Title: The werewolf and the raver
Author: LupinLovesTonks
Rating: R!
Warning: This fic contains use of alcohol and some rough language.
Summary: Tonks finds out exactly how much fun Lupin can get... when mixed with a little alcohol. Lupin-Tonks
Here's the real chapter. Enjoy :)
Chapter Four
The Memories.
Tonks stirred slightly and hummed as she felt Remus' warmth behind her. Part of her was starting to think perhaps she did have a fancy for him after all. Maybe he'd been right when he'd accused her of being the one behind their drunken copulations. She kept her eyes closed as she felt his warm hand slowly slid down her arm, followed by an almost regretful sigh against the back of her neck.
"I apologize," he whispered, she felt him reach over her. "It really is best this way Nymphadora."
She was about to ask him what he meant when she heard him softly whisper a single word: Obliviate.
888
Tonks stirred slightly and her hand went to her head with a whimperish groan. She barely opened her eyes and smiled to herself. She was in her little guest room. Obviously her and Remus had managed to keep their hands off each other. She rolled over and jumped slightly.
Remus was curled up with his back to her, fully dressed and clothes looking wrinkled. She could tell by the hand that was massaging his temple that he wasn't sleeping. Slowly, she reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and turned towards her.
"Morning," he said dully. "In case you're wondering, yes." He looked away, his eyes intently on the curtains that were around the bed. "This can't keep happening," he muttered almost too low for her to hear him.
She bit her bottom lip slightly. Part of her wanted to think that maybe he was over-reacting a little to waking up with her two mornings in a row. Then again, she knew how he was dodgy due to his lycanothropy. She could scarcely even begin to guess at all the things running through his mind.
"Remus. It has to be happening for a reason," she said quietly. "Maybe you were right yesterday. Maybe- maybe I do have some sort of feelings for you." She reached toward him and he quickly got out of the bed.
"This has gone on long enough," Remus sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. He dropped his hands and a far off look was in his eyes as he looked at her for a long moment. "I can't keep doing this to myself, Sirius is right."
There was a pained look on his face as he walked toward the door. Tonks pulled a small blanket around herself and grabbed his arm before he reached the door. "Can't keep doing what?"
"This," he spat. "I can't keep waking up next to you every morning. Before long we'd just end up right where it did last time. Sirius is right, I shouldn't do this to you or myself. I don't think I could take it again."
"What are you talking about Remus? And look at me damn you."
When he did, she almost regretted it. There was something deep in his eyes that was causing him pain. He slowly touched her lips with his thumb and for a moment he seemed to make a move to kiss her but stopped himself.
He shook his head. "No. I don't want to have to see you hurt again. So no. It's too complex for you to understand."
"Look, Remus, I'm sure you're just feeling guilty about the fact I'm either so much younger than you or that you feel I wouldn't want you because you're a werewolf. But, Remus, I've thought about it since yesterday morning. You were right. I... Part of me thinks that maybe I do have feelings for you."
Remus squeezed his eyes shut. "Don't say that," he said quietly, his voice shaking. "Please don't say that." He roughly pulled his arm from her grasp and walked out. Sirius was just outside the door. Both him and Remus exchanged a look. "I don't want to hear it Sirius. You were right. Dammit, you were right."
Without another word Remus opened the door across the corridor and went in, closing the door behind him. Tonks looked at her cousin, he just looked at her with a look of utmost pity and sighed heavily.
"Get dressed, we need to talk," he said, frowning slightly. "I'll be in the study. I'm ending this once and for all like I should have when it started."
888
She checked her reflection. She tried to make her eyes less puffy and red so that Sirius wouldn't know she had spent most of her time crying, while getting dressed. For some reason, she couldn't quite get it to do right. Maybe it was because she was upset. Then again, her hair had easily changed from the long, somewhat tangled, blue, to the short, bobbed, white that resembled unlit fiber optics that she had seen on Muggle Christmas trees.
"I like it. It's different," Remus said, grinning as he ran his fingers through the white hair. "Very Christmasy."
