Title: The werewolf and the raver
Author: LupinLovesTonks
Rating: R!
Warning: This fic contains use of alcohol and some rough language.
Summary: Tonks finds out exactly how much fun Lupin can get... when mixed with a little alcohol. Lupin-Tonks
AN: I'm afraid my muse has gone mental and turned this story into something I never intended it to be. Ah well, can't help what the muse does I suppose.
Chapter Five
The Journal
Tonks stifled a snicker. "'Didn't know a man could do some of those things he did with his tongue'. My ass," she gave a good laugh. She was thoroughly enjoying the the amusement that she was seeing in her journal. The first few pages had been little more than her going on and on about how she had thought Remus was good looking and sweet and wonderful, and all the other things a girl with heart-on for a guy would say.
Sometimes she could recall the memories on the page as she read them, other times it was as if she was just an actor in the skit in her brain, a rather bad actor only pretending to know their part. Other times, she could recall ever scent, every feeling and taste upon her tongue as she read the words.
"'Dear Bullcockey pages'," Tonks laughed, going back to an entry a few days before the one she had been reading. "'Birthday sucked. Didn't get any sweet loving from sexy werewolf, probably because I didn't offer... Dammit. But he did get me a pretty shiny thing. I was dazzled for hours. No, just kidding, but he really did get me something pretty and shiny. A brand new BOOK. What are those odds? He gave it to me when no one else was around. I gave him a hug when I opened it. Actually, I lied. I almost kissed him. I wanted to, but didn't.'
"'He claimed it wasn't much but he'd seen it and thought I would like it' - aww - 'I ended up going out clubbing afterwards. Met a cute guy I can't remember the name of. He wasn't multi-faceted and beautiful the same way Remus is. In fact, this guy was a right out jerk off. I ended up punching him out and getting thrown out for the night. So I went to another club. Little dodgy type place, looked like a place a witch could go unnoticed. Fortunately, I wasn't the only one that seemed to think so.'
"'Yeah, apparently Remus felt it was a place he could go unnoticed as well. So we just sat there and went unnoticed together. We had a few drinks. He actually asked if I was old enough FUMES. The ass, was grinning the whole time. Heh. Anyway, after a few drinks, he walked me back to my flat. Gave me a kiss. squeeeeee! But it was nothing to right home about, really, just a peck on the forehead. Better than nothing, I say. He even came in and helped me patch up where I had busted my knuckles on that guy's teeth.'
"'Went to bed last night and prayed to any god or gods and goddesses I could think of, asked them if they could pretty please, just pretty pretty please give me Remus. Even if it was just for a little bit and like, us getting together signified the end of the world or something. I just want him more than anything. And that if whatever guides the powers of the universe could just give me Remus, I would never ask for anything again... well, unless I scare him with my night time needs and he tries to run away... then I would pray for some rope. Bye journal. You suck for not getting me Remus for my birthday. Then again, you're just paper. This only makes you suck more.'"
Tonks turned a few pages and chewed on her pinkie nail as she read:
May 2, 1994
Dear Sweet, Lovely, beautiful, ivory pages of my past,
Today is a beautiful spring day. I think the ancients refer to it as
"Beltane". Kinda of appropriate, I think, considering I ENGAGED
IN KINKY WEREWOLF SEX LAST NIGHT! Okay, now that I
have calmed myself down, allow me to continue.
Apparently, my bitching at you the other day did some good, because
whomever runs the universe decided "What the hell, let the girl have
him." And I got him. At approximately 3:00am Nymphadora Tonks
discovered Remus J. Lupin has a slight case of exhibitionism. I was
helping him walk to Grimmauld because it was closer than my flat and
he didn't wanna risk apparating to his place "after what happened last
time" he tried it. Hmm, I think now would be a good time to explain that
I had taken him to one of my usual raves, just to cheer him up. Post full
moon depression I think. So, anyway, I was having to escort a giggly and
glittery Remus to Grimmauld.
On a side, but completely related note, I need to wear skirts more often.
Good things happen to girls that wear skirts.
Got Remus to a light pole across the street from Grimmauld. It was an
out street lamp, now that I think about it. I remember thinking how very
adorable he looked with glitter all in his hair and was about to make the
move to kiss him. But, he beat me to it. Wow. That's all I have to say
about it. "Wow". I don't know if it was the alcohol or if Remus was
just feeling randy (because I know I was), but we ended up going at
it right there, against the street lamp. See what I mean about the case
of "exhibitionism"? And the good things happening to girls that wear
skirts?
