Don't own YYH...
Chapt. 15
So Much for Apologizing
"I'm sorry," I say after he doesn't answer. "It wasn't my place to question you the way I did," I continue. "But can't you try to understand why I might say that? That maybe I might know what I'm talking about."
"You could never know," he growls curtly.
"But I do Hiei," I whisper softly. He jumps down in front of me. I look up into his face. His eyes are hard and fixed into a cold glare.
"No, you don't."
"I can't judge you, yet you seem to think you can judge me. Why is that?" I ask in a calm, but curt, voice.
He says nothing and turns away. Momentarily, I watch his back but turn away to stare at the dirt.
"Why won't you listen?" I beg.
"I never said I wouldn't listen."
"Then why won't you believe me?" I ask, looking at the back of his head.
He just sighs.
"Hiei, you may not think I know, but I do. I really do. I've been hurt, and I carry scars on my heart and soul too. How could you, who knows most about my past, think any differently?" I ask, stepping in front of him.
"You may carry scars and have felt pain, but that doesn't mean you know my heart," he answers bluntly.
"Then help me understand Hiei. Please. Because I don't get it."
"That's the point, you're not supposed to."
"But, Hiei."
"No, Darkfire. I won't bend my life for you. I won't bend it for anyone or anything." He begins to walk away.
I turn to the pond and stare at it sadly. "You did for Yukina."
He stops and looks at me. "What did you say?"
"I said you bent your life for Yukina," I reply, continuing to watch the small waves smash against the bank.
"Why do you say that?" he asks heatedly, appearing beside me.
"That's why you had the Jagan implanted. So you could watch over her secretly. You still watch her now; she's always on your mind. You bend over backwards for her everyday to make sure she stays safe." The sun glimmers on the waves, sending shimmering crystals into the air when the waves crash. Suddenly, blue lightning flashes across my eyes and pain floods from my right cheek. My feet have left the ground and the air is pushed aside as I glide through it. Contact is made with the ground and I slide a bit. I lay there. Shocked and dazed.
"Don't you ever talk to me about Yukina!" Hiei snarls, lifting me from the ground roughly by my shirt collar.
I can barely look at him. My right eye feels bruised from the hit; and my left is being shielded from dirt and sand. I catch my breath from the abrupt impact to the hard ground. "Why not?" I whisper hoarsely.
"You don't know what you speak of! You have no idea what I do with my life!" he yells in my face, shaking me a little.
"You don't have any right to accuse me of not knowing what I preach. I have a sister too, y' know. And I would die for her, just like you. No, you're right, I don't know what you do with your life. But I know what I do with mine. And, to tell ya somethin', they don't seem so different," I tell him calmly.
"Your opinion, not mine," he growls curtly. I give a small sigh. I suppose this angered him more because he tossed me into the air. I do a slight flip and land clumsily on my feet.
"Hiei, please shed a little light on that icy heart of yours; it gives it a certain glow."
He snorts in disgust.
"It's not for me. I just think it'd be better for you."
"Worry about your own well-being."
It's my turn to snort in disapproval. "If I did that, I'd be just like you."
"Take that back!" he snarls, making a slight motion of an attack.
"No. I'll take it back when it's not true."
"Then I'll make you take it back."
"Go ahead and try."
"Fine!" He rushes towards me in a blind fury. I let him get close enough to duck down and sweep his feet. Unfortunately, he jumps over me. He jabs at my head with his foot multiple times; each time I roll away or dodge it. His foot comes beside my head again, and this time I grab it. I give him a smirk and leap from my knees. Up, up, and up we go, only to stop. I swing him up then throw him towards the earth. Dust and dirt fly into the air.
I fall gracefully to the earth and wait. The sand and dust hangs heavy in the air, making seeing almost impossible. It slowly clears and I can make up a figure. Finally, Hiei is visible. His shirt is ripped in several places and his pants have a few rips too. Blood trickles down the side of my face.
"Why? Why do you do that?!" he screams, at my throat in an instant.
"Do what?" I choke in his grip.
"Take on my pain," he snarls, loosening his grip slightly.
"For one, I'm responsible for it," I explain, regaining my footing.
"Even when you're not, you take the damage." He lets my throat go.
I stare at the ground.
"Tell me," he growls, shaking me roughly.
I pull away from him and glare. "Why should I?!" I bark. "Why should I tell you things when you won't tell me things? It's my secret! I'll keep it my own; and you can keep yours. I don't want to know."
"Darkfire..."
"No Hiei! I don't care anymore! I just don't care..." I turn from him and hold back the burning tears. Was life supposed to be this hard? Was I supposed to never be able to help those I cared about? Why does everything have to be so tough?
A hand gently lays itself on my shoulder. I freeze up. Could it be? Could it really be him? Oshi?! I turn sharply to face the owner of the hand. Hiei looks at me solemnly. I back away from him. Of course it couldn't be Oshi. He was dead. And he was never coming back. I turn from Hiei and race off. I didn't know where, just away from him.
I ran into the night and finally stopped. I was on a small bluff. The stars were veiled among grey night clouds. The moon too was hidden from me. A warm breeze fluttered by and played in my hair. It carried the scent of the world. A world I so badly wanted to escape.
"I knew we'd find you," snarls a young male.