They were sitting together a study, but it wasn't the one at Grimmauld. She was in his lap with her arms affectionately around his neck. "Too bad I didn't think to do it this way yesterday. Ah well. Oh, by the way, there's kind of another present I wanted to tell you about."
"Oh really?" Remus asked with interest. "What could be better than a very beautiful Nymphadora, with fir green long hair, parading about my room in one of those skimpy 'Miss Clause' outfits? And then have her faint when I ask her to marry me?"
She gently took his hand and put it on her stomach. "Well, for one, we're going to have that family we were talking about."
Tonks shook her head to clear it. That was definitely not a real memory. She would remember something like that. Perhaps it had been a dream or something and seeing her hair the way it was reminded her conscious being of it. Maybe she had it much worse than she had anticipated. She had to if she'd dreamt of starting a family with Remus.
And where had they been in her dream? Part of her knew the place was familiar, but the other half was telling her not to daft... The place in her dream was just that, a dream, so it didn't matter.
She shook her hair and it turned a pale green. "That's better." She smoothed her hair down and walked from her room, her eyes lingering on the closed door of Remus' room. She couldn't help but wonder what he was doing in there that kept him so quiet. In fact, all she could hear was the sound of his pacing footsteps.
With a heavy sigh, she went down the stairs and joined her cousin in the study. He was going through a black shoe box, looking at pictures before placing them back in the box. Without looking up, Sirius said, "Sit. Close the door and lock it, magically. Sound proof it as well. Remus would be most displeased with me if he knew what I was about to tell you."
She took a seat. He handed her a picture. She took it and half smiled. "I remember this one. You had just reclaimed this place and wanted to have The Order over for a little casual Christmas dinner." She frowned slightly when her picture self look up at Remus and mirrored her current expression before giving a very fake smile to the camera person. "I was mad at him for some reason..."
"Were you?" Sirius asked, taking it. "Do you remember why you were mad at him?" She shook her head. "That's because you wasn't mad at him. You were concerned."
"About what?"
"That he would push you away when he knew."
"Knew what?" Tonks asked.
Sirius placed the picture back into the box and handed it to her. "Look at those and tell me if you remember anything about them. I remember everything about them because I'm the one that took them. But what I wanna know is, what do you remember?"
She flipped through the pictures in the box and sighed. Then she felt herself frown as she looked at the various pictures of her and Remus. Most of them looked as if Sirius had been trying to capture an intimate moment between her and Remus. In most of them, the two had been standing close or sitting closely and whispering something to each other with broad smiles on their faces as if they were sharing some sort of secret that no one else was to know.
"Ah, this one is my favourite just because I remember Remus throwing things at me while I was trying to run out of the room," Sirius chuckled, taking a picture from the box. He took the box from her and handed her the picture he'd gotten out.
She gasped sharply. It was of her and Remus, with nothing but apparently the bed sheets over them. They were facing each other, her head on his bare arm. They were also sleeping. Ever so occasionally, the picture Remus would reach up and lightly stroke the dark hair she had in the picture.
Her head was starting to hurt so she thrust the picture back at Sirius. "Those are all fake! They have to be. I don't remember any of them." She placed a hand on either side of her head and squeezed slightly.
"They're not fake, I took them myself Nymphadora," Sirius insisted. He shook the picture of her and Remus sleeping slightly. "Trust me, when a friend conks me in the head with a brass candle holder, I remember it. He threw it at me because the camera's noise woke him up and the last thing any budding photographer wants to do is wake up a sleep deprived werewolf, especially when he's standing over them. But, hey, it was my mistake."
"I don't care. I still don't remember them," Tonks said heatedly.
"My information on this is a bit sketchy so, bare with me. Apparently, shortly after Remus resigned at Hogwarts, the two of you ran into each other at The Ministry. Just friends, that's all. But from they told me, the sexual tension that started showing up between the two of you was so intense you could take one of those Muggle chainsaws and not be able to cut through it."
