Tatsumi stretched his aching back and sighed tonelessly. Even shinigami weren't immune to muscle cramps from being hunched far too long over a deskand damn if they didn't hurt like hell.

Well, a hot shower sounded nice, but that had to wait.

He had to work.

Throughout the... incident, and the subsequent leave, reports had amassed, and while the others had tried to help, Tatsumi had to go over everything and straighten it all out a lot. And even after he was done with that, the case files were still coming in. To appease Konoe he had taken to clocking out on time, but he took work with him.

Sitting alone at home, hoping for Watari to come by for the night, was driving him crazy. There was only so much a man could do on his own, and only so often he could clean his place, turn everything upside down, and banish even the most resistant dust bunny from under the shelves.

It was well after sundown that Tatsumi finally moved from his kitchen table where he had stacked folders, files, books, disks, and single sheets of paper into haphazard piles that Tatsumi moved from his position.

He groaned softly. Damn, his back hurt.

There was a gentle disturbance around him and the plopping sound of someone teleporting into this placethere was only one who could.

"Hey, Seii," Watari greeted him, then his eyes fell on the kitchen table and the slightly disheveled man who blinked owlishly at him. "You took it all home again?" he exclaimed.

"I have a lot of catching up to do," Tatsumi mumbled and emptied his water bottle. He had stopped with coffee and tea a while ago and switched to simple water.

"You look like crap," Watari stated, eyeing him critically.

"Thank you," the Shadow Master replied, grumbling a little. "I needed to hear that."

"You did. Come on, you need to relax."

Watari caught Tatsumi completely off guard as he grabbed him and pulled him forcefully into the bedroom.

"'Taka...?"

Watari stroked over his shirt-clad back, but it was far from a caress. Those strong fingers dug into his muscle, and the blond frowned.

"Holy, what have you been doing all day? You have yourself tied into knots! Literally."

"It's nothing," Tatsumi replied, only to yelp when Watari pressed a thumb into one hard delta muscle.

"Uh-hn, sure. You have oil?"

"Whatever for?"

"Loosening you up, silly. Get rid of this," Watari pointed at the shirt, "and then lie down. On your stomach, if you will."

Tatsumi shrugged off his shirt and rolled onto his stomach, feeling the mattress dip as Watari straddled his hips. The well-known scent of the massage oil they had used on each other in the past filled the room, and then Watari hands were on his back and shoulders, spreading the warm oil before he started to get to work.

Getting your sore muscles kneaded into submission could be a painful experience, and Watari used every technique in the book, not only kneading and rubbing, but pressing on stubborn muscle knots until they surrendered and melted - which was very much what Tatsumi felt like doing after half an hour as well.

Watari knew what he was doing and he had given him backrubs before, which had almost always ended up in other, equally relaxing activities. Tatsumi literally purred under Watari's knowing hands, which had worked themselves deeper slowly.

Somewhere along the line he had lost his pants to make things easier for his lover, and now those hands were where his back wasn't anymore, having changed the quality of the ministrations from detached and therapeutic to very much seductive, and Tatsumi heard himself gasp when Watari hit a more sensitive spot.

The slick hands were gliding over his skin now, teasing his flanks, and Tatsumi felt the rising need to shift his position, adjusting himself a little before it would become very uncomfortable. Watari's breath ghosted over his skin as his lover bent over him to slide his hands over shoulders and down his upper arms.

Tatsumi drew up one leg, shifting a little to his side and Watari adjusted to his new position, running his fingers over his bare flanks and teasing his hips. When Watari leaned over him to place a kiss on his neck Tatsumi felt the unmistakable prove of his arousal brush over his bare behind, and he twitched involuntarily, bringing himself into contact with the jeans covered bulge once again.

A breathy moan escaped him and Watari snaked his hand around him, caressing one nipple while he gently bit his neck. Tatsumi moaned again, arching into both the touch and the light bite, the feeling of his lover's completely clothed body pressing against his own nudeness strangely erotic.

Watari pressed a leg between his, pushing them even further apart, and the scraping of rough denim against his skin, against some more sensitive body parts made Tatsumi whimper. Somehow it occurred to him that submitting to Watari's wishes felt surprisingly good and if the other would have chosen to take him here and now without any fuss he wouldn't protest. Most likely he would even beg for more.

As if Watari had read his mind his fingers wandered deeper, dipping between his spread cheeks and again Tatsumi moaned wordlessly, pushing himself against the slick fingers that teased him with just the promise of breaching.

"Taka..." Tatsumi groaned, short of pleading, and his lover showed mercy.

The Shadow Master clutched the sheets and gasped at the sensations, warring with his lover's harsh breaths on his skin. Watari had him panting and whimpering in no time, bucking and rubbing himself against the weight of his lover holding him down.

A part of his mind registered that Watari hadn't said a single word the entire time, but before he could get his misfiring brain cells to process that fact, Watari's fingers were replaced, and Tatsumi cried out, just reaching out and entwining their fingers as he started to move in this age old rhythm.

