Chapter 4:  Nightmares

Zachary Matthews awoke with a start, trembling.  The cool air of his room chilled his sweat-drenched body and he gasped.  At some point during his reminiscing of childhood, he had fallen asleep and his memory had continued as a dream.  Or rather, as a nightmare; a nightmare he had re-lived almost nightly for the last eighteen months.  He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep but the stiffness in his neck told him it had been for several hours at least. 

Zachary swallowed hard and his throat was parched, aching.  He groaned slightly and reached for the plastic cup on the miniscule plastic table next to his bed.  He took two gulps of the water to ease his burning throat and lay back down on his bed, still trembling from the combined effects of the chilly room and his memories.  It did not matter how often he remembered the day his father had murdered his mother right in front of him, each time he did he was shaken to his very core.

Damn them, he thought bitterly, thinking of his doctors.  Damn them to hell.

All of the memories that Zachary had worked so hard to suppress since he was ten years old had gradually been pulled forcibly from his psyche by Dr. Collinsworth, the staff, and the medications they insisted that Zachary ingest.  

By the time he had turned eleven his child's mind had convinced himself that his mother had not been killed but that she had left to begin a better life away from his father and that she would one day return for him.  Even now, despite the fact that he had been forced to accept the truth of her disappearance from his life, he still had trouble discerning fantasy from reality with regards to his mother.  Over the years, Zachary had developed a very elaborate fantasy where his mother came to rescue him from his father and together they lived happily ever after.  Zachary would escape into this fantasy world whenever his mind needed a break from his own reality which shortly after his mother's death became quite often. 

Zachary's father had never been arrested for the murder of Jasmine Matthews because Zachary, being an intelligent boy for his age, knew that he and his siblings would be split up if their father went to prison.  Zachary knew his mother would want the family to stay together at all costs and he had told the police that a stranger had broken in and attacked his mother.  Randy Matthews had been a suspect but there had not been enough evidence to arrest him and with Zachary being the only witness, they accepted his word and eventually, family life resumed some sense of normalcy. 

Through hypnosis, Zachary's deepest darkest secrets had been revealed and had confirmed Dr. Collinsworth's suspicions.  After the death of his mother, Zachary had taken on the bulk of her chores in addition to his school work and eventually that came to include sexually satisfying his father.  The sexual abuse caused a deep-seated anger for his mother to foster, an unacknowledged deep-seated anger.  He hated her.  He hated her for leaving him.  He hated her for leaving him to his father.  He loved her but he hated her.  The seed of hatred for his mother had grown and festered for years.  He had hated her until Dr. Hannibal Lecter had taken him in and turned his life around.

But now everything had changed for the worse again.  The only man he had ever cared for, the only man he had actually thought of as a father had been taken away from him, taken away from him as his mother had been.  His mother.  His mother had left him to the unthinkable desires of his father. 

Damn her, he thought bitterly as tears rolled down his cheeks.

Dr. Lecter had been taken away by a woman who unfathomably reminded him of his own mother; that same flaming red hair, same independent spirit, same haunted look to the eyes.  Zachary rolled over onto his side and curled into the fetal position.  He sighed audibly and listened to the rain falling outside.  The pitter-patter rhythm lulled him and he began to sink toward sleep again.  Before he sank into unconsciousness, the image of Clarice Starling as he had last seen her sprang into his mind and his mind confused the image with that of his mother's.

Mom, he thought acidly, first you left me to pursue a better life.  You left me to that despicable man.  Then when I was finally actually happy, you came back and you took the source of my happiness away.  You killed him you bitch.  How could you?  I hate you, mom.  I fucking hate you.

Just as Zachary Matthews was being abated by the sound of the rain, Joshua Graham jerked awake and sat straight up in bed, sweat slicking his entire body.  He was afraid that the scream he had emitted in his dream had escaped his lips during sleep as well but a glance at Michelle lying at his side and still breathing heavily assured him that he had not.

Shivering in the chill of the early morning, Josh ran a trembling hand through his dark hair and then across his face to remove the sweat.  He was breathing hard and felt almost as though his heart might explode.  He could hear the rain pounding against the roof but unlike Zachary, the sound did not comfort him.  It reminded him of Oregon.  It reminded him of the night he had never made it home to his grandparent's house from basketball practice, the night Dr. Hannibal Lecter had taken him.

Josh looked at the clock – 4:45am – and he knew there would be no more sleep for him that morning as with so many  other mornings.  He sighed shakily and gently got out of bed, careful not to disturb Michelle.  Josh pulled on his boxer shorts and a pair of sweat pants.  He tip-toed out of the bedroom, pulling the door closed quietly behind him. 

He plodded heavily into the kitchen and flipped on the coffee maker, listening as the soothing gurgle and hiss of the machine began almost instantly.  From the kitchen it was a mere few strides to the bathroom.  The apartment Josh shared with Michelle was on the smallish side but it was cozy; it was home.

