A/N: You know what I realized? I realized that half of my author notes get sucked down the drain. I mean, I'm staring at the giant paragraph of it, but... I remember cutting most of this out... wow.

Anyway, I'm happy to announce that I'm pretty sure that my feelings are compelled to wanted to be protected. But, I'm not totally estatic, because I can't look at myself in a mirror and truly say that, not yet. (Well, I also have a slight phobia of looking at my myself in a mirror in a public bathroom, but that's a whole different story...) Or it might be that I also want to be loved like that... probably both.

So, things will definitely be twisted from the real thing. But this is still a bit of reflecting, so it's not completely out of the blue... (for now, anyway.)

...I really hope that doesn't end up getting cut either. -.-

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia and BLAHBLAHBLAH. I've always wondered if we needed these things, I mean it is posted on the ultimate fanfiction site, so of course we don't own it or anything... but these things are fun to toss in anyway.


Roulette
Chapter 3

Spinning around in circles
Like an orbit around the sun
I can feel the pain coming
And it's only just begun

"So, what do I do?" I asked, my voice quivering. The idiot seemed to be at a loss for words. Trying to get him to reply, I crossed my arms and huffed, "I knew it. You don't care."

"I'm thinking! You want my help or not?" I couldn't believe this, I was getting help from the last person I wanted to talk to. "Maybe you should tell him how you feel."

"B-but if I do that, then he... he might keep his distance from me and think I'm stupid, or worse, he'd hate me!"

"Hey, if I do recall correctly, I believe that he had once proclaimed love to another man as well?" I couldn't tell whether his grin was cocky or comforting. Creepy enough, it seemed like both. "And why would he hate you?"

"Because just like you hated him, you felt like he was trying to squirm into the relationship?"

"Hey, now! I never hated him! I was just a little miffed, that's all. But you gotta admit, you are trying to do that, aren't you?"

"No, Mr. I'm so smart, I'm supporting them!" Now fully awake and fully aware that this was a moronic idea, I had no choice but to attempt ending it with a short 'g'night.' Unfortunately, Zelos refused to allow me that choice.

"Subconsciously, yes. You're jealous of Colette, aren't you?" I nodded. "Well, your emotions are telling you to kick her off a cliff or something so you can have Lloyd all to yourself." I was amazed at how funny he thought he was.

"Yeah, sure. Cliff. Whatever. G'night." I think he finally gave up, because he actually let me lie down in the sheets again and try to sleep. But before leaving, soft words fell on my ear.

"If you need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"Oh yeah, like I'm gonna talk to you again."

"Hey, I heard that!"

"Good, you were supposed to."

I clasp my hands together
And I pray for my fate
That I win what I need
So now I patiently wait

Sunday rolled on by, into Monday, which meant school. Raine apparently didn't mind Zelos staying with us, probably only because she didn't want Sheena to be accused with murder or anything. But I had no clue that we would have a temporary math teacher. Just guess who.

"So, like I was saying, you take this X thinger here, and you write it on this side instead, because you plused it on this side, so you have to do the same on this side..." Quite frankly, I wish that Raine would've stayed to see she went wrong on this one. I could've sworn Zelos was smarter than this. Maybe he had been acting like an idiot on purpose. "So, what's the answer, Genis?" He smiled at me with that stupid grin of his again.

"If you'd speak some comprehendable language, I might know," I snorted. The class was laughing, but Zelos wasn't. Silently, he walked over to me and leaned over.

"Would you like me to turn this into a different subject? How about Health? Then we could talk about mental health" Catching the hint, I jumped up and said the answer. "Very good!" He said, becoming straight once again and strutting back to the front of the classroom. Furious that he would even dare hint that, I sat down and remained silent until Raine came back.


After class, I ran straight home, without saying a word to anyone (except Lloyd and Colette, who got a simple, "see ya later,") and bursted into the door. I stomped into the living room and over to where Zelos was sitting, on that damned couch. "You asshole! I thought you said you were helping me last night, not finding my weak spots!"

"Well, you acted like a brat in the middle of class. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Do as I said and spoke in a comprehendable language!" To this day, I'm not really sure exactly what happened, or how I ended up on the floor, Zelos pinning my wrists to my shoulders. "Get off of me!"

"I don't think so! As your teacher, you should not talk to me that way!"

"You're not my damned teacher! Now get off of me, I feel violated!" Which was very true. If we hadn't been fighting, I would've sworn he was trying to rape me.

"Isn't that what you want? Or at least, by another man anyway," he said, calming his tone into a slick, slimy defense. I not only felt utter defeat, but I became angry.

"Just shut-up and get off of me!" I felt my face reddening quickly, and tears from deep down started rising to the surface. "Get the friggin' hell off of me!"

"Okay, okay, whatever." He did a cross between a roll and jump off of me, and as soon as it was possible, I scrambled to my feet and ran into my room, slamming the door behind me.

"I wish he'd just keep his mouth shut..." I groaned, tears falling freely from my cheeks. "It's nothing I can help, and I feel so helpless..." I didn't just feel helpless. I felt embarrased, ashamed, unloved, disappointed... disgusted... The door behind my back was rattling.

