See! I told you I was impatient. Didn't you believe me?
A/N: Sorry about the cliffhanger with Ch. 4. I don't always remember where a "chapter" begins and ends, so if I post without glancing through it to see, it can leave the reader hanging on the edge. Since I already know what happens, I don't think about it until I hear the uproar of anguished cries... I don't think there are any more of those, if that's any consolation.
By the way, if you have read Eye of the Beholder and The Truest Friends, I am considering a sequel to one or both. 'Friends' would be easiest since there is so much that can be done with an OC like Kareswen, but many wanted to see more of 'Eye'. The only trouble with that, is that Lothiriel is so very different than this Lothiriel so it is more difficult to come up with situations for her that work. Any story ideas are welcome and will be considered. As with this story, you never know what you may prompt me to write!
Jazzcat - By the way, I never heard whether or not you liked the end of The Truest Friends. So? (It's okay if you didn't...) Anyway, Eomer will get to Dol Amroth some day...
By The Book
Chapter 6
We had been home from Minas Tirith for a week – a very long, miserable week. How was I ever going to last three months and twenty-five days, approximately, until I saw him again? I started each day reading Eomer's letters, and I ended each day the same way. And often spent time in between doing likewise.
I had written many more letters since last I saw Eomer. A messenger was sent from Minas Tirith and I had given him more than two dozen letters. Since then I had written even more, and just yesterday Father had finally been persuaded to send a rider with my bundle. I wanted to get as many sent as possible before the snows made it too difficult for anyone to make the trip.
One rider had come from Rohan already, bearing the news that they had safely reached home and that I had gained a new ally. Eomer told me that Gamling had caught on to what had been transpiring with Danwen and now took it upon himself to keep her as far away from the king as possible whenever possible. At court functions, she was seated a goodly distance from him and any time Gamling saw her making her way toward Eomer, he would seek out the king on 'urgent business' and regretfully pull him away. He hadn't actually said anything to Eomer about what he was doing or why, but Eomer thought it clear the man had already chosen who he thought should be queen of Rohan and was merely showing his allegiance. I had always rather liked Gamling, but this bit of information made me even fonder of him!
And so time dragged on. For me, each day seemed much like the previous and slowly I was resigning myself that it must be endured. Faramir and Eowyn came for a week's visit in early December and that provided some distraction, though the sight of Eowyn inevitably made me think of Eomer and then I'd start missing him all over again.
The day after they arrived dawned much the same as any other day. There was nothing remarkable going on around me and certainly nothing to warn me of the upheaval headed my way.
At mid-morning, I was reading in my room – Eomer's letters yet again – when there was a knock at my door. I opened it to find Faramir, a worried expression on his face. "Cousin? Is something the matter?" I asked.
He came into the room, taking both my hands in his and led me over to be seated on the edge of my bed. It took him several minutes to decide what he wanted to say, but finally he said softly, "Thiri, I know this will come as a shock to you, but you have a visitor downstairs."
That didn't seem so unusual as to cause this kind of reaction, so I waited for him to continue with more of an explanation. He rubbed his face before finally telling me, "There is no easy way to say this. It is Ardrion. He is alive."
For several moments, the words simply did not register, and when they did, they made no sense. How could Ardrion be downstairs when he had died at sea some three years ago?
Faramir sensed my struggle to grasp what he was saying and told me, "I do not know the particulars of how it is that he survived, or where he has been since we believed him lost but, nevertheless, he is downstairs and asking to see you."
Shock seemed too mild a word for what I was feeling. When I was seventeen, I had fallen in love with a young man of Dol Amroth and we desperately wanted to marry. Father insisted that I must wait until my nineteenth year to wed, so we resigned ourselves to that. But a year later, while at sea serving with the royal navy, his ship went down and all hands were lost. I grieved for a long time. I even waited for a long while, hoping against hope that he had survived and would return to me. But eventually I had been forced to accept that he was not coming back, and over the years I had made peace with his loss. Now for him to return, almost rising from the dead, was too much to take in.
"Thiri?" Faramir asked softly, "Are you up to this?"
"I suppose I must be." I rose slowly and Faramir took my arm to walk with me. I appreciated the comfort in his touch and his very presence. I was going to need his steady influence beside me to get through this...
When I entered the library, he was seated talking to Amrothos. They both rose as we put in appearance. Despite the years, I could tell that it was indeed Ardrion. This was no mistake. He gave me the lopsided grin that I remembered so well and said, "Hello, Thiri. It is good to see you again."
