Ch. 6

Love

"So...uh...what took you two so long?" Tatsumi asked from the table he and Watari were sitting at.

Tsuzuki was relieved to hear his friends' kind voices, so oddly different from Muraki's piercing and menacing tone.

"Tsuzuki got curious so I read Muraki's memories. But it seems like his demon friend doesn't want us to." Hisoka said from behind Tsuzuki.

"You read Muraki's memories? Why ever would you do that?" Watari questioned, taking a sip from a large coffee mug he'd been drinking.

Tsuzuki hesitated for a moment and then spoke up. "Because I'm kinda worried about him. Actually, it's more than that. Muraki was...hurt as a child and...I can sympathize with him." he confessed.

The others felt sick. They knew about Tsuzuki's past and it stung for him to bring it up and all decided not to say anything. Tsuzuki looked at each of them, hoping for some sort of response. Tatsumi spoke up.

"I know you want to help, Tsuzuki. You're so kind to everyone. But there are some things that just need to be left alone. Come on, I think you should get some rest now." he said with the warmest smile he could.

Tsuzuki glanced over in the direction of Muraki's room for a moment and then sighed heavily. "Yeah...you're probably right."

The demon was gone. Muraki kept telling himself that as he tried to fall back to sleep. He wasn't afraid of it; he'd never been afraid of much in his entire life, but he didn't like it. And he most of all didn't like the dreams it was bringing to him. Some were about his mother, some about his uncle, but most were about Saki. Shakily he reached down for his broken doll, pulling her off the ground into the bed beside him. He looked at her broken face and frowned. His anger had gotten the better of him. Tenderly he laid her on his pillow, smiling in satisfaction. Oriya was right; he was childish. But right now he didn't care. An hour of silence passed by, the only sound was Muraki's steady breathing. Sleep wouldn't come to him no matter what he tried. He tugged the sheets down to the foot of the bed, letting his feet touch the ground, nearly jumping at the sound of the shrill squeaking of the bed. Only one solution to his restlessness. Go find Tsuzuki.

Maybe he'll even disregard this as sleepwalking...

He silently walked down the hall, past the main room, pulling on his...or rather, Oriya's, borrowed yukata. Past the meeting room and Hisoka's room to a closed door he knew Tsuzuki lived behind. His hands lightly fell on the door, praying it wasn't locked. He turned the knob cautiously, taking a step inside. He knew this was overstepping his boundaries, but he needed Tsuzuki now. Maybe Tsuzuki would be angry about it, but at least it was better than being alone. His bare feet touched the carpet, such a different texture than the cold tile of the hallway, and he closed the door behind him. It was dark, all except a small spot of moonlight coming from an open window. And there was Tsuzuki. His beautiful features illuminated by the soft moonlight, Muraki couldn't help but smile.

"Mr. Tsuzuki," he murmured, inching closer to the sleeping shinigami, "You are mine to look at...and you are also mine to touch..."

Bending down over Tsuzuki's sleeping form he placed a kiss on his forehead. "My...beloved..."

At this, Tsuzuki opened his eyes and nearly shouted. Muraki was now sitting on his bed, his arm on Tsuzuki's pillow behind his head, staring fondly down at him.

"What are you doing here?" Tsuzuki asked as calmly as possible. He didn't want to wake Tatsumi or any of the others, or upset Muraki for that matter.

"I...want to stay here." Muraki confessed.

"Why? I see you every other minute during the day..."

"I was just thinking about...things and..."

Muraki was silenced by an unexpected hug. He was now being held, not even forcefully by the one person he desired more than anyone else in the world.

"Muraki?"

Silence. Muraki knew that if he spoke, he might reveal how upset he truly was. Maybe Tsuzuki would let him stay like this. No. He probably wouldn't. Enjoying every second he could, Muraki tightened his embrace. And then, to his surprise, Tsuzuki returned the hug. To Tsuzuki, it was simply an act of comforting his partner. To Muraki...

