Disclaimer: see 1 for disclaimer.
2
4
By Random1377
Hikari let out a long, deep sigh, rubbing her upper arms with her palms as she stared out at the rolling sea. I think I can see the mainland, she thought, trying as hard as she possibly could to keep from thinking of the fight with the angel.
From her point of view it had been rather uneventful, all things considered. She simply stood out of the way on the bridge of the Over the Rainbow and watched the others scramble around and bark orders, wishing with all of her heart that she could be anywhere in the world but where she was.
I can't believe it's so cold up here, she thought, still keeping her thoughts off of the fear that had effective incapacitated her on the bridge. Never had she been more afraid for her life. Never had she thought – with conviction and certainty – that she would DEFINITELY be dying soon as when the report came in that the new Evangelion unit could not move under water.
"Idiots," she breathed, shaking her head as she recalled the look of incredulity on Misato's face when she realized that her pilots were sitting ducks. "Transport a giant robot on a big boat, but make sure it can't fight in the water if anything happens to it… stupid."
It had all worked out, of course – mainly because her husband (she was forcing to think of Shinji this way now) had taken control of the situation somehow. What, exactly, had happened, she was still not sure, and the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she did not want to know.
Just keep me safe, she thought, no longer caring if it sounded selfish, keep your wife safe, Ikari.
With a sigh, Hikari stepped away from the railing and headed into the ship, making her way down the stairs in search of even one familiar face – even if it was the new pilot, she did not care. The sight of the endless, impossibly blue ocean was starting to depress her. A person could get lost there without a trace, and to a girl with two sisters and a workaholic father, being lost was just about the worst fate she could think of.
At least I know where I can find Touji, she mused, heading deeper into the ship, it's nice to know some things never chan-
"…y did an excellent job," Misato's voice suddenly came to her, lightening her step.
Here, for the first time since excusing herself for some fresh air, was a familiar voice. And it sounds like she's talking to Shinji, Hikari thought, I guess… I guess I SHOULD be with my husband right now. He did just beat an angel, after all.
Following the sounds of continued conversation, she came to a door in the middle of one of the ship's narrow hallways and raising her hand to knock.
She froze, however, as she recognized the voice behind the barely cracked door as belonging not to her new husband, but to the redheaded pilot of the new Evangelion Unit.
"I don't know why you're surprised," the girl was saying boldly, "My EVA's the first production model and I've been training for seven years – I knew we'd win before we even took off!"
Confident little tramp, isn't she? Hikari thought, still smarting from the girl's barbed comments about her and Shinji's marriage down in the ship's mess hall. Just because that Kaji guy wouldn't look at you doesn't mean you have to take it out on US! And it's not like anyone doesn't know you want him – well, Shinji might not, but he's not really good with that kind of stuff.
With a start, she realized that she had totally lost track of the conversation between the new pilot and Shinji's guardian. Frowning, she tilted her head to the side, concentrating on what the two were now saying and pretending that she had a better reason than curiosity for eavesdropping.
"…got some interesting sync results from the fight," Misato said approvingly, "you and Shinji seem to work pretty well together."
"Yeah, if you say so," the girl (Asuka, Hikari thought) said dismissively.
"So what do you think of him?"
Hikari leaned closer to the door, wondering what the German girl's opinion of her husband would be.
The laughter was gone from Asuka's voice as she replied, "What do I think of him? I think you better keep him away from me is what I think."
"Huh?"
There was a long pause, broken when the redhead finally sighed. "Look," she said flatly, her tone sending a shiver down Hikari's spine. "My first impression of him was that he was a loser, ok? He wouldn't look anyone in the eye, he kept apologizing for everything – there was just a bunch of things that just made me think 'why is this kid a pilot?' But down there, he…"
"He what?" Misato prompted softly as the girl trailed off.
"That wasn't the same person I met on the deck," Asuka said bluntly.
"What do you mean? I don't understand."
Asuka blew out a deep breath. "Ok, look, you've known me a long time, right?" Misato must have nodded, because after a short pause, Asuka continued. "Have I ever been scared of anything?"
Misato snorted. "Shinji scares you?"
"No!" the redhead growled, sounded exasperated. "That's not what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to say is that when we were down there, he wasn't the same person… and I didn't know if we'd be coming back up."
"Why not?" Misato murmured. "I'm not following you, Asu-"
"Because!" Asuka snapped. "He was going to kill that thing no matter what – he didn't CARE if we died too, Misato! Do you know what he wanted to do? He said sinking the battleships was too risky and that we should just force the angel's mouth open and TEAR the core out, do you get what I'm saying?? He wanted to do it with Unit 02's HANDS! So what do I think of him? I think he's a psycho freak, and I won't be happy launching a mission with him watching my-"
"Hey, what are you doing?"
Hikari barely managed to stifle a scream as someone tapped her on the shoulder. "Ik-IKARI!" she gasped, covering her heart and slumping against the bulkhead. "Don't you ever do that again!"