It was clear he was feeling nervous about this meeting, possibly as much as I was. I finally managed, "It is good to see you, too, Ardrion. How is it that you come to be here? We had reports that all on your ship perished."
We were still standing, and he gestured for me to sit while he explained. Faramir, bless him, sat down beside me and kept hold of my hand. And we listened as Ardrion told us of his washing up on the shore, his memory gone. Someone had found him and tended his injuries, but he knew not where he came from or anything about his former life. So he stayed with his benefactor and did odd jobs to support himself.
Then two months ago, he was taken ill with a fever. When the healer was finally able to cure him, he found his memory had come back to him. He was living some distance from Dol Amroth, but it was more uncertainty about what he would find here than the miles that kept him from returning sooner.
As he finished his tale, he looked eagerly at me and said, "But I could not stay away from you, Thiri. Now you are old enough and we can be married, as we always planned!"
In truth, it had never occurred to me since this all began to think it would end at that logical conclusion. We had loved, and we had planned to marry, but now three years later to be faced with that prospect when I had not seen or heard from him in all that time was overwhelming.
Faramir stepped in at that point and replied, "I think it is a bit early to plan the future when Lothiriel is still trying to take in that you are alive. Why don't you come back tomorrow, after she has had some time to adjust to all this?"
I was never more grateful for my cousin than at that moment. I could tell Ardrion was disappointed, but I did need time to think about everything and sort out my feelings. He nodded reluctantly and rose. "Of course. I understand, Thiri. I will see you tomorrow, dearest."
I smiled and watched him leave, thinking how odd it felt to have this 'stranger' using endearments with me. And he did feel like a stranger to me after all this time. As soon as he was gone, I turned and hastily retreated to my room. If anyone intended to follow, they did not. Possibly Faramir headed them off in order to give me some time in private.
Once alone in my room, I flung myself down on the bed. As I did, my hand hit something and I glanced down. I picked up the letter from Eomer I had been reading when Faramir came to get me, and as I stared at it I let out a soft groan. Eomer! How was I going to explain all this to him? I had never mentioned Ardrion to him simply because it had never seemed pertinent considering his supposed death. Now some explanation most certainly would be required.
Miren brought me a tray of food when I did not put in appearance at noon, but I barely touched it. She did the same for supper, but I simply had no appetite as I tried to sort everything through.
About an hour after she had brought me my food, Amrothos arrived at my door. I was inclined to turn him away, but maybe talking about the situation would help me find some answers, so I let him in. He sprawled in his usual spot across the foot of my bed and eyed me questioningly. When I said nothing he commented, "Well, you certainly were the main topic of conversation at supper. Sorry you missed it."
"I am sure I was. What did everyone decide?" I asked.
"Hmmm, well, Father, Elphir and Erchirion all think it a bit presumptuous of Ardrion to put in appearance and expect you to marry him as though nothing had happened. Faramir, as usual, is trying to see all sides of the issue before reaching a conclusion. And Eowyn, though she did not say so specifically, appears to be rather upset at the thought that you might dump her brother in favor of Ardrion."
"And what about you?" I challenged.
He smiled at me. "I think you will do what is best for you and that it is not my business to decide that for you. I liked Ardrion and I like Eomer, but only you know who you want to spend the rest of your life with, Thiri."
Sometimes that fool brother of mine could be pretty darn...special. Leave it to him to simply cut to the heart of the matter.
I lay back against my pillows and stared at the ceiling. Softly I admitted, "Some part of me cared deeply for Ardrion, even loved him, and it still does. I had not thought about him in quite a while, but to have him right there in front of me, looking and sounding just like I remember him..."
He climbed to his feet and moved up beside me. Bending down, he kissed my forehead. "Try to get some rest. And do not rush into any decisions. Ardrion has taken three years to return to you. You do not have to decide things overnight." And with that, he was gone, and I was still staring at the ceiling.
xxxxx
I must have fallen asleep while I lay there, for when I awoke, it was morning and I was still in my clothes. The only conclusion I reached was that I was not going to act in haste. Amrothos was right. This was too important to rush into.
I know if given a choice Ardrion would have begun courting me again at once, but I needed time and distance from him to keep my thinking clear. So, when he would come to call, my family would turn him away and say that I was unavailable. Certainly it did not dissuade him as he continued to turn up each day, seeking an audience with me.
And still I had not found words to write to Eomer and tell him of this new development. I could not imagine rejecting him – I was sure I loved him. But could I be certain I had no lingering feelings for Ardrion? I did not want Eomer always wondering if part of my heart yet belonged to someone else after I had accepted him. Even so, I needed this sorted and soon, and I needed to write to Eomer.
