Chapter Sixteen
Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Rikku didn't sleep well that night, all things considered. She woke before anyone else the next morning, and quietly made her way outside so as not to disturb the others. She walked to the spot that she and Wakka had talked at the night before.
She felt lost, for the first time since she had joined Yunie's pilgrimage. She didn't know how she was supposed to act around Wakka any more, but even more frustrating than that was: How the hell do you act around someone who is your destiny? She honestly hadn't ever given Sir Auron a second thought. He was just the Legendary, the ronin, the warrior. Was he even worth all of this heartache? She'd been forced to give up an amazing man, who was quite possibly the love of her life, for him.
And she didn't know anything about him. Wasn't even sure that she wanted to, to be honest with you.
"Awake early again, I see."
The voice behind her made her jump. Sighing, she turned her head and regarded the man. "Hi," she said carefully, not really sure what she should say. "Just … couldn't sleep, all things considered."
"Understandable," he said agreeably, walking to stand beside her.
"Nothing about this is understandable," Rikku retorted dryly. "Do you understand it?"
He didn't say anything.
Great, he's a non-talker. I think the gods severely screwed up this one. "So, you just don't talk, huh?"
"I speak when I have something to say. I am at a loss right now."
"Hmm," Rikku responded, staring out over the horizon, where the sun was just beginning to rise. "I don't even know you. Are you worth all this?"
Auron snorted. "Hardly," he said derisively.
Rikku looked up at him out of the corner of her eye, and let out a small laugh that quickly became a fit of giggles. "Well," she finally managed to sputter. "That's always good to know." She covered her mouth as the laughs turned into tears.
"Rikku," Auron said, suddenly concerned. He reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder.
She shrugged him off. "Don't. I can't, you know. I don't think I want to get close to anybody right now. Let alone you."
"I understand," Auron said, stepping away.
"Quit understanding!" Rikku yelled. "I'm tired of everyone being so damned accepting! What? So we saw some stupid lake together? Why does that mean that I have to lose everything I ever wanted?"
"I apologize," Auron said quietly. "I know that this is difficult."
"No, you really don't," Rikku said. "You didn't lose anything in this. It apparently doesn't matter that I don't want anything to do with you, and that I just want him back. Nobody cares about that, do they?" She took a deep breath. "Could you just go away, please? Just leave me alone."
"Do you even want to know why, Rikku?" he asked her.
"Know why what?" Rikku asked, taking a deep breath.
"You know that there is supposed to be some sort of bond here, right? Do you want to know where it came from?" Auron said cautiously.
"Another bombshell?" Rikku asked, looking him in the face for the first time since he'd joined her outside. "I – I don't think I can take it right now, Sir Auron. Just go away."
"As you wish," Auron said, bowing his head slightly and leaving her to her own thoughts.
Part TwoRikku trailed behind the rest of them as they continued their climb. She felt as though they would never reach Zanarkand at this point. The mountain was huge, and they'd only been going for a couple of days.
Kimahri walked alongside her, and though he didn't say anything, he really did feel bad for the girl. Losing people you loved was hard, even he knew that. And it couldn't help that everyone was so wrapped up in their own problems to worry about anyone else's.
Yes, Wakka's plight was just as sad as Rikku's … still, Wakka seemed to be surrounded by people who wanted to help him get through this. It wasn't as if it was Rikku's fault. Any idiot could see that this wasn't how she wanted things to work out, either.
"Rikku will be okay," Kimahri said finally, just wanting to say something. "Rikku small, but strong, like Kimahri."
Rikku cracked a smile at the analogy. "You're right, Kimahri. We little ones, we need to stick together." She linked her arm with the Ronso's, grateful that somebody understood that she was in pain too.
"Lulu sure didn't waste any time," she commented under her breath.
"Lulu finally realize what she had all along," Kimahri said slowly.
"Lucky Lulu," Rikku muttered. She wondered if there would be something there, between Wakka and Lulu. It killed her that there was nothing more that she could do about any of this. It was up to the gods now.
They walked several more hours, encountering tons of mean-as-hell fiends before they came across another sphere, like the one they had found back in Macalania after fighting the Spherimorph.
"Yuna," Auron said. "This one is for you."
Yuna clicked the sphere on, and her features softened when she saw her father appear. Rikku watched in rapt attention. So that was Uncle Braska, huh? She could see that her cousin got many of her mannerisms from him.
Yuna quickly wiped away the few tears that had fallen as she watched and then stood. She smiled at the rest of the party members. "Let's continue. I feel … renewed strength all of a sudden."
"Wanna share some of that, Yunie?" Rikku asked, only half-joking.
Yuna looked at her cousin, saw how drawn her normally cheerful face looked, and immediately felt bad for ignoring her on this leg of the journey. She vowed to make it up to her when they reached camp for the night.
Rikku kept to herself the rest of the way to the next suitable cavern. Yuna walked over to her. "I'm sorry, Rikku," she said. "I shouldn't be ignoring you right now."
Rikku shook her head. Silly Yuna … about to die, and still worried about Rikku's dissolving love life. "Yunie, you don't need to worry about me so much. I'm strong, like a Ronso, you know?" She smiled a bit, remembering her earlier "conversation" with Kimahri.