"Sorry!" Shinji said quickly, blushing bright red as he averted his eyes. "I didn't mean to scare you, really!"
"God, I think you just knocked ten years off my life," Hikari laughed weakly, discretely stepping away from the door.
As Shinji apologized again, Hikari studied him, shooting glances at the door and hoping the occupants of the small room did not figure out that she was listening. Shinji? she thought skeptically, A psycho?? Whaaaatever. The chances that he would tear anything out of anyone are about as good as the chances of him volunteering to sing for the school talent show! That girl's just loopy…
Then again, she thought, Aida and Suzuhara would readily tell anyone who would listen how the seemingly mild-mannered boy had taken on an angel with only a knife in his EVA's hand – and had screamed like a maniac the entire time.
"We're almost to port," Shinji observed, staring down at the red plugsuit he was wearing with obvious distaste. "Where's Touji?"
Hikari blushed at the mention of the other boy's name, recalling with alarming clarity how she had clung to him when Unit 02 had come crashing down on the deck of the aircraft carrier. "He's, er, in the cafeteria, I think," she said nervously, "you know Touji – any excuse to eat." She laughed – just a little too jaggedly, she thought – and blurted, "Shouldn't you, umm, change?"
Shinji's face screwed up in a look of misery as he took another look at the feminine design of the suit he was wearing. "My clothes were on the transport ship," he muttered, pulling at the suit's back in an effort to minimize its breast-cups.
"Hey," Hikari said suddenly, "where did you change?!" She grinned broadly as Shinji's mouth opened and closed. "Did you change in front of that girl?" she teased. "Are you cheating on me already, Shinji?"
As soon as the words left her mouth, Hikari knew she'd made a mistake. Shinji's face went bright red, and he shook his head emphatically, stammering that he would never even think about doing something like that.
You would though, wouldn't you? Hikari thought with painfully intense shame. If Touji said 'hey, let's check out the back of this storeroom – and if we happen to make out while we're here, that's cool' you'd be all over it, wouldn't you? God, this sucks! I'm NOT married to you, Ikari!!
"What's wrong?" Shinji asked as the girl suddenly turned away. "What is it? I… I didn't do anything, Hikari… really!"
"I know," Hikari whispered, shaking her head to clear the memory of Touji's powerfully muscled arms wrapping protectively around her. "I was just… thinking about something else…"
- - - - -
"We're home."
"Welcome home."
Shinji made his way into the living room, an unexplained feeling of relief washing over him as he found Rei and Bella sitting calmly on the couch. He smiled as he noticed that Bella was asleep, her head resting on Rei's shoulder and a half-eaten cracker sitting in her limp, open hand.
"Everything go ok?" he asked, nodding as Hikari excused herself to the bathroom, mumbling something about washing off the 'sea smell.'
"There were no difficulties," Rei said quietly, making no move to get up as Shinji retrieved the TV remote from the floor and clicked it off.
Shinji nodded to the sleeping girl. "How long has she been out?"
Glancing at the clock on the VCR, Rei murmured, "One hour."
"Did she eat dinner?"
"Yes."
There was a brief paused, then Rei inclined her head slightly towards Shinji.
"Why are you wearing that?"
Shinji's shoulders slumped. "I… we had to fight an angel," he muttered, "this was the only plugsuit available."
"I see."
"Misato took Asuka – the new pilot – to find a place to stay," he said, feeling the need to explain where the woman was, "she said she would give you a ride when she got home."
"That is not necessary," Rei said calmly, "I will take the train. I am used to it."
Shinji bit his lip. "Are you sure? It's kind of late."
Rei nodded. "Yes, I am sure."
"Alright, then I guess I should get Bella off you."
Carefully, Shinji leaned down and slid his hands awkwardly around the sleeping girl, hoisting her gracelessly into his arms.
"Shhh," he whispered as her eyes fluttered open, "it's ok… just putting you in bed…"
"Sanks… Shinchee…" the girl mumbled, her eyes slipping closed even as she bought her hand up to her mouth and stuffed the remains of the cracker into it.
Shinji smiled and shook his head as the cracker dropped onto his shoulder after a single chew. "Shh…"
Carefully, he walked down the hall to his room, kicking a few loose clothes aside and moving over to the side of the bed. He frowned, though as the light from the hallway was suddenly halved.
"Is something wrong, Ayanami?"
The blue-haired girl was standing in the doorway, her eyes fixed unblinkingly on Bella's face as she seemed to consider the words to express what was on her mind. Finally pulling her gaze away, she looked up, meeting Shinji's eyes.
"I… do not understand you," she whispered softly, shaking her head slowly from side to side as Shinji carefully laid the little girl in bed. "You struggle to hold something that cannot be held…" she pulled her eyes away as Shinji looked up at her, frowning softly. "I do not understand."
