CHAPTER 4 Summary: Akira ponders his growing feelings for Yuya. WARNING - Spoilers up to Vol 27 of SDK MANGA.
CHAPTER 4 RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Samurai Deeper Kyo anime, manga or any of its characters. Kamijyo Akimine is the true legal and spiritual owner.
SPOILERS to VOLUME 15 – 27.
I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU
By: Nekozuki1776
Chapter 4
How peaceful it seems at the moment.
Trying to relax while consuming some bear stew concoction that one of Yukimura's ninjas conjured up.
For once, no battles, no bleeding, no deaths.
While I enjoy my share of the action, a temporary reprieve is a welcome change of pace amidst this chaos I call Mibu.
After a harrowing experience through the journey of the Four Doors, this was an ideal opportunity to heal and ponder on the events of the last several days.
I finally received a promise from my revered mentor for a one-on-one battle.
You have been expunged of the water dragon curse.
The almighty Shiseiten has re-grouped, more powerful than ever before.
I have fought and overcome a series of opponents, each more strong than the other.
My wounds have been healed. Initially after my fight with the Goyousei and the second time after my battle with the resurrected Jyunishinshi, Kubira.
All in all, everything seemed copasetic. This should have been a time to revel in good health and peaceful existence—however short lived it might be.
So what is this uneasiness I'm feeling?
What is wrong with me?
Something is not right.
And I think I know what it is.
It's HER.
That bossy, all-knowing, demon-eyed-warrior's-bride-wanna-be, female-at-heart-even-though-she's-a-man, Akari.
And she's back.
More conniving, more insufferable and more determined than ever.
To make my life a living a hell.
Forget what I said about Chinmei.
Akari is the real sadist around here.
And I admit it. She intimidates the living daylights out of me.
Over the years, I've conditioned myself to not only talk to but to think of Akari as a woman.
I've done this to prevent myself from accidentally addressing her by her given male name or slipping up by mentioning anything that might connect her to her gender.
Woe is to the man that makes this fatal mistake. May Akari dance with compassion over his grave.
I swear on top of her powers, I think she's also a mind reader. Even my sixth sense ability can't seem to shake her freaky intuition.
I know she's one of the good guys. She's a formidable fighter worthy of the title Shiseiten. She's strong, ruthless and skilled in her own right.
But…
She's always playing tricks on me--picking on the youngest Shiseiten. And beating me up to a pulp every time I calmly point out one or ten of her faults in her personality.
Who cares if she has the power to mend my stab wounds. She simply uses this as justification to give me twice the beating in the second round.
A powerful healer, fighter, shaman, and a samurai.
A person who will stop at nothing in asking for a proper payment for the use of her power.
A person who will compassionately and efficiently heal any physical affliction.
At the cost of my soul.
Or more accurately, at the severe detriment of my mental and emotional being.
This might be construed as an exaggeration on my part, but I do not jest. She is a wicked one, that Akari.
For in exchange for the use of her healing powers, Akari demands a confession of one valuable secret in return.
A secret that no one knows of.
A secret so deep that it would mean a death-
Of embarrassment for myself should the others find out.
I have been a recipient of this inhumane healing procedure for many years. Some confessions more humiliating than others. And I will admit, it was the most recent confession that took the rice cake.
But I knew the healing had to take to place.
So I gritted my teeth, stood my ground, and I told her.
And I've been regretting it ever since.
The cruel irony of it all was that the healing wasn't even for me. It was for that little Jyunishinshi brat, Antera.
What's happened to me anyway? To be willing to give up one of my most valued secrets to heal another? And worse yet for the sake of healing an enemy.
But I had no choice. I knew Antera wasn't truly evil by any standards and with her life on the brink of death, I had to plead on her behalf to save this girl's life.
I've gone soft.
You must be rubbing off on me, Yuya-san.
And I curse at my weakness as I try to reassert my feelings towards the women in my life.
Despite everything I've stated about Akari, she is not the epitome of pure evil that I claim her to be.
She is a fellow Shiseiten and deep down, she would never intentionally hurt me. I will even go as far as to say that her nosey personality sometimes senses my feelings better than I do myself.