"Genis, open up!"

"Go away!" I shouted. "You're no help at all!"

"If you open up, I promise not to say anything stupid! Look, I'm sorry!" Typically, this wasn't you heard from Zelos. "Tw... Genis, come on, let me in!"

"No!" I didn't believe him, and I just wanted to be left alone. Then I looked at the window, big enough to crawl through. I snuck a chair under the knob to keep it steady, at least for the time being.

"Genis, I'll break down this door!" With a final slam, the door swung open. "Now..." He finally noticed that only a chair occupied the room, and then his view shifted to the open window, curtains blowing in the breeze. "Damn it..."

It's time for me to let go
So I bow down my head
I don't wait for loss
I walk away instead

It seemed like an eternity before I reached the graveyard. The clouds blanketed the sun, giving the area an eerie feeling. I knew my way around, at least to whom I had come to visit, anyway. Coming upon the tombstone, I fell to my knees and bowed my head. "Sorry I don't have flowers today," I whispered. "I sort of came here to talk. You know how it is to love someone you can never have... right? What do I do? Should I tell Lloyd how I feel? But then, he'd hate me..." I sobbed miserably, my heart sinking lower.

Didn't Zelos say something about him not hating you? "Well, he didn't help at all..." I suppose that's right. "What should I do then?" Perhaps you should let him go. "I've tried, but I can't! I just can't!" Maybe you just need help. "Help? No one understands but you, and you're..." Genis, turn around. I did so, and I saw something that I never thought I'd see again. "Mithos?"

"Did you think you've been talking to voices in your head this whole time?" He chuckled. "Genis, I thought you were smarter than that." He smiled at me warmly.

"I... guess I have..." This hadn't been the first time that I'd been replying to the conversations at the grave. "But, you can't be... Lloyd, he killed you!"

"Love has no boundries." I blinked for a moment, before he kneeled before me and kissed me gently on the lips. I was momentarily stiff. "I'm still here, aren't I?"

"I..." Finally regaining (half of) my composure, I started talking again. "Well, even still... I don't know what to do. Like Zelos said, I'm just getting in their way. And I hurt so much... sometimes I wish I didn't feel anymore."

"Would you do anything for them? For him?" I turned to the "resurrected" angel, who was staring at me with a serious look painted in his eyes. "Would you be willing to give up anything?"

"Yes, anything!" I embraced him, and he held me. "I'd give up my whole self for his happiness!" I felt arms hold me closer, and a kiss was planted on my head.

"I think I know the way... but, you'd give up your feelings, your emotions..."

"I don't want to feel anymore! It hurts too much!" Tears feel like rain. "I loved Presea, but in truth, she was twenty-eight! I love Lloyd, but he's in love with someone else, and he's a guy! Everything hurts, I don't want it anymore... I just want Lloyd to be happy..."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes..." My words became whispers against his ear. "That's what I want."

"If it makes you feel any better, you'll be with me forever..."

I nodded against his chest. "It does. You're the only who understands me. You're the only one who will protect me. Thank you..." I supposed it was for the best. I felt my hand being tugged at, and a few moments later when it was released, I held it up behind the blonde, and stared at the Exphere for a few moments. "What..."

"I changed your Exphere, but it will be a while until it works the way it should. Say what you need to, and come back tomorrow, okay?" Our hold was released, and Mithos cupped my chin in his fingertips, held it up, and kissed me lightly. "It'll be okay. You can trust me."

"Right... thank you." We embraced a final time. But I still wondered...

Wasn't he dead?

I leave the roulette
In a path of dust
Turning away
Doing what I must

Misfortune has become mine
It's what I get for sin
Left with empty pockets
I hear a roulette spin


A/N: Man, the ending sucked. Don't worry, there's another sequel coming. It's branching off (somewhat) from it's original theme: but there's a continual of it. Besides, This Piece of Fabric was only three chapters as well, ne?

Another reason why I'm dumping this into a different fic is because it's really cutting off from my own experience. I never said went to someone (or a grave) and sobbed for a way out. I just sat back and suffered silently... for once. Actually, just last night, I refused to tell someone about it. Though I do have a connection with the next part, it happened before, and that set off this chain... ironic, eh? I think so. XD

By the way, while this is being posted in the shonen-ai category (anti and sided, so what? It still is...) I'd like to announce that I set up the Wall of Flame in my bio. I'd like to thank Xeora for the idea (I saw it in one of your fanfics as the "Wall of Idiots" and loved it...)My reviewers know how much I appreciate them, but I'd like to let flamers know how I feel. You're ignorant, and you can't spell. HAHA. I LAUGH AT YOU.

To those of you who are reading this (with an open mind and such,) please review! So far, I haven't gotten that many. Which is to be expected... but... I'd just like to know if anyone (else) is actually reading this. I might just drop it here, and you'll never know what Mithos has in store for Genis... you wouldn't want that, would you? I thought so. :snicker: As always, I'll mark the new fanfic with the SEQUEL TO (ROULETTE) seal, and post it soon. Until then, see ya!(?) Hehe.