dont own YYH
Chapt. 42
One Day I'll Tell You
Once you've tasted the blood of a creature you've slain, that thirst never really leaves. Often, you find yourself struggling to keep hold of the bloodthirsty beast within you. They constantly struggle to get free, and once again taste the warm blood of a fresh kill. This yearning can drive even the strongest man to insanity. The fear of becoming insane drives fighters to maintain control of themselves, never killing a man. This same fear drives me to strive for domination over the wild beast that beats within my heart. I know the battle for control is a winless fight, for the beast is part of me and I am part of it. One day I will kill until I should fall, never again to rise. But I do not fear my own death. No. I fear the number of people, ningen or youkai, I would slay on my mad slaughter. This is why I fight myself: to keep those in the world safe.
A promise made to someone you care for so passionately should not be broken as easily as a thin thread.
I do not fear the thought of dying. Really, it is Death itself, in its pure state of being, which I fear.
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The matches drag on; we win them all of course. I can't tell you much about them I'm afraid. I was thinking about Tsubasa the whole time. What other abilities did he possess that he did not mention? Did he have slight earth properties, like Mamoru had small wind skills? Time would tell. But just how much time?
"Are you coming, tomodachi?" Kurama says, laying a hand on my shoulder.
I snap out of my thoughts and look up at him.
"Tomodachi?" I question, not sure what he meant.
"My friend," he elaborates apologetically.
"Oh. Yea, I'm coming." I smile and walk with him. The others had left a while ago, while I was in my own thoughts. He smelled so sweetly of roses. We walk in silence the length of the first hall.
"Kurama?" I say, looking at the floor.
"Nada?" he says. I take it in terms of 'What is it?'
"How long have you and Hiei known each other?"
He stays silent, thinking back. "You know, I haven't really counted," he finally confessed. "Just, for a long time. I suppose you could put it that way."
"Hmmm, ok." I had really messed up this time.
"Oi, you ok?" Kurama inquires with the utmost concern.
"Huh? Yea, I'm fine. Domo though." I give him a weak, unconvincing smile.
He raises an eyebrow as if to say, 'You're kidding, right?'
I sigh. "Fine, you caught me. Not everything is fine." I tell him what happened the other night. He listens intently, never speaking. When I finish, he catches me as I fall, crying, to the floor.
"Don't worry about it," he soothes, petting my quivering head.
"I had no right to say that to him! His trust is a rare thing, and I had gained it. But I lost it the moment I snapped at him. And the moment I threatened your health, I lost his love."
"His love?" Kurama asks in a shocked voice, pushing me back by the shoulders. He looks at me for a moment, smiles, and then pulls me back in tightly.
I could not speak so I just nodded solemnly.
"If Hiei has truly given his love to you, then he will not lose you like this. Hiei is not stupid, he knows a good thing when it comes around."
Hiei, I said I loved you, but you never said it back. I took your kisses to suffice as an answer. Do you truly love me? Will you still be there for me after this all ends? Hiei, I didn't mean to hurt you.
"Please don't tell, Kurama," I whisper.
"No," he answers simply. "Oh, hello Hiei."
My heart skips a beat. How long had he been there? What thoughts did he hear? What words that were spoken reached his keen ears? Hiei, an untrusting man, sees me now in the arms of his best friend. What thoughts run through his mind? I dreaded the answers.
Shakily, I pull myself from Kurama and stand up. I walk up to Hiei, rest my hands on his shoulders, lay my head on his chest, and hold back burning tears. I could feel his muscles tense at my touch. But I didn't care. I stayed as I was, wishing for his arms to hold me. And, as though he had known, strong arms reached around me and held me tightly.
"Don't think this means that I'm letting you off easy for calling me a heartless bastard," he says dryly, but in an almost jokingly way.
"Whatever it takes, Hiei. I just don't want to lose you." His arms pull me tighter into him. I let his scent overwhelm me. So many things raced through me: happiness, sadness, hope, loss, faith, anger, distrust, mistrust, hate, and love. No longer did our hearts beat as two, but instead as one. Our minds became a single thing. Two bodies, one perfect soul.
-- A long, narrow hallway stretched before me. The walls, floor, and ceiling were all of the same color: red. But not a pure red. No, it was glassy. With each step, as I descended the hall, the glass crunched beneath me, threatening to crack and break apart. As I passed on slowly, the walls showed memories. Some I knew, for they were mine; and others I did not, for they were of another person.
"See me," they whispered. "Break me. Make me hurt with pain unfelt."
I heard them but did not reply. I walked on, fearful of stopping. Each step seemed to become harder; each breath a little shorter. Why and how I got to this hall did not concern me now. But the nagging question that beat within me was always on my mind: Where am I?
After what seemed like forever, a door appeared at the end. I stop in front of it and run my hand along it. This door was of wood. A strong wood painted black. A silver plate read 'Hiei'. What lay beyond this door? A pulse beat from it, quiet and foreboding. I fingered the strange handle. It was shaped almost as a sword would be. But a dragon and flames enveloped its diamond blade. I gripped it lightly and the pulse beat louder. I pulled upon it, straining against its heaviness. The pulse pounded in my ears, like it was afraid. With each advancement I made on the opening of the door it got heavier and heavier.
"Hiei," I whisper as I pull. If he was truly beyond this obstacle I wasn't going to give up. "Rrrrraaaahhhhhhhhh!" The door flies open and slams against the glass. But, frail as it was, it did not break. I look upon the room I opened. The only light in it was the light that shown from the hall I stood in. It was darker than night in there.
I took in a deep breath.
"HIEI?!" I called. My voice did not echo through the dark. For a moment, there was no response.
"That light . . . . Could it really be…?!" came the thoughts from a man with in the room. The thoughts rang out clearly through this world; they were not only in one's mind.
"Hiei?!" I call again. Crimson eyes turned to me. Colored with years of bloodshed, they shown it the light. They called me to them. "Hiei!" I cry, running into the blackness.
"How did you come across this place?" Hiei growled as I stopped in front of him.
"I've not the faintest idea. I was in your arms and when I opened my eyes, I found myself in a long hall." I pause for a breath. "Why do you live in such a dark and lonely place?"
"Because it is home."
"But the light…what about the light?"
"There is no light in my world."
I look around. He was right, there was no light. The only light was that coming from the doorway. I could feel the chill in the room from the lack of light. How could Hiei live like this? I stare into his eyes.
"I showed you light," I say softly, pointing my thumb over my shoulder to the door behind me. "Can no one else do the same for you?"
"This place is forbidden. How you got in, I do not know. Leave, you can't be here," Hiei snarls, pushing me away. I fall. And I continue falling. No floor was there to stop me.
"Hiei!!!" I cried out.
A hand grabs my arm.
"Ahhh!!" I yelp as I am jerked to a stop. I grab the arm and it pulls me into its owner. The arms hold me tightly and securely.
"Don't you just think that you can fall from me, because you can't. Leave the way you came. Never come here again."
"Hiei, I will light this place. I will not stand for your heart and mind to be darkened as such," I whisper, cuddling closer to his warmth.
"I won't let you."
"You'll lose. I said I was going to do something and I am going to do it." I walk from him and stand in the doorway. "This door will remain open so that light will show in here." Placing a charm on the door so that it will remain open, I start back down the hall. The light envelops me. I open my eyes to Hiei. --
"You can see the light now. Soon, the sun will rise on your eternal night," I whisper with a smile.
"Why do you love me?" Hiei asks, resting his cheek on my head.
"One day, Hiei, one day I'll tell you."