At the end of the day, being an object of her ridicule and a victim to the combat bets schemed by her wicked tactics do not seem so horrific knowing that she watches out for me more times than I can count.
Which has helped me through a few rough times in my life.
So maybe I should stop bad-mouthing the pink-haired shaman and get to the real heart of the matter.
The real reason for my uneasiness…
As I now sit amongst the group quietly partaking on my bear stew.
Or what's left of it after I knocked nearly the entire content of my bowl.
Caused by the smart-ass comment that Yukimura made to you, Yuya-san.
Who the hell does that sneaky Sanada think he is asking you a question like that?
Slyly inquiring whether you were intimately involved with my brother. Or further inquiring of the lascivious acts you might have performed for him in gratitude for defeating Shinrei and ultimately releasing you of the curse.
I knew none of these insinuations were true. But the words emitted out of that instigating ninja's mouth made me realize how much my recent encounter with Kubira had affected me.
How I must have looked the jealous idiot; abruptly standing up and knocking over the bowl and further losing my cool by adamantly denying his statement on your behalf.
So I made a big to-do about Yukimura's intentionally suggestive comments. So what?
Everything. That's what.
And my only saving grace is that you didn't seem to catch a thing. You just sat there, with a perplexed aura about you, offering me nothing but a confused expression.
Should I be frightened by your lack of astuteness?
Or should I be thanking the heavens for your infinite innocence and gullibility?
If it wasn't for my ability to read your aura, I frankly would have refused to believe that a woman who is so sensitive to a person's true nature can be so naively ignorant of the others' perceptions towards you.
And I wonder if there are other factors that have contributed to your somewhat dazed response to my blatantly protective behavior.
I know something happened to you during your journey through the passage of the Four Doors.
And it makes me regret that we ever got separated in the first place.
I realize it was a logical decision to divide into groups in order to cover more Mibu ground. I know you're strong in your own right and have the means to protect yourself —especially with the wicked aim you possess with that flintlock of yours.
But I still hated the idea of being separated from you. You had just barely escaped the jaws of death and things were assuredly becoming more dangerous from that point as we proceeded towards our destination to the Taishirou and the Red King.
Being the sensible person that you are, you readily agreed to dividing up the group and even volunteered the idea of picking names to see who each of us would partner up with in our journey through the Four Doors
And luck would have it, instead of being teamed up with you, I got stuck traveling with the buffoon squad duo of the dazed and indifferent and the idiotic comedy man.
It's not that I hate Hotaru and Benitora, I just didn't like idea of not being able to watch over you. I had at least hoped that you would be teamed up with my brother, but the pick of the straws demanded that you go forth with Akari.
And when we regrouped after our series of adventures through the respective Doors, we all came back under various degrees of battered, worn, and mentally exhausted.
You seemed unaffected physically, but something wasn't right by your aura. You were not only preoccupied, but also sad and frustrated, maybe even anguished.
But you diligently tended to the wounded and spoke spiritedly to the group with your encouragements and kind words. All this despite your troubling thoughts of your recent encounter.
Exactly what happened to you, Yuya-san?
It took everything in my will to keep me from approaching you and asking what was wrong. I knew something was amiss. All of us went through one challenge or another through the paths of the Four Doors and I suspect you were no exception.
As I also was not in my encounter with Kubira.
If my battles with Saishi and Saisei were physically exhausting, then my battle with Kubira was mentally and emotionally draining.
Although the two Goyousei gave me their fair share of a mental challenge, their tactics were nothing compared to what the mind master of the born again Jyunishinshi offered.
Kubira initially didn't appear to be much of a threat; asking strange questions that had nothing to do with the situation at present.
But behind every question was a fierce psychological attack that I could never have imagined. Although both Hotaru and Benitora received their brunt of the assail, I won't hesitate to say that his power had the most dangerous effect on me.
In my blind state, in which I rely on my other senses to "see" my surroundings, his attacks made me the most sensitive and susceptible of the three to his psychological tactics.