Sirius looked at her and placed the picture back into the box then set the box aside. "Any memories yet?" Tonks shook her head. "Anyway, one night, Remus was depressed and you wanted to cheer him up. So you took him along to one of those all-night raves you used to go to."
Tonks got a far away look in her eyes.
"I had just reclaimed stakes to Grimmauld and it was right down the street from the party so the two of you came here. The two of you were a drunken mess. I ended up becoming rather furious because you were more than happy to share the fact that - what was your exact wording - I think they were 'It'n he just so pretty with glitter in his hair? Remus just nailed me against that light pole and then did me a really good favour'." Sirius did his best to mock a cheerful, but drunk voice. "By time I had calmed the pictures down, the two of had already darted up the stairs and taken refuge in one of the bedrooms. The door had been magically locked so I wasn't able to beat him to a bloody pulp."
Tonks closed her eyes tightly, her hand gently resting over where the bite mark was on her thigh.
"Yes," Sirius nodded. "He marked you while 'doing the favour'. I was plain out furious all night long. I had convinced myself that as soon as he came out of that room in the morning I was going to put some silver into his head. But by time morning came around, for some reason, I had gained some rationality."
She stayed quiet, merely listening to her cousin but not believing a word he said. How could she believe him? The story was rather preposterous, even for Sirius.
"Anyways," Sirius continued. "What really changed my mind was when you came breezing down the stairs the next morning. You looked severely hung over but had a huge smile on your face. When you saw me, I wasn't exactly smiling, so you just skipped over to me and hugged me and said 'I think I found my soul mate' and you used the sweetest voice when you said it. It surprised me because, at the time, you had been convinced that no one could ever love you. You had been convinced that all those wild parties you attended would compensate for your lack of love."
"Wild but insecure," Tonks scoffed. "Why are you making all this up?"
"I'm not. And soon enough I'll hit a nerve and the spell will loose it's effect." Sirius sighed and sat back, propping his ankle on his knee. "On with the story then." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, Remus eventually came down stairs. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was throttle him again. Because, hey, he was my age and I felt he had taken advantage of my much younger cousin."
"And what changed you mind all-wise-impulsive-one?" Tonks asked, with a trace of sarcasm.
"I didn't change my mind, just modified my perspective, when I saw the way the two of you looked at each other. Besides, I had my friend back... He was Moony again. It didn't hurt that I was amused by the fact he was going around singing your name to the tune of God Save the Queen all day either. So I wasn't going to complain out loud. There was hardly ever a moment anyone could find you without him close behind or vice versa. If you got sent on a mission without him, he'd mope around. If he got sent on a mission, you'd mope around. So, finally, Dumbledore just started sending the two of you together. Any questions yet?"
"How long have you been planning this little story in your head?" Tonks asked. "And how long will I have to sit here listening to something that is too obviously a story out of your own head."
"For one, Nymphadora, I may be one to able to tell adequate tales, but this one is out there even for me. And I've been wanting to tell you the truth since he obliviated you, more so since yesterday."
"Obli- what?" she could hide the surprise that had over-took her face.
"That's why you can't remember. It was right after Christmas that you told him. When everyone had come here for my little house warming thing... You were worried and it showed. I pulled you into a side room and asked you what was wrong and you just started sobbing and told me that you had found out a few days before that you were pregnant and were scared Remus wouldn't like it."
Tonks raised an eyebrow. "Whatever you say Sirius."
"I sat the two of you down after everyone else was gone and we just started talking and I started picking on Remus, asking him when I would get to be an uncle. You just kept looking at me like you were going to kill me. But you ended up happy about what he had to say about it. So the two of you went home, well, to Remus' house. Apparently, my little subject had given him the nerve to tell you something he'd been wanting to say for about a month."
She saw Sirius' eyes go to a ring on her finger. She looked at her hand. Atarnished gold band with simple pink stone in it. "No. No. That's impossible, I bought this ring."
