Chapter 3

"The plot deepens…well, there really wasn't one to begin with, but…"

Another Quick Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any other muggle fantasy stuff. Or Xmas carols. Or a clean pair of socks. wanders off the look for some dives back at computer to write more I'll walk on the wild side. I'll go barefoot!

JENNIFER'S POINT OF VIEW

"HARK THE HAROLD ANGELS SIIIIIIIIING…GLORY TO THE NEWBORN KIIIIIIING…" my stupid, loud, annoying little sister Cara sang. Loudly. And badly. And annoyingly…um…loud.

"SHUT UP!" I SCREAMED at her.

"PEACE ON EARTH AND MERCY MIIIIIIILD…GOD AND SAVIOR RECONCIIIIIIIIDLED…"

"SHUT UP!"

"HARK! YE MERRY HOSTS PROCLAAAAAIM…CHRIST WAS BORN IN BETHLEHEM…"

"SHUT YOUR STUPID FAT MOUTH YOU LOUTHESOME LOUSE!"

Cara switched songs. "HEY BOYS HEY GIRLS HEY ANYBODY WHO WILL LISTEN YOU ME…"

I yelled in agony as I realized what she was singing: "Me vs. the World" by Halo Friendlies from the Freaky Friday soundtrack.

"IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOITICED, IT'S JUST ME AGAINST THE WORLD TODAY…"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" The song had been tainted by Cara's ghastly, horrific vocal cords, her screeches and screams still ringing in my ears.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE LET STAY IN BED; I'VE GOT THIS POUNDING IN MY HEAD…"

"You're gonna have a pounding in more than your head…" I muttered. I furtively snuck the duct tape behind my back. Cara sang (if you could call it that) on.

"NO, NOTHING'S OKAY, WON'T YOU STAY OUT OF MMMFFFFHHH…" Duct tape securely fastened over her month, my permeated sister could no longer continue her torture of me. Cruel, you say? I was simply exercising my authority over her as the older, therefore better, sibling.

BACK TO CARA'S POV

Trudging towards Lindie's house, face still stinging for the removal of duct tape from her face, Cara the lonely warrior hummed a tune to her self, and sneezed, followed immediately by a cough.

I tried another one. Cara the innocent victim of her sister's cruel bullying thought sinful thoughts about Jennifer the mistress of all evil, most of them involving an avocado pit, a mob boss, a bounty hunter, and a maple tree.

(A/N Just to limit confusion, Cara is thinking this to herself. She's throwing a pity party and everyone's invited. Thank you to Rick for giving me this idea. hugs Rick vomits)

I had left Jennifer the Bully and Countess of All Hazing behind because I was mad at her for putting duct tape over my mouth. Which REALLY hurts to get off, by the way. I mean, seriously. Have you ever had duct tape over you mouth? Have you ever had it jerked off really fast by your mom when you went to her to tell on your sis for making you have tape on your face? Because, FYI, it REALLY,

REALLY,

REALLY,

REALLY,

REALLY hurts.

I hooked Gussie up on her leash, which was frozen stiff. Gussie was wagging her tail as if it was 30 degrees, but it was really twenty below. I walked around; picked up Nikki, walked around more, and brought Gussie back, walked Nikki home, and proceeded to my own home. I collapsed on the futon and groaned loudly. "I am soooo tired!" I exclaimed. Silence. That's strange, I thought to myself.

You have nooo idea how rare quiet is in my house. There are six kids in all, including me.

I looked around, saying things like, "Jennifer? Rick? Jim! Rose? Mom, Dad, where are you? Samson? Hello?" It was kind of tedious. I started to sing, hoping to hear the familiar "SHUT UP!" from several people.

"And the base keeps runnin-runnin and runnin-runnin and runnin-runnin and runnin-runnin and…IN THIS CONTEXT, THERE'S NO DISRESPECT, SO WHEN I BUST AROUND, YOU BREAK YOUR NECK…" But no response came.

