The Female of the Species

Chapter 14

Lucius was once more in his accustomed chair in his study, a half empty bottle of Glen Foy on the table beside him, when Lucinda paid him another visit one evening. She had not seen Lucius for almost a month, having forced herself to stay away. She had been wary of annoying him, his mood on her last trip to Malfoy Manor had been so odd. She hoped that by now he would be pleased to see her, as they had never been apart for so long since their regular liaisons had started. This time, she stepped from the fireplace in the study itself.

Lucius looked up at her. If he was surprised at her sudden appearance from amongst the flames, he did not show it. "Ah, Lucinda," he said neutrally. He did not get up from his chair. In the old days, he would always greet her with a lingering kiss: she missed those kisses, they could make her so ready for him in such a short time. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" he enquired.

"You still look terrible, Lucius. You haven't shaved for days and your hair needs a wash. Do you live in that chair?" She sniffed the air, and looked round the room. "You must have drunk the equivalent of Loch Foy since Narcissa died. Lucius, you know the bottle isn't the answer!"

"And what remedy do you recommend? The lovely Lucinda naked on the hearth rug, perhaps?"

"If you like." She smiled coquettishly, but it elicited no response.

"What do you want, Lucinda? Or have you come for a repeat performance of last time?"

"If you like," she repeated.

"No, Lucinda. And this time I mean it."

Lucinda sighed. "If you insist, although you are refusing the most supple and deep throated of the Malfoy women." Then, more seriously, she said, "Listen Lucius, I didn't only come here for that. I have some news for you, or rather I wanted to check whether it is news to you. May I sit down?"

"Over there, if you please." He indicated the chair on the other side of the fireplace. "Would you like a drink?" He rose with what seemed much more of an effort than the movement would demand, and poured Lucinda a generous measure of Glen Foy. He was about to get her a jug of spring water, when she shook her head. "Neat will be fine for me this evening. If I can't have you, I might just get drunk instead." Lucius raised his eyebrows at her, but said nothing, retaking his seat.

"Well?"

"Have you seen Cho Chang recently?"

Lucius immediately looked suspicious. "Why are you asking me about her?"

"Lucius, I know you had an affair with her."

"If I did, it's none of your business. You know perfectly well I never discuss one woman with another. Would you have liked me to tell Miss Chang all about what you and I do?"

" 'Did', I think is the right tense, Lucius. Unless of course you meant what you said about the hearth rug? I asked about Cho Chang because I saw her yesterday morning. I went to Cho's Chic to order a dress. I'd heard so many good things about her work, and I also wanted to have a closer look at her because I knew about you and her. Anyway, there's something about her you should know. She's pregnant."

Lucius had only been half listening, but now Lucinda had his full attention. "Pregnant?" he almost shouted, "How pregnant?"

"Well, Lucius my darling, one is either pregnant or one isn't." Lucius glared at Lucinda, and she capitulated. "I'd guess about nine weeks."

"Nine weeks? Are you sure about this? At that stage I suppose she doesn't show yet. How do you know?"

"Because I have the gift, Lucius. Some witches just have the ability to sense when a woman is pregnant, and I'm one of them. You know I'm always right, I've proved it often enough. Anyway, she looked very green around the gills. It was obvious she's got morning sickness."

Lucius looked stunned. His cousin could see him doing calculations in his head.

"I suppose from your reaction that it's yours?" she said, with just a hint of venom. "Someone wasn't as careful as they should have been." Lucius' glare intensified.

"Lucinda, my dear, you've passed on your delicious piece of gossip. Thank you for informing me, I'm duly grateful. But I'll thank you for not speculating about my other relationships. If you have nothing more to say to me other than to discuss Miss Chang, it would be better if you were to leave."

Lucinda pouted prettily. "Oh, Lucius, you are a grumpy old wizard. Don't you have anything nice to say to me at all? After I came specially to see you?"

Lucius shook his head. "No, Lucinda. I think your days may be numbered." At these words, a slight shiver went down her spine. There was something very different about Lucius these days, and this statement sounded portentous.

Lucinda drained her glass, gasping slightly as the fiery whisky hit her throat, and stood up. She took a step towards Lucius, and stood over him. Then, making up her mind, she turned slightly and sat on his lap, flung her arms around his neck, and kissed him on the mouth. She felt Lucius hesitate a little before responding to her embrace. The kiss lasted for some time, and then Lucius pulled away from his cousin. He rested his head on the back of the armchair, and held Lucinda's chin in one hand. He brushed her mouth with his thumb as he held her head in a grip so firm that she was forced to look at him.

"Ah, Lucinda! What am I going to do with you?"

"Have me naked on the hearth rug?" She began to undo the buttons on the bodice of her gown, but Lucius put his other hand over hers to stop her. "No, don't." His voice was quiet, but firm, and she knew that he meant it.