Tsuzuki held him, smiling even as he did this.

"I don't know exactly what happened to you, but I know you aren't happy about it. You may have slept with Saki, but you regret that now don't you?" he asked.

Muraki buried his face in Tsuzuki's warm nightshirt, closing his eyes. "Mr. Tsuzuki...I would have given my life and yours just to have another chance at killing him. But...when I made that decision, I didn't hate him. In fact, it's taken fifteen years to admit this to myself; I was in love with him. Even if we were brothers, even if he hated me." he admitted, sighing heavily.

Tsuzuki couldn't believe it. After all that, this "traumatic" experience had been brought on by lust?

"Wait a minute, so he...didn't rape you? Then why are you so upset over that?" Tsuzuki questioned.

Muraki didn't respond immediately, but rather his attention had moved to Tsuzuki's shirt that was, unfortunately, still buttoned. His eyes had grown used to the darkness of the room and he knew at that moment he couldn't have been much happier. Saki had receded from his thoughts and all he had to think about was Tsuzuki. Maybe now he could reveal a little more of his past to Tsuzuki while they were getting along. Or...was it more than that? Here they were, once enemies, brought together by unusual circumstances and now holding each other as if they were lovers? Muraki loved the attention, but knew this would only last until he revealed his past.

"Mr. Tsuzuki, we've known each other for nearly a year, correct? Would I willingly submit myself to some wretched human's pleasures?" he questioned.

"What? But...but you just said it wasn't rape! Which is it?" Tsuzuki inquired impatiently.

Muraki smiled and held Tsuzuki's hand, their fingers interlaced. "I don't know. I've told you once already that I loved him, so I suppose I deserved what happened. That day, from what I remember, I'd just come home and there he was. Sitting on my bed just smiling at me. We'd both had a bad day so I thought I'd hug him. By then, we'd already kissed once or twice before, so we knew there was...something between us. And we continued from there; Saki of course taking charge. All I really remember clearly is that about halfway through he stopped to tell me to shut up. It wasn't until it was all over that I realized I'd been..."

I'd been crying the entire time.

He choked on the last word, only thinking the end of the sentence. The only other person he'd told was Oriya, and that was difficult even with Oriya's gentle demeanor. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his breaths quickening with every passing moment. If he started crying...Muraki bit his tongue with extreme subtlety to stay in control. But Tsuzuki sensed it.

"Oh Muraki I...you really were raped weren't you?" Tsuzuki's voice was filled with genuine concern as he pulled Muraki into his arms once more.

Biting as hard on his tongue as he could without drawing blood, Muraki closed his eyes, trying not to have to respond.

"Mr. Tsuzuki...that's enough for tonight. I've told you things were different at that time. He was the first and last person I can say I felt...love for. But you must remember; I was different back then. I was weak and he used that. So it's alright." he said, his familiar smirk playing across his lips.

"Besides I must admit I've done similar things myself. As you are well aware." Muraki continued, nuzzling Tsuzuki's neck.

"..." the brunette was silent, hating the way Muraki touched and kissed him. And yet...he wasn't completely disgusted by it anymore.

"And I did as you asked, so you'll allow me to stay here tonight. That was our deal, correct?"

Tsuzuki looked down at him. Muraki had closed his eyes and appeared to be falling asleep. "Yeah...yeah I guess it was." he agreed, reluctantly.

"Good. Sleep well my dear friend." he murmured, yawning.

"Uh yeah. You too." Tsuzuki said.

And with that, they were both quiet. Tsuzuki shifted in his sheets, trying to be comfortable, avoiding contact with Muraki as he did so. Tsuzuki smiled. For all of the stress Muraki must have been feeling, he appeared a lot happier now that he was here. Seeing Muraki in such a peaceful state, Tsuzuki closed his eyes as well.

I've done some good after all. I guess he can sleep here for tonight. He shouldn't be alone right now.

