Don't own YYH; do own One Life To Another
Chapt. 19
In the Darkness of the Training Hall
I jolt forward in the bed, ignoring the searing pain that just flooded through me. Botan nearly had a heart attack when I looked at her. My mind raced rapidly with the thought that they'd missed the tournament because of me. I jumped from my bed and shook Botan furiously.
"Did we miss it?! Did we miss the tournament?!" I yelled.
"N-no," she stutters through my shaking. I stop and hug her tightly.
"Thank God!" I let her go and look into her scared, pink eyes. "I didn't mean to scare anyone. Please bring me my clothes," I ask, noticing I'm wearing blue duck pajamas.
"Yes! Thank the Heavens above you're awake!" She dashes to the door, unlocks it, and rushes away.
"Yes, and thank God I can still move," I whisper.
"Darkfire!" Yusuke yells at the doorway. He rushes up to me, hugs me around my waist, and spins me about happily.
I laugh as I get dizzier and dizzier. "It's good to see you too Yusuke!"
He sets me down. "You woke up just in time."
"For the tournament; I know."
"Damn Darkfire, I ain't worried about that. You woke up in time for Hiei's birthday. What would make you think that I cared about the tournament while you were hangin' on by a thread?"
"It's only tomorrow that we have to go. I can't miss this chance to get my revenge."
"Or kill yourself," a voice says from the doorway.
I look past Yusuke and see Hiei leaning on the door frame. "Hiei!"
"I hope you got something to eat while you were away from her," Yusuke says, staring at Hiei.
"I ate, what's it to ya?"
"You didn't eat while you were in here?" I ask in disbelief, walking over to him.
"Hn."
"Don't you give me that. What if I woke up to find out that you had died because you wouldn't eat? Do you have any idea what kind of guilt that would do to me?" His blood ruby eyes quivered with guilt for a second then it was gone.
"I need to talk to you. Alone," he adds.
I nod and follow him through the halls. The wound in my stomach still stings as I walk, causing a small limp.
"I can carry you if it'll stop your limping," Hiei says, trying to sound like he didn't care.
"No thanks. Where we goin'?"
"The training hall."
"Oh...ok."
We walk a while longer. The halls become slightly more familiar. Then the door to the training hall appears before us. We stop and enter. The door clicks behind him.
"Is the dark fine?"
"I don't mind," I say, scanning the dark room. Even through the eyes of a creature of the night, I could not make out specific details. Everything was shrouded in shadows, and I only knew what they were from memory. I looked back to Hiei. It was like looking at him through infrared goggles. Nocturnal vision was fun. "What did you want to talk about Hiei?"
He's silent for a moment. "Is now a good time and place to talk about it?"
"Talk...? Oh, that. I guess."
"Why do you protect us? You only just met us."
"I just don't want to see another person die."
"But that could disturb the balance and order of things."
"I don't care, I don't. Three deaths are enough for me."
"But why torture yourself with minor scratches and wounds?"
"Even the smallest rock can create the biggest avalanche."
"If you were to stop the rock, the avalanche would not be created."
"Sometimes the rock cannot be stopped. Once it's cast, you can't always stop it."
"Kurama can heal any wound."
"Kurama can't do everything. Wound or no wound, he can't always heal it. You count on him for so much, but not even he can stop all the rocks."
The metaphors and riddles subside.
"Darkfire, you can't use that power in the Urabutosatsujin."
"And why not?" I question skeptically.
"We can't have you injured for your battles."
"Nice to know you care," I say sadistically, "but you can't tell me what I can and can't do."
He says nothing.
"I have an obligation now to protect, and not just a wish."
"What's that?"
"You people watched over my sleeping body for almost a month. I saved one life and seven other lives watched me."
"You can't justify protecting us with that! I don't want you to protect me! You can protect the weaklings, but let me be!"
"Yusuke is just as strong as you. And Kuwabara can cut across dimensions. How can you call them weak?"
"I don't care, just don't protect me."
"Because you don't want to feel helpless? Because you're afraid that if I protect your life with my own, it makes you look weak?"
"I don't need a protector!"
"I'm not your protector; I'm just your friend. And I happen to be willing to die for you."
"I don't need a friend!"
"We all need a friend. They make you strong."
"No! Friends hold you back! They get in the way!"
"Funny thing to say for a guy who has a handful of friends," I laugh lightly.
"You have no idea!"
"Hiei, have you ever fought with Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Kurama and never wanted to protect them? Have they never wanted to protect you? Well?"
He doesn't say anything.
"See? You're afraid to let anyone know. You're afraid to admit you have friends. That, Hiei, is what makes a person weak."
"I'm not weak."
"Prove me wrong."
"Tell me how."
"Put someone else's life before yours; then, when they're in danger, put your life in front of theirs."
"How the Hell does that work?"
"You put your life second to someone's, but when the attack comes, put your life out instead of theirs."
"My life is second to everyone's already."
"When you jump in front of a passing bullet that was meant for the one behind you; when you push someone out of the way of an attack and let it take your own life; when you call out someone's name when they're in danger; then I'll believe you."
"I won't be like you Darkfire. I won't risk my life for someone like that. When my life is assured to live, then I'll do that heroic stuff. But I won't change like that."
"You do it for Yukina, why not everybody else?"
His hard glare pierces the dark and penetrates my soul.
"Why won't you tell the girl? It's not gunna kill ya to let her know."
"That's what you think."
"I know Hiei! Is it not better to tell someone and cry, than it is to die and not have them know?"
"Who said I was gunna die?"
"Someday you will Hiei, because I wasn't strong enough to protect you. Then we'll have to tell Yukina that the brother she was searching so hard for was living just down hall. And then she'd see your mangled body, bloody and torn, and that's the only memory she'd have of her brother.
"I know you're ashamed Hiei. Ashamed of what she might think of what you have become. But not telling her, letting her wander the world in search of a brother she's already found, is killing her. I've heard her cry out in her sleep for her brother to find her. It's so sad to see her everyday, watching her search through strange faces, and not tell her that she doesn't have to search any more."
"You can't change me."
"Damn it Hiei! I'm not tryin' to change you! I'm tryin' to help! That's what I do, I help people. I don't want you to change; I just want to melt some of that ice. Why do you have to be such a self-centered bastard all the time?"
"You're calling me a self-centered bastard?"
"Yes, yes I am."
"At least I don't put my life on the line for human parents that don't even know half about me," Hiei sneered. I snapped. The sound of skin on skin echoed through the room.
"Don't you ever, ever insult my parents!" I yell, rubbing my right hand. The door swings open and the light clicks on.
"Wot be goin' on in 'ere?" Jin asks, stepping into the room. Hiei stands up and rubs his cheek gingerly, trying not to irritate the red mark. "Looks painfer," Jin grimaces.
Hiei says nothing and storms out of the room, pushing past Jin.
"Wot 'id I miss?" Jin questions, very confusedly.
"It was nothing Jin. He just made a mistake that I hope he learned not to make again."
