm around her, "Well I'll take the compliment side as a good sign," he leaned into her ear and whispered hotly, "And the insult part as half the fun."

She shrugged him off and resisted the blush that was creeping up on the back of her neck. "Can we continue, please?"

Atton shrugged and walked forward, his eyes resting on a well-endowed Twi'lek who was flipping her cards around and somehow managing it that it extenuated her chest. He let his face turn up and as he was considering walking over, she had already done so. The Twi'lek looked up at the Exile in disgust. "What do you want?" she snapped.

The Exile was about to say something, when Atton stepped in with a very discernable expression on his face. She frowned in his direction, but he ignored it, making solid eye contact with the Pazaak playing Twi'lek. "Let me handle this one," he slid into the seat across from her, but pushed it as close as he could possibly get without crossing over to her side of the match. The Exile frowned deeper than she thought possible as she listened to the atrociously obvious flirting and the way that the Twi'lek's hand kept slipping and touching Atton's. He was obviously savoring each moment and that expression on his face told her all she needed to know.

She found herself storming off, before she even realized it. It was the kind of huffy storming that one might attribute to a rude teenager, but her agitated steps certainly caused a few patrons to quickly move out of her way. She glared and walked over to the other side of the building into the Cantina. She never much cared for Pazaak anyway. She sat down near the bar and indicated for a few drinks. She was angry with Atton; his actions were atrocious. She considered the blush that had almost crept up her neck and tossed around the idea of her being jealous. She sighed and put her hand to her head, leaning against her elbow on the bar for support.

No, she was not jealous. She yearned to feel that way. She was angrier with Atton for not following out the mission with a sense of decorum, than she was jealous that he was flirting all over that busty Twi'lek when he obviously felt... well what she thought he obviously felt, anyway. She was being the general again, and it frightened her how easily that role came back to her. She had spent five years just being a drifter, working on small jobs for no more than a month and moving onto the next location to drink herself numb. And now, being back in action for less than six weeks and she was already back into her old routine. It frightened her.

She had always hated her role. It was such a simple thing, really. Revan had asked it of her and she had done it. When she thought of her old friend's reasons it was beyond her. Exile had made her bitter and empty. She longed for emotions like jealousy, or even love. She had long considered if she had ever truly felt love. As a Jedi, such attachments were forbidden, and except for that one time, she had been a very good Jedi. Her eyes glazed over as she stared into the bottom of her drink, considering drowning in it. She would not think of that… contemplating that memory, dissecting it for what it was, or what she had made it, would never lead to anything good.

She leaned into the barstool and lost herself in another memory that was starting to feel like delusion conjured by a decrepit storyteller.


Jene stared out the window of the ship that was slowly leaving the Taris landing pad. He was the thought that plagued her, but she could not turn away from the carnage, from the pain that tore through her every day, every hour, with every life that was winked out into oblivion. Her other thoughts were scattered, the nervousness of truly leaving the order, the elation at having the opportunity to express herself without the restrains of the council, the camaraderie of the group that was on the small freighter heading towards the war, and the anticipation of ending the Republic's threat forever.

She sighed and her breath fogged up the glass. The voice of one of her companions, the dark skinned Cariaga Sin, broke her out of her daze. She spoke with a slight lilt, accentuating her simple background, something Revan had appreciated. "What do you think will happen to the Cathar child?"

Revan turned, her hair now shorter and curling near her neck. "I don't know, but at least she won't be sold into slavery."

Malak was at her side, no joviality in his eyes, but a calm sense of purpose as he stood near her, taking her in. "We need to decide who will represent us, when we meet up with the Republic."

Talvon had his legs propped up against one of the metal canisters and he scoffed, "Do we even need to think about it, Revan's got the persuasive tone."

Xaset was next to him, "That is true, but for the purpose of maintaining a democracy we should vote on who should represent us all."

Talvon grinned wryly, "Xaset, how is it fair, if we're the only ones voting… there are four other ships following us."

The darker and older man frowned, "Um, well…"

Nisotsa cut him off and tossed her now freely flowing blond hair, "Who cares, we're the best of the order anyway. I say we vote right now."

Cariaga nodded and spoke up first. "Revan."