After a few minutes, Tsuzuki realized he couldn't stay awake for much longer. Muraki was already in a deep sleep. "Goodnight Muraki." he whispered, pulling the sheets up to his neck.

Sunlight crept in through the window as Tsuzuki stretched his arms with a yawn. Before he could jump out of bed, a hand reached up from under the covers and grabbed his wrist. He nearly yelled, but then remembered Muraki had stayed with him the past night and realized he was still here.

"Mm...you talk a lot in your sleep, Mr. Tsuzuki. I'm still tired..." Muraki complained.

Tsuzuki laughed uneasily. "Well you move a lot."

The entire night had been filled with very uncomfortable positions, probably due to Muraki's habit of sleeping alone. Once Tsuzuki found Muraki's head in his lap, sprawled out sideways on the bed, while another time, his hands had found a warm area to spend a few moments.

"We make a good pair, ne?" Muraki asked playfully, rubbing his eyes and turning over onto his back.

His hair was in disarray and he looked sleepy. His yukata had begun to fall from his shoulders and was now more appealing than ever. Tsuzuki shook the thought from his head and moved to the edge of the bed, sitting upright. "You got to sleep here last night, that's all." he said slowly.

Muraki felt sick and looked downward, trying to avoid Tsuzuki's gaze.

"Mr. Tsuzuki...do you truly hate me so much as to deny me my one night with you?" he asked, once more upset by his words.

Tsuzuki sensed his discomfort and looked back at him, feeling a little guilty for what he'd said.

"Muraki I didn't mean to be that cold, but sometimes I don't like how you constantly pursue me. I'm sorry, I really am, but I don't feel that way about you. Recently I've been able to get along with you much better, but I'm not in love with you or anything." Tsuzuki said as kindly as he could.

Muraki wanted to hear no more of this. He knew Tsuzuki had some feelings for him, even if it wasn't much, he didn't care. But it had to be more. At least, that's what Muraki told himself. All of those killings, every last one was for Tsuzuki.

I would kill for you. I would die for you! Muraki screamed these words repetitively in his mind, anger and frustration gradually building.

"Mr. Tsuzuki please don't. You know...how I..." he murmured, his voice faltering.

"How do you even feel about me? You don't believe in love, so what is it? Lust? If it's lust then why are you pursuing me so fiercely? I don't understand you and I doubt I ever will, Kazutaka Muraki." Tsuzuki said, crossing his arms.

Muraki's eyes widened in shock. "You doubt my devotion to you? After everything I've done for you?"

Tsuzuki didn't answer. He no longer wanted to argue with Muraki. It wasn't worth it. Without looking back at him, Muraki slipped out of the room, not even bothering to retrieve his glasses that he'd placed neatly on the floor beside the bed. Tsuzuki waited until he no longer heard his footsteps in the hallway and walked over to Muraki's glasses, delicately lifting them off the floor. Rimmed with silver of similar luster to Muraki's human eye. Tsuzuki could hardly keep Muraki out of his mind. Their night together had been nice; it had been a long time since he'd felt so comforted. Even though it was Muraki, Tsuzuki had felt safe and protected with him. And not to mention, loved.

"I don't know what to think about him. He was raped. He's a rapist. He was a victim. He takes victims. I don't even think he knows what to think of himself." he said aloud, cleaning the glasses with his nightshirt.

Maybe I'll never figure him out. But...I'd like to give him a chance. At least while he's here.

No one can love a monster like you.

Muraki buried his face in his own pillow, wishing that for a moment, he could stop thinking about his past- and Tsuzuki. The demon was getting to him and he knew it. This was one of the more difficult challenges he'd dealt with and he doubted he could stand another day with it here controlling his every move. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye he saw a fuzzy shadow appearing beside him on the bed.

"Why do you even bother with that man? You could seduce any woman you want, but for some reason, you chose to go after this 'Mr. Tsuzuki' and make him fall in love with you. Or are you still denying you know the meaning of love? How strange you are. Falling in love with your own brother and then forgetting you know what love is?" the creature taunted, its white teeth shining in the light of the room.

