Disclaimer: see 1.
3
5
By Random1377
Misato's apartment was quiet once again. The refrigerator hummed softly, supplying a gently soothing drone to the kitchen's two occupants as they sat together in silence, one happily licking her fingers clean as the other stared solemnly into space. Pen-Pen had decided to remain secluded for fear of another attack, so there was nothing to break the calm.
Beneath her cool exterior, Rei's mind was in a state of confusion. It is not my concern, she told herself for the fourth time, I have orders not to assist Ikari in this matter, and there is no solution I can offer regardless, so why am I so…
Her thoughts trailed off. Worried did not seem to fit, in her mind. Nor did unhappy, agitated, frightened, or scared – none of the words to describe concern or fear seemed to be appropriate for what she was feeling.
Then again, dealing with emotions was not Rei's strong suit.
"Cuwoh?"
Rei refocused her attention on the girl. "I do not know where the crayons are," she said quietly.
Bella jumped off her seat and walked around the table. "I show you."
Allowing the girl to slip her sticky hand into her own, Rei once again let her mind wander. She does not appear to be entirely gaijin, she thought absently, following as Bella tugged her into the living room, perhaps her parents, or at least one of them, is from here originally.
"Uh oh."
"What?" Rei whispered, frowning as the girl shifted from one foot to the other.
"Gottagopahtee."
Having never used this term before, Rei was lost. "What?"
"Pah-tee," Bella said clearly, now practically dancing in place, "gotta pahtee, Rei."
Rei simply stared. What is she saying?
There may have been a rather unfortunate accident at this point had Bella not taken the initiative and forced out the unfamiliar, "Baffroom."
"Oh," Rei nodded. "Oh, yes… go ahead."
Bella stared at her.
"What?" Rei frowned. "You know where the bathroom is, correct?" she waited for the girl to nod. "Then why are you not going to it?"
"Rei come wiff."
Rei did not quite know how to reply to this.
"Come wiff, Rei," Bella insisted, pulling on the First's hand and hauling her towards the bathroom like a pet owner dragging a reluctant dog in for her annual shots.
She is remarkably strong for someone her age, Rei observed blandly, planting her feet at the threshold to the bathroom.
"Come wiff," Bella urged, trying fruitlessly to tug the blue-haired girl into the room.
Rei shook her head. "I do not feel comfortable accompanying you."
Again, Bella stared at her.
Clearing her throat, and reminding herself of the girl's age, Rei said, "I will wait here. You do not need me to come with you."
Bella frowned, looking slightly confused, and after a minute of silence, resumed her efforts to bring the First with her.
This is foolish, Rei thought disapprovingly.
"You do not need me with you to use the bathroom," she said levelly, pulling her hand free and trying to suppress an unexpected surge of guilt at the girl's wide, shocked eyes. "I am certain that Ikari does not accompany you."
For a long moment Bella stood irresolute, biting her bottom lip and looking from the toilet to Rei and back again as she shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Finally, she reached out and took Rei's hand once more.
"Pwease?" she asked anxiously, "Meesto an Shinchee wiw."
She is persistent, Rei thought, staring down at the girl with an uncertain frown, but I find it hard to believe that Captain Katsuragi or Ikari would go with her. She hesitated for a moment, trying to think of a time when she had ever needed to interact with a child of Bella's age – or when she had ever paid attention to ANYONE dealing with a toddler at all.
Perhaps, she thought, this was normal.
In a public restroom, Rei thought reasonably, I can see a need to protect and watch over a child, but at home, where there is no danger of harm or abduct-
"Pwease?"
With the barest of sighs, Rei stepped into the bathroom and shut the door.
"Tell me when you are done."
Bella bobbed her head, beaming happily as she dashed over to the toilet.
Rei turned to face the door, bowing her head as she thought; Her mother must have come with her. How odd… I cannot recall a time when I required assistance for anything. The Commander has always taught me that self-reliance is paramount. She fought the urge to hum as the little girl relieved herself, feeling that she might, possibly, understand why her classmates Aida and Suzuhara always seemed to be making noise.
There was a certain comfort to be taken from making ones own sound – it provided a kind of shield against awkwardness. A thin shield, but a shield all the same.
"Aww done."
Rei nodded, turning back around, but quickly averting her eyes as she found the girl still pulling up her shorts. "G-gomen."
How strange, the First thought as the little girl flushed the toilet and moved over to the sink, how many times in a week – or in a month – do I feel compelled to apologize? And why do I feel the need to do it now? I have seen other women with no clothes on during our physical education classes.
