Chapter 2
Lily
The summer night was balmy, tainted. Settling on his skin like a misty fog, rising all around him like a vaporous veil, the damp air plastered the emerald green silk shirt against his chest.
Toga sighed as he wandered down the sidewalk from the Vau restaurant. Opting not to catch a cab, he'd been drifting aimlessly for hours. The last time he checked his watch, it was well after one in the morning. He had no idea what time it was now nor did he care. Hands jammed deep in his trouser pockets, shoulders slumped forward as his hair fell around him like a cloak, lost in thought as he let his senses guide him, questions kept forming in his head, and none of them had any real answers at all.
'Lily . . .'
A sardonic smile surfaced on his face as he meandered through the streets of downtown Berlin. He hadn't expected to see her. Relegated to more of a passing thought, a vague memory that had faded in his mind to mere legend, he had half-hoped that he had been wrong all these years, that she hadn't been as beautiful as he remembered. Glossed by the passage of time, the memory he had of the school girl had haunted him for what seemed like an eternity. To have seen her again, and to have realized that he hadn't dreamt her up at all, and that she really was just as gorgeous as he remembered . . . 'Sometimes,' he thought as his smile turned into a grimace, 'life really sucks wind.'
In the years since she'd moved away, he had thought that she was just gone, he supposed. What happened to those who faded out of his life? He made a face. 'Just because they aren't there any more doesn't mean that their lives stop . . . and maybe that sort of arrogance is another gift from my father . . .' To see her now, though . . . to know that she was well and married . . .
What had he truly expected? Surely he hadn't really thought that everything would remain the same? Toga shuffled along the sidewalk. No, maybe he hadn't really thought much about it, at all . . .
'Water under the bridge, Toga . . . Thinking about her won't come to any good ends. She was another life, a different dream, before you figured out that dreams were made to be broken . . . before you figured out that it didn't really matter, what you might want. It's all about duty and honor . . . and if you lose yourself in the end? It really won't matter then, so long as you don't disgrace your father.'
He scowled at the sidewalk under his feet. 'Is that right?'
As if Father had any room to cast his judgments. Toga's older sister Rin, adopted though she was, was human. Sesshoumaru's granddaughters were hanyou, and he doted on them, just the same. Uncle Yasha, himself, was a hanyou. So far as Toga could tell, Aiko, his younger sister, could have brought home a human or a hanyou, and Father wouldn't have batted an eye. That he held Toga to such a double standard was, in his opinion, hypocritical at best, an outright dishonor to him, at worst.
"It's only because he wants to continue the line of the Inu no Taisho," Kagura had tried to explain to him.
Toga stared at his mother with an incredulous eye, an unwavering steadiness in his amber gaze. "Are Father's wishes so important that what I might want doesn't seem to mean a damn thing?"
"You know your father, Toga. He values tradition. He only wants what's best for you, for the family. You know this."
"What's best for me? Shouldn't that include my happiness? What does it matter if the woman I find is human, hanyou, or youkai? Mother . . . you don't know what he's asking of me."
Kagura's smile was gentle, pleading. Toga looked away. "Try to understand, Toga. The families of the pure youkai are few and far between . . . That's why it's so important to your father, that you take a youkai mate."
Toga shook his head, staring across the expansive back yard of the Inutaisho estate. "Mother . . . I know you love Father, and I know he loves you. Father says I spend too much time with Uncle Yasha and Aunt Gome . . . maybe I do, because given the two examples . . . I want what they have. I want a mate who isn't afraid to touch my arm, to sit beside me . . . to yell at me, when I piss her off. I know what I am, and I know what Father wants, but I also know what I want, and it is my life, isn't it?"
The cell phone in his pocket whirred to life, breaking him out of his memories. He briefly considered ignoring it then grimaced. The caller ID registered 'private number', and he hesitated. Two people he knew would show up that way. One was Uncle Yasha. The other? He sighed. His father.
"Hello?"
Sniffling greeted his ear. Toga frowned. Female, certainly. But who would call him crying?
"Toga? I'm sorry if I woke you . . . I found your number in Wildemar's attaché case . . . Are you . . . busy?"
". . . Lily."
--0--0--0--0--0--
"I almost told Wildemar that I wasn't feeling well tonight," Lily said as Toga closed the penthouse door behind her. "He drags me to these hopelessly boring dinner meetings all the time, you see . . . but you don't care about that, do you?"
"Can I offer you something to drink?" Toga asked, ignoring Lily's obvious nervousness, her inane chatter. Stepping over to the wetbar, Toga poured himself a glass of water and stared pointedly at the woman as he tried to hide his slight smile behind a mask of indifference. Clad in a pair of black slacks and a billowing black silk blouse with her hair hidden beneath a generous black scarf, he figured all she needed were a pair of oversized black sunglasses to complete the conspicuous ensemble. In fact, he might even have a pair of them, somewhere around . . . perhaps he ought to lend them to her . . . 'How very Marilyn . . .'