Xaset shoved Talvon off his perch and sat down next to him, "Revan."

Revan made no reaction and Talvon glared at Xaset with a quick shove. He looked around the group and smiled warmly, "Rev, of course."

Nisotsa seemed to dance on her toes as she smiled. "Revan."

They all stared at Jene and she pulled out of her trance. "Oh, sorry," she smiled at Revan and nodded, "Revan."

Everyone stared at Malak in anticipation, he quirked one eyebrow. "Master Vrook."

The group started to laugh and Revan elbowed him in the stomach with a slight smile. "Idiot," she murmured under her breath.

Malak smiled and made a show of rubbing his stomach. "Revan, of course," he looked down at her, "Now are you going to vote for yourself and make it unanimous or are you going to be obnoxious and vote for someone else?"

Revan smiled easily. "Fine, I vote for myself," she turned her gaze up to Malak with mock scorn, "I'm not obnoxious."

He nodded and rested his arm on her head casually. "You're right, most of the time you're incorrigible."

It was comical to anyone who had never met the two, to see the adult Jedi Knight sticking her tongue out at the taller, intimidating, Jedi Knight. Revan spun around away from Malak and looked at everyone, she had her serious face on and she eyed them all carefully. "You are all my closest friends and the best the Academy had to offer. I need all of you at my side, standing with me as leaders."

Jene frowned at that remark, she was going to fight, to do something, not to lead and be in charge. That was always Revan's job; she was better at it. Nisotsa stirred next to her. "As long as I command a battalion of cute Republic officers I'm fine!"

Talvon rolled his eyes. "Women…" he found himself ducking as a hydrospanner zoomed by his head. He glared at the girl who was giggling, "Real nice and mature. Good to see you're still following the Jedi code faithfully, Nisotsa." She tensed and sat down dejectedly. Xaset sensed her discomfort and elbowed Talvon who rolled his eyes, but put on a sly smile. "I tell ya the first thing I'm gonna do is gamble on the latest swoop races."

Cariaga arched a suspicious eyebrow, "What about all the women you were talking about," she laughed, "showing your lightsaber to."

Talvon reddened and everyone laughed. "Well… that's the second thing."

Soon they were talking about every rule they had ever wanted to break and what they would do when they had the chance. Jene was quiet, she still followed the path of the Jedi, and she did not want to break the rules. Of course she had broken the rules in a major way and not just by defying the council in this expenditure. She sighed and watched each of her friends and felt through the bonds she shared with them what they felt.

Nisotsa was hiding her nervousness and sheltering fleeting feelings for Talvon, Cariaga was trying to hold down her insatiable rage and blood lust against the Mandelorians that had attacked her home world, Talvon was carefully concealing his doubts and dread about the war and defying the council, and Xaset was lusting after the man sitting next to him. Jene had to pause in her search for a moment as she stared at her friend's face. He looked as calm as ever, but she noticed the slight glances he was shooting Talvon and wondered how long she had missed it. She focused her attention on Malak, not ready to consider the potential heartache and complication the two best friends would face. Malak was all passion under his steady exterior; she was almost overwhelmed with it… and another feeling that she knew so well… he was in love.

She turned her attention to Revan… and received nothing. Revan matched her gaze and gave her a knowledgeable look. Jene realized there was a new emptiness inside her… Revan had cut the bond off. She could no longer reach out and feel her friend, something she had done many times for comfort. She felt sick and dizzy.

Revan nodded in understanding and cut the conversations short, her commanding voice effectively ending the conversations and brining silence. "Alright, ranks shall be chosen then," she looked around, "I need three strong generals under me," she looked at Xaset, "Xas," she turned her gaze to Cariaga, "Cari," she looked directly at the future Exile and closed in her vision, locked so deeply with her that Jene almost felt the bond again for a moment, "Gi," she said a decibel softer, almost unnoticeable.

Talvon, Nisotsa and even Malak were looking at her with interest. Revan nodded to Nisotsa, "I need my best tech girl to be in charge of all technical operations," Nisotsa looked almost disappointed, but Revan came over to her and grasped her arms and leaned her forehead to hers. "Nita, this is a really important job. The military depends on every last ship running smoothly and you are the woman for the job."

