Author's Note: Oh goodness, faithful readers can you believe it?? I'm actually posting a new chapter to this story. I know you'd all thought I'd abandoned this one but I haven't. I've just been so busy with school and the kids and I had that accursed writer's block. But once I got back on track, this chapter just flowed so I'm hoping the writer's block is gone! At least for now.
Okay, since it's been ages since I last updated, I'm going to get you all up to speed on what's going on. Here goes: Dr. Lecter is currently living in Spain with a fiery Spanish tart named Aurora who has just turned up pregnant. Clarice and Will are living a happy married life with two kids in the suburbs of Bethesda, Maryland and Clarice is retiring as section chief of the formerly named Behavioral Science division. Oh yes, Zachary Matthews we have come to find out is going to be released from his mental hospital and we learned that his psychotic tendencies and why the Good Doctor chose him was because of his past, the physical, mental, and sexual abuse by his father. We also learned of Zachary's deep seated sexual desire for his mother (who he watched be murdered by his father) and deep seated hatred for her as well for leaving him in the hands of his father. Whew! There, I think that brings us up to date. As always, thank you all so much for your continued reading and reviewing.
Chapter 6: Love and Peace
As Clarice Starling-Graham stepped off the elevator on her last day of work with the FBI, the first thing she noticed was the lack of people in her department. Puzzled, she glanced at her watch. It was 7:45 am.
Where is everyone? Clarice thought and her brow furrowed.
Suddenly realization dawned on her. It was her last day, her coworkers and agents most likely had some "surprise" planned. Clarice smiled bemusedly and headed toward her office. As she drew near, Clarice could hear quiet chatter coming from behind her office door and she smiled again.
Oh how sweet, Clarice thought. I love them. Oh I'm going to miss them so much.
For the first time in the two months since she'd made the decision to retire, Clarice had a twinge of doubt. She wondered if she was doing the right thing. Maybe she should stay. But she knew now was not the time for second thoughts, it was too late to turn back now. She would retire from the FBI and she would enjoy every minute of it. Slowly Clarice turned the knob of her office door.
"Surprise!" The group yelled as Clarice opened the door.
She smiled broadly and her eyes were instantly drawn to the streamers and balloons that seemed to cover every available space of her office ceiling and walls. Then Clarice looked from face to face of everyone that was crowded into her office and she was pleasantly surprised to see her supervisor, FBI Executive Assistant Director Karl Wegener there. Clarice smiled at him and then to each of the agents there under her charge and her friends from other departments. Then she looked at her long time co-worker, friend and Section Chief replacement Seth Williams, then her best friend for years Ardelia Mapp-Williams, and finally Clarice's eyes fell on her husband Will Graham.
Clarice grinned broadly. "I see they're letting just anyone in here nowadays," she laughed.
"Well you know how it is," Will smiled back. "Once you've worked here they can never let you go." Will moved to envelope her in a hug and whispered in her ear. "Congratulations, Clarice. I'm so proud of you. I love you."
"I love you too," Clarice whispered back and pulled away. "Thank you so much everyone," she said to the group and her eyes began to fill with tears at the sight of so many people that she cared for here to offer their love and support on her last day of work. "I'm really going to miss you."
Ardelia hugged her friend. "Congrats, Clarice," she said and smiled.
"Thanks Delia." Clarice smiled back.
Next Seth embraced Clarice tightly. "Naw," he replied when he let her go. "You're not going to miss us. You're gonna have too much fun changing diapers and washing clothes to miss us."
Clarice grinned. "Well that's true Seth. But you're just jealous."
Two hours later, after the cake had been eaten, presents opened, and well wishes given, Clarice, Will, Seth, and Ardelia sat alone in Clarice's office. Clarice had her feet up on the desk and she stretched her arms up behind her head, looking out the window at the downtown D.C. skyline for what would probably be the last time from this office.
"Yup," Seth said. "You better enjoy your last feet-on-the-desk moment while you can Clarice."
Clarice looked at Seth and smiled. "Hey partner I'm just warming the desk up for your feet okay?"
Chuckling, Ardelia looked at Clarice. "So what are you going to do with yourself first Claire?"
"I'm going to sleep for a week," Clarice replied, folding her hands in her lap and looking content.
"Oh I'm sure Will can find you enough to do around the house to keep you busy," Ardelia smiled.
Will shook his head and looked at Clarice. "She's earned the rest; at least for the first week. After that she's fair game."
"Well you'll be gone for awhile after that anyway," Clarice pouted. "So the kids and I will have to fend for ourselves without you."
"That's right," Seth said, turning to regard Will. "You're headed to San Francisco to speak at a convention there."
"Yup," Will nodded. "And actually then I might be off to L.A. The police chief called this morning and is interested in my coming down to speak with his officers city-wide."
