Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Gilmore Girls
Pairing: Obviously who else do I write for? But read on.
Author's note: Wow, it's been awhile since I wrote, but I just got a glimpse how it would end. But the rest might be just rushed since I don't want to forget how it will end. So bear with me and mind that this is only so I could finish the fan fiction and move on.
Mini Spoiler for this story: This chapter and most likely the last chapter will be confusing. Just a note, there will be only two more chapters: this and the epilogue.
I remembered when Rory finally told me about her affair with Jess. It was one night when I had come home early to have dinner with her for the first time in months. It was to celebrate with her for finally putting a close to a case she had been working on for several months. I had been away for few days in Washington and wasn't planning to be home until few more days, but I couldn't wait and I missed Rory so much, I had decided to fly over back home to Hartford for the day and fly back to Washington before anyone could notice I was missing, and surprise my wife. When I entered the house, the house was dark with only few candle lights leading towards the dining room. It wasn't scandalous like people in the novels wrote about; finding their spouse in bed with another. No. Jess and Rory were having a romantic, candle light dinner, staring at each other's eyes – looks of love shining in their eyes.
I stood there, my suit rumpled slightly from the flight, holding Rory's favorite flowers – daisies. I felt like a fool, and my heart was breaking in millions of pieces watching before my eyes the scene that it presented to me. They quickly withdrew their hands, and Rory stood up, "Tristan…."
I couldn't stand to hear her say my name with him in the room. I ignored Rory for few minutes and looked at Jess and told him"Get out!" Jess didn't need to be told twice and before he left, he kissed Rory's cheek and whispered, "I'll call you later." Jess walked himself out, leaving me and Rory standing by the table, silent, waiting for someone, anyone to make a sound.
"How…when…?" I asked. My voice was chocked, and full of unmentioned hurt.
Rory stood, her eyes glazing down to the floor, her feet shuffling slightly, uncomfortable from the silence, and sorry for the hurt she was causing Tristan.
"A year almost"
"Today was your anniversary with him." It was a statement. I didn't want lies; I just wanted to know some answers and think through on how our marriage had come down to this.
Rory didn't have to confirm, her silence spoke more than anything else.
"Tristan…I think we need a di…" before she could finish her word I tiredly told her, "Don't ever mention the word divorce so easily like that to me." I tossed her daisies on the table and left her standing there, and entered our bedroom closing the door. The next maybe hour or two, maybe longer, for I had lost track of time, I sat on our bed thinking where I went wrong.
I knew that Tristan blamed himself for the crumbles of our marriage when I saw the hunched back facing me as he walked into our bedroom. As I saw the daisies he had tossed to the dining table, a tear dropped from my eyes down to the wood floors of our dining room. They were my favorite. He had surprised me by coming home early from his business trip. Then, here I was, taking advantage of that knowledge, knowing that he was away on business, inviting Jess over to celebrate our "anniversary". I couldn't believe that I brought Jess, to my home where Tristan and I lived. It was so callous of me, and unlike anything hurtful I had ever done to anyone, much less to a person who didn't deserve this.
I snuffed the candles and put away the remains of the night, throwing them away in the garbage, and hating myself for hurting Tristan like this. I knew I had to explain to him, how and why this had all happened, and yet I didn't even have the answers to those questions myself. I went to the living room and sat on the floor near my favorite bay window by our living room. I sat there for hours until I heard Tristan coming out of the room. It was midnight when I finally saw him. He had not changed from his suit, but you could see the red in his eyes indicating that he did indeed cry.
Tristan walked over to me, and stood. "Why?"
I looked up and looked at him and honestly answering, "I fell in love with Jess."
"Don't you love me anymore?"
"I…I don't know. I don't think so. I mean. I do love you, but I don't know if I'm in love with you anymore. I'm confused…sorry and…" I started to cry and felt the ramifications of the affair. All I had to do was to look at Tristan to know that I had hurt him greatly.
Tristan, the person that he was, knelt down and held me close as I cried my heart out even though this situation hurt him more. He whispered sweet nothings in my eyes to calm me down and that made me feel even guiltier, knowing that I didn't deserve his love or kindness.
We hugged each other for a long time. When my cries and sniffles died down, Tristan had waited a moment before asking, "Give me time. Let's fall in love again. I'll change; I won't take oversea jobs and instead delegate my work and make time for us. Give me time." Tristan was rambling, he knew. He was desperately holding on this his life, his marriage. He was grasping at straws and make Rory stay.
I moved out of his grasps and saw the hurt in his eyes once more as the actions of my behavior – pulling out of his arms told him more that this marriage was over.
Tristan stood over me, "I love you. I want this marriage to work. Does that mean nothing to you!"
I stood up, angry at Tristan at accusing me that I felt nothing for this marriage, and yet I knew it was the truth that I was giving up so easily. "What marriage, Tristan? We don't have one! Admit it. We barely see each other; we hardly know each other anymore. What are you fighting for!"
"Us! If that means anything to you anymore. The girl I knew wouldn't give up this easily. I'm fighting for my life, because I love you that much. If this marriage meant one shred of what it means to me, you wouldn't be giving up on us so easily."