Nisotsa nodded fiercely as Revan stepped away from her. "I'll do the best, Revan," she said instead of 'my best.'

Revan turned to Talvon. "Tal, if you can manage not sleeping with all the female medics, I'd like you to be in charge of all the medical units and other supplies that should be shipping."

Talvon grinned. "I'll be the best there is for the second job," he winked, "But I can't promise on the first."

Jene felt a twinge from Xaset at that comment and she looked at him for a moment. Their gazes locked and his eyes were so sad and deep, she nodded in understanding. She understood far too well. Malak bristled as Revan seated herself back on her chair. They all looked at her expectantly and Malak coughed. Nisotsa giggled and Talvon chuckled, but Xaset spoke up. "You forgot Malak, Revan."

Revan made the show of looking shocked and embarrassed, she turned towards Malak, "Well of course someone has to carry my stuff," she winked at Malak and dodged his arm swinging at her, by skipping to the other side of the room. She rolled her shoulders back and looked at everyone then at Malak, almost shyly. "You're my right hand man, you'll always be that, Mal. You know it." Jene felt the ripple of pride Malak expressed and he let a small smile escape his lips, it was a private thing, only for Revan. She smiled the same smile back and dragged her knees up to her chest; she cocked her head to one side and looked at Talvon. "Was gambling breaking the rules?"

Talvon raised an eyebrow. "It derives from the suffering of others, so yes."

Revan shrugged and grinned. "Woops."

Everyone laughed like they were not heading off to war and were not leaving their entire lives behind.


She let out a deep sigh and was interrupted from her brooding by Atton. He slid in the barstool next to her. "Shame you left, I had quite the run," he made a showy display of waving around a gold Pazaak card.

The Exile just rolled her eyes and grunted into her drink, "How very good for you."

Atton ignored her sour mood and kept on talking, "First off, that Twi'lek was fun and easy," he paused for a moment and the only reaction she gave was a slight twitch in her eye, "to beat I mean. Well either way I figure," he shrugged and grinned. "So then, I talk this Duros into losing a few matches, cos some thugs outside had asked me earlier to get him to go outside… it was pretty damn obvious they were going to rough him up," he looked at her again, she just casually took another sip of her drink, ignoring him completely. Atton raised one eyebrow, but continued all the same, "And then, you'll never believe this," he elbowed her, "I convinced this 'champ' guy to lose, because winning all those matches must get pretty boring," he shook his head and wiped a tear from his eye, "I still can't believe the little boma fell for it."

"Mhmm…" she replied noncommittally.

Atton shook his head. "Have you been sitting here drinking and sulking this whole time?"

She was about to nod, but turned to him in annoyance. He had the most obnoxious grin on his face. "I'm not sulking, you twit."

He grinned broader. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were jealous."

She snorted in disdain. "Yeah, I was pining away and drinking myself stupid, because you flirted with someone like you do everywhere we go."

Atton nodded somberly. "It's good to hear you admit it."

She opened her eyes wide and almost let out an indignant cry, but something about the way Atton was looking at her and the idiotic grin plastered on his face, triggered something inside of her. She remembered the person who always could tease and get this reaction out of her and that comparison in her head was so ridiculous she could not help but laugh. She shook her head and held her stomach as she leaned over the barstool letting out the unfamiliar sound. The low laugh became a giggle that she had not used for many years.

Atton was staring at her in shock. She was still giggling and it was apparently contagious, because he started to laugh along with her. They were an unusual sight and probably upset quite a few of the nonhuman patrons in the bar. An exiled Jedi dressed in a revealing smuggler outfit laughing with a scoundrel still waving a golden Pazaak card.

As they finally quieted down Atton was looking at her in a new light, "Wow, I think that's the first time you've done that. Not for lack of me trying though."

"What?" she asked, rubbing the sore muscles that went unused in her jaw.

"Laugh... or smile even."

"I guess I just forgot how," she said, seriously.

