Chapter 10
Difficult Decisions
"Are you all right?"
Sierra started and glanced over at Toga with a small grin. "Yeah. Fine."
He saw though her façade. "You sure you want to go?"
She shook her head. "No. I just . . . I should talk to Mom in person about it."
"She'll want whatever you want, won't she?"
Sierra frowned. "What do you mean?"
He shrugged as he stared at the road. "Stands to reason . . . don't mothers want whatever is best for their children?"
"Sure. If this hurts her, though . . ."
"So you're saying you wouldn't do something because it hurts your mother . . . is that how it is supposed to be?"
Something in his tone stopped her, and Sierra stared at him. He seemed sad, lost in thought, and she had to wonder why. "Toga?"
"Hmm?"
"Why do I have the feeling you're thinking about your father again?"
Toga sighed and tried to smile. It looked more like a grimace. "I don't mean to. This is about you, right? Let's leave it that way."
Sierra nodded, unsure what else to say or do to draw more information out of him. "Thanks for coming with me."
He shrugged, as though trying to discount her words. "It's the least I can do."
"No . . . it really means a lot to me. Not many guys would do this, you know?"
A light flush rose in his cheeks, and he shrugged again. "Then they're not worth wasting your time with."
Pulling into the driveway before the sprawling farmhouse, Toga shot Sierra an encouraging smile and shut off the SUV. She frowned when he made no move to get out. "You're going to sit out here?"
"I wasn't sure if you wanted me to come with you . . . I thought you might want to talk to your mother alone."
She had considered that. Now, though, the idea of walking in and asking her mother what she would think if Sierra did meet with her biological father . . . "Will you come in with me?"
Those golden eyes registered Toga's surprise at Sierra's softly uttered question. "All right, if you're sure."
She nodded. She wasn't sure why he made her feel so secure, like nothing in the world could hurt her, but for some reason, just having him near was enough to calm her nerves and to leave her feeling safe and serene. Toga ran around the vehicle and supported Sierra with a hand cradled under her elbow---yet another show of his strange sort of manners that seemed wholly old fashioned yet so in tune with the rest of him.
"Sierra! I'm surprised to see you!" her mother greeted as the two stepped inside. Drawing up short as she rounded the corner into the foyer, Sierra's mother seemed surprised to see Toga again. "Ah, Toga, isn't it?" she said as she came forward and held out her hand.
"Yes," he agreed, accepting her gesture with a quick squeeze of the woman's hand. "Nice to meet you again."
Apparently amused by Toga's perceived manners, Sierra's mother laughed and led the way into the kitchen. "So what brings you two out here today?"
Sierra cast Toga a quick glance. He offered her a reassuring smile as her mother pulled two mugs out of the cupboard and filled them with coffee. "I got a call yesterday . . . I wanted to ask you what you thought."
Mrs. Crawford handed each of her guests a mug and nodded toward the heavy oak table as she turned back to refresh her own cup. Sierra sat down with Toga beside her and waited for her mother to join them. "What sort of call, dear?" she asked as she slipped into the chair at the foot of the table.
Sierra fiddled with her mug nervously. "My, uh . . . biological father. He wants to meet me, but . . . I won't, if you don't want me to. I don't really need to, do I?"
Mrs. Crawford sat back as shock and a hint of pain filtered over her features. "I see." Standing abruptly, she strode over to dig into the refrigerator. "Pie. I think we need pie for this discussion."
Toga intercepted Sierra's distressed expression and reached out to give her hand a quick squeeze. Sierra tried to smile. Toga winced.
"Mom . . ."
Making quick work of dishing up three fat slices of Dutch apple pie, Mrs. Crawford returned to the table with the plates and smiled brightly as she handed them out. "Do you want to meet him?"
Sierra shoved her pie around but didn't actually eat any. Toga didn't touch his, either. "Mostly, no, then I think maybe . . . just to see why he thinks he has the right to come back into my life now."
"I've always wondered if they would come looking for you . . ." Mrs. Crawford admitted. "I guess I had hoped that they wouldn't. I can't tell you what to do, Sierra. You do what is in your heart."
Sierra sighed and shook her head. "I wish I was still young enough for you to tell me what to do," she admitted.
Mrs. Crawford sighed. "I do, too, dear."
"It makes me mad," Sierra went on. "What right does he have to come into my life out of nowhere and say that he wants to meet me?"
Mrs. Crawford's sad smile was full of compassion. "If you choose to, will you pass along a message for me?"
Sierra nodded.
"Tell them I'm glad they decided to give you up, because regardless of what you do, you'll always be my daughter."
Sierra smiled as tears blurred her vision. Toga suddenly got up and left without a word though he did stop and incline his head to the two women before slipping back into the foyer. Sierra watched him go as she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. "I don't want to do it, especially if it upsets you," she reiterated.
Mrs. Crawford sighed. "Sierra, I can't make this decision for you, and I can't ask you to do anything, one way or the other. It isn't about me. It's about you."
"Thanks . . ."
"You're welcome . . . now eat your pie. You're losing weight, Sierra, and you didn't have much to spare."
Sierra made a face but did as she was told with a dreamy smile. "Mom . . . no one, and I mean no one, can beat your pie . . ."
Mrs. Crawford turned to glance over her shoulder before winking at her daughter, dark brown eyes twinkling mischievously. "So tell me about your young man, dear."
She felt the flush wash over her skin at her mother's use of the possessive. "He's not really mine," she pointed out.