Great kisser, Remus Lupin is. Great at other things involving his
mouth too. Now that I have picked myself up off the floor, all I
have to ask is how did he ever learn some of the things he does?
I mean honestly. Didn't know a man could do some of those things he
did with his tongue. Okay, so maybe I did, but never first hand. I
think we're plotting to meet at my place tonight. Maybe I can get
a few of his secrets as to where he learned it all.
N. Lupin. (Tonks)
PS... He informed me that no one taught him or showed him. He
just knew. How sexy is that?
Tonks ran her fingers through her hair. She was beginning to get curious as to what happened in her journal closer to the end of the written pages. But she decided to bide her time and first scan through the humble beginnings of the relationship that had once been, but seemed more like a dream to her instead of a reality.
Every page she read and turned. She felt like she was discovering new parts of herself and her general being. Yes, it was true, even within the security of a relationship with someone older and more refined than her; she found that she still had a love for the club life and going out with some friends on occasion. Even when she did go out and have her fun, she always made sure to find her way back to her flat and into Remus' arms. The entires in her journal the nights of the actual party-going were usually spiteful and angry toward him, and written in a manner that reflected it. But there was always a PS afterwards that retracted the anger and said, instead, that she had the most wonderful partner ever.
5 January 1995
Journal.
Sorry I haven't written for a while. I was kind of held up at St. Mungo's
after we got back from our mission to Scotland. It was to do a routine
check up after Remus rushed me to a medi-wizard there. They ended
up wanting to keep me for a few days at Mungo's just to make sure every
thing was alright. I almost wanted to hit them with killing curses. EVERY
THING was NOT alright. I felt like throttling the medi-witches any time
they checked on me and gave me that cutesy "Everything looks good"
before going off to check the next poor sot. I'd like to see if "everything"
would be "alright" for those senile bitches if they got hit by TWO torture
curses and tortured to the point they blacked out. All in all, it wasn't the
torturing that hurt. It was another pain. The pain of my child being taken
away from me. It hurt more than any curse the Death Eaters could have
hit me with. Where I once felt whole and hope. I feel only emptiness and
despair. It's not right.
Remus feels he's to blame. Says that if they hadn't knocked him out it
would not have happened. I won't say I sympathize with him, because
I don't. I empathize him. I want nothing more than to hold him and tell
him that it's not his fault. To let him know that I would never blame him.
But, no, he stays locked up in his room. When he comes to eat, we just
sit in silence. I try to get him to talk, but he just pushes his plate away
and goes back to his room.
I stay at my place now more than ever. I'd rather sleep alone than with
someone that is afraid to touch me from fear it could all happen again.
All I can do is keep trying to reach him through the walls he's once
again constructed around himself. He has no need to feel guilt over
what happened. Neither do I.
I've looked back on a few entries in order to lighten my spirits. I
find it amusing how I never read the signs that he'd had a keen fancy
of me. The book alone that he'd gotten me for my birthday should have
pointed some sort sign in that direction. But, no, I guess I was
too clouded by the way I felt for HIM to ever notice. Heh.
"Kinky werewolf sex". Him being a werewolf had nothing to
do with it. He just has a very wild imagination. No wonder he
always liked it when I would put my hair into some off the wall
shade of pink, blue, green, or purple. Some people saw pink hair
and thought "wild child" or "danger to society". He saw pink
hair and thought "what a lovely shade of pink" and asked me if I
could get it brighter.
I miss his kisses. I miss his warm embraces. I miss the joy that
I used to see in his eyes when he would look at me. Now I get
plain, chaste kisses. I get plain, quick hugs. And now all I can
see in his eyes is the guilt. I hate the guilt. It should go away.
Tonks.
888
He climbed the stairs slowly, his steps heavy with grief. She hadn't come down all day, he wondered if she would mind him checking on her before going to bed. He stopped between the two doors and looked toward the cool darkness that was his chambers, then he looked toward hers where the glow of a light could be barely seen beneath it.
Perhaps she was still reading it. Perhaps she was hating him by now. Perhaps she had decided to sink herself into a self-inflicted death...
That last thought is what made him go to the door and ease it open to look inside. She was sitting in the corner at a desk, her back to the door, haunched over some parchment, daisy-yellow hair glowing in the candlelight. He was about to close the door and retreat to his room when her head lifted.
"Who's there?" she called lightly, wiping at her eyes. She sniffled slightly before turning around in her seat. "Oh. Hi, Remus. Come in." He stayed frozen at his post. "Remus, come in. I have something I want to show you."