I managed to put off seeing Ardrion for over a week, which rather surprised me. Despite his daily attempts to visit me, I thought surely a trip into town for some shopping would be safe, but I was mistaken. Although I took Amrothos along, it did not provide the buffer I had hoped for.
"Lothiriel?"
I closed my eyes as I recognized the voice hailing me. I could no longer escape dealing with this matter; I had already delayed too long.
Turning, I smiled politely. "Ardrion. How are you?"
He studied me a moment, then came forward to take my hands. "I miss you. Why have you not let me see you before this? What is wrong?"
With a sigh, I gestured toward the seawall. Amrothos said nothing, but fell in behind us at a little distance to give us some measure of privacy for our conversation.
We walked for several minutes, before I came to stop and faced him. "Ardrion, things have changed while you were…gone. I met someone else and my love is now his." He started to speak, but I held up a hand to stop him. "We were so young then and neither of us is the same person we were three years past. Can you not see that?"
Ardently he acknowledged, "I do know things are not the same, Thiri, but I also know my heart. I understand that you developed feelings for this new man, but now that I am returned, who is to say that you will not rediscover your love for me?"
I sighed. He wasn't making this easy. It would be so simple to just agree to spend time with him, to make sure no love remained, but to do so felt like a betrayal of Eomer and all that we had shared. Two young people, not yet twenty years of age, know little of life and probably even less of love. At only seventeen years, I had no idea what life was about to bring my way – the loss of Ardrion, the spectre of war, and then that very war itself with all its attendant horrors. I was not the same person I was then, I was certain, and I could not believe Ardrion was either. We may 'remember' having loved then, but it was more of a dream than a reality, and long faded with the time that had passed. How to make him see that, though?
Amrothos took the matter out of my hands just then. "Thiri? We need to get back. Father will be expecting us."
Before I could bid him farewell, Ardrion urged, "Please just think on my words. Search your heart for the love you once felt for me, and then we will talk again."
He walked away before I could reply, and I wasn't sure it was wise not to simply end this with finality now, but I turned to accompany Amrothos back to the castle.
After we entered the entrance hall, my brother stopped me. "Perhaps it was not my decision to make, but I thought that you needed room to breathe before you replied to him. He keeps telling you what he wants, but he is not listening to what you want."
I nodded and smiled weakly. "Yes, you are right. Thank you." I continued up the stairs before he could pursue the conversation.
I sorely missed having Faramir there to talk to, since he was the best at helping me clarify my thinking. Eowyn had not mentioned what was happening, but I saw her watching me many times, and she never looked like she approved when Ardrion would come to call. I could not blame her for her reaction, and it made me feel quilty whenever I was around her. In that sense, it was a relief when they had returned to Minas Tirith the previous week.
Amrothos tried to be supportive, but remained noncommittal about what I should do. That wasn't always what I wanted from him.
I tried several times to write to Eomer and explain what was happening, but I destroyed each attempt. I, who was so fond of words, now found myself at a loss for what to say to him. I could say that I loved him and that nothing was changed by Ardrion's presence, but would he believe that, be able to accept it without question? I did not think so. There had to be more. And, further, I needed to find the words to convince Ardrion that our past was truly past, and we had no future as anything but friends.
I again resorted to hiding out in the castle lest I encounter Ardrion. The wintry weather made that preferable anyway. At least he had stopped coming to call each day, perhaps thinking to let me consider his words. I did not think he was going to like the thoughts I was having about them.
When the second week since his return had passed, I roused myself. I was no coward and I had things that needed doing, and sooner rather than later. First I drafted that long delayed letter to Eomer. It was long and rambling, but at least I got words on paper. Before I sent it, however, I wanted to speak with Ardrion and finish this. I felt it was important that I could also tell Eomer that the matter had been dealt with – hopefully that would set his mind at ease.
I sent a note to Ardrion that afternoon arranging to meet him the next day, and his affirmative response was prompt. Having been cooped up inside for so long, albeit by my own hand, I thought a walk on the seawall would be a good place for this discussion. I was determined to be firm, and no matter how many times I had to repeat myself, I would make him understand that we had no future together.
We met just before dinner time and ate at a tavern in town. I confined my comments there to the usual pleasant, polite chatter of the nobility and he followed my example, presumably understanding our more personal remarks should not be amid so many eager ears.
