Not owning YYH...wanting too, but not...
Chapt. 14
Can't He Feel? Can't He See?
My nose twitches eagerly at the wonderful smell of breakfast. My eyes slowly open to the bright sun that glows overhead. I yawn tiredly and stretch out my cramped limbs. Feeling bored being an animal, I leap in the air from my stump and summon my leaf back. I land gracefully in the clearing on my two feet.
"Cool trick Darkfire," a voice says from behind me.
I turn to see Kuwabara sitting on the ground with his trusty smile upon his face. "Thanks."
"Breakfast!" Kurama calls. Kuwabara stands up and walks with me. I can already tell what Kurama fixed: hot pancakes, warm syrup, and something with corn. How'd he get pancakes and syrup? We sit down at a makeshift table and pillows for cushions.
"So this is kinda how you guys eat in Japan?" I ask, looking at the blue and green chopsticks beside my paper plate.
"Yes, it's a lot easier to set up than an American table and chairs," Kurama says, setting a steaming plate of pancakes upon the table.
"I see."
"Get used to it," Hiei growls from the opposite side of the table.
"I have nothing wrong with it. Actually, I think it's kinda cool."
"Dig in!"
"With pleasure!" Urameshi and Kuwabara say in unison. And that's exactly what they do. I look at my chopsticks again and finger them warily. Picking them up, I try to hold them like Hiei was. But, as expected, my fingers slipped constantly and the sticks continuously crossed. I was about ready to give up and use my fingers when a warm hand covered mine.
I looked up at the person it belonged to and saw Hiei. I turned back to our hands and noticed that he was fixing my fingers into the proper places. He moved my hand towards the pancakes and helped me pick one up. He neatly folded it over and picked it up again. I couldn't believe what Hiei was doing. Him helping me instead of mocking my stupidity, I didn't understand. He presses the warm cake to my lips and I take a small bite. Upon letting go of my hand, the chopsticks go nuts and the cake falls back to the plate. I hear him let out a small, light laugh.
I stare at him. And, for the first time, I notice how his eyes really look. Painted in blood and scarred with sadness. Flashing every now and then with hatred or love. Pained and lonely, I know he feels everything that passes through his mind but he never shows this. I can see the pain of death and deception that plague him everyday. Painted with the blood of those he killed and those that have died, they still flash with guilt. How can he know so much pain and have nothing to show for it? How can anyone have so many scars and not have the need to show it? Keiko was right.
Right about what?
You are hollow.
What's that supposed to mean?!
You are so pained and scarred, but you show nothing. You feel it all, but you don't show anything of it. How can you live that way?
Easy, I have no regrets.
Regrets are one thing, but carrying scars such as you do is another. Do you know how to show pain? Do you even have a heart in that ribcage of yours?! No one can be hurt like that and be completely emotionless like you!
"You can't judge me by things you have no knowledge of!" he yells, leaping up and disappearing.
"What was that all about?" Yusuke asks, turning to me. They all look at me.
"It's none of your business Yusuke," Osadyro snaps.
"You heard?" I whisper, looking at her.
She says nothing and puts a chunk of pancake in her mouth.
"I have to go," I say shakily. I stand up and rush into the field, tears starting to stream down my cheeks. I race blindly through the corn, feeling the stinging cuts as I rush past. Almost in an instant, the field ends and I come upon a bluff. Blood dribbles down my arms and drips off.
"Why'd I have to be so stupid?!" I cry, falling to my knees. I sniffle and wipe away the hot tears. "Why'd I have to...to...?" My sobs cut into my sentence and I shake furiously.
"Don't you just hate it when you're right?"
I turn to see Yusuke coming up behind me. I turn away and try to hide my tears. A strong hand grabs my shoulder comfortingly.
"It's ok. Osadyro told me what she heard. Don't worry about it so much," he comforts. "Hiei's temperamental when it comes to his feelings."
"But...but he doesn't...even realize...that I do...know...know what I'm talking a...about," I choke between pained sobs.
"Knowing Hiei, he probably does," he soothes, rubbing my back gently. "It's just not in his nature to let on to things like that. Things that he cares about." He pulls me into his lap and holds me in a brotherly way. I just sit there and cry into his chest, not caring who might see.
We sit like that for maybe an hour. Nobody came looking for us. Nobody called our names. Nobody let on that they cared we were missing. I now had the hiccups and Yusuke's shirt was soaked with tears. But he didn't care about that, he just held me closer to him when I started to jump. He started to rub my back again and my hiccups slowly faded away.
"Thank you Yusuke. They're lucky to have a friend like you."
"What about you? Aren't they lucky to have you?" he asks, pushing me back so I look at him.
"Why? Why would they be lucky to have me?" I look away. He grabs me chin in his finger and thumb and turns my face to him.
"Kuwabara has gotten to be a better fighter. We all have. He no longer rushes blindly into a battle and he thinks of strategies. I even use my head more now." He pauses. "You've done so much for us already and we've only known each other for only a week or so."
I give a small smile and pull away from him. I stand up and hold out a hand for him. He takes it and pulls himself up. "Yusuke, you guys have done more for me than you think. I thank you for that. Tell the others I'll be back later tonight."
"Where are you going?"
"To find Hiei." With that, I turn from him and jump off the bluff. I plummet for the ground at an alarming rate. Timing it perfectly, I make a small fire blast to slow me down before impact. I land gracefully on a pointed rock. "Now, to find Hiei. Hopefully he's up-wind." I put my nose to the air and sift through the smells of the world. It doesn't take very long to find his unmistakable scent. I follow his scent and stop atop a hill near a small pond.
Hiei was sitting in a bare tree looking at the rippling water. His hair swayed softly in the light breeze. His back was towards me so I couldn't see his face. Hanging above him, his coat/cloak also swayed in the breeze. I knew he was mad at me; there was no doubt in my mind about it. But I had to tell him.
I softly walked down to the tree. His scent grew stronger with each step. When I finally reached the tree, I put my back to the trunk and stared out at the water. Hiei made no sounds, but I knew he wanted to know why I was anywhere near him.
"Hiei..." I whisper, but loud enough for him to hear.