The answer came in a bolt of clarity.
It is because of her age. She is small and weak… easily overpowered. So much of my youth has been centered on defending myself from others, both in and out of EVA, so I am naturally aware of how frail the human body is. She cast a sideways glance at the little girl. And hers is weaker even than mine – that explains why I would feel the need to apologize for looking at her… because it is an implication of intent to harm.
She realized suddenly that Bella was looking up at her expectantly. "What do you need?"
Bella grinned. "Got to tuwn on the wato," she snorted, "siwwy."
Rei glanced down at the sink, nodding in understanding as she noticed that the girl's hands barely reached the basin – and the knobs for the faucet were well outside of her range. "There," she whispered, turning the hot and cold taps on and running a finger absently under the spout until she felt that the water coming out would not burn the girl.
"Hewp me," Bella said after a moment, looking back over her shoulder at Rei as she bounced on her heels, "can't weach it."
"I…" Rei trailed off, assessing the situation.
She still cannot reach.
"Wift me," Bella directed, "Rei, wift me up."
Grimacing faintly, Rei reluctantly stooped and wrapped her hands around Bella's waist. This is inappropriate, she thought darkly, lifting the girl up to wash her hands, I am not a family member. It is not proper for me to touch her like this.
As soon as she could, she set Bella back on the floor, handing her a small towel from the rack by the door and waiting politely until she had dried her hands. "What is it now?" she asked as Bella simply stood still, making no move to leave the bathroom.
"Fanqu, Rei."
Abruptly, and for no reason she could understand, Rei found her cheeks flushing with color. She tried to say, 'you are welcome,' but the longer she stared into the little girl's openly adoring eyes, the harder it became to speak, until finally… she simply nodded and turned around, opening the door and heading out towards the living room.
What is wrong with me? Rei thought, kneeling in the living room and opening the small bag marked 'Bella's clothes,' that was sitting by the couch. The Commander was right… I AM losing my focus.
The idea, quite simply, was horrifying. For her entire life, Rei had been raised to understand that EVA was her one and only duty. Certainly, she was required to be civil to others, and to at least make a token effort to complete her schoolwork, but when all was said and done – EVA was the reason she lived and breathed, and everything else was secondary.
I understand your order, Commander, she thought grimly, reaching into the bag and pulling out a clean shirt for the little girl, I am concentrating too much on her wellbeing, and…
She let the thought trail off as the nagging question of 'why' resurfaced in her mind.
"Cayons aw on the taybo."
"Right."
Perhaps Doctor Akagi can assist me, Rei thought as she gathered up the crayons and a small stack of scratch paper. She is older than me, she reasoned as she followed Bella towards the kitchen, she may be able to help me understand wh-
"Oh, hi Rei."
Rei came up short. "Ikari, Captain Katsuragi," she exclaimed, "I did not hear you come in."
Shinji was just sitting down in one of the kitchen chairs, resting his head on his folded arms. "Sorry, Ayanami," he groaned tiredly, "we just walked in."
"I've gotta go back," Misato grumped, moving quickly around the room and gathering the supplies for an on-the-fly meal, "damn reports – damn it, where's the soy sauce!?"
Rei watched curiously as the captain raced frenetically from the cupboard, to the sink, to the microwave, whipping together a cup of noodles faster than anyone the First had seen before. Impressive…
"Heow, Meesto."
The captain came up short as Bella offered her a small bottle of soy sauce. "Thank you, honey," she said, clearly taking great strides to calm herself in front of the little girl. "Can you find me a fork, too? Thank you."
"Captain," Rei said coolly, raising her voice a bit to be heard over the hum of the microwave, "there is a message for you on your answering machine."
Misato yanked the door of the microwave open and pulled the small Styrofoam cup out, glancing into it with a mumbled, 'good enough,' before turning to Rei. "Was it from NERV?"
Rei shook her head. "No, but-"
"Then it'll have to wait," Misato cut in, dumping a large amount of soy into the cup and grabbing the plastic fork Bella offered her with a quick smile. "Thanks honey. Ok, I'm out of here – I'll give you a ride home when I get back, ok Rei? Later!"
"But-"
Rei sighed softly as the purple-haired woman raced out the door.
"Who was it?" Shinji asked curiously. "Was it Hikari? She said she would bring dinner over, but it's only four-thirty… did she call to say she can't make it, or something?"
"No," Rei said quietly, "it was not Miss Horaki."
"Then who…?"