"No, he couldn't bring himself to ask for it back so when he obliviated you, he slightly modified you memory so that you wouldn't know that you were wearing his mother's own engagement ring. Now, don't get me wrong Tonks, I'm not saying you're flighty or anything but how often have you bought rings that you wore non-stop? That is the only ring you never take off. Because the part of you that does remember, remembers how much it meant to you."
"If we were so bloody happy, then why did he obliviate me, Sirius?" She paused. "I mean, why would he want to obliviate me?"
"You were right the first time." Sirius smirked slightly. "Well, not long after you shared the news of the soon-to-be addition with Remus. The two of you were sent on a mission. I tried to convince Dumbledore not to let you go, but he wanted a good reason and well, you swore you'd neuter me if I told anyone before the two of you could make the announcement."
"Sounds like something I would say," Tonks murmured. "I guess."
"Anyway. While on the mission, the two of you came across some Death Eaters that were on a similar mission to get supporters. There was a fight, Remus ended up getting knocked out and so they both hit you with the torturing curse, trying to get information from you. By time the two of you got to any kind of medi-wizard, it was too late. The two of you never got to make your announcement." Sirius gave a sad sigh.
"Before long, guilt had wedged such a deep wedge between the two of you that you were fighting all the time. He always managed to get you out of any mission that could be dangerous, that pissed you off more than anything. Finally, one day, Remus came to me and said the two of you had come to a mutual agreement that one of you would get obliviated and the relationship would never be acknowledged as existing."
"So, it was eventually decided that I would be the one?" Tonks asked crossly.
Sirius nodded. "Remus felt that you were still young and full of of life. And that if you didn't remember anything of it, that you would be happy again. So, the two of you gathered anything and everything that could remind you of the relationship, including your journal. And I collected it all in this little box, I think Remus has the journal now, which is why it's not in there. It was hard for him to have to do it, just so you know. But he was the only one that could do it since he knew everything that would have to be wiped out."
"And you just stood there and let him do it?"
"I had to leave the room actually. I couldn't bring something that had put so much hope in myself, come to an end like that." Sirius looked at her. "He did a good job too. That night you had gone back to acting just like you did before the two of you got together. Except, somehow, there was no type of sexual tension between you and Remus. I think he actually tried to make you think you hated him but it didn't work, because you treated him like you did everyone else. The poor lad has been pining over you ever since."
A wide grin went to Sirius' face. "Actually, the whole reason I convinced you take Remus out with you the other night was because I was hoping that maybe he would see the error of his ways and try to start over with you again. But, you know, that next morning, he came down and tried to convince me, as well as himself, that he hadn't been the one that had been pining after you."
"Let me guess, he tried to blame-"
"The wolf," Sirius finished. "Exactly. He was saying all sorts of things like the wolf just wanted his mate back. The wolf this. The wolf that. I swear one day he's going to try to blame the wolf for him wanting to eat chocolate. When I told him that he got - well, he wasn't very happy about it. He thought I was minimizing the effects the wolf has on him. In fact when he, later, apologized for hitting me..."
"He blamed the wolf didn't he?"
Sirius nodded slightly with traces of amusement shining in his eyes. He looked down at his hands, which were folded in his lap. "You know, if you want to test my theory. Get him to kiss you."
"What?"
"Get him to kiss you. He's still very much in love with you. And trust me, I know that if you get him to kiss you, he won't be able to blame the alcohol like he's been trying to do. Oh, and another thing. He obliviated you yesterday morning, and probably even this morning."
"I think someone needs to obliviate him," Tonks snapped. Sirius just laughed. "Why would he want to obliviate it though?"
Sirius shrugged slightly. "That's something you would have to ask him. Maybe he just didn't want you to start getting feelings for him again. Or he was afraid that you would remember the other stuff." He nodded toward the door. "Go. See if he'll kiss you while he's sober. Something tells me that's the secret to unlocking the memories."
Tonks rolled her eyes after she stood up and started for the door. She was going to prove once and for all that Sirius' story had been precisely that. A story.
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"Go away, Sirius. I don't want to hear it right now."
Tonks jumped slightly at the anger she heard in his voice, she turned the knob anyways and pushed the door open. "I'm not Sirius."