I can't love Tsuzuki. If I love Tsuzuki, he'll take advantage of that. Even though he's Tsuzuki, I don't want it to happen again.

Muraki would never admit to the demon what he was thinking and decided to play it off as if it meant nothing to him.

"Interesting don't you think?" was all he could say before the demon began to laugh. It was a deep throaty noise that was utterly disgusting just as it was intimidating.

"You're upset now, aren't you? Go cry if you want to. More enjoyment for me. Besides I'm getting hungry, I'd like to feed off of your energy today." he laughed again.

Muraki shook his head. "The deal was that you couldn't drain my energy when you need it. Right now, I don't think you do." he sighed.

"Oh really? Fine. I'll give you some time alone; I've got more important things to do than listen to you complain about your boyfriend." it growled, once more returning to a large cloud of black mist.

As soon as the animal had left, Muraki let himself fall back against his bed. He was so tired and staying with Tsuzuki had only kept him awake. Just watching the beautiful man sleep next to him was incredible. His heart had raced whenever his leg happened to touch Tsuzuki's. It had taken every ounce of self control to stay away. Tsuzuki had no idea how much he needed him. But what Tsuzuki and the demon had said was getting to him. Was he really in love with Tsuzuki? No. He shook his head. If he fell in love with Tsuzuki, it would only lead to more problems. But...what if he did love Tsuzuki after all? He'd always lusted after him, and only until they met on the Queen Camellia did Muraki realize he felt so strongly about him. And now he wanted Tsuzuki even more for his own. Last night was proof enough. Muraki shut his eyes tightly. Without his glasses, he was getting a headache, only adding to his current discomfort. In a few moments he was fast asleep; he couldn't stay awake any longer. For now he could only relive in his mind, his night with Tsuzuki. He'd even gotten the chance to kiss him a few times. Just thinking about tasting Tsuzuki's soft lips once more was making him want the elusive man even more. And then he let out a sob. His eyes were glazed with tears and it took determination to keep from crying. Everything was mounting up against him. It was his demon's doing- he knew that, but still couldn't prevent it. If Tsuzuki knew what was happening, maybe he would help? Muraki shook his head.

I don't want sympathy or pity. Not from him, or anyone for that matter. Besides, he knows some of my past, but doesn't show so much as a frown. What does he even think of my being here? He let me stay with him. He let me kiss him. He lets me desire him. If he hated me, he would make me leave...wouldn't he?

Oriya could help. At least to relieve some stress. His eyes roamed the room for his cell phone and found it set atop the aging nightstand beside his bed. He reached for it, smiling as he picked it up. It clicked softly as it opened up, the numbers shining green.

What should I tell Oriya about this? Do I love Tsuzuki? What do I feel for him anyhow?

As he slowly dialed each number, each one beeping as he did so, he thought back on the time he'd spent with Tsuzuki here at JuOhCho, ending of course at their kiss. The one Tsuzuki had responded to. With every memory, Muraki became more and more upset.

Why did he respond? If he doesn't enjoy it, why doesn't he stop me? Why does he do this to me? Why doesn't he realize that I...

I love him.

I'm in love...with Asato Tsuzuki.

His eyes were wide with fear at this realization. It was true. As much as he hated to admit it, he had fallen in love. His legs felt weak and he sank from the bed, leaning up against it on the floor. His entire body shook with fear and sorrow. Love was the last thing he wanted or needed at the moment. Let alone unrequited love.

The phone rang for a few seconds before someone picked it up. Muraki sighed in relief. It was Oriya and not one of his workers.

"Hello?"

Oriya's concerned tone was answered by a plaintive whimper from the other side of the phone, hissing into the receiver. He'd already lost control.

"I take it that it's you, Kazutaka. How are you holding up over there?" he questioned, his pulse quickening at the sound of Muraki's distress.

Muraki sat upright, blinking away tears.

