Chapter 4

"Reality bends, then breaks from being bent so much."

Quick Disclaimer: Okay…let's see…I don't own Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker series. Well actually, I do own a copy of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but what I mean is I didn't write it. Also, I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters, though I haven't decided if I'm going to add them, so yeah. And also I didn't write any Christmas carols and I didn't come up with Star Wars. Thank you!

Mike Wong put his arm around me. "Ew." I said, removing for him. He probably didn't use deodorant. "You smell bad." I told him. He shrugged and pulled out a cell phone. He began text messaging. I grabbed the phone and threw it.

"Hey!" he said. "That thing cost me four hundred bucks!"

I looked at him. "Then WHY did you throw it just now?"

"I didn't! That was you."

I shook my head.

"It was."

"Was not. I saw you!"

"Whatever."

"Go find my phone!" I ordered him.

"What!"

"My PHONE. My CELL phone. The one you just THREW into those bushes."

"THAT WAS YOU!"

"You BETTER go find it. That thing cost me four hundred dolla."

"Are you FLIRTING with me?"

"Maybe."

"You are!"

"Who said I was?"

"I did! Just now!"

"You lie."

"I'm not lying!"

"Whatever."

He put his arm around me again. I bit it off.

I woke up. What a strange dream…

I fell back asleep.

I dreamt that Joe Header was standing in front of me and I kept walking into him over and over again.

"What's your rank?" I asked him, while running into him again.

"Private."

"HA! I'm a Private First Class!"

"That's nice. Why do you keep running into me like that?"

In my dream, I said, "Too much sexual tension. Need to relieve it."

He grinned and went, "It's not working for me."

At that point I stopped. I pondered that this was not a very "Joe" thing to say. I went over to him again and pulled his hair, expecting it to come off. "Ow." Joe said, stepping on my foot.

"Ow." I replied in annoyance and pulled his hair harder. He straightened up and I lost my grip. Whenever he's around me I feel small and short, because he is big and tall. He I also my age, I think. He's a freshman just like me. I don't know. He might be fifteen. I kicked his shins, but not too hard because I didn't want to injure the poor guy. He said, "Hey," but didn't hurt me back, which I though was kind of sweet.

Jennifer walked in and turned on the fan. I unplugged it, took it and beat her to death with it.

(A/N: Inside joke. Don't ask.)

The fan was still going, so my eyeballs shriveled up and fell out of my head. Joe picked them up and ate them. I kicked him in the chest, which was level with my head. (I can kick pretty high.) So anyways, I missed and fell over and had a seizure and he picked me up with ease and handed me to Fred Connor, who spun me around until I threw up. Then Randy Lee came over and called me "dude" a bunch of times, which only made me throw up more. "That's MONEY!" he was saying proudly as I woke up from that dream.

I opened my eyes and removed my virtual reality helmet. Ha just kidding about the helmet. We have virtual reality goggles.

I stretched and yawned and got out of bed. I got dressed and began my prayers to the statue of the Great Strawberry God. Outside I heard sounds of a dinosaur chomping down on our Abnormally Large Strawberry Tree with A. L. S. (Abnormally Large Strawberries.) I was getting annoyed so I run out and sneezed on it, which is the only way to kill it. They have no immune systems whatsoever.

I finished my prayers and went downstairs for breakfast.

I ate breakfast.

FLASHBACK

I am sitting in a chair. With me are Rachelle, Annette, Nikki, and Jennifer. We are at the Youth Court Halloween Dance. Jennifer and I are in Youth Court. We haven't taken our bar exams yet. Randy Lee walks by. He is wearing and orange shirt that says in black writing, "THIS IS MY COSTUME." I yell after him, "Nice costume, Randy!"

"Thanks," he says gruffly. He looks funny because his shirt is too short and fat for him. The hem floats about his waist, air is weaving in and out of the space between the hem of his shirt and the waist of he pants.

Later…

I am dancing. We are all dancing. The beat of the music thuds right on cue with my beating heart. I love to dance.

I notice one of the Wong boys is standing on the deejay's platform with his sister and her boyfriend. He is staring at me. I look quickly away. After a little while, Rachelle notices. She looks over at him, then at me. She gets my attention and nods at him. "I know," I say. She does not hear me. She taps me on the shoulder and points. "I know!" I say again, louder this time, not looking at him.

END FLASH BACK

I though a little bit about this, then closed my eyes and imagined how the second occasion could have changed.

I am dancing. We are all dancing. The beat of the music thuds right on cue with my beating heart. I love to party! And that's just what I'm doing.

I notice one of the Wong boys is standing on the deejay's platform with his sister and her boyfriend. He is staring at me. I stare right back, discontinuing my dancing. After a little while, Rebecca and the others notice. They stop dancing too. They look over at him, then at me. Slowly, ever so slowly, I raise my right hand, the back of it facing him. I curl my fingers back towards me.

All but one.

I smirk at him, withdraw the rude sign quickly and resume my dancing. Rachelle gets my attention and nods at him. I look over. He is standing in stunned silence. I laugh loudly and visibly.

I smiled to myself and wished that I was not a spineless person so that I could actually do that.

Arthur Dent walked through the open door. "Why do we always leave that door open?" my mom asked nobody in particular.

"Because we're all a bunch of idiots," nobody in particular answered.

"Hello." Said Arthur Dent. "Where do you keep the tea?"

We all pointed at the cupboard were we kept the tea. Arthur ran over to it, and emptied it into his arms. He ran outside. I ran after him. I ran outside, running as fast as I could run. I saw the spaceship Heart of Gold parked on the basketball court. I ran towards it, running out of the fence and ran over to it, running as fast as I could run, which was pretty fast because I am on the cross-country team. Sort of, well…I'll get back to that later.

"Arthur!" I yelled after him. "WAIT! Take me with you!"

He didn't hear me. He went aboard the ship and left. I cussed him out and shook my fist at the spaceship speeding quickly away, but with no avail. I sadly trudged back inside. "When am I ever gonna get off this stinking planet?" I asked myself impatiently.

"In good time, my young apprentice," Mobi-won assured me.

"Yeah, whatever," I said dejectedly, storming up the stairs to sulk.

What I found there was completely insane.

I had never seen such a thing before. I would tell you what it was, but THEY made me swear not the say. THEY know everything. THEY see all things. THEY know when you are sleeping, THEY know when you're awake, THEY know if you've been bad or good, so be good—wait. Um…

END CHAPTER

okay I know this is kind of short but hey it's funny, right? Maybe I should've taken the HP bit out the disclaimer…oh well. Hope you liked! Oh and if you want to flame me please go right ahead, I'm bored anyways and could use a laugh. That is so mean…I can't believe I wrote it. Sorry if I insulted you, but if you were gonna flame me you were going to insult me anyways right?