Disclaimer: I do not own gravitation, so don't you dare sue!
Others: sigh…..yes I will continue mai other stories and yes I was lying about the writers block…..mai problem is the exact opposite. I have way too many ideas. Mai heads all jumbled up with all these crazy and wacky incidents that are going to happen in mai other fics…..well….yeah anwayz….um…….bleah...whatever.
Claimer: I'm not sure if this is mai song I wrote or not…. I know…. you're probably thinking how can you not know your own songs right? Well…. I write a lot of songs now and well I dunt remember this one. It could be mai song or someone else's….forgive me if its not mine so I'm not gonna yell at you guys if u wanna take it. O well…on with the story!
Loving Shuichi
Chapter two
-
Quietly awakening…
I always, always wish
Those these fleeting thoughts
Would reach you…
-
Shuichi...
I see you running out of the double doors of NG Corps. And I can't help but feel sad. I know where you're running. I know what you're waiting for. I know who you're longing after...and it's not me.
I just wish, you would recognize me. I just wish, you could know how I really felt, and maybe, just maybe return those feelings. But, I know it can never be, because you're with someone else.
-
Unable to move forward across "Just a little more" distance
The way I see before me is always blocked
Every time the days I want to see you but can't pile up,
My strong heartbeat turns into heartbreak.
-
It hurts. A lot.
Every time I see you run into the arms of that romance novelist, I always think of how great it would be, if it was my arms you were running to, but then the illusion would always shatter when he turns to look at me.
Somehow, he knows that I love you, but he won't say anything, that I know. I know that because, you wouldn't be anywhere near me...once you did find out.
I want to see you sometimes, and I actually do go to see you, but then...
He opens the door.
O how I wish, just once, you would be mine.
-
If there is such a thing as "eternity,"
I want to believe, even if I have to take the long way.
Although I know that I've been hurt before because I'm clumsy
I won't stop; I won't give in to anyone.
-
I've watched you for a long time. From when you were nothing more then an immaturekid till that of a rising star. I've known you for longer then he, but it was he, who had managed to capture your heart.
I want to believe, even if I know we will never be, that you will come running back to me, for comfort, warmth, and possibly love. Well, I guess I don't need to say that that will never happen right?
Still. If there were ever a time, when he would hurt you, I would be glad that you had come to me, but then regret, as you've come to me because of him. I hate what he'd done to you, Shu. I hate what you've become.
Someone so depressed, lovesick, and dare I say it? Pathetic. I, however, did nothing but support you. I knew you needed this, that it would eventually turn out all right, and look what happened, you're now the current lover of a famous romance novelist.
I hate myself for loving you, my best friend, but I hated him more because of what he did to you, so then I vowed, after everything had once again run smoothly, that if he were to ever bring you pain again, I would kill him myself, or die trying.
-
I think of you
And that alone is enough
To make the tears start to flow now
-
Now I see you hugging him. Kissing him, and getting in the car. He had already turned away from me, though not without staring me down, though not with the harsh and cruel glares he was known for, and I knew, that he understood, understood every little twist of pain that's writhing underneath.
But I knew I was defeated, the moment that car drove away, but thinking of you, was enough for me.
I know that you love him, and it will forever remain so. I knew it from the beginning, but stubbornly denied the fact.
Walking to my bike, I look upon the second helmet, placed on the rear, just in the case; Shuichi couldn't get a ride home. It was for no one else, and will never be for anyone else.
-
I always, always wish
Those these fleeting thoughts
Would reach you…
So I'll stop waiting
And seize my "chance."
-
I look around the busy streets of Japan and see many bright colors. All of which remind me of you. The pink neon signs of pubs remind me of your hair. The way it sways in the wind and how messy it would get when we used to play our roughhouse games.
The green light ahead sends me into another haze of memories and I'm reminded of when you ate some bad pizza from your fridge and got food poisoning. Turning green and all. I chuckle. Sure it wasn't all that much of a pretty sight, but it was a fond moment, back when we used to spend every waking moment together that is.
The green light then turns to yellow as I slow down, and my fond memories became those of angry ones. I'm reminded of the blonde writer who at first, did nothing but break your heart, time and time again. O how I hated him.
I soon get reminded, however, by the now red traffic light, how that hate turned into anger, and how that anger had caused a horde of events to finally turn in the direction Shuichi deserved to be turned into.
I had turned the cold blonde writer, into the warm red you now see. O how I wish you loved me. I wish I hadn't helped him into your life Shuichi. I wish I was the one who got invited into it, but wishes, don't usually come true.
I can't say never anymore. I can't say wishes never come true because you've proven to me, that we could become anything we wanted to be, and that, love, could come to the most impossible candidates.
But that's...all in the past.
-
I think of you, and I feel like that alone is enough
To make my heart grow stronger.
I always, always wish
That these fleeting thoughts would reach you…
-
I've reached home by now. I locked up my bike in the garage, and headed to my room, and what do I see? A blue door. Yes, I painted it blue. Get over it.
The blue of course, reminded me of how much I loved you, and how sad and guilt ridden you would feel if I were to ever reveal that love. I want to tell you, but I know it is better if you didn't know.
Ignorance is bliss after all.
Ignoring the blue, I walked into my room, and lay down on the couch. Stretching my limbs to ease my aching joints. I've realized by now, that no matter how hard it may be, I have to keep this information to myself.
I may hurt with everything being locked up in a trunk and kept hidden in the attic, but I'd hurt more knowing that you would never be the same around me again. Changes, is what I'm afraid of. Because with these changes, are dire consequences.
So for now, I'll just stand by and watch you. Knowing that it's enough just to see your smiling face. Knowing that if you still cared for me, even if it's not how I care about you, it's enough.
-
I think of you and that alone is enough
To make the tears start to flow now
My distant voice can't reach you now,
But know that someday it definitely will…
-
Shuichi, I love you, but not enough to selfishly steal you away. I know it sounds weird, stating it like this, but its true. Some people love someone so much, they become an obsession. They steal the person away and hide them in their world. Ignoring the pain it brought to the one they love.
It's because I love you with just the right amount, that I'll let you create your own future, and to be happy, and stay happy, with the man you love. Even if it's not me.
Of course, I might need to cry on your shoulder every now and then, even if you won't ever find out why. I guess it's just a way to make myself feel better...
...but just until, you become mine.
-
Believe.
-
La lala la la lala la la la la lala…..
La lala la la lala la la la la lala…..
La lala la la lala la la la la lala…..
A/N: I wasn't planning to continue this fic cuz I thought it'd be so much better as a one-shot but since you guys like it so much then I guess I should continue…..and yes I'm a sap for Yuki POV's too. Lol.
I did say, "tell me to continue if you like it" right? Well…I dint think you guys would want me to continue to be honest….mai others stories suck….to me at least…..o well!…
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW:
I'm doing a story with Clari-chan, not one but two. The second has yet to be posted, but she's submitting both of them, so you guys better review on mai chapters! We're switching doing the stories on and off and all that. Mai chapters are all the EVEN numbers hers are all odd. Get it? ODD?… muahahah…… eh…..hehe… sweatdrop…… o whatever! Like you guys never laugh for no reason!…….-….ok whatever……I'm corny and insane….sticks tongue out to all readers