Shinji rose to his feet and walked over to her, putting his hand on her shoulder and gently guiding her out of the room. As quietly as he could, he pulled the door closed, turning to face her and taking a deep, calming breath. "You just… have to want something bad enough, I guess," he said awkwardly, "I just keep thinking, 'if I don't do this – if I don't make this work – she'll have nothing left,' and I can't let myself give up on her." He shrugged uncomfortably as the First stared at him. "She's already lost so much," he said quietly, "so if I don't help her… if I don't… do everything I can to protect her, what kind of person would that make me? So even if it's hard for me and I have to give some stuff up, don't I owe it to her to dig in and hold on as hard as I can…?"
Rei considered this for a moment, but could not think of an appropriate reply. Out of everything he had said, what kept echoing in her ears was the simple question: If I don't do everything I can, what kind of person would that make me?
Giving herself a small shake, Rei offered Shinji a polite bow.
"Goodnight, Ikari."
"Goodnight, Ayanami," Shinji returned her bow. "Thanks for helping me tonight."
"You are… welcome," Rei replied hesitantly.
For a moment, the two Children stared at each other, neither moving towards the door as their eyes remained locked together. Shinji's skin felt somehow too tight as Rei took a hesitant step towards him, her right hand wavering a bit as if she were about to reach out and touch his face.
Then the moment was over, and Rei was walking towards the front door, never once looking back as she silently made her exit.
- - - - -
"Ahhh!! I feel SO much better!" Hikari declared, rubbing her hair one last time before tossing the wet towel into a conveniently located hamper in the hall.
She headed into the living room, finding Shinji sitting on the couch with the TV on, though she could tell that he was not actually watching it. Probably thinking about the fight, she thought reasonably, missing the focus of Shinji's thoughts by a good country mile.
"Ayanami went home?" Hikari asked lightly.
Oh, I missed her, she thought darkly when Shinji confirmed that the First Child was indeed gone, what a tragedy.
Feeling much more relaxed now that she was in familiar surroundings, Hikari flopped onto the couch at Shinji's side, absently pulling her robe a little tighter around her slim body. "Man what a day," she groaned, noticing absently that the boy had finally changed out of that ridiculous red suit. "You… I heard you did great out there. Good job, Shinji."
Shinji blinked, his eyes focusing finally on her. "Er, thanks…" he whispered, immediately pulling his eyes away.
Hikari grinned. He is really cute sometimes, she thought, and you know something? He's my husband.
She let her eyes look up and down his body, completely shutting off the blaring alarm in her mind that was screaming 'don't do this – yes, you're still burning off adrenaline from the angel fight, and yes, he's the closest thing to comfort you've got right now, but DON'T DO IT!!'
He IS my husband, she thought, shoving an image of Touji harshly out of her mind as Shinji gave a deep yawn and rested his head on the back of the couch, of course… we've never really acted like a married couple, because we've always thought of this as just a convenience.
Unable to tell the difference between attraction and residual fear, Hikari channeled all of her energy into this one, exceedingly dangerous thought.
But maybe we should give it a try…
Before she could think about it too much, Hikari was moving. She turned on the couch, putting one hand on Shinji's shoulder and holding him in place as she leaned forward, her eyes slipping closed as she zeroed in on his lips.
Mitigation, as defined by www.dictionary.com, means 'To moderate (a quality or condition) in force or intensity; alleviate.' Conversely, Unmitigated means 'Without qualification or exception; absolute.' With these two definitions in mind, it would be MORE than fair to say that Hikari and Shinji's first and only kiss was, without question, a completely unmitigated failure.
"WhaUULM?!?"
Shinji, who in all honesty had been just drifting off to sleep, jerked in surprise, his eyes shooting wide open as Hikari pinned his shoulder down and smashed her mouth into his. He winced as one of her teeth collided with his, sending a very unpleasant jolt of pain through his jaw, and his shoulders immediately went rigid with tension, giving him a hunched, almost paralyzed appearance.
They stayed frozen for several seconds, staring at each other with surprised, nearly terrified expressions before Hikari tore herself away and stumbled to her feet. "I… I…" she tried to explain herself, wishing with all of her heart that the look on his face was not so blatantly confused. Abruptly, she closed her mouth, tasting the sharp, bitter tang of fresh blood.
"You're… you're bleeding, Hik-"
Hikari did not give Shinji a chance to finish. She whirled on her heel and raced from the room, hurtling into his room and whipping the door closed behind her. Stupid, her mind screamed, ignoring the rustle of bed sheets as Bella stirred and mumbled something in her sleep. Stupid, stupid, STUPID!!
She sank to her knees, her eyes filling with tears as she all but collapsed against the door.
"Stupid…" she whispered, wrapping her arms around her knees and sniffling loudly as Shinji hesitantly called her name. Ignoring him, Hikari shook from head to foot, a singular, unshakable thought repeating over and over through her mind until exhaustion took over and sent her spiraling into darkness.
This isn't working.
To be concluded…
Author's notes: none come to mind.
2 is not being pre-read.
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