It wasn't payback, but it wasn't too gentle either, and Tatsumi enjoyed every minute of it. Finally Watari reached around his hips, rolling them both to their sides so he was able to spread his legs wider, feel him even deeper, and Tatsumi was glad to bury his fingers into Watari's silky mane and silencing his own sounds of pleasure with his lips. He had never thought that hearing Watari moan with pleasure would be able to push him over the edge but it left him sobbing into his lover's kiss with the force of his completion rushing through him like a tidal wave – and Watari followed his lead.

° ° °

"I slept with him."

Hisoka looked at Watari, eyebrows rising a fraction, but otherwise he showed no reaction. Inside though, he was giving a whoop of happiness.

So unlike him.

"You slept with Tatsumi?" he asked, wanting to confirm the fact.

Watari nodded.

They were sitting outside the Judicial Building, enjoying the warm sun, the lazy clouds drifting over a perfectly blue sky, and as always, the cherry trees were blooming. Watari had asked him if he wanted to spend the lunch break here, and Hisoka had easily read between the lines. The scientist had been very much lost in thought all morning.

So Watari had slept with Tatsumi. But not the other way around. That meant Watari had been the top?

Hisoka nodded to himself. Understandable. While his own relationship with Tsuzuki hadn't started like that, he had fought the same emotions.

"I slept with him," Watari repeated, voice sounding far away. "I didn't even bother to undress. I mean, he was naked. Completely. It started as a simple backrub and ... I don't know, heated up from there. He was laying there, looking so vulnerable ... and there I was, dressed... and I was in control, Hisoka. All the time. I was in control and he was there... and he let me take him. I just took what I needed and I never even bothered to ask. I didn't say a word... I just acted..."

Hisoka listened to the stumbling words, carefully using his abilities to read his friend. Watari was upset, but not dangerously close to a cliff. As it was, he was very much far away, but the events of the last night disturbed him.

"Did he try to take control?"

"No... no, he just let me do. Not that he was passive, Hisoka!" Watari added in a hurry. "He... he was with me, and I know he enjoyed it. He enjoyed it a lot. He told me. And he showed me. He was quite vocal about it... as vocal as Tatsumi is."

He stopped, embarrassment flushing the pale features.

"This morning... we kissed and cuddled, and I felt so... wonderful," Watari went on.

"That's good," Hisoka encouraged softly.

"But the way it happened..."

"Isn't important right now. What is important is that you felt good, that Tatsumi felt good. Did you have flashbacks?"

The blond head shook. "No."

"Did you hurt Tatsumi?"

"No!" Golden eyes widened in shock. "No, I would never... I would have stopped if he had... I mean, if he had told me to... if he had... resisted."

Watari looked suddenly very, very pale.

"I'd never do such a thing. I couldn't. I love him, Hisoka. So much."

Hisoka gave him another small smile and Watari sighed, shoulders slumping.

"No, I didn't hurt him. We switched before. We do so often. He likes it, I like it."

Hisoka nodded. "You've come a long way," he said softly.

"But not enough."

"Pushing won't help. It has to happen on its own. You can't force it."

Watari looked desolate. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to relax like that again, Hisoka," he whispered. "I think of the situation and I know Tatsumi won't hurt me... that he could never hurt me... that it wasn't him... and I freeze up and I can't go through with it."

The young empath was silent for a moment, feeling the waves of despair.

"Watari?"

Those huge, golden eyes looked at him.

"You'll always run into that wall. Always. I did and still do. With Tsuzuki and me... I was the more experienced part and I had been raped. Go figure. So I took the lead and I let Tsuzuki sleep with me, because I knew I would probably hurt him if it went the other way around."

He gazed up at the sky, through the canopy of dusky pink and white leaves.

"You're with the person you love. You know you want to experience that love, you want to sleep with him. Still, you only see what happened in the past. It's like a second rape, but you have to go through with it. At one point, your body will take over. There's only so much nerve endings can take, and then the sensations will flood you. And you will know that it's Tatsumi, not Yuki. He'll be the one touching you. I know it's Tsuzuki who is inside me, Watari. I can see him, feel him... touch him. Maybe empathy is a helper here, but you don't need it. You just know."

Watari swallowed convulsively. "I love him, Hisoka. I want him. I want to feel him..."

"And you will. You two took a lot of important steps already, and you will take the last one." Hisoka met and held the wide-eyed gaze. "There'll be a moment throughout it where you have to bite down, fight back the demons, and simply feel. See Tatsumi and feel, nothing else."

He had done the same. He had looked into those amethyst eyes, had seen Tsuzuki, and he had ignored the memories of silver eyes and silver hair, and the sadistic pleasure written on that handsome face.

He had gained so much.

Watari just nodded, silent, staring at the ground.

"Yutaka," Hisoka broke into his thoughts. "Feel. Just feel. Let that feeling guide you. Don't think about it. You know what you feel, you slept with Tatsumi before."

"Yeah."

There was a wistful note to his voice and Watari smiled a little.

tbc...