"Oriya...I...I love him."

In that instant, Oriya knew what he meant. And he knew why it was such a significant matter. Tsuzuki was the first person he'd been in love with since Saki...for fear of being hurt.

"Kazu I don't know what to tell you. Just be careful, alright? I don't want you ending up with another knife in your stomach." he said with a smile, trying to cheer Muraki up.

"I can't stay here with him. I want to leave but I can't. That demon has Saki. I don't even know what he wants from me anymore. From what I can tell he wants me to give up on our deal. He keeps bringing up old memories and bearable things like that, but if he knew about Tsuzuki, if he threatened my Tsuzuki...I doubt I could continue with it. A broken contract with a demon like that probably has consequences, Oriya, but I doubt I could..."

"Hold on, it's alright! Listen, I'll come see you. Please, don't do...anything until I get there. Got it?" Oriya questioned.

No response.

"Muraki you'd better not..."

A monotone beeping noise was all he heard on the other side.

"That spoiled bastard..." Oriya grumbled and slammed the phone onto the receiver.

Muraki sat alone once more on the floor of his bedroom, his cell phone beeping incessantly on the floor. His features were even paler than usual, his eyes wide.

"I...I didn't hang up the phone."

A sudden feeling of nausea washed over him as another presence entered the room. Muraki was right. He hadn't done it...the demon had.

"Of course you didn't hang up on Miburo Oriya, you monster."

Muraki slowly turned around, shivering at the power of the demon. This was its true energy. It had been disguising its energy the entire time. Taking a deep breath he stood up, his legs shaking slightly in exhaustion and fear. With a smirk, he spoke out to it.

"I hope you know that was going against our rules. No physical interfering. I'm afraid that..."

It just laughed. "Well I don't think you know what you're doing. You don't have anything that I want, other than a little enjoyment. I have your brother, so you shouldn't try to bargain with me. I own you, and I think its time for me to take my reward from you." it mused, one of its many tails lashing about the room in anticipation.

Muraki fell silent. "Re-reward? What reward? I was told nothing of that!" he stammered, for once feeling afraid.

"Ha! I hadn't planned to tell you about that! I only have one wish. One easily granted by you. It took awhile for me to think of what I wanted- I almost decided I would drain you completely of your energy for myself, but then decided against it. What I want is something you've almost nearly taken for yourself." it grinned maliciously, licking at one of its large canines with its black tongue.

Muraki inclined his head to listen to the monstrosity before him; only able to guess at what the thing wanted.

"I want..." The behemoth crawled forward, pulling its girth along the floor sluggishly towards its victim.

"I want..."

Muraki took a step backwards apprehensively awaiting the demon's request.

"I want Tsuzuki's life. Bring him to me and you will have your brother." it laughed, a large puddle of saliva dripping from its fangs onto the dark-carpeted floor.

It knows. The demon knows. Tsuzuki is mine! Tsuzuki is mine to hurt! He is mine to kill! He is mine...to love...

"You...you will require no such thing from me!" Muraki spat, unable to control his anger any longer.

"Ha ha ha! I just did, Kazutaka Muraki! You will do it or I'll destroy your...beloved brother."

Beloved. The word rang itself over and over through Muraki's mind a thousand times over, emphasizing his growing madness. Now, there was no hiding his emotions. No more façade. Which, as he realized immediately, had been used to protect his heart from further pain, was all that kept him from falling deeper into insanity.

"But what do you need with him? What value do you see in his demise?!" he yelled, the demon delighting in every shout.

"I don't think you should be asking that. There are things in the demon world that don't concern mortals like you. I've been targeting Asato Tsuzuki for some time, even before meeting you. But knowing that you are in love with him does make this..."

One of its tails lashed out from behind and before Muraki could counter the attack, quickly shot across the room, cutting his cheek. To Muraki's horror, it inched forward and licked the blood that formed from the wound.

"All the more delicious." It whispered cruelly, falling into a fit of laughter.