This hadn't been what he would have expected from anyone that had just found out that he'd been having their memories under the proverbial lock and key. Instead, she looked calm and pleasant, even offered him a soft smile to encourage him to venture further into the room. He closed the door behind him and stayed at the door until she started motioning for him to go over and take the seat she summoned across the room, knocking it into several things as she did so. Her eyes looked a little puffy from crying, but she soon remedied it by morphing her face slightly.
"You're not angry?" he asked quietly.
"Of course I am, Remus, I'd be a fool if I wasn't," she replied simply. "But I'm also very relieved. I know the truth now. And I now know that the dreams I've had about you weren't dreams, they were reality that was forced to look like dreams."
"I apo-"
"Don't apologize, Remus. We all do rash things and make rash decisions when we're upset. Unfortunately yours happened to be locking away most a year's worth of wonderful memories from me." Tonks gave him a smile and handed him the sheet of parchment. "I went back through the journal and made a list of my favourite lines and such out of it. Read them over. Read them out loud so I can see your reaction to each one. They go in order from first to last."
"One. 'I wonder if he ever looks at himself in the mirror and says I am Remus, sex god in my own rite'." Remus looked at Tonks. "You have to be kidding me. What exactly are you hoping to accomplish by having me read these?"
"Just do it," Tonks sighed.
"Two. 'And that if whatever guides the powers of the universe could just give me Remus, I would never ask for anything again... well, unless I scare him with my night time needs and he tries to run away... then I would pray for some rope'." He fought the twitch that threatened the corner of his mouth. "Three. 'I couldn't help but be very jealous of the chocolate'. Four -" At this one he couldn't help but grin. "'Kinky werewolf sex.' Cute, Tonks. Very cute. Five. 'He just knew. How sexy is that?' Six. 'It's rather annoying listening to him constantly sing my name to the tune of God Save the Queen. It's only cute when no one else is around'. Seven. 'PS... I retract everything I said above. I have the greatest boyfriend in the world'. Eight. 'I need to get better control of my hormones. I scared the bejezus out of Remus when I pounced on him, when I got in from work'."
His eyes lingered on the next line. He looked at her and his smile faded. "Nine. 'I have to be the luckiest girl in the world. I would consider sharing him, but I prefer rubbing it in that boyfriend's better than all goofs my friends have. He's MINE.' Ten. 'If I knew how to do an adequate shrinking charm I'd carry him around in my pocket'. Eleven. 'What kind of sot faints when they're proposed to?' Twelve. 'He saw pink hair and thought what a lovely shade of pink and asked if I could get it any brighter'. These are all very lovely Tonks, and very flattering. But-"
"There's one more. Oh, it's um, on the back." Tonks squirmed in her seat uncomfortably.
Remus flipped the parchment over and stared unblinking at the eight simple words that went over the entire back of the parchment. "Thirteen. 'I'-" He honestly didn't know if, at that moment, he wanted to pull her into his arms and just make love to the yellow haired pixie sitting in front of him, with the look of checked innocence on her heart-shaped face. Or, did he just want to hold her and cry? Either way, at that moment, he wanted nothing more than to have her in his arms. He took a deep breath and exhaled shortly. "Thirteen. 'I hate the guilt. It should go away'."
He couldn't help but think she was right. Hell, he'd spent the past few months trying to get over the guilt of losing everything they had made together. And then he'd had to fight with the guilt of the obliviations. He hated to admit it but, Tonks was right. He was tired of and hated feeling guilty. It did need to go away.
"Why did you make this list?" Remus asked.
She cast her violet eyes toward the ceiling and shrugged. "I don't know. To remind you?"
"Remind me of what?"
"Think of it as... the top thirteen reason we should possibly try again?" She looked at him again. "Or, the top thirteen reasons I find you so irresistibly charming." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "But, if you ever obliviate me again-"
Remus sighed slightly. "I won't. Though, perhaps we should maybe try building a new relationship on a slow and steady basis. Get used to -" He stopped when she stood up abruptly and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. "On second thought. Just going ahead and trying again is perfectly fine."
For the first time in a while, he saw a genuine smile on the metamorphagus' face. And part of him also knew, he had one too.
Once again. Thank you, everyone, for all the reviews. There's just the epilogue left on this fic. It's basically putting the story back to somewhat light hearted mood I originally wanted to start with. It may take a few days for me to get the finale written and checked for errors, but be expecting it sometime soon. Until then, sample some of my other writings and read some of the ones on my favourites list. :)