"Oh Will the kids and I could fly out there to meet you and we could all go to Disneyland," Clarice replied happily. "Maybe we could get Josh and Michelle to go too."
Will nodded. "Yeah that'd be fun."
A knock on the door interrupted the conversation. One of the department secretaries, Doris Blackwell, stuck her head in.
"Clarice," Doris said quietly. "There's a delivery for you."
"Go ahead and bring it in Doris," Clarice replied.
Smiling, Doris pushed open the door and carried in an elaborate arrangement of red and white roses. Upon seeing the flowers, Clarice sat upright in her chair and put her feet on the floor. She pushed an errant strand of hair out of her eyes and smiled.
"Oh my God," she gasped. "They're so beautiful! There must be at least three dozen!"
"I'm thinking four," Ardelia replied a bit enviously.
Doris Blackwell set the arrangement on Clarice's desk and it was so tall that Clarice could not see over it. She laughed happily and pulled the card out from the arrangement. Seth picked up the flowers and moved them to a side table out of the way. Clarice opened the envelope and read the card silently.
My dearest Clarice,
I'm so proud of you; you've finally found the courage to leave your beloved FBI. Now we'll just have to work on you leaving that husband of yours. Enjoy your roses – red for love and white for peace. I can only hope we will have both together someday. You're always and forever in my thoughts.
Love,
Your not-so-secret admirer.
Clarice's eyes had filled with tears as she read the note, even he had made sure to congratulate her on her last day. It was type-written; most likely either called into the florist or emailed so there was no handwriting to give the sender away. Additionally, Clarice noted that he had been overly careful to not divulge anything too personal so that the sender could not be definitively identified in case the note happened to be read by someone else. But there was no doubt in Clarice's mind as to who the sender of the flowers were.
My not-so-secret admirer, Clarice thought. No kidding.
"Who sent them Claire?" Ardelia asked. "They're beautiful."
Clarice looked up from the card and saw the other three watching her intently. She nonchalantly pocketed the card in her dress pants pocket and quickly swiped at her eyes.
"Oh just an old friend," Clarice smiled. "Wishing me well on my last day."
"How sweet," Ardelia replied and smiled.
Out of the corner of her eye, Clarice noticed Will's forehead crinkle in concern at her words and she knew that he knew who had sent them. Will shook his head slightly and turned to gaze out the window but no one else seemed to notice his discontent. Ardelia stood up carefully from her chair, a difficult task for a seven-month pregnant woman.
"Well," Ardelia said quietly, rubbing her round stomach. "We'd better be going. I've got a doctor's appointment. Congratulations again Clarice."
Clarice stood up and embraced her friend tightly. "Thank you so much for coming," she whispered.
"You know I wouldn't have missed it Claire," Ardelia smiled.
Will stood up as well. "Yeah, I've got to get going too," he said simply.
He moved to where Clarice stood and kissed her lightly. He smiled at her slightly and Clarice saw it was pained. As he turned to go, she squeezed his shoulder gently.
"I love you," Clarice said softly.
"I love you too Claire," Will replied and squeezed her hand gently. "I'll see you at home."
Clarice nodded and Seth stood to escort the two visitors back down to the lobby of the building.
"I'll be back in a bit Clarice," Seth said.
"Okay," Clarice called absently as the trio walked out the door, closing it behind them.
Clarice sat down heavily in her chair and looked around her office. All of her certificates, medals, and pictures had been removed earlier in the week. However because of all the streamers and balloons the office hardly looked bare. But Clarice saw none of it. Her mind was far away going over the words of the note that had accompanied the gorgeous arrangement.
'Now we'll just have to work on you leaving that husband of yours.' Clarice mused. So he still hasn't given up on the hope that he and I might one day have a future together.
Clarice willed her mind to stop there, to not think the next phrase from his note that popped suddenly into her head, but she could not.
'You're always and forever in my thoughts.'
Clarice sighed. It had been years since she'd seen Dr. Hannibal Lecter and she had not allowed herself to dwell on thoughts of him since then. Of course her mind attempted to bring him up several times a day but she always managed to push the thoughts back down and concentrate on other things. Now, however, knowing he was out there somewhere still thinking of her, still longing for her brought a slight smile to her lips. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Later that evening, Clarice walked into the master bedroom after having tucked Serena and John into bed for the night. She found Will in the bathroom brushing his teeth and she stood in the doorway watching him for a moment. He had already changed into a pair of blue flannel pajamas and a loose fitting white tank top for bed. Clarice moved to stand behind him and ran her hands slowly up and down his back underneath his shirt.
"How was your day," Clarice asked quietly.
Will shrugged and took the toothbrush out of his mouth for a moment. "Oh you know, the usual. Cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, chasing after the kids."