"Vodka," she requested. Toga hid his surprise as he dragged out another glass and sloshed the preferred drink into it. "Thanks," she said as he handed her the glass. He watched as she swallowed half of it before she heaved a heavy sigh. At least her hands had stopped shaking as she untied the kerchief and dropped it on the coffee table. "I can't believe it's you."
Sinking into the armchair furthest away from the sofa, Toga offered her a small smile. "Was there something you wished to see me about?"
Her smile faltered just a little, and she shook her head quickly as she grabbed her things and stood. "Maybe this was a mistake."
"No, stay. I'm sorry. I just . . . it's been a long day."
She didn't look convinced but she did sit back down. "I've wondered how you were, where you were . . . I just never expected . . . You look good."
"You look better."
Her smile was shy as she ducked her head and giggled softly. "How long are you staying? In Berlin?"
He shrugged, reining in the desire to kick off his shoes. "Only until the contract is signed."
Lily drained the last of her vodka and smiled sadly. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I hadn't had to move? That's a stupid question, isn't it? You can't live in the past, right?"
Her sadness touched him, tore through his youki with a vicious abandon. The girl he had known so briefly had somehow changed into such a sad creature hiding behind brilliant smiles and designer clothes. The sorrow in those violet eyes unsettled him, and Toga sighed. "Why did you call me?"
"I wanted to see you. I wanted . . ." trailing off as she blinked quickly and looked away, Toga could smell the salt in her tears, could hear the pain in her voice. "I had to convince myself that there are still beautiful things in this world. I think I might have forgotten."
"Is it so bad?"
She sniffled and dug into her purse for a tissue, waving away the fine white linen handkerchief Toga offered. "Not bad so much as . . . pointless. I married Wildemar because my dad said he'd take care of me." She managed a terse laugh, harsh, incredulous. "Stupid, isn't it? I mean, you buy a car because it gets good gas mileage, or you look for a house in a good neighborhood so you'll be safe . . . you invest in the markets and open retirement accounts so you'll have security. You don't get married to be taken care of, right?"
Trying not to show her how closely her words hit home, Toga shook his head and stood, reaching for her glass to refill it as he turned away to hide his own wince. "I wondered . . . a lot."
"I don't know if that was the right answer or not . . . I think I'd have been better off to have stayed home tonight. I think I'd feel like less of a fool."
Handing her the refilled glass, Toga caught her chin with his index finger. "You've never been a fool."
Setting her glass on the table untouched, Lily stood and forced a smile. "I think I should go."
Letting his hand drop away from her face, Toga nodded once and stepped back as she retrieved her things. "I'm glad you called."
Lily dug into her purse again and pulled out a yellowed old envelope. "I wrote this to you a long time ago. I never had the nerve to mail it. Maybe if I had . . . I was sure you had forgotten me."
Toga leaned down to kiss her cheek, closing his eyes against the sweet intoxication of her, wildflowers and sandalwood . . . marked by a pathetic human man. His lips brushed over the soft hollow of her cheek as the smell of her tears cut through him again. "Lily," he whispered as she turned her head, mouth turning up to touch his.
Unable to think as she pressed closer to him, coherent thought skittering out of his control, her lips tugged at his with a softness, an underlying urgency, a tenacious hold as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She clung to him with a lethargy that belied the passion in her kiss. Lips opening to his exploration, a surging desperation broke wide. Her breathing came as sighs against him, the florid blossoming of a swelling burn.
She relaxed against him as he wrapped his arms around her. He ignored the tiny voice that whispered in his mind, the voice of reason when everything else faded. 'You're inu-youkai! You cannot do this! She is claimed, and you . . .'
But her lips were soft as velvet, her breath a silky balm. Her body felt so alive in his arms, so aware. Her tongue pressed against his, stroked his as she sought to deepen the kiss. Lost in a wildfire haze, Toga couldn't think, could only feel, could only react. Her hands rubbed against his shirt, he growled in answer to her sighs.
"Just tonight, Toga?" she murmured between kisses.
Toga's back stiffened and he stepped back. Shaking his head slowly, hand shaking as he straightened his collar, he cleared his throat before he could trust his voice. "I can't, Lily. There's no such thing as 'just tonight', not for me."
He watched her go without another word. She paused in the open doorway and looked as though she wanted to say something. In the end, she nodded and left, pulling the door closed behind herself.
Toga stared at after her for long minutes as he tried to tell himself that he'd done the right thing. 'There's no such thing as 'one night', not to an inu-youkai.' Through the years, he'd been told countless times by both his father as well as his uncle, and his mother and aunt, as well. 'Inu-youkai mate for life, Toga, so you'd better be sure . . .'
He sighed as he kicked off his shoes, unbuttoned his shirt. Physical intimacy was one thing. That he could handle without laying a claim, without inadvertently marking a bitch. Oral sex was an option. Physical satisfaction without the risk of accidental repercussions . . . Something about Lily, though . . . Toga closed his eyes, let his head fall back. He'd be better off to never lay eyes on her again.