"Can I ask you something, Lucius?" Lucinda said, trying to sound as neutral as possible. He inclined his head indicating that she should proceed. "Something seems to have changed since Narcissa died. I don't understand what. You used to see me two or three times a week, and never less than once a fortnight. Did you really love Narcissa so much after all? Are you mourning her so much that you don't need a woman any more? How long is it going to last?"

Lucius closed his eyes and seemed to be thinking. "If I answer you, I trust it will go no further?" He opened them again, and looked at her very seriously. Lucinda stroked his face. "Lucius, you know I never betray a confidence. What's wrong?"

"Narcissa was a wonderful woman. I never appreciated just how wonderful till she died. Did you know she always loved me?"

Lucinda looked surprised. "I thought you had an open marriage by mutual agreement. She had loads of men."

"Yes, we did. But now I realise it was my choice not hers. She let me do what I wanted because she knew it was the only way to keep me. I ended up taking her for granted. I ignored all the signs. When I think about her now, of course I knew she loved me. I just chose to pretend to myself that she didn't, so that I didn't have to feel guilty for not loving her back."

"But Lucius, she's dead now. You can't change the past by feeling guilty. It should be easier for you to do exactly what you want now, you don't have to pretend anything. You didn't love her anymore."

"No, I didn't."

"So, after a decent interval, when the guilt has worn off, we'll be back to normal, won't we?" Lucinda tried not to sound desperate, remembering his earlier words.

"Lucinda, do you think I could ever love just one woman enough to be faithful to her?"

She knew he did not mean her. A chill stole over her heart. Then she realised she knew. "It's Cho Chang isn't it?"

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Lucius Malfoy sits gazing into the fire, trying to organise his thoughts; trying to be honest with himself, for he has finally realised his own capacity for self-deception. He is a changed man, this he knows. But he is as yet unsure whether the change is permanent. He realises that he is like a ship adrift, for the anchor of his belief, the Dark Lord, is now no more. He cannot speak of this to any living soul, for none save one knows the precise detail of recent events: that Voldemort lived until a few short weeks ago and was slain by his wife; and that person is one to whom he will not turn, for to do so would both demean him and bring disturbing visions of the Dark Lord's attempt to violate Cho Chang.

Lucius finally admits to himself that he loves Cho, but he is wary of this feeling, for he has realised that the Dark Lord changed him when he practised legilimency on him. Lucius, who had never really loved anyone, although he desired and made love to many, fell in love with Cho Chang because he was forced to think about her constantly. Lucius does not know if this love is unique enough to last. He knows that Cho is a fragile flower beside his late wife's strong personality. He cares enough about her to want the very best for her, even if this means a parting of the ways. He knows that Cho could not share him, the first infidelity would break her heart.

He thinks of Lucinda, who said to him, "Marry me, Lucius. I've been sharing you for years, and I don't mind. It would be just the same. You're not a one-woman man." But Lucius knows that marriage brings expectations of possession, and this his beautiful cousin fails to recognise. She too may eventually find herself resenting Lucius' harem in spite of herself.

Does Lucius still need the titillation of a regular supply of new females to explore? For he has had far more than his fair share to date. Perhaps no, but does he have the strength to refuse the advances of those who have always deliberately put themselves in his way? For even if he chooses not to actively seek out new experiences, he knows that he is weak: he has never yet turned down a desirable woman who offered herself to him.

Lucius recognises his advancing years. He has seen the silver hairs among the gold, he has seen the lines around his eyes, he feels pain each time he moves. But he knows that this last is in part due to the Crucio curse, and he does not know how he will be when the final effects leave him. He is not yet 50, and wizards live beyond the span of mere Muggles. There is still life in this wizard, and his staff remains eager and ready for attention every morning.

He can see a future in which he is a very lonely old wizard, living from one sexual encounter to the next. Would it be such a sacrifice, to give up the variety? He feels nothing for most of the women, and no more than a fondness for the rest. He is sure Cho Chang would be willing to accommodate his sexual fantasies, he can teach her all the techniques he has learnt over the years. She would be a willing pupil: young, firm, tight and eager.

What of the baby? Is it more or less honourable to desire Cho because she is bearing his child? Is he merely guilty of a feeling of possessiveness over his unborn offspring? Lucius wants to be a father to this child, recognising the poor relationship he has with his only legitimate son. He feels the new life would bring him comfort, and he believes he could be a good father this time around. This last thing he wants more than anything else: even should he and Cho neither marry, nor cohabit in the modern style, (for he has his legitimate heir) he still wishes to be an active parent to her baby.

Lucius finally thinks that he should not make the decision at all: he should lay out all before Cho Chang, and let her decide. He should tell her that he cannot promise that the lion can give up all other lionesses forever, but that for her sake he will try. For even wizards cannot see into the future, and nothing in life is guaranteed.

But perhaps sometimes a great gamble is worth the risk? Especially if the prize is worth having.