Remus whirled around to face her and shoved a book in the waistline of his pants, behind his back. "Haven't you seen enough of me these past two days?" he asked, somewhat moodily.
"Actually, no I haven't." She pursed her lips and looked down at the floor. "I was thinking. What if all this stuff isn't alcohol related? What if, maybe, I do have some sort of feelings for you that I don't know about?"
She had a slight feeling of deja vu when she looked up at Remus and saw the gentle look in his eyes as he gazed at her. Why did she have the feeling they had actually had this conversation before? Because you have, said that familiar voice in the back of her mind. She slowly looked around the room. Yes, this was a bit too familiar for her own tastes. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head to clear it. No, now was not the time to confuse reality with dreams or some fable Sirius had come up with.
"If you're going to suggest we drink again tonight, you can forget it," Remus said lightly, though his voice had a jot of spite in it. "This all stops now. You don't have any feelings for me and that's final. And don't start fooling yourself into thinking you do. We're just two lonely people that happened to be around each other when we'd had a liberal amount of alcohol. That's as far as it goes. Nothing more, nothing less." His voice wavered slightly as he whispered barely loud enough for her to hear, "I was just lonely."
She narrowed her eyes. Why wasn't he looking at her? He was acting odd, a little too odd, for someone that had been involved in something so simple as whatthey had done. She wasn't imagining his uncomfortable fidgeting either. Yes, there was obviously something going on here that she was ill informed about. But she wasn't going to readily accept Sirius' story without some sort of proof from Remus, himself.
"Get out, Nymphadora. Please?" he asked calmly. "I would much prefer to be alone right now."
"Not until you hear me out. I think, perhaps, we should test out this new theory. No drinking, no games," she offered, walking over to him. She looked up at him and smiled gently. "Just..." she gently took his hand. "Maybe perhaps, spend the day with me and we see how it goes?"
Remus snatched his hand away. "No. I don't want to give you any false pretenses. I apologize if I have led you on in any manner these past two days. It was not my intention," he said simply, putting his hands in his pockets.
Tonks was rapidly becoming annoyed with how he wouldn't look at her in the eyes. Instead he would look away or look at his feet or at the ceiling. Even when he was at least facing her, his eyes would close until he could look off again.
"Oi, it's not like there will be alcohol involved," Tonks huffed. "Just spend the day with me?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No," Remus growled.
Tonks pursed her lips. "Okay. Then kiss me and I'll leave you alone." Finally, she thought as his eyes locked with hers. He narrowed his eyes almost dangerously, as if he were searching her for some sort of hidden agenda.
"Why?" he asked quietly.
"For the sake of curiosity," she shrugged. His eyes darted to his bed where his wand lay. "And before you even think about it. There will be no obliviating going on. I'm a bit tired of waking up and not remembering anything. Besides, it's not proper to go around making young girls forget about things for your own sick pleasures."
Remus looked away again. "I never did it for my own sick pleasures," he said quietly. "I did it to protect you. Is that so wrong?"
Tonks blinked repeatedly. "What? So... you mean... you... You have been wiping memories from my mind?" Remus nodded slightly, still not looking at her. "Why?"
"Well, actually it was a bit of a mix of two spells. The obliviation just opened your mind so I could access the memories. I didn't erase them persay, just locked them away." He took her hands in his and sighed heavily. "I did it so that you could be happy again."
She looked at him confused. "Remus, when I'm around you, I am happy. I'm clumsy and accident prone, but dammit, I'm happy. I may not be able to remember, in my mind, what's been going on these past two days. But part of me knows. I can't explain it really. But all I know is that, since yesterday morning, anytime I looked at you, I felt relaxed and happy. And I want to know why."
"Don't be so sure of yourself," he whispered, reaching up to lightly run his thumb over her forehead. Tonks closed her eyes. She felt him play with the ends of her hair slightly. "This style really is rather Christmasy, you know." Then she felt his warm breath against her ear as he whispered, "What spells and grief have locked away, let this kiss now release."