Because he had only been 17 at the time, his share of the fortune from the Hollywood book/movie deal had been put away in a savings account under his father's name, untouchable until he graduated from college.  The deal had been that Will would pay Joshua's way through college while the money accrued interest then the account would be transferred into Joshua's name the summer after he graduated to do with as he wanted.  Will's thinking had been that Josh needed to learn to live on his own before being given the huge sum of money; he didn't want Josh to blow it all on inconsequential material things, he needed to learn to be responsible on his own first. 

Joshua Graham had just begun his fourth and final year of college and had finally made up his mind what he wanted to "be" when he was finished.  He had decided he wanted to go to law school and be an attorney.  He didn't want to chase the bad guys as his father had but he would help put them away.  His mother, Molly, had been pestering him for six months to make up his mind about going to graduate school or not and he finally had.  He had called her the night before to tell her and she had wept with joy.  He had realized then how fearful she had been that he might choose to follow in his father's footsteps.  But Josh could not do that.  Not after the incident with Dolarhyde and especially not after the incident with Lecter nearly five years ago.  He decided he did not have the strength his father had; he could not enter the mind of a madman and still retain his own sanity.

He splashed water on his face from the bathroom sink and gazed at himself in the mirror.  Josh had his mother's dark hair and eyes but he always saw his father's face when he looked at himself and he smiled now.  Drops of water rolled from his chin to his chest and down his flat stomach and he winced slightly at the chill.  He admired his toned arms and abs for a moment, flexing, before shaking his head and laughing slightly at his vanity and exiting the bathroom. 

Back in the kitchen, Josh rummaged through the dryer until he found a tee-shirt and he pulled it on, savoring the warmth against his skin. He poured himself a cup of coffee and beseeched his mind to not analyze the dream that had torn him from sleep.  But it did no good, his mind ran back over the dream.  It always started the same; he awoke in the cell he had been kept in by Lecter in the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane when the man had kidnapped him and his father.  He always looked up and saw his father sitting in the crude wooden chair in front of the cell.  Josh always watched in horror as Lecter brought the hatchet down upon his father's left hand, severing his pinky finger.  He always screamed at that same moment.  But this time, the ending had changed; instead of Dr. Lecter turning his head in Josh's direction after cutting off his father's finger, the head that had swiveled around and smiled cruelly at him while he stood over Will had been that of Zachary Matthews.  This time the terror that permeated Joshua had overflowed and he had screamed in his dream as he never had before and awakened.

Joshua sighed as he carried his steaming mug into the small living room and sank down into his recliner, lifting up the foot rest.  The light from the street lamp outside let just enough light into the apartment that Josh did not need to turn on any lights inside.  He sipped his coffee slowly then leaned his head back against the recliner, listening to the rain.  He knew why he had seen the face of Zachary, a young man he had never met but knew a lot about.  Joshua had transferred from Georgetown University to Johns Hopkins University a year ago to finish his undergraduate work.  He knew that Zachary Matthews, Hannibal Lecter's protégé, had been in his final year at John's Hopkins and accepted into their psychology graduate school when Clarice and his father had arrested him.  Being a psychology major himself, Joshua had heard plenty about Zachary.  In fact, one of his professors even now continued to proclaim Zachary's innocence and had even invited the young man to lecture the class upon his release from the mental hospital this week. 

Joshua sighed again as he thought that, much to his chagrin, Zachary Matthews had agreed and would be speaking to the class next Monday morning.  Next week Joshua would come face to face with the protégé of the man that had attempted to kill him and his father. 

Will Graham jerked awake and gasped.  He lay staring at the dark ceiling for a moment, wide eyed and breathing hard, feeling his heartbeat gallop.  Sweat droplets beaded his forehead despite the coolness of the room and he swiped them away.  Once his breathing and heart rate were back under control, he looked at the alarm clock – 5:00am.  He frowned slightly.  The room seemed darker than usual at five am and then he heard why; there was a rain storm raging outside. 

Will closed his eyes briefly and inhaled deeply.  He turned to look at Clarice sleeping next to him.  He listened to her deep breathing as he watched her eyes twitch in deep sleep.  He was glad that he had not awakened her. 

God, she's so beautiful, Will thought and smiled.  I love you Clarice.

Then his thoughts turned to his dream and he frowned slightly.  It was not unusual for him to re-live his torture and crucifixion at the hands of Dr. Hannibal Lecter in his dreams but tonight the victim of the cruelty had been Clarice.  Will did not understand his dream and it troubled him deeply.  He knew that Dr. Lecter cared deeply for Clarice and would not intentionally hurt or harm her. 

Or would he?  Will thought.

He stared at the ceiling again as if it held the answers he was seeking.  He listened to Clarice's breathing and the rain pounding on the roof.  His mind worked and mulled over the possible reasons behind his frightening dream.  In his dream he had watched as Dr. Lecter had nailed Clarice to the cross and he had listened to her piercing, agonizing screams but there had been nothing he could do to help her.  Then he had awakened with a start.  What did it mean?

