A/N: I... feel... dead. x.x But I'd better write this while I have clearer memories of the other night...
Disclaimer: I don't own anything anyone else owns, while I do own Roulette (in-between poetry). Haha.
Roulette
Chapter 2
I see the wheel slowing
My choice win passes by
I hope it goes long enough
So I win that special prize
When I woke again, I was lying in soft sheets. Though slightly confused on why I was here, I quickly concluded that Raine put me to bed. It also occured to me that bright sunlight was pouring into my window: it must've been late morning. For a moment I panicked about school, but I quickly remembered it was a Saturday. And Raine let us have us have off on Saturdays as well as Sundays, which was pretty nice.
I heard intruding footsteps enter, and looked up to see that it was her. A hint of concern was drawn on her face, as she walked in and sat on the side of the bed. "Are you feeling well?" She drew a hand to my forehead to check for a fever.
"Yeah, I'm fine." My eyes were almost adjusted to the morning light.
"Just making sure. You collasped on the chair last night, then mumbled something about Lloyd..."
"I-I didn't say anything... w-weird... did I?" I stuttered.
"No, actually, I couldn't make out what you said." I sighed in relief as she got up to walk away. "But, is there something wrong between you and Lloyd?"
"Huh? No, there's nothing. Why?"
"You seem to show the sames signs Lloyd did with the whole Zelos episode." At that time, I sprung from the bed, pulling some sheets with me.
"I am not!" I shouted, followed by a short moment of silence.
"Okay," she said, crossing her arms, "but when you want to talk about it, I'll be here." She walked off as I commented that I was not gay. But as she left, I let myself drop on the floor on my rear, resting my head in my hands again.
I don't really feel that way about Lloyd... do I?
But as the roulette ends
I start beginning to see
That I'll never get what I want
It's too far out of reach
After changing my clothes into a clean pair of blue shorts and white shirt, I heard knocking on the door. Apparently Raine did too, because she claimed she was busy and asked (more like commanded) me to open the door. I made my way to the door and opened it, only to be greeted by a pure smile and a mischevious grin.
"Genis, hey! Colette was feelin' better, and we thought maybe you'd like to hang out!" Lloyd said cheerfully, inviting himself (and Colette) inside. I sighed at his naïvity, but then laughed as he tripped on himself.
"Lloyd, are you all right?" Colette bent over to him worriedly, as I stood back and watched. He said that he was fine, and smiled at her. I wished that he would look at me like that. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, really," he replied.
"You dummy," I snickered, before receiving a playful glare. "So, what did you want to do?"
Since we couldn't think of anything better, we sat on the couch in the living room. (1) "This is fun," I said boldly.
"No it's not," Lloyd moaned. Under my breath, I muttered that I was being sarcastic. He looked to his right at me, before turning to his left at Colette. "You still look a little feverish."
"Me? Ah, no, I'm just fine," she said.
"Why don't we just sleep, since we're doing nothing else?" Lloyd suggested. Finding it a fairly good idea, I let my eyes close before Lloyd commented about just kidding. I shivered: it was slightly cold. Next thing I knew, I felt two strong arms wrapped around me, and I opened one eye to look at Lloyd.
"Why aren't you holding Colette instead of me?" I asked, as if he was doing the wrong thing.
"She fell asleep on my shoulder in a weird position, I can't," he answered back. From where I was, I couldn't see if she actually was or not. "Besides, you were the one who was cold."
"Me? Cold? Was not."
"Were too. You had goosebumps on your arms."
"But that... I... ah, forget it." I didn't want to argue: the warmth of his clothing was nice. To feel and hear him breathing against me, to smell his distinct smell, to feel safe and protected. This is what I wanted most, to be held like this like I was everything... (2)
But I wasn't. I let myself forget the fact that the only reason why I was being held was because he couldn't hold Colette. And though that hurt, this made it better. (2)
It finally stops
The roulette is done
I find myself winning
A total of none
To my surprise, I was still wrapped up in two arms when I woke up. Drowzily, my eyes opened, and I knew right away that my friend was awake. "Hmm? Genis?" I mumbled incoherently in response. "Hey, come on, time to get up."