Shrugging, I continued, starting to dance. "FROM ALL INTALECT AND DISCONNECT…" I threw myself down on the floor and did the Worm. "THE RIPPLE AFFECT…" I popped up and started bouncing and rocking on my feet. "LET'S GET IT STARTED! HA! LET'S GET IT STARTED IN HERE, LET'S GET IS STARTED! HA! LET'S GET IT STARTED IN HERE…"

I love that song. After being downright annoying for about five minutes, I walked around the house once more. "LOSE CONTROL, OUR BODY AN SOUL…" I did my pimpin' walk "DON'T JUMP AHEAD, I'LL WALK YA THROUGH IT…"

Finally I found a note. Gone to the store, it said.

"Thank you," I said back.

All in a day's work said the note. It crumpled itself up and threw itself away.

"Again, thank you," I thanked it again. I checked the calendar. Both Nick and Jenna were working. "Sweet," I told myself, even though I already knew it was. I dug a half-gallon of ice cream out of the freezer, grabbed a spoon, and flopped down on the couch. I got up. I walked over the computer desk. I took the remote from it. I flopped back down. I turned the TV on. I watched The Nanny, Vh1's "Bling-off" between Usher and Brittany Spears, and the first half of America's Funniest Home Videos before I decided I had to stop eating ice cream. I put it away and just watched TV.

HARRY POTTER FANTASY

Suddenly, Harry, Ron, and Hermionie materialized in the room in front of me. They pulled out their wands, and I produced the spoon with which I had been using to eat ice cream. They all shouted a spell at once. Ron said, "Wingaurdium Leviosa!" and at the same time Hermionie cried with a flourish, "Stupify!" and Harry looked at his wand as though wondering which bit to press.

I quickly though of an incantation that would show them before their spells hit me. "Ruffles puffles!" I yelled, and waved my spoon franticly.

Ron looked at me weird and went, "'Ruffles…puffles'?" I nodded. "Wot is that supposed to—" but he stopped as he noticed his voice was get higher. "My voice!" he cried, sounding like he did before puberty. When he said, "Wot's happening?" he sounded downright girlish. Two all too familiar lumps were appearing in the front of his robes. His hair was growing at an alarming rate. Ron dashed over to a mirror and peered at his reflection. A high-pitched scream filled the still air. "I look like Ginny!"

"You did before, you dope."

Ronda started to cry, in loud, wet, blubbering sobs.

"Oh…Ronda…don't cry…"

Ronda cried harder.

Hermionie slapped her. "Oh my gosh!" Ronda had thought of something. Her hand disappeared into the front of her pants. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It's gone! SPIKE! NO! HE'S GONE FOREVER!"

Hermionie wrinkled her nose. "You call you penis 'spike'?"

"Maybe," said Ronda quickly, removing her hand from her "Spike"-less pants. "Wot's it to ya?"

Harry remembered how to work his wand. He shouted a spell, "Harry Potter!" and began running in small circles when singing the national anthem.

Ronda removed her (his? its?) pants and set them on fire, chanting, "Burn the truth! Burn the truth!"

With a wave of her wand, Hermionie shaved Crookshanks bald.

With a slight POP Dobby appeared. "Shall I lick your boots Mr. Harry Potter, sir? Maybe I can pluck your armpit hair for the sir and ladies. Excuse me, I don't believe we've met." He bowed in the direction of Ronda and I. Ronda kicked him. He flew out of the window, breaking it.

Harry's eyes snapped all-the-way open. He walked robotically towards me as though under a spell of some sort. (gives cough that sounds unmistakably like "Imperius Curse" and clears throat) Ahem. Excuse me.

Anyhew…

Harry Pulled the hair band out of my hair and my hair fell like hair falls when you pull the hair band out: all poofy and hair-like, like hair after you pull off your sweater real fast and your hairdo gets all messed up and your hair's a static-y and bad and frizzy and poofy and well, that was what is was like. Hair-wise, that is. And then Harry started to French me.

I kicked him, HARD, where the sun just don't shine.

"See, Ronda? Having balls can be a bad thing."

She sobbed once, hiccupped, and sniffled, "I miss SPIKE."

I spanked her. (Him?) "FUR-REAK." I told her. "THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE. A FREAK."

S/he dissolved in my hands.

END FANTASY

END CHAPTER

MORE FANTASIES TO COME

STAY TUNED

Next chapter coming soon. The next one has no HP but it does have a Hitchhiker fantasy and Flashback to Halloween…go ahead and flame me if you want. I don't really care. Even if I told you not to, you still would anyways, right?