There was a silence for a moment before Atton rose from his chair and offered her his hand. She eyed it warily for a moment, the gesture, especially from Atton, completely foreign to her. If he were the Disciple, perhaps he would have retracted his hand, but Atton was anything but the mild-tempered Jedi waiting on the ship. He grabbed her hand and lifted her up. "Look, have you gotten any information outta the thugs that hang out here? Because getting information outta a Trandoshan is no small task."

She quirked a smile at that, finding that after breaking through that wall it was much easier, "I heard something about Vogga the Hutt, the main staple for the exchange here, but he's not seeing anyone…" she frowned as Atton was peering over her shoulder. "Atton are you listening?"

He blinked for a moment, "What?" she glared at him and he grinned, finally slipping the Pazaak card back in his pocket, "Sorry… but that Twi'lek over there is staring at you."

She turned around to find a Twi'lek eyeing her like she was a piece of meat. "Would you like a holovid, it lasts longer?" she quipped in his direction.

The Twi'lek blinked in confusion and shook his hand in front of his face. "No, no you misunderstand me. I work for Vogga the Hutt and he's been looking for dancers to appease him," the Twi'lek sighed deeply and shook his head, "I've been in hot water since I showed him my niece and he was tired of her. I need something different, I'm desperate!"

The Exile studied him carefully, vaguely aware of Atton behind her, he was fidgeting and it was getting on her nerves. She grasped Atton's hand and held it down in annoyance, without even turning to face him and spoke to the Twi'lek. "What are you asking?"

He smiled sheepishly. "You wouldn't happen to know of any dancers?" she shook her head and he looked at her earnestly, "Or perhaps you could dance for Vogga?"

She considered it for a moment. It would be an effective way to meet up with Vogga. As she thought about it, she felt fingers lightly stroking her and she remembered she was still holding Atton's hand. The small comfort was so nice that she was too distracted to ask more questions. "Alright, I'll do it."

She would never forgive him for distracting her. She was aware of Atton trying to keep up the pace with her as she stormed down the Refugee docks trying to reach the Ebon Hawk and her clothes. That was one of the most humiliating things she had ever done and the outfit was ridiculous. "Who wears gold-toned boots?" she scoffed pressing on. She caught the Hawk in her line of vision after fifteen minutes of tearing through the streets, ignoring the odd look from the passersby. She clenched her teeth and crouched so she could remove the boots that were giving her blisters.

Atton had finally caught up to her; he was leaning on his thighs, desperately trying to catch his breath. "Wha-" he panted, "are you," he breathed deeply and stood up grasping his chest, "so mad about?"

She opened her mouth to tell him how awful he was for holding her hand like that; like he was… she stopped and closed her mouth instead choosing to turn around in a huff and storm up the loading ramp of the ship. Maybe if she had been thinking clearly she would not have made so much of a fuss getting on the ship, but Atton was making her very irritated ever since they arrived. She walked straight into a blaster casually pointed at her face. She froze mentally making a note to herself that she would keep better watch even when she was distracted. The blaster lowered and if Zabraks could blush, Bao-Dur would be.

"I'm sorry, General. I didn't know you would be coming back so soon," he made no comment on her outfit, but was keeping his eyes a little higher than normal.

She wrapped her arms around her and quickly tried to dart into one of the rooms to get some clothes, running straight into Disciple. If Bao-Dur's reaction was unusual it was nothing compared to the way Disciple reacted. The look on the Disciple's face as she stalked onto the Ebon Hawk still dressed in the dancers outfit was one for the ages. She did not know that someone's face could get that red or that someone's mouth could hang open that long. He was desperately trying not to look down, but to no avail. She covered her face and tried to shove past him. As she stalked off she could hear Atton growling at Disciple from behind her.

She closed the door and almost had a heart attack when the newest member of the crew, the Miraluka, was meditating in the middle of the dormitory. She sighed. "Visas, would you mind giving me a little privacy?"

"My life, for yours," the Miraluka simply replied and left the cabin, closing the door behind her.

The Exile blew up on a piece of hair that had blown free and started to change. "I'd settle for your clothes," she muttered.