"Nnnghh..." I groaned. Feeling release around my body, I had no choice but to sit up on my own. As I shook my head softly, I heard chuckling. "Huh? Lloyd, whasso funneh?"
"The way you look right now makes you look like zombie!" He laughed harder as he reached over to untangle my hair. I was too tired to insist on doing it myself, and I allowed him to fix it. "There, better."
"Where's Colette?" I muttered, quickly changing the subject.
"With the professor for a minute or two," he replied lightly. It became silent for a moment before Colette came back in, followed by Raine.
"Colette suggested that we went to the lake. You guys wanna go?" Lloyd pratically demanded that we went, while a small voice in my head bursted out loud:
"There's a lake!"
"Of course there is," Raine sighed. "You didn't know?"
"No..." I shook my head and felt like an idiot. "But sure, let's go." I stood up and felt lightheaded enough to fall back towards the couch, only to be caught in the same two arms as earlier. "You're quick."
"Hah, I'm just skilled," he laughed.
I throw in my spare change
For another chance
Maybe I'd get lucky
Or maybe I can't
When we reached the lakeside, it was more beautiful than I thought it would be. The sun was just setting, and everything seemed to glow purple and orange. I watched as Lloyd led Colette to the edge, and I immediately started walking away, knowing what was coming.
"Hm? Hey Genis, where are you going?" Raine asked.
"I'll be back, just walking around the lake," I muttered, daring not to look back at the two.
When a few minutes passed by and I felt as if I were far enough away, I let myself fall on the ground. I knew this would happen when we got here... but...
Why was I so jealous?
Wasn't the typical reaction for friends to be happy for each other when they had someone special? Weren't they supposed to support each other?
Maybe I was thinking this the wrong way. Maybe I'm just jealous because Lloyd doesn't think of me as the most important person in his life anymore, but now is girlfriend is. Or maybe I'm jealous because I wanted someone to hold to, to have someone who would love me as I loved them. Or maybe... was it both?
No, it couldn't have been that! That would mean that I really did... no, no! I realized that tears were forming in my eyes, soon slowly rolling down my cheeks.
My attention was brought to a voice calling through the woods. "Genis! Genis!"
"Raine?" I sniffled, trying to piece myself back together quickly.
"Genis, where are you? It's getting dark, we're heading back!"
"Nnngh..." I sighed, then stood up. "I'm here!"
"Genis!" She ran over to me. "Come on." She held out a hand, and I could barely see a look of concern etched on her face. Just how dark had it gotten?
"All right." I took the hand and I was led through the clearing where we had entered, and the other two joined us.
I cross my fingers and hope
That this time I'll win
Fortune I pray for
Let the roulette spin
We stopped at Dirk's house to drop off Lloyd. Through the dark illuminated Raine's lamp, flames flickering in the sides. He gave a farewell, and kissed Colette. I turned away so he couldn't see the pain already forming in my frown, and he ran to the house as I swore I heard Kratos starting to scold. I chuckled lightly, hiding the hurt from one single kiss behind my closed eyes. I didn't notice Raine stopping to look at me, concern still there on her expression.
Once we reached Iselia, the night lamps lighted the streets, allowing Colette to find her own way home. Raine and I finally arrived at our house, and eventually I made it to my bed, only to plop down in my pajamas and ready myself for sleep.
But as I curled up on my side, I picked up a peculiar scent. I leaned over and smelled the pillow, but the scent was wrong... something was wrong... It smelled like... Lloyd?