Clarice could tell from Will's tone of voice that he was not happy about something. And she knew what that something was; he was still bothered by the flowers that Hannibal Lecter had sent her. Will had been very patient and hadn't said anything about them to her all evening. She decided now was not the time to bring it up.
"I'm glad I'll get to be home more now. I can't wait to spend more time with the kids," Clarice said and laid her head gently on his back. "And you."
Will rinsed out his mouth and stood up briskly, causing Clarice to have to straighten up as well. He wiped off his mouth and hands, set the towel down on the counter, and stood looking at her reflection in the mirror. For a moment neither of them said anything.
Clarice returned his gaze for a moment before it flicked down to his left hand and the missing pinky finger there and guilt flooded her. She looked back up at him. "I love you Will," she said softly.
"I think you've told me that about fifty times today Clarice," Will replied quietly. He ran his hand through his hair, sighing. "Why do you feel the need to say it so much today?"
"Because it's true," Clarice said simply.
"I see," Will said shortly. "Well I love you too."
Will turned and walked past her out of the bathroom. Clarice closed her eyes and hung her head for a moment. They both knew what hung in the air unsaid between them, the fact that Dr. Hannibal Lecter had sent her an extravagant arrangement of flowers and the fact that Clarice had yet to share the note from him with Will. But neither Clarice nor Will seemed to want to bring that out into the open. Instead they tip-toed around the subject and went through the motions of everyday life, albeit strained.
Clarice opened her eyes, sighed, and began to strip off her clothes. Once she'd put on pajamas, washed her face, and brushed her teeth, she walked into the bedroom and found the lights already off and Will rolled over, eyes closed, facing the wall away from her. Clarice sighed again and walked to her side of the bed. She snuggled in under the covers and stared up at the ceiling for a moment.
"Why are you angry at me Will?" Clarice asked quietly into the dark.
"I'm not angry at you," Will replied without rolling over.
Clarice turned over onto her side to face Will's back. "Please roll over," she whispered. "We need to talk."
"We don't need to talk Clarice," Will said. "Because I know what you're going to say."
"Really? What am I going to say?" Clarice asked.
Finally Will rolled over to face her. "You're going to say that it means nothing that today you received flowers from him."
"Well it doesn't mean anything," Clarice said gently.
Will sighed. "It means something to me," he said quietly.
"What does it mean to you?" Clarice reached out to gently stroke Will's face but he pulled away.
"You really have to ask me that Clarice?" Will spat out. Suddenly angry, he sat up on the edge of the bed and turned on the bedside lamp. He looked at her.
"It hurts Clarice," Will said harshly. "Another man is sending my wife flowers. But not just any man, no, a man who attempted to kill me and my son in order to have you. and that bothers me. Okay? Is that good enough for you? Am I emasculated enough for you now?"
Clarice sat up. "Emasculated? What are you talking about Will?"
Will shook his head. "Nothing. Look just forget it okay?" He got up and walked out of the room.
Clarice watched him go and sighed.
Boy this is bothering him more than I thought it would. She thought and shook her head. Dammit why won't he talk to me?
Clarice and Will had rarely argued in the years that they had known each other. Even when they had been partners in the FBI they had hardly ever argued. They had always communicated well with one another and talked things out when they had disagreements. This was the first time that Will had ever shut her out and not talked to her. Clarice was confused and unsure if she should pursue the matter or not. Finally she decided that she could not leave this until tomorrow, they needed to hash it out now.
Clarice stood up and left their bedroom. She walked down the stairs in search of Will. He was not in the living room, he was not in the study, he was not in the laundry room, he was not in the dining room, and he was not in the kitchen.
Where the hell did he go? Clarice asked herself and her brow furrowed.
She knew he had not left the house because she had not heard the garage door open or either of the cars being started. Clarice peeked out the back door and saw him sitting on the back porch swing staring out across the expansive yard littered with toys.
Will did not even turn to face her when the screen door hinges creaked as she came outside.
"I've gotta remember to oil those," he said quietly, continuing to stare across the yard.
"Will talk to me please," Clarice said as she sat next to him on the swing. "What's wrong?"
It was early fall but the chill that had already crept into the air made Clarice shiver in her thin pajamas and she wrapped her arms around herself wishing she had brought out a sweater. Will noticed her shiver and took off his New York Yankees sweatshirt that he had pulled on as he had headed outside. Without looking at her he handed it to her and she smiled. It was such a Will thing to do; even though they were arguing he was still chivalrous when it came to her physical comfort.
"Thank you," Clarice replied quietly.
Will nodded once and rested his elbows on his knees with his head on his hands. Clarice pulled the sweatshirt on and it engulfed her tiny frame but she was grateful for its warmth. She reached out tentatively and put her left hand on Will's bent back. They sat there for a few moments in silence like that.