Now that she was comfortably dressed in the robes she had picked up on Dantooine she could meditate and relax. She settled herself down in the Communications Room and tried to clear her mind. The sudden flurry of emotions that had been wreaking havoc on her mind ever since they had arrived on Nar Shaddaa was unsettling. She would need to calm herself before they set out again, letting her guard down like that would only allow her thoughts to wander too far. She vaguely thought of playing Pazaak in her head, but decided against it. As much as she appreciated and enjoyed that skill, Kreia had a tendency to reach out through their bond while she was on board the ship and she did not want to explain why she was taking tips from Atton on Jedi procedure.

She sighed and brought herself into a meditative pose, realizing that she would have to remove thoughts of the pilot from her mind if she was ever going to think straight. She tried to reach out into the Nar Shaddaa that she had felt earlier today without getting overwhelmed. She touched the edges of its consciousness and the heart of it, trying to feel the pain that was eluding her. Pain she could understand. Pain she could relate to. Pain was all consuming and too familiar.

The calm meditation sent her into a lulling trance as she steadied her breathing and kept out every outside influence. Except, him and the memories, they could always get through.


The cool breeze sent her long pale hair flapping through the wind as the cold grass tickled her bare feet. She breathed in slowly and tried not to notice how close the young Master next to her was. If she just focused on the scent of the gentle wind as it brought the aroma of new blossoms to her nose, she might be able to block him out. She tried, but all she could focus on was how Kavar smelled like a fresh brush of wood. She was sure that her neck was bright red from how hot it felt. She wiped her palms on her bent knees and took another deep breath, seeing if she could mix the two smells together and guiltily imagining how he would smell from closer up. She allowed herself this one moment of weakness before she tried to picture the wind sweeping through the grassy hills of Dantooine.

"It's much better than meditating in your room, right?" his tranquil voice broke her out of her momentary concentration.

She opened her eyes and settled them on him. He was not in the normal pose, one leg was out fully, while the other was tucked under him and he was leaning back on his arms. She pulled herself up to her knees. "How did you find this spot?"

He smiled on half his face and it always found a way to soften his strong features. "Well you can only reach it by foot and not that many people like walking this far."

She nodded; even some of the Masters would use a speeder to travel this far out. She set her eyes on the horizon where a few clouds were lifting. "I thought the walk was as nice as the view."

Kavar stared at her for a moment softly and gave another lopsided smile, "You know, Jene… you are about the only person that would say something like that," she had nothing to say to that and felt her skin tingling on her neck again. He turned his attention to the view that sprawled out over the wide green plains of Dantooine and sighed deeply taking it in. "And that's why I brought you."

She smiled at that, feeling some pride in being the only one that he had taken to this special spot. "Do you come here a lot?"

He shook his head. "It's hard to get away from the rigors of the council. I either have to be in transit to Coruscant for a meeting, or at the communications building talking business, or I'm training students," he let out a deep frustrated sigh, "I barely have time for the simple pleasures of life anymore."

She started to weave some blades of grass into a braid in her lap, while she waited on the perfect thing to say. She and Kavar had many pauses in their conversation, but none of them were awkward, they were always the two of them savoring their company and the words they had spoken. Or that is how it felt to her. She had never been this close to someone without forming a bond and in a way it made their friendship seem more solid and real. She never had that nagging feeling that she was manipulating him or had the luxury of sensing his emotions. She cocked her head to the side and there was a twinkle in her eye. "Is the Master with a seat on the council complaining?"

Kavar narrowed his vision at her and shook his head with a laugh. "Very, funny…" he sighed and tapped his fingers on his thigh. "I suppose I should be grateful for the time I do get. Most of the Council is stuck on Coruscant most of the time."

She looked at him carefully and put her hand on his. "I didn't mean it that way."

He stared at her and she glanced a flash of sadness in his eyes. He turned his hand around to grasp hers fully. "I know you didn't it's just sometimes…" he looked down at their hands and shook his head. "Sometimes I remember what I could be doing and it makes me think…" he laughed and looked up at the clear sky, "And then I get over it and get back to work."