No, no... wait... this was stupid! We weren't even in here, that's not... I smelled again, but I picked up his scent. I felt awkward, yet comforted by the smell, and breathed it in. But I quickly came to my senses. It was all in my head. This was all a dream, he was never in here. And yet, I wanted him to be here, holding me so badly. Tears came again as desperate pleas for my best friend to come and stay here with me. Everything hurt again, I just wanted him to be here...
What the hell was wrong with me?
My distant mind was brought back to where I was when the door was knocked upon. Wiping away my tears, I murmured a soft, "Yeah?"
"Yo, open up!" That was not Raine. Number one: Raine's voice was not that deep. Number two: she would not say "yo." Number three... "Uh, I know it's a little late, but Sheena got mad at me, so I came here. I dared not to wake the gorgeous professor from her beauty sleep, so I thought maybe I could stay here..." Only one person had that voice.
Damn it, I thought, opening the door and proving my suspicions. "Why am I not surprised?" I moaned, annoyed.
"Well, I just need a little distance from her, that's all..." he chuckled. "So?"
"I'm too tired to argue. Go sleep on the couch or somethin', and we'll see what happens in the mornin'." My words were barely understandable.
"Thanks brat," he said gratefully. I pouted softly as he closed the door. Yeah, calling me a "brat" is some way to thank me... I crawled back into bed and practically begged myself to fall asleep, but again the tears began to rain from my clouded eyes. I closed them to let myself drift away, when the door opened again. "By the way, you wouldn't happen to have any..." His sentence fell, and I could hear him trudge over to the bedside. "Hm? Did I upset you with the insult?" he said cockily.
"No. That's not unusual," I replied, my voice slightly changed by my full sobbing, and I rolled on my other side, away from the pestering former Chosen.
"Then what's got you bawling?"
"You don't friggin' care."
"Sure I do. Look, I'll stop making fun of you (for now) if you just tell me what's up." My decision making was affected by my lack of sleep, mind you. I turned back around to look at him, sitting on the bed. "Well?"
Before I thought about what I was doing, I sat up beside him in an indian-style position. I looked down at my newly folded hands, already twirling my thumbs. "You... I... feh, what am I telling you for?" I looked away, stopped with a strong hand on my shoulder.
"Come on, you've started, now you have to finish."
"Look... I..." Twisting myself back to face him (or face his chest, depends on how you look at it,) I finally got myself to burst out, "Is it wrong to want to be loved?"
He seemed slightly stunned by the question. And I was myself. What did he know about love? For Martel's sake, he was the biggest flirts on the planet. "Uh, no... it isn't..." he answered slowly. "But, you're only thirteen, so why..."
"Is it wrong to want to be loved more than his girlfriend!" I grabbed a bundlefull of sheets and sobbed quietly, but hard into the fabric. I could feel arms trying to comfort me again, followed by a short, but slow:
"You and Lloyd... are more... alike than I thought."
I wanted to hit him then, but I was too miserable to care. It finally occured to me. My worst nightmare was real...
I loved Lloyd.
Would I get lucky?
Would I lose it all?
The ball keeps rolling
I pray that I don't fall
A/N: Aww, how sad! Numbers first.
(1) :blinks: Did they have couches back then?... well, they do now. o.o;
(2) To clarify, Genis is thinking/talking friendship-wise. Yeah, what he thinks... XD
Also, this is the first chapter that I started crying while writing. Yeah, it's that sad. Oh, and I learned you can imagine smells. X.x; And I still do that too... very sad.
By the way, this is getting kinda fun to write. So please don't worry about me, I'm all right. Mostly. Please review... .o.o. Flames will be used in the master flamethrower! HEHE. XD So flaming will only support me in destroying you, because you are LOSERS who are jealous of such TALENT. Heh. Two out of three flamers can't spell. I mean, who can't spell "asshole" and "pregnant"? LOSERS. (I'm referring to flames from I'm Lost Without You, and Just Follow Your Heart.) By the way, there is more coming, maybe even a branching sequel from this.Heh...