In total, Kubira asked four questions which his Mibu bestowed power created the mental images of my truest answer. And each question produced one brutal assault of an answer after another.
Question 1: Which person scares you the most?
Answer: Yuya-san. Let it not be said that you aren't the scariest when you are determinedly set in your opinions or protecting your purse strings.
Question 2: Which person are you the most weary of?
Answer: Akari. She's knows almost all of my secrets, even the ones I don't tell her.
Question 3: Which female intrigues you the most?
Answer: . . .
Question 4: Who is the strongest living being?
Answer: That's easy. HIM. My brother, my mentor.
Kubira didn't hold back any punches. With the images of the answer that formed in my mind, they all turned on me in the form of an attack of their full capability--with a flintlock, shamanic powers, or a sword. I felt every vicious attack on my body as well as in my mind.
He especially did his homework in creating the exact facsimile of my answer to his last question: from his fighting techniques to his swordsmanship and his red eyes that burned brighter than the blood he spilled down to the smirk in his gruff tone.
There seemed to be no discrepancies compared to the real thing when I stepped up to battle Kubira guised in the form of the strongest man I would ever know.
This guy was good. He hit me with everything the demon eyed warrior ever had including his secret techniques. The mental and physical toll of fighting him was almost too much. He attacked me with his sword as well as with his cruel words.
My insecurities, my doubts, and my fear; all the weakness I've ever harbored rolled into one in the presence of my mentor was more than I could bear.
It was excruciating. I was falling into the depths of mental hell, being tormented with the question of whether my value was even a fraction of my brother's worth.
Until someone knocked some sense into me.
If Benitora hadn't beat me with his hassun, I might still be in a comatose state while my mind plunged into the dark insanity of Kubira's technique.
So the dim-witted, Yuya-san sneaking, Tokugawa descendant of a pervert actually had some smarts. And even though I expressed my abhorrence to his unnecessary interference, I knew that I owed Benitora my life.
With this rude awakening came my ability to overcome the cruel ministrations of this cheap copycat. The man who was imitating my revered mentor was missing one distinct element.
He lacked the essence of the true demon eyed warrior.
Kubira did not have privy to the experiences that my mentor endured the last several months. Even the last few days alone were filled with turning points that made him into the man he is at this precise moment. In other words, Kubira had failed in what he never had the power to do in the first place: to duplicate the TRUE soul of the man that made the demon eyed warrior.
With this thought I reassembled my cognizance towards my purpose and got angry.
Really angry.
Kubira's blatant mockery and invasion of my mind catalyzed my anger and my determination to strive to be the warrior worthy of fighting the genuine article. Not the pathetic doppelganger that stood before me.
The methods of defeating Kubira was simple and clear-cut following this revelation.
And it would seem that all was well that ended well.
Not quite.
There was still one more issue to deal with.
My answer to Question #3.
That sneaky bastard.
How dare Kubira show me something in my heart that I wasn't ready to see. How dare he unlock the feelings I've tucked away from the others, from you.
From me.
He released them in torrents with one snap of his fingers.
And that was just the beginning.
In addition to exposing my true feelings, he made me see.
He made me see in a ways I had not in a long time.
It wasn't that he gave me back my sight in actuality. But he might as well have.
The bonafide true to life picture of you that he "showed" me in my mind was needless to say-
Absolutely breathtaking.
Up until this point, I had prided myself in possessing a fairly accurate image of you through the use of my heightened senses and my reading of your aura.
How wrong I was, Yuya-san.
I realized what I had pictured in my mind didn't do you a fraction of justice as I lingered on the pair of the most expressive green eyes. Your long, blond hair more resplendent than the rays of the sun. Your petite, lithe form that I momentarily embraced not so long ago.
And your smile. That vibrant, captivating smile that could bring the entire Mibu army to its knees.
Including myself.
To truly see that your outer form was just as beautiful as your inner essence catapulted me into a state of dizziness.
It was one the few times I wished for my old sight back; only to be privy to one more glance at the sublime beauty that is you.
The memory of your image was etched in my mind forevermore as I secretly thanked Kubira for his sole act of kindness.