We had walked for several minutes when he said, "Thiri—"
I cut him off, not wanting to hear his persistent efforts renewed. "Ardrion, you must listen to me. I am very pleased that you were not killed in that shipwreck, and it is good to see you again. But once and for all, it is now time for you to accept that what we shared those several years ago is something that belongs to history. I remember you fondly, but I think at seventeen I was more in love with the idea of love than anything else. If we had married then and I had never met Eomer, then perhaps I could have been happy as your wife. But my heart belongs to him now – completely. Please, for both our sakes, accept that and move on with your life as I intend to move on with mine. I will be married next spring to the man that I love, a man of Rohan."
He swallowed several times before nodding his acceptance. Finally, he admitted, "I think I knew that. I have enjoyed seeing you again, but it was not the same as before. Believe me when I say that I do wish you – and Eomer – every happiness."
He walked me back, and we hurried up the long avenue leading to the castle gates eager to get out of the cold.
We were brought up short by a group of riders at the gates, conversing with the guards. My stomach seized up when I recognized the banner of Rohan and then, almost in slow motion, I watched Eomer turn his head and see us. I came to a halt and stood rooted to the spot, barely daring to breathe. Eomer just sat looking at me and Ardrion, his eyes dark and his expression undecipherable.
Ardrion, I think, was slowly beginning to realize who this was before us. After a moment, he gripped my elbow and nodded to Eomer, before departing without a word.
I walked toward the guards, who presented the Rohan group and advised they had come unexpectedly for a visit. "Have someone see that their horses are stabled and find quarters for the men. I will escort King Eomer to the castle." They nodded and moved to their task as Eomer dismounted. Without a word, he followed me inside.
Amrothos appeared in the hall, raising a surprised eyebrow at our guest.
"If you would take Eomer into the library, I will arrange for a room to be prepared and then join you." Neither man argued with me and I beat a hasty retreat up the stairs.
After choosing which room to give Eomer, I sent a servant to see that his belongings were brought there. While that was being attended to, I went to my own room to drop my cloak and gloves.
For a moment I just stood unseeingly trying to take in this turn of events, but then my eyes fell on the letter I had begun to Eomer and I pulled myself from my reverie.
With an earnest desire to see Eomer as soon as possible, I hurried downstairs and skidded into the front hall, slightly out of breath. Collecting myself, I entered the library, and found Amrothos and Eomer seated by the fire, chatting about Rohan. Both looked up at my entrance, and each raised an eyebrow at my flushed face and breathlessness. Before either could speak, I said quietly, "Get out, Amrothos." My eyes never left Eomer as I moved slowly toward him.
Though Amrothos stood, he said, "I am not sure it is a good idea for me to leave you two alone..."
But Eomer seemed to sense my purpose and reiterated, "Get out, Amrothos."
With a chuckle, my brother sauntered to the door, calling casually over his shoulder, "Alright, I will go – but see that you restrict yourselves to smooching or Father will have my neck!"
Eomer made to stand, but I pushed him back into his chair and took a seat on his lap. He was in no doubt where I was headed and met my kiss halfway. As Amrothos put it, we did a lot of 'smooching' then. And when we needed a brief rest, I spoke aloud what my lips had been trying to convey: that I loved him, and only him. I was glad to see the guarded look disappear from his face, and I made a mental note to try never to do anything to cause its return.
Suddenly explaining anything more about Ardrion seemed unimportant. If Eomer wished to know, I would certainly tell him, and perhaps I would give him the letter in person, but I sensed we had settled the matter.
xxxxx
Over the next couple of days, as we ventured around town and the harbor, Eomer explained that Eowyn had written to him the day of Ardrion's return and immediately sent a messenger to Edoras. I realized that though she may not have said much about it to me, she very much wanted to be sure her brother knew what was happening. And I suspected she knew exactly how he would react to that information.
Unexpectedly, I was having a chance to show Eomer my home after all, though winter was not the best time for enjoying the sea. The wind in off the water could be most chilling, and usually drove us indoors after only a short time. But Eomer seemed to have a knack for kisses that warmed me clear to my toes, and the weather could not penetrate when he was holding me in his arms.
A/N: If you previously read this story and are now rereading it (12 Feb 2022 or later), you may think this chapter is different than you remember it. You aren't wrong. In the course of posting my stories on AO3, I was persuaded that this chapter (and its corresponding ch in No Mistake Redux – ch 12) presented Lothiriel out of character and in a less than flattering light. So I rewrote both chapters and hopefully you will agree they are an improvement.