We stood there looking at each other. "Tristan, keep the place." I turned to my library to take out my packed luggage. I had already planned to move out of my home with Tristan and leave him behind. I dragged the suitcases to the front corridor of our home when Tristan stopped me, "This is all that's left?"
"I'm confused."
"So, stay…let's work this out together. You and me."
I looked behind me to the house that we had built together. He was right. I didn't know why I was quitting on our marriage because it was crumbling apart. I left the suitcases at the corridor and told him quietly, "I love him."
During the past few weeks, Rory and I were both uncomfortable. We still shared the king size bed, but it felt like there was an Atlantic ocean between us. It was distant and cold. The one thing that resonated through my mind was when she told me I love him. It was hard, I mean, we built up this marriage and one person destroyed it. My worst fear came to life – Rory fell in love with another man.
I just knew that I didn't want to repeat those past mistakes by working so hard. I had asked the CEO and the president if I could delegate my work more to the other workers and travel less – as in, no traveling unless it was deemed as an emergency. They agreed to it surprisingly. Or maybe because they had heard the gossip rumors…or I guess the truth that my wife had almost left me for another man. When I walked the halls of the office, I could see the workers whispering and giving me pitying looks. Or maybe it was all in my head. I just know that to me, the world had gone off its axis. I had barely slept or eaten the past few weeks. All my attempts to work it out with Rory were quickly failing. We tried dating each other again, made time for each other. But emotionally Rory kept on holding herself back. She withdrew from me and from our marriage, always working in the office or in the library. When she did come out from her library, she would sit by her bay window and look out. But everyday the suitcases by the corridor stayed exactly where they were before. Sadly enough, when I saw those suitcases by the corridor by our front doors when I entered the house each and everyday, it gave me some comfort knowing that Rory was still there. How sad is it, for my life to be reduced to this? Some men might call me pathetic, but I can't help it. I love Rory too much to let her go without a fight.
One day, when Rory was staring out of the window, I saw a tear drop by her cheek. For a moment, I was angry at Rory. All I could think was is she crying for him? For Jess? I stared at her, and then felt guilty for being angry at Rory. Then I slowly made my way towards her and didn't say anything. I just held her, and she let me. For the first time in weeks, it was our first contact. I relished it, and held her, never wanting to let her go. I smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead. Then I heard a whisper, "I don't deserve you." I started to shed my own tears, tears for her, for me, for our marriage. I told her, "shhh…that's not true. I love you. You've got to believe that."
She looked up, and distanced herself from me. When she was out of my arms, I felt so cold, scared and alone. I was so scared she would stand up and leave me. Then I thought, if she really loves him, and I really love her, I should let her go.
I was desperate for some contact with her…anything. I linked my hand with hers and held it there. "I don't know what to do anymore. I love you…and I guess it's not enough. I wish I was enough. But I love you. Maybe enough to be a greater person and let you go to him." Then I let her think it through and walked away from her. I turned back and faced her. "I'll let you think this through and see if you think this marriage is worth saving. I'll be at my parent's place. You can call me if you need anything. But take your time."
Then I grabbed few personal items from our bedroom and left Rory sitting there crying.
I never thought twice about Tristan, after he left for the Military School in North Carolina. Tristan was the type of guy no girl would forget. He tormented me, I kissed him even through the pain of adolescent breakup between me and Dean, asked me out assumingly and infuriated me. Now that I think about it, I can't believe I didn't think of Tristan not once when I dated Logan. With Logan, I had passion, companionship and experience of the blue blooded world. They had so many similar qualities – blonde, rich, confident and always trying to one-up me.
But the difference between Logan and Tristan is that, Tristan truly loves me. So much that even though my infidelity, he is willing to forgive me and continually trying to fix our marriage. So much for me. I tried to take the easy way out selfishly, not thinking about Tristan at all. Even though it's my fault, Tristan is the one who comforts me through all this mess, when it should have been me comforting him.
Now I'm crying for Tristan. While I was staring at the sky by the bay window, I started to cry for the lost love between Tristan and me, and the future between me and Jess I had put a hold on. I felt Tristan's gaze and presence behind, and when I felt Tristan hold me and comfort me, I selfishly took it because it was familiar for me. When I pulled away, I saw something in his eyes change. It was as if he was ready to give up on us. Maybe deep inside I didn't want us to give up on us. But I was so lost and confused and wasn't thinking clearly. Luckily for me, I felt Tristan link his hand with mind. I felt that connection between him and me again. But what I heard wasn't what I was prepared to hear. I mean, I wanted him to say it, but deep down, knew, or at least thought, he would never say it.
But I love you. Maybe enough to be a greater person and let you go to him.
When he left I started to honestly pour my pain out through my tears. I did the only thing I knew that I could do. I called mom.
Please R&R…your comments encourage me to write more. Hope you liked it. (So ok, I found a lot of mistakes, but honestly, I just want to finish this story. This is the one I truly liked. The overall concept I have in mind, just not the gritty details. So when you read it, just image it the way I am doing it right now. Fill the rest in your mind. Lol. Sorry, I know you guys are suppose to read it and I should write it so that you can see it exactly as I want you to, but I'm lazy. Lol.)