Will closed his eyes and shook his head.  He was reading too much into it.  The dream meant nothing, it was merely a fantasy created by his unconscious mind.  But it was a dream he hoped his mind would never repeat.

He gently got out of bed, careful not to disturb Clarice, and padded slowly out of their room and down the hall to Serena's room.  The material of his pajama bottoms whispered together as he walked.  He peered into the open door of his daughter's bedroom and glanced around the Disney Princess – decorated pink and white room and smiled.  Serena was definitely 'Daddy's Girl.'  Will had spent a few days last month redecorating her room to her request.  She was almost four and already she loved the Disney Princesses, with Sleeping Beauty being her favorite.  He remembered taking her to the paint store so she could pick out the right shade of pink.  He remembered pouring over Disney Store catalogs as she picked out her curtains, bedspread, sheets, and pictures of the Princesses.  And he remembered Clarice's bemused grin every evening as she observed the two of them submerged in their redecorating project.

Clarice had and always did tolerate Will's indulgence of their daughter.  After all, she too had been a 'Daddy's Girl' and so she better understood their relationship.  Will smiled now as he walked into Serena's room.  She had kicked the blankets off of her sometime during the night, as usual.  He gently covered her up and slipped her current stuffed animal of choice, a soft cuddly white rabbit, under her arm again.  He lightly kissed her forehead and she stirred slightly, clutching the rabbit as she rolled over onto her side.  Will crept from her room quietly.

He crossed the hallway to John's room and walked quietly up to the baby's crib.  Will grinned when he saw his son's sleeping position – on his stomach with his bottom sticking up in the air.  Will tucked the blanket around John, bent down into the crib, and planted a kiss on his baby – fuzzed head.  He watched the boy for a moment, sucking at an invisible pacifier since the real one had fallen out of his mouth.  Will picked it up and gently put it back into John's mouth and listened as the baby sucked contentedly.  He smiled and walked quietly from the room.

Will walked down stairs and into the kitchen, grimacing at the cold linoleum floor as he stepped on it.  He pulled open the refrigerator and peered inside.  Nothing caught his fancy and he closed it again.  He turned and glanced around the spacious kitchen from the pots and pans hanging suspended on racks from the ceiling to the stainless steel sink to the state of the art oven.  He saw the dishes from their dinner with Seth and Ardelia piled in the sink and decided he should start in on them.

As he was about to head toward the sink, movement in the living room caught his eye and he watched his beautiful wife enter the kitchen, her black silk robe tied loosely around her waist and her long red hair swaying lightly behind her. 

"Hey handsome," Clarice cooed.  "What are you doing up this early?"

Clarice walked to where he leaned against the fridge and put her arms around his neck.  He shrugged.

"I couldn't sleep," he replied and bent down to kiss her sweet lips.  "What are you doing awake?"

"I rolled over and there was a big empty space where my husband usually sleeps," she grinned.  "I missed you."

Clarice pulled Will's face down to meet hers and they kissed deeply, tongues intertwined.  As they pulled away she smiled mischievously.

"Come back to bed Agent Graham and I'll make it worth your while."  Clarice grinned at the often used line.

Will chuckled as he recalled the first time she had ever uttered those words to him.  They had been in a hotel room after the first night they'd ever spent together and he had left the bed to turn on the heater and begin getting ready for work.  Since that first time the saying had become a familiar well used line. 

"Whatever you say, Agent Starling," Will smiled back playfully.

It was a game they often played, referring to each other as 'Agent' and Will using Clarice's maiden name.  Clarice grinned and took his hand, pulling him willingly out of the kitchen and back up the stairs.

To be continued.  Please review!

Ducki:  Thanks for reading and reviewing, I appreciate your continued support.

Mel:  Heya pal!  It's been awhile!  I'm glad I made your day with this sequel.  And I'm glad you're enjoying it.  Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.  Pop back in with a review to say hi anytime!

Guber:  Thank you for your review.  Yes, Zachary's dad is a bit gruesome isn't he?  Well he certainly deserved to be strung up although he wasn't.  I know you miss the GD and we'll re-visit him soon, I promise!  See you next chapter.

Shifter:  Thanks for your continued support.  I really do appreciate your kind words as I work very hard on every chapter I write to make it believable and real for the reader.  Thank you so much for your review.

Kurt:  Yes, if only Zachary knew the truth about the GD eh?  Thanks as always for your review, I love reading them.

Shattered Mug:  Hey faithful reviewer!  Me write an emotional roller coaster?  *Gasps*  Never!!  LOL, well you pegged me!  And yes, we will find out what happened to Zachary's dad Randy later in the story but that's all I'll say!  Thank you so much for your always great reviews.

Tilly:  LOL!  Crystal ball huh?  Very cool.  We'll see what's in store but I promise it will be interesting.  Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Devil's QT:  Yes I'm sorry for the length in updating but between school and my kids, I've been run ragged recently.  Plus the bought of writer's block didn't help matters.  Thank you though for being patient and continuing to read and review. 

Clariz:  Thanks so much for your kind words, I really do appreciate them.  I'm glad you're enjoying the story.