"Clarice," Will finally said, "I'm sorry for my outburst upstairs. It was wrong of me to turn on you like that."
"It's alright Will," Clarice said quietly, continuing to rub his back until he sat up and looked at her.
"I can't keep doing this Claire," Will replied. "It's driving me crazy wondering when he's going to thrust himself back into our lives again." He paused. "And I know in my heart that another confrontation with Hannibal Lecter would kill me."
"Will," Clarice said, "He's not coming back into our lives I promise you."
"How can you promise me that?" Will asked. "How can you promise Serena or John or even yourself that? I love you so much but as long as he is alive we can never live a normal life. He will always be there like a bad habit or a family skeleton in the closet. As long as he lives we will never be fully rid of him. And I can't live like that. I thought we could try but it's not working Claire."
Clarice took Will's hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. She looked intently into his eyes.
"He made promises to me Will……"
"He's made bullshit promises before Claire," Will protested. "He never keeps them."
Clarice shook her head. "You were not there Will," she said firmly. "You did not see his face or hear his voice. I believe him. He will not bother us again."
Will looked at her incredulously. "I can't believe we're going through this again. You're taking his side. Again." He shook his head angrily and pulled his hand out of hers.
"Will there is no side to take," Clarice replied quietly. "I'm merely stating what I believe. He said to me on our wedding day, 'I promise that I will not call upon you ever again, Clarice, except upon your request. And as long as Will is good to you, I will not call upon him either, you have my word.' I know he meant it Will."
"Wait, wait, wait," Will said, holding up his hands and turning to look at her. "Upon your request? And how exactly would you request his help Clarice?"
Clarice closed her eyes for a brief moment and took a deep breath. She knew she had just made a terrible slip. She had never told Will of Dr. Lecter's final visit to her in the hospital after the birth of her and Will's daughter. She had never told him of the instructions Dr. Lecter had given her with regards to contacting him should she ever need to. Clarice steeled herself for her husband's justified anger.
"Will I love you so much," Clarice began.
"Oh dammit Clarice," Will said quietly and stood up from the swing. He stood for a moment with his hands on his hips looking up at the sky. "There's more you haven't told me isn't there?" He asked quietly. "Much more."
"I'm sorry," Clarice blurted out. "I was only trying to protect you. I knew how hurt and upset you'd be."
"Tell me Clarice," Will said quietly and he turned to look at her.
Clarice took a deep breath and began. "Lecter came to visit me in the hospital after Serena was born….."
"Goddammit," Will hissed under his breath and shook his head.
"And he said that if I ever needed to reach him to place a personal ad in the Times, the International Herald-Tribune, and the China Mail to A. A. Aaron from Hannah," Clarice said. "But you must know that I never have Will. I have never contacted him."
"And the flowers today," Will asked, "is the first time you've heard from him since?"
"Yes."
Will sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "And what did he have to say today?"
"Just that he is proud of me for finally leaving the Bureau," Clarice responded. She decided it would be best to leave out the part about Lecter hoping she would leave Will as well soon.
"You should have told me about his hospital visit to you right after it happened. I can't believe you've been keeping this from me all these years," Will said angrily.
"I'm sorry Will. It's just that I know how insecure you are when it comes to Dr. Lecter….." Clarice trailed off.
"Insecure?" Will asked incredulously. "I'm not insecure I'm fucking terrified. Clarice, my God, you know what I've been through at the hands of that monster. And you know better than most what he's capable of," he sighed. "But you don't see him that way. You see him as a sort of mentor, a father figure."
"I know he's dangerous Will, that's one thing I've always been sure of with Dr. Lecter," Clarice said quietly. "But I do not see him as a threat to us. I told him on our wedding day that if he really loved me he would leave us alone. And he promised he would." Clarice stood up and moved to where Will stood. She put her arms around his neck. "I love you Will. You are my husband, you are my lover, you are my best friend, and you are the father of my children. I would never willingly do anything to jeopardize our family. I would never put any of you in danger."
"I know that Clarice," Will replied and put his arms around her waist. "But you should have told me."
"I know, and I'm sorry," Clarice said. "Can you forgive me?"
"We haven't solved anything tonight Claire," Will said quietly. "I still don't believe him and you've damaged our bond of trust by keeping things from me."
Clarice stood up on her tip toes and pulled Will's face down to meet hers. She kissed him long and hard.
"I know," Clarice said softly. "But let's call a truce for tonight huh?"
"Fine," Will replied. "But we'll continue talking about this tomorrow."
Clarice nodded. Will kissed her and ran his ice cold hands up underneath the sweatshirt and up her back, making her shiver with delight. Then she led him back into the warmth of the house.
To be continued. Please review!