Her mother chuckled. "I don't think that guilt over hitting your dog would have brought him out here with you today, Sierra."
"We're just friends."
"So were your Daddy and I . . . until he asked me to senior prom."
"Well, I'm not so sure about that, but . . . he's a very nice guy."
"He's just a doll-face, doesn't he?"
For some reason, the memory of Toga's face on Halloween flashed through her mind. With those blue streaks and those fangs, he'd had a far more dangerous look, and the cold stare he'd turned on the two men in the park . . . He had managed to look far more ruthless than she could have ever thought possible in those moments.
Then again, recalling the look on his face while he'd slept, the completely relaxed lines, the boyish quality that showed in his restful state . . .
"He's different."
"Different?"
Sierra wasn't sure how to explain what she felt. "It's like he has this whole other side . . . he's nice, and he's funny, and he's sweet . . . but I feel like there's something else there, too . . . something . . ." Breaking herself off with a sigh, Sierra shook her head. "I don't know. I just . . . I like being around him."
Mrs. Crawford smiled. "Why don't the two of you stay for dinner? It gets lonely out here, sometimes."
Sierra grinned. "Let me ask him."
Hopping up from the table to put her empty dish and mug into the sink, Sierra headed out of the kitchen, stopping long enough to kiss her mother's cheek before looking for Toga.
"Hey . . . Mom asked if we wanted to stay for dinner," Sierra remarked when she located Toga in the living room staring at an assortment of framed pictures.
He glanced at her, and again she could feel a strange sadness in him. "If you wish," he answered.
She leaned her head to the side as she stared at him. "Toga? Are you okay?"
He shrugged, jamming his hands into his jeans pockets. "Yes, of course."
"Do you want to go for a walk or something? Dinner won't be ready for awhile."
He finally smiled. "All right," he agreed.
With a giggle, she took his hand and dragged him toward the door.
--0--0--0--0--0--
"You ought to get down before you fall."
Sierra giggled and reached for a higher branch. "Oh, come on, Toga . . . are you telling me you never climbed trees?"
He stared up at her with a marked frown. "Of course I did," he argued. "But if you fall, how will I explain that to your mother?"
"I won't fall! I've been climbing these trees forever. Come on up, the view's spectacular."
"I'll stay down here, in case you 'don't fall'," he remarked rather dryly.
She laughed at his tone. "Live a little, Toga! You know, right, that you're acting much older than you claim to be."
"Feh!"
"Too bad you won't come up here," she goaded, "there's a great view of Lake Michigan from up here . . ."
"Sierra . . . be careful."
She giggled again. "Yes, I know . . . honestly, I used to spend hours up here."
Toga stifled a sigh as Sierra made herself comfortable on a high branch. "Don't go any higher, all right?"
"Okay," she agreed. She was quiet for a moment as she lifted her face and breathed in deeply. "Toga?"
Staring up into the branches, the convoluted yellows and reds and oranges of the fall leaves clinging stubbornly to their temerarious hold on the branches, he frowned in consternation at the woman who refused to listen to reason. "Yes?"
"Who are you?"
"What do you mean?"
Letting her chin drop to stare down through the branches, Sierra's eyes were troubled, turbulent. "I mean . . . there's something about you, something I can't put my finger on . . ."
He sighed. Could he tell her? Could he trust her? He'd made the mistake once. He'd told Lily, and maybe that was the real reason Sesshoumaru had been so ready to pay off her father. What about Sierra? Could he keep his father from trying to keep them apart? Toga sighed. Sierra, he trusted. Sesshoumaru? He winced. No, he didn't trust him on this . . . When his father found out that Toga had willingly found a human girl . . . Toga ground his teeth together. He didn't even try to lie to himself. Sesshoumaru was going to be livid.
A strange groaning noise that was so soft he had to wonder if Sierra had heard it at all made Toga look up. It took less than a second for his mind to register what was happening. The old branch she sat on creaked once more. Toga reacted before he thought about it, leaping up and snatching her off the precarious perch just before it gave with a startlingly loud crack. Sierra shrieked as she shot a wild glance between the falling branch and Toga. "Oh, God," she moaned as she buried her face in his jacket.
He landed neatly and set her down on her feet. "Are you all right?"
She nodded, her cheeks ashen, her eyes still wide in shock. "How did you do that? How did you---"
He winced. "Training."
She didn't look like she believed him. "Training wouldn't have given you the ability to jump that high," she assured him.
"I was climbing up after you," he blurted quickly. "You . . . must not have seen me."
The doubt in her eyes lingered. Slowly she shook her head. "Okay . . ." she reluctantly agreed, her hands still shaking as she adjusted the neckline of her sweater. "Thank you."
A light flush edged up his cheeks. "I, uh, told you . . . I'd protect you, right?"
She nodded as she reached up and gently turned his face back toward hers. "You did."
Rising on her toes, Sierra pressed her lips against his cheek. His blush darkened as a shy smile broke over his features. Staring at her for a long moment, losing himself in the swirling green mist of her eyes, Toga finally chuckled. "Let's get you inside. You're shivering."
She didn't look like she had even noticed, but she blinked and nodded, slipping her hand into his as he led her back to the warmth of the old farmhouse.
A/N:
Blanket disclaimer for this fanfic (will apply to this and all other chapters in Defiance): I do not claim any rights to InuYasha or the characters associated with the anime/manga. Those rights belong to Rumiko Takahashi, et al. I do offer my thanks to her for creating such vivid characters for me to terrorize.
Sue