Silently, the First Child walked over to the answering machine and pushed the button, returning to her seat and watching Shinji's face as he listened to the officer's message. "What will you do now?" she asked softly, allowing Bella to climb up on her lap and arrange the paper in front of her on the table as Shinji shriveled in his seat and clenched his eyes tightly closed.
"I don't know," the boy admitted, unable to face either of the girls as the answering machine's timestamp announced that the message had come in at 2:22. "I… don't think Misato will let me keep her on my own, so… I don't know."
For a long moment, the only sound in the apartment was the soft scribbling of Bella's crayons on the paper as she drew, blissfully unaware that her future was being decided right in front of her. She hummed under her breath, scooting further back against Rei's chest and yawning expansively before rubbing her eyes and changing from a red crayon to a blue one.
"Do you think…?"
Rei kept her eyes on Shinji's face, letting his aborted question go unaddressed. Did she think she could run away with Shinji and raise Bella together? No. Did she think she could take Bella on her own? No. Did she think Misato would change her mind? No. Did she think that Bella would be ok once she was forced back into the unfeeling world of underpaid adoption agents and overfilled halfway houses? …no.
"Theyo," Bella declared, setting her crayon down with an air of pride and holding the picture up for Rei to see. "Theyos you, an Shinchee."
Rei glanced at the crude image for a moment, then lifted her gaze to meet Shinji's damp, pleading eyes. It is… beyond my reach, Ikari, she thought, shaking her head minutely, I have been ordered not to assist you… and I am not skilled in childcare, so I would not be of use even if I were able to.
"It's very nice, Bella," Shinji managed, wiping quickly at his eyes, "very… it's very nice…"
"Why Shinchee cryin'?" Bella asked, twisting on Rei's lap to look up at the girl. "Huwt?"
"No," Rei replied calmly, nodding as Shinji excused himself, "Shinji is sad."
"Why?"
Rei considered her reply carefully. "Because he cannot be what he feels he must," she said finally, "and he is afraid of what will happen as a result."
"I won't-" Shinji cut himself off, inhaling sharply through his teeth in an effort to maintain his composure. "I won't let her be stuffed in some stupid home, Ayanami – I won't!"
"I see," Rei said noncommittally as Bella leaned forward and started drawing again.
Deflated by her lack of reaction, Shinji slumped back, picking up one of Bella's crayons and running it idly across a piece of paper, sketching a rough, midnight blue half-moon.
"Help me…"
Rei lowered her eyes to Bella's current drawing. "Ikari," she said softly, "I cannot-"
"Tell me what I should do," Shinji whispered, setting the crayon carefully on the table and studying the picture with intense interest – as if focusing on the simple lines and bright color could somehow help him avoid thinking about what he was saying. "Tell me, Ayanami… tell me how I'm supposed to just smile at her and wave goodbye and let Misato take her away to some place they won't care for her. She's not Nihonjin, Ayanami – they'll ignore her, or worse! And she doesn't deserve it anyway… she's already lost so much. Tell me how I can keep her from losing more… please…"
Silence fell as Bella leaned back against Rei and held up her drawing, proudly displaying an image of her between two taller figures. One of the figures had a bunch of brown lines for hair and dark blue dots in the middle of its smiling face, whereas the other was done in shades of blue and red, and seemed to be currently mirthless.
Each of the taller figures held one of Bella's hands.
Shinji stared at the picture with an oddly excited expression, but before he could speak, Rei whispered, "No, Ikari."
"But it might work," Shinji said, leaning forward in his seat with a look so intense it bordered on madness, "it might work, right Ayanami?"
"It might," Rei conceded reluctantly, "But I cannot-"
"I know… but… but someone might…"
Rei nodded her understanding as Shinji nearly shot to his feet and grabbed the cordless phone, dialing at he stepped into the living room. I envy you your intensity, Ikari, she thought, unconsciously shifting her weight to keep Bella from falling as the girl suddenly leaned forward and grabbed Shinji's picture, picking up a crayon to add to it. Yes, your solution may prevent her from being placed in foster care, but what of your own youth, Ikari? What of your duties?
She closed her eyes as Shinji's voice reached her, asking for a certain person to be placed on the other end of the line.
Look before you leap, Ikari-kun… you might not like what you find when you land.
"Hey, Hikari? …I need to talk to you about something."
The End
Author's Notes: this marks the end of 3. Before anyone gets upset by the lack of a definitive resolution to Bella's plight, be aware that there will be a sequel forthcoming.
3 was not pre-read. All the mistakes in it are mine and mine alone.
Feedback is always welcome on any website with reviewing capabilities, or by e-mailing me directly at random1377@yahoo.com
Thanks for reading.