Yuna smiled back. "Rikku …"
"No!" Rikku held up her hand. "No more, Yunie. Go be with Tidus. You … don't have a lot of time left. Me, I'll be here for years."
Rikku watched Yuna walk off, toward Tidus. She watched them sit together and hold hands, much the same way she and Wakka used to do. Now, Wakka sat with Lulu, talked to Lulu, looked at Lulu with those warm brown eyes …
Shaking her head, Rikku decided that she needed to get away from everyone else for a while, so she started walking. She wasn't sure where she was walking to, but she thought she remembered a smaller cavern just a little farther back on the road. She could go there and clear out her mind. And not have to see him.
She came across the cave about fifteen minutes later. Sighing, she did what any savvy Al Bhed would do before entering a cave alone … she tossed a grenade in, and then ducked for cover while it exploded. "That should take care of any nasty beasties," she said to herself, entering the cave and setting her travel bag down.
She looked around for any kind of kindling, and found enough to make a small fire. She tossed one of the group's extra fire gems on the pile, and watched it ignite. Sighing, she sat down near the fire, and stared into it, letting the flickering flames mesmerize her.
It wasn't long before she fell asleep.
Part ThreeHe had watched her leave the camp, and part of him wanted to follow her, to make sure that she was okay. She'd been devastated, and who knew what she would do on her own? But she had made it clear that she didn't want him anywhere near her right now.
He wondered if she ever would. Would the only person that he had ever loved in his entire existence ever feel even a fraction of what he was feeling? Or was she too broken now to even care?
He stood around, watching the others for over an hour. Rikku still hadn't returned. He decided to throw caution to the wind, something he never did, and go after her.
He set out in the direction he had seen her go, and in under twenty minutes, saw the flickering of a fire inside one of the smaller caves the group had passed earlier that day. Taking a deep breath, he walked to the mouth of the cave.
Rikku was curled into a ball on the cave floor, near the fire, fast asleep. From the pale tracks down her face, he could reasonably deduct that she had cried herself into exhaustion. He crossed to her, and knelt beside her. He frowned when he noticed that she was shivering.
Without wasting any time, he quickly removed his heavy wool coat and draped it over her sleeping form. He quietly moved to the other side of the fire, where he could keep a close eye on the girl.
When she woke up, several hours later, she immediately noticed that she was warmer than she had been when she had fallen asleep. A strange scent filled her nostrils; it smelled like the forest, and sake, and was irrefutably male. She sat up, blinking and trying to adjust her eyes to the dim firelight of the cave.
It was then that she noticed the red wool coat that was draped over her form. Eyes questioning, she searched the cave for the owner, but found herself alone. Standing up, she wrapped the coat around her, not wanting to admit that it was cozy and warm and smelled heavenly to her … but not wanting to let it go either.
"Sir Auron?" she said into the darkness. "Are you here?" No answer. Rikku chewed on her bottom lip. Well, at least he cared enough to make sure I was warm and safe. That's something, isn't it?
She stepped outside the cave and looked up at the night sky. The stars seemed more brilliant here, maybe because they were on a mountain … closer to them. The crunch of snow several yards away caused Rikku to turn her head.
"Hello?" she said. "Sir Auron?"
"You're awake," his voice responded. A few seconds later, he came into view before her. Standing without his coat, and not wearing his usual cowl and dark glasses, Rikku was afforded a better look at the man.
"Been here long?" she asked, still not sure exactly how she should behave. If this was written in the stars or whatever, it certainly didn't feel that way now.
"A few hours," Auron said. "Are you all right?"
Rikku looked away, blinking back tears yet again. "I'll live," she said, trying her best to sound upbeat and chipper, as per usual. "I've got more important things to worry about than my failed relationship … like Yunie, for example. I should be back there with her now, you know? Instead of throwing myself this pity party."
"Yuna's fine. If I didn't think she was in good hands, I wouldn't have left. It's you I'm worried about," Auron said pointedly.
"Well, you don't need to worry about me. I'm young … I've got – plenty of time to bounce back from this, right?" The tears started falling now, tears that she couldn't have stopped, even if she had wanted to. "It's not the end of the world." She choked out a strangled sob, and collapsed onto the snowy ground.
"Rikku!" Auron cried, kneeling down beside her. Cautiously, he reached out to her, resting a hand on her shoulder. Without thinking, Rikku threw herself into his arms, and allowed him to hold her while she sobbed her broken heart out.
Her sobs abated eventually, and she went still in his arms. He looked down, and saw that she had once again wasted all of her energy by crying. Under normal circumstances, he would have been annoyed. She needed to save her strength for her summoner.
But these were not normal circumstances … these were extraordinary circumstances. "Braska," he whispered. "What should I do?"
Be patient. Comfort the girl … She needs you now, more than ever. Just have faith.
Auron was at a loss. He wasn't used to comforting people. But he looked down at the sleeping girl in his arms, saw her grief-stricken face, and he knew that there was nothing that he wouldn't do to protect her and shelter her.
And maybe, just maybe, while he was saving her, she might save him right back.
A/N:Well, I'm super excited that I got TWO chaps out tonight ... This chap, unfortunately, was sort of transitory and not as exciting as some of the others, butI promise to make up for it in the very near future. I'm really pleased with the way this is going, and I hope you guys are too. I'm still loving you reviewers sooo much! Keep them coming! Until next chap, Rhianna :)