There was a long stretch of silence where all that could be heard was their soft breathing and the cool zephyr that was still gracing her hair. Their hands fit so perfectly together that she felt no urge to move or adjust hers. It just fit. She let out a light sigh. She closed her eyes and focused on the comfort of her hand and his and finally began to meditate with ease. The calm swept through her, suddenly removing the breath from her chest and she felt in tuned with everything around her. She no longer felt embarrassed or nervous, just right. She reached out to the calm that was curling around her and realized that it was coming from more than just the man next to her; Dantooine itself was wrapping her in its comforting embrace.

Suddenly the image of him holding her was in her mind and she felt even calmer. Dantooine, the heart of the planet, was slowing every moment down and letting her savor each second with a quiet respite.

His voice once again broke through her concentration, although this time it took considerably less effort. "I'm sorry if I'm boring you."

She blinked out of her trance and stared at him for a moment and then she realized that barely a minute had passed by. She smiled fully at him in a quiet way that was just for him, "You would never bore me, Kavar."

He let himself stare at her for a moment before hesitantly breaking contact of their hands. He lifted himself up and brushed off the grass from his legs. "I suppose we should be getting back."

She looked up at him and back at the view. She shook her head and grasped his hand again. "Just a few more minutes."

He smiled at her and sat next to her. She could not help notice that it was just a little closer.


"So where did you learn to dance like that?" Atton's presence did not really surprise her anymore. He had that way of trying to sneak up her, without appearing to be doing anything suspicious; she suspected he used it in many situations.

She leaned back, turned to face him and cocked her head to the side. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you..."

He seemed intrigued by her statement, which was her plan all along. She had no idea why she acted so differently around Atton, but ever since they had arrived on Nar Shaddaa, he seemed more alive... and that had made her feel less like a walking corpse, even if the only emotion he aroused in her was annoyance. He was still leaning against the doorway and shook his head. "Okay, now you have to tell me."

She crinkled her nose, deciding whether or not to lead him on. She was not lying; he was not going to believe her. He waved his hand in her direction and walked closer to her. She could catch his musky scent the closer he got to her, not familiar and familiar all at the same time. She looked up at him from her meditative position and he had his arms crossed, he was smiling again, she really hated that look. "Well?"

She shrugged and turned back around, trying not to let him see her smile. "Revan."

She heard scoffing and the scrape of metal, so he must have taken a step back. "You're kidding me?"

She turned to face him and stood up so that she was only a foot away from him. "I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

He flattened out his pants and narrowed his vision at her. "Revan taught you how to dance better than any Cantina girl I've ever seen?"

She felt the heat rising up on her neck. The same way it had, when he had been driven speechless after she had donned the revealing outfit. "I'm serious..." she breathed, not meaning for it to come out so softly. She stepped back a bit and turned around to face one of the security panels, pretending to be involved with something. Maybe it was all the emotions that Atton had been aggravating her, or it had been so long since anyone had their attention focused on her for this purpose. In her exile she knew how to be invisible, even to the most lecherous patron of a Cantina. But with Atton it was different, he projected his lust so fully and even though she knew it was a tactic to keep her out of his mind it seemed to feed on that empty place inside her. Sometimes she considered just letting it all out and letting him do all the things he was thinking, but she knew she could not.

That cheap act would just bastardize the true emotions that she used to feel. Besides if she really wanted to drown the hollowness in that kind of activity she would have done it long ago. Her medicine was a strong bottle and no sleep; she did not need another one.

Atton whistled low, breaking her thoughts. "It's just a little unbelievable... that Darth Revan taught you."

She shook her head and turned toward him, in control of her emotions... for the moment. "She wasn't always Darth Revan, you know."

She could not quite place his expression, which was unusual for her. He seemed almost out of place, solemn. "I guess it's hard to think of people as younger..." he shrugged, "Everyone had a past," he looked down at his feet and said under his breath, "Everyone's past had a past..."

She felt the tension bubbling through the air and it was making her uncomfortable. She wanted to just scoot past him and get ready for another day of searching, but something about his expression made her want to cheer him up. "Do you want to hear the story?"

His eyes were almost glassy as he looked up at her, but in a moment it was gone and his typical scoundrel expression was back in place. "That depends, was she wearing the same outfit?"

She rolled her eyes and leaned back on one of the panels careful not to push any buttons. "No, just a robe. She was sixteen; I was fifteen… it was on Dantooine actually. She was visiting-"

Atton smiled. "Are you sure you couldn't pretend she was wearing the outfit?"

