Chapter 22
"No, Chey, you have to listen..." Mark paused, "So much has changed in the past three weeks, especially this past week."
I sat strait up in my chair, "More excuses?... if you want me to understand, you need to give me details."
Mark let out a small nervous chuckle, "You really aren't going to make this easy on me, are you?"
I shook my head slowly, "No... Why should I? If I make things too easy for you, you'll take it for granted, I warned you before. Now, not only have you hid things, you've stopped calling and when you finally show up, you act as though you want me to just fall at your feet."
"I don't think you will truly understand how sorry I am... I made a few mistakes in my life and let me tell you, they have cost me... dearly. A lot of people are mad at me right now for..."
I waved my hand at him in the dark not wanting to hear the sob story, "I don't feel sorry for you, and how can I understand if you don't make me?" I asked trying to get him to the point.
He stood up abruptly, "Dammit Chey!!! Will you let me finish a God damn sentence?!" he yelled down at me. I could only stare at him and not say anything, hell I was sure he'd bite my head of if I did, so I nodded and he continued, "OK, I tried to come back when I heard you were hurt. I didn't take your advice, like a dumb ass, and tell Vince about my life until yesterday. He was floored. He said he had heard all the idle rumors about it, but because I hadn't told him, he dismissed them as just that... Rumors. He asked me what I needed. I told him time to try and make things right with everything, especially you... Chey, he told me to stay away from you, that you didn't need my messes, that you were young and had a full and happy life ahead of you. Marti had to call and convince him to let me come here."
"I'm proud of you." I whispered after he had poured it all out to me, I knew it had taken a great deal for him to break down and let someone else in. It let me know that he was swallowing his pride, even if it was just a small step, it counted.
He gapped at me, "Did you not just hear me tell you that Vince told me to stay as far away from you as possible? Why would you be proud?"
Sliding forward in my chair, I clasped one of his dangling hands in both of mine and looked up into his shadowy face, "I know that took a lot of courage to open up like that."
Mark shook his hand free of mine and begun pacing the hardwood deck, "I don't need courage, Chey, I've always prided myself on being a strait laced, do-it-yourself kind of man. I'm supposed to be a hard-ass, and beat the hell out of men that even think about standing in my way or talking badly about me or the ones I love... But then here you come along and suddenly I've gone soft." When I went to stand up he pushed me back in my seat, "Don't get me wrong, honey, I like being this way with you, but when other people see it... It makes me weak."
"WEAK?! Are you crazy?" I asked getting loud, "It took more strength for you to admit you can't do it all by yourself on something than to try and fail. A strong man asks for help and guidance when he knows he doesn't have the resources to go at it alone!" I defended.
Mark bent down and clasped both of my hands in his, I was at my wits end and almost jerked them back, "I'm asking then, Chey... I want to be with you... will you help me?" he asked in a low voice that sent shivers down my spine.
Like I said... Almost.
Entering my room later that night, I collapsed on the bed and stared up at the ceiling fan, letting the twirling blades put me in a slight trance. So much had been said and laid out between Mark and myself with just a few words, and yet there was more that we needed to discuss.
At first, I had grown so angry with him when I thought he was just going to try and use brief explanations and just the simple fact that he was here to make me happy, but I had to prove that wouldn't be enough... to him, and to me.
I enjoy Marks company, always have, and dammit I enjoy the feelings he invokes inside me when he is around. Still not enough... Sure, I loved the feeling of security and I used to love what I had thought was honestly that we'd shared with each other, but after him using his divorce in such a wrongful way, I mean it was as if he was using it as a pick up line... It confused me to death... It was almost as if he turned my kindness and care over the situation to create this weird, delusional relationship between us.
But if I can get past all of that and move into a somewhat normal relationship, would he be able to be real with me? There is goodness in Mark, he is a wonderful man despite the fact that he is miserable at the moment. When things are right in his world he is a very warm, caring, and funny guy.
We've both been so lost for many years, oddly enough, but I feel that being surrounded by all the people in my house and finally being able to do what I love most, I've finally found me. Gone, was the chubby, uncertain girl who hated life... I found the woman in me loved life to it's fullest, talked constantly, and I may not be at my goal weight just yet, but it's going to happen... Soon. Marti has been my savior throughout the transformation, and if he hadn't already been with someone and if I hadn't begun to see him as the father figure he turned out to be, I would probably be madly in love with him. I do love him, in that father-daughter kind of way, for everything that he has done for me and he is someone that will be forever important in my life.
I felt the tears, as they slid out of the corner of my eyes and made their way across my temple into my hair, as I finally mourned the girl I had once been. Mark and I may not have the same problems, but the inner battle was. Mark was lost. He had lost the man he had fought so hard to become, and he almost pulled me into his downward spiral... but be that as it may, I knew that what I felt for Mark was the beginnings of love. Someone had told me once, I don't quite remember who, but they told me that when you meet your soul-mate you will know, with out a shadow of a doubt... I can't honestly say that Mark is the one, but the feelings I am carrying in me now, are different than anything I've ever felt.
He asked me outside to help him be the man he once was and to try and get him past all of his misgivings so that we could possibly be together, I almost busted open from the joy I had felt, because I knew that was what I had wanted too. Hell, all I had to do was sit back and remember all of the times we've had together to know in my heart, that we need to at least try.
Thinking back, I try to remember all the things I love about Mark... I can hear his gravely laugh throughout my memory, and can see the sparkle of life glowing in his jade green eyes, and feel the security flow through my veins as I picture his tall frame looking down at me... and most of all I can still remember the pride I had in him when he spoke to me about wanting my help for the first time.
Sitting up, I wiped my tears and moved for the door, reaching out to the handle I realized then what I must do... I feel it in my heart.
Wow I know you got three... I have more updates coming soon, trust me... I am trying to make up for the delay of the last few... Please as always let me know if you like my story or not... Thanks