And cursed him for hitting me with the anvil of reality.
Because it made me realize the vulnerability of it all.
That even I, the entity of ice, was not immune to this feeling.
This feeling I couldn't exactly place, comprehend, or accept.
It angered me beyond all else that I had to deal with these petty emotions that were reserved for the feeble-hearted.
I don't need it. I can't have it. I deny it.
So here I am. Venting the state of my frustrated uneasiness to the wrong party.
Kubira for making me see.
Akari for making me confess.
Yukimura for making me react
And you, for being you.
When I should be blaming myself for being so weak.
But it doesn't matter.
Admitting to the confusing set of feelings I carry for you doesn't mean anything.
In the end, they are simply emotions.
Emotions that can be denied, hidden, and squashed.
As I said before, feelings that can be shut away under lock and key.
Because I have no need for anyone.
And no one should have any need for me.
And I have nothing to offer.
Especially to you.
I am not a samurai. I carry no riches. And unlike the others, I am no descendent of a noble lineage.
No title. No wealth. No name.
I have nothing of value except for the two swords on my back and the willingness to protect.
You deserve more than that.
Much, much more.
And so it goes on, as I deny myself of the feelings I am not destined to have.
Feelings for you that should be purged and sealed away. Feelings that you will never know.
But I'll let myself "see."
Just this one time before I plunge back into the shadowy abyss as I admit that-
Something is wrong with me.
And I know what it is.
Damn it, Yuya-san.
I love you.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Helpful Terms: (previous disclaimer applies and more spoilers below)
TAISHIROU – The most powerful group of MIBU only second to the Red King. Comprised of four members each bestowed with virtually omnipotent powers. Charged by the Red King to preside over the Goyousei, the soldiers, and all the residents of Mibu.
1-Fubuki – The leader and the most veteran member of the present Taishirou
2-Hishigi
3-Yuan
4-Tokito
FOUR DOORS / GATEWAY – (yottsu no tobira) – The four different doors leading to various paths throughout the Mibu territory. Out of the four, it has been said that one of the pathways connects to the entrance of the Onmyouden—the path leading to the Taishirou's inner sanctum. The reason why they split up in four groups to cover more ground and find the correct path.
KUBIRA – One of the members of the Jyunishinshi. The "original" Kubira was the puppet master back in the early volumes of the manga. The title and the power of this Jyunishinshi that perished in the earlier chapters were born again under Taishirou's permission. Ironically, it was Akira that defeated the current Kubira as he had killed the original one. (Note – the original and the current Kubira are comprised of two different people—just the title and the position was resurrected not the person).
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
The battle with Kubira when Akira is asked and "shown" the images of his answers to Kubira's questions takes places in Volume 24, Chapter 194.
The implied confession by Akira (in order to have Akari heal Antera) of his feelings towards Yuya is hinted by Hotaru in Volume 25, Chapter 199.
The bear soup incident when Akira overreacts to Yukimura's insinuations to Yuya about her level of "involvement" with Kyo takes place in Volume 27, Chapter 214.
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A/N –(10.28.04) Thank you for your readership and reviews. I plan on continuring this story after more volumes of the manga are released. We'll see what Kamijyo-sensei has in store for Akira…
In the meantime, I am working on a few other SDK stories one of them which involves Akira x Yuya pairing. This time, it will be an AU (alternate universe) with more chapters and whatnot. Please stop by and read if you have the time and the inclination to do so.
I also have an idea or two for a Kyo/Yuya fanfic (contrary to popular belief, I do respect and am fond of this canon coupling). The ideas are still in the form of muffled thoughts in my head but I'll sort them out eventually in between the rigors of life and writing other works.
Arigato to all the readers.
And special thanks to those that took the time to review (Ch3): Starian Princess, Happster360, Alyson Metallium (thank you for the heads up about vol 28!), LadyWater2010, Lady of Genesis (your nihongo is correct!), Chibi Tenshi, Triste1, The Mediocre One, Lazeralk, and df-silver-fox-demon (Ch2) - nekozuki