She shook her head and sighed deeply, regretting trying to find some depth in him. Sometimes she agreed with Kreia; he was a fool, but sometimes... she shook the thought from her head. "If you want me to tell you the story you'd better keep your lechy commentary to yourself, Atton."

He looked affronted. "Lechy?" she lifted one eyebrow in his direction, he conceded and threw his hands in the air. "Fine, fine, no 'lechy' comments from me."

She sighed and instantly regretted offering to tell him in the first place. "Well I was in the Enclave…"


The teenage Padawan inwardly groaned as she checked another room in the sublevel of the Enclave and did not find her boisterous friend Revan. Not even Malak, who always seemed to know her whereabouts, could tell Jene where to go. She tried another door and swore under her breath as it came up empty again. She kept lightly stepping through the halls until she caught sight of Master Kavar sparring with Xaset in one of the practice rooms. He was not wearing a shirt. Jene did not even realize that she had come to a stop. She felt the heat rise up from her neck and noticed Nisotsa and another girl trying to get a better view.

She winced and tapped her friend on the shoulder. She would be no use to anyone if she got distracted, no matter how appealing the distraction was. "Have you seen Revan, Nisotsa?"

The blonde girl looked vaguely annoyed that she had been interrupted, but took the time to think for a moment. "I think I saw her walking down the hall to one of the archives."

Jene shook her head. "No I already checked all the archives…"

Nisotsa looked up in thought for a moment. "Did you check the storage rooms, she might have taken a bunch of datapads and hid herself away to read them for a few hours without interruption."

Jene nodded, affirming the idea in her mind as solid. "Thanks, Nisotsa."

Her friend waved off her thanks and went back to her view. Jene realized that Talvon must have been in the room, because she could hear vague taunts in Xaset's direction. She shook her head and kept a steady pace towards one of the storage rooms. She needed Revan to help her with some research for Master Vin; her Master was getting increasingly strict on her since her argument withTalvon had escalated from a friendly debate. Vin had gotten an earful from Vrook about it, even thoughTalvon did not seem to care either way. She almost thought that she had gotten off when Vin had defended her, but she was constantly being sent on assignments for tedious research that only Revan would know.

As the Force would have it, Revan was visiting Dantooine after some work she had done on Alderaan with her ever-elusive new Master. The student was soon becoming just as difficult to find as her teacher, as Jene found another empty room. She sighed and leaned against the door in frustration. She only had till the end of the day to finish this and Revan would be leaving at the end of the week, so she was sure to be surrounded by everyone else who needed her help or wanted her company. Jene was pulled from her self-pity as she noticed the lightest sound touching her ears. It was so soft that she had to stretch her hearing with the Force just to notice that it was music. She followed it to inside one of the old storage rooms, but the door was stuck. She took a spare security tunneler out of her robes and jammed it in the door. Nothing happened. She added pressure to it with the Force and the door slid open.

The sight Jene saw was shocking and caused her eyes to widen to their fullest extent. Revan was spinning and twirling and using alluring movements to express herself. Her arms and legs were working as one unit to create a slow delicate dance that made her seem like she was floating. "Revan?" Jene squeaked, unable to control herself.

Her friend jumped up in the air and made a show of grabbing her chest in fright. After a moment when she got her breath back she pulled her friend in and took a quick look outside the door before shutting it. "How did you find me?" she snapped.

Jene was still in shock and realized the music was louder in here; it must have been old soundproofing. "I've been looking all over for you I-" she eyed the older girl carefully. "Were you just dancing?"

Revan looked for one of the first times, embarrassed. She sighed and leaned against the table in the back of the small room, flicking the music off. "I suppose I should tell you so you won't go off and blab to everyone."

Jene looked at her seriously. "Revan, I would never blab."

Revan appraised her and nodded. "I know," she said with a relieved smile, "I'm just glad Nita didn't catch me."

Jene giggled at that and leaned on the table next to Revan. "So why were you dancing?"