Letting his head fall forward, Toga rubbed his neck with a grimace. Eyes falling on the old envelope Lily had given him, he frowned as he picked it up off the floor, turning it over in his nimble fingers.
Sealed so long ago that the glue gave with a soft snap, Toga pulled the piece of paper out and carefully unfolded it.
Dear Toga.
I'll bet I'm the last one you thought you'd hear from again, huh? I wanted to let you know a few things. I didn't find out about part of it until recently even though I always suspected something. My father died a few weeks ago, and he admitted to me, right before he did, that the reason we had to move away so quickly was because your father paid him to do so. He didn't think I was good enough for you, and maybe he was right.
I don't tell you this to cause any trouble. I just thought you ought to know. On the plus side, by the time you get this, I'll have been married. We delayed the wedding three weeks after my father's heart attack. Our wedding is tomorrow.
I waited for a long time, Toga, thinking and hoping that maybe somehow, someday . . . well, you know what I mean. I guess some things aren't meant to be even though there are many times that I wish, just for a moment, that those things didn't include us.
Good luck, Toga. You're such a wonderful man, and there will always be a special place in my heart for you, my very first kiss, my very first love.
Always in my heart,
Lily.
Toga crumpled the letter and tossed it onto the coffee table as anger darkened his eyes to a deeper amber, an irate hue.
Grabbing the cell phone before he could think about it, Toga hit speed dial and let the phone ring. "Inutaisho."
"Father."
"Toga. I trust you closed the deal?"
"What the fuck did you do?"
"Come again?"
"You paid Lily's family to move away? Who the hell do you think you are?"
Sesshoumaru didn't answer right away. The fading voices in the background told Toga that his father was very likely heading toward his study to have this conversation in private. Toga cracked his knuckles. "I am your father, Toga. I owe you no explanations."
"The hell you don't. What the . . . do me a favor and stay the fuck out of my life."
"Toga, we'll discuss this when you come home."
"Feh. I don't think we will."
Hanging up on Sesshoumaru, Toga had to tamp down the desire to rip something to shreds. He drew a deep breath. It didn't help. 'Home,' he thought with a decisive snort. 'Home? The hell . . .'
He couldn't go home. He couldn't face his father, and he couldn't stomach the idea of biting back his irritation with Sesshoumaru's heavy-handedness. Toga hit another number in his speed dial, prowling the floor as he fought to calm his nerves.
"Hello? Yes, I'd like to book a flight . . . New York City."
Toga rubbed his forehead as he tried to make the pounding in his skull go away. "Yes, fine . . . No, I'll pay for it when I get there. Name? To---Thomas. Thomas Masume. Thank you."
One last call before he had to go . . . Toga hit the first number on his speed-dial.
"Izayoi."
"Uncle Yasha?"
"Toga?"
Toga grinned despite his irritation. "Who else calls you Uncle Yasha?"
"Don't be a smart ass. Aren't you supposed to be in Germany trying to evade that bastard of a brother of mine?"
"Yeah, well . . . I wanted to ask a favor of you . . ."
"All right, pup."
Toga made a face. He supposed it didn't matter how old he was, to some people in his life, he'd still be tiny Toga . . . "Could you tell my mother that I'm fine, and that I'll call her?"
InuYasha didn't answer right away. Toga could fairly see his uncle, standing in the kitchen of his house in the forest, arms crossed over his chest as he frowned at the receiver, trying to figure out just what Toga was up to. "Something happen I should know about?"
Toga winced. "Not really . . . just sick of certain people thinking they can meddle in my life . . . You'll tell Mother?"
InuYasha sighed. "This is really gonna piss your father off, pup."
"Good, I won't be the only one, then."
"Promise me you'll call if you need anything---and I mean anything, Toga."
"I will. Thanks, Uncle Yasha. Give my love to Aunt Gome."
"You bet."
The phone went dead, and Toga stifled a sigh. Hanging up the phone, he stared at it for a moment before dropping it onto the table. He had an hour before he had to be at the airport, and that device . . . he wouldn't need it anymore. Every number on that could be traced, and why not? It all went back to his father's accountant, didn't it? Good thing Toga had accounts of his own, money he'd made by working for his father. He'd never had to use it.
He would now.
Digging through his wallet to drop every last credit card funded by Inutaisho Sesshoumaru onto the cell phone, Toga smiled just a little.
His father had fucked around in his life for the very last time.
A/N:
'How very Marilyn' Homage to my father-in-law, who has a fascination with Marilyn Monroe . . . and a picture of her in black with the ridiculously huge sunglasses, et al . . .
Final Thought from InuYasha:
Well, this should be good . . .
Blanket disclaimer for this fanfic (will apply to this and all other chapters in Defiance): I do not claim any rights to InuYasha or the characters associated with the anime/manga. Those rights belong to Rumiko Takahashi, et al. I do offer my thanks to her for creating such vivid characters for me to terrorize.
Sue