Tonks opened her mouth to say something, but was promptly stopped by Remus' mouth coming down on hers. Her knees nearly went out at the intensity of it. She threw her arms around his neck and returned the kiss, greeting him with mirrored intensity. Then, without warning, Tonks yanked away as a sharp pain seared through her brain.
She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and held her hands against the sides of her head. She sank down to the floor as different things flashed through her mind, almost as if she were watching a movie that was going too fast.
"Nymphadora," Remus asked, rubbing her bare lap with his hand. "You amaze me. Only you would think to try and seduce me in a little skimpy Christmas outfit."
"Well, let's hope Sirius hasn't tried to," she teased.
Remus blinked repeatedly. "That was not a mental image I wanted in my mind, Nymphadora." He shook his head to clear it. Then hand he'd had on her back went into his pocket. "That conversation at Grimmauld got me to thinking." He frowned and started digging in his other pockets. "I" His eyes widened. "Oh dear gods. Get up, get up quickly."
She jumped out of his lap just before he leapt to his feet and pulled the cushions off his sofa and searched the cracks folds of the sofa before replacing the cushions. He searched his pockets again, desperately then ran from the sitting room. When he returned he was decidedly calmer, a pleasant smile on his face again.
"I'd left it in my coat," he said, rather shyly and took his seat. Pulling her back into his lap, he sighed lightly. "As I was saying"
"Famous words, Remus," Tonks snickered. "Anyway, as you were saying, before you went mental..."
"The conversation at Grimmauld got me to thinking," he repeated. "I was thinking about the lovely woman that was blushing when I was telling Sirius that I was eager and ready to start a family as soon as possible, if I could just convince a lovely chameleon of a woman to do it."
"It's not a matter of doing it, Remus. We already have several, several times," she teased. She smiled to herself, knowing what little secret she had to share with him sometime later that night. Especially now that she knew it would be something he wanted.
"So, I figured the best way to convince her of it," Remus grinned and slipped her onto a cushion beside him. "Would be, like this." He got down on both his knees in front of her and took her hand lovingly in his own.
She felt her breathing stop, as well as her heartbeat, as he slipped a tarnished gold ring on her finger with a pink, oval shaped stone on it.
"This was my mum's before she passed. She wanted to keep it within the family. Every woman for two centuries that has been proposed to by a Lupin has received this ring." He looked up at her and smiled gently. "Would you please be the next one to wear it?"
Her mind reeled for a moment as she tried to gather the air to say yes. Instead, she just fainted.
Tonks looked up at Remus sharply. She blinked several times before slowly starting to snicker, then chuckle, then finally she started laughing. "So I did faint. I fainted? I bloody fainted!"
"You do have a tendency to do that when you get too excited." His voice wasn't teasing, just more of a hallow echo of his real voice. "So it worked? You're starting to remember things?"
"I... guess," Tonks said slowly. "It's strange. It's more like I'm watching myself act things out that never happened. But, at the same time-" a pained expression crossed her face as she remembered the torturing at the hands of the two Death Eaters. "-I can feel it... here." She put a hand over her heart.
Remus had his back to her, pouring tea at the small corner table. He glanced over his shoulder and then brought a cup over to her. A look of guilt was on his face. "I apologize," he whispered. "I shouldn't have"
"No," Tonks grabbed the front of his shirt in her fist. "Thank you, Remus." She blinked unsurely as she looked at him. "I think I need to be by myself for a bit," she said quietly. "So I can sort everything out."
Remus frowned slightly and set the sup of tea on the floor and reached behind his back. "Reading this, actually, may help you. I know it helped me see many things through your eyes. Which, I always regretted doing the first obliviation."
She looked at him, frowning slightly as he placed a tattered book in her hands. "How many times have you had to obliviate me?"
"Just three. The one that locked away the memories, one yesterday morning, and one this morning." He hung his head. "I really do apologize. Just didn't want you to be hurting anymore."
She slowly stood up and looked at the book in her hands. It was a journal. Her journal.