Revan stretched her hands out in front of her moving them around and spreading her fingers out. "Partially because it helps me practice agility in a way that gives me the advantage in fights, especially when I'm using the Echani style," she brought her hands in by her legs and curled them up into loose fists, "And partially because…" she let the sentence trail off.

Jene filled the pause. "Partially what, Revan?"

Revan looked up at her earnestly and there was a raw need in her dark eyes. "It's my only connection to home."

Jene felt awful, Revan was obviously very vulnerable about this, something Jene had rarely seen, but she did not know where Revan called home. "Coruscant?" Jene ventured a guess.

Revan shook her head and stared at her feet, which she kicked into the air as she leaned back on her hands at the edge of the table. "Deralia…" she said softly. There was a silence before Revan continued; she was never one to need someone to fill in the gaps for her. "Sometimes I miss it so much," Jene could hear her voice crack slightly, "Da, my cousins, my brothers, heck even my sister," she made the swift movement of wiping one of her eyes and completely ignoring the tear that had almost tried to escape. She turned towards Jene and her eyes were so earnest. "They did a lot of dancing there," she started to list them off on her fingers, "For weddings, new babies, the harvest season, funerals, even when I left…" She looked at Jene sadly again. "I only learned some of them, I mean they're not going to teach a six year old the fertility dance," she scoffed and rolled her eyes, but then picked up a few datapads that were lying next to her. "That's why I study up on the ones I don't know, so I can still feel… home."

There was an uncomfortable silence. Jene had no idea what it was like to be taken away from a family that large, or one that sounded like it wanted you. She had been a bastard child of privilege and her mother was all too willing to give up her little 'indiscretion' to the Jedi. Jene could not even remember her mother's face and she would have to look up where she had been born, as it had been long forgotten. She cleared her throat and felt sorry for herself and Revan all at the same time. She looked at the older girl and smiled. "Could you teach me?"

Revan was quiet for a moment before that grin of hers broke out on her face. "Sure, there's a couple I can't do without a partner!" she pushed herself off the table and set the music on again. She looked at Jene seriously. "Just don't tell anyone okay?"

Jene nodded and stood straight. She had been given a very valuable secret, something that Revan had hid for over ten years. Jene would keep it safe for Revan, because she felt pride, even if it was only by circumstance, that she was the only one that knew. "I won't, but if this improves my agility, I might come back for more lessons."

Revan grinned wider and began to take her through the basic steps.


"And so I trained with Revan whenever she came back, it actually did improve my agility in battle."

Atton was soaking in every word trying to connect them in his mind. "I just can't picture it."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "You saw me dance, it shouldn't be too hard."

He shook his head and gave her one of the strangest looks he had ever given her. "No, I can't picture you and Revan so… normal," he shrugged, "For Jedi I mean."

She frowned at him and something about the way he tensed his shoulders and waved her off told her that he was hiding something. She watched him walk off and shook her head, she would ask him about it later. She considered going back to meditating, but she would most likely wander off into another memory and with the way Atton had been bringing out her emotions today she might go into that memory, which was the very last thing she wanted to do. She looked up to see a timid Disciple in the doorway. "Come in," she said with a wave.

He was still flushed. "I wanted to apologize for earlier… I just didn't expect to see you, well... dressed like that," she nodded and he met her eyes. "Though I would have to say I've always had good experiences when you were wearing that," he gestured to her robes.

She gave a lopsided smile. "I thought you would be uncomfortable confronting the past."

He looked confused. "We all have pasts… and we all have to accept them and learn from them," she was caught on his words, "If you keep running from your past it will catch up to you. I have always thought it was better to meet it on your own terms, so that you would have the advantage."

She just stared at him for a moment, wondering if he could possibly know what she was thinking. "Disciple what are you-"

He held up his hand. "Just observing, nothing more. If you find your own meaning in my words then you were no doubt looking for them in the first place."

And with that he left her. She stared dumbly at the doorway for a while before digesting his words. She thought back to those quiet moments on Dantooine just before she had been Knighted and then the other memories that left her dead inside. She stared at the security panel and nodded and made the small walk to the cockpit. She looked up on the Hyperspace Map and put in the next coordinates for when they were done with Nar Shaddaa.

The planet of 'Onderon' glowed on the screen as she walked down the hall.