Chapter Two: Watching You

I watch him, making sure that he doesn't try to kill himself like I know he wants to. I know he thinks he doesn't have a reason to live but he is mistaken. For my love for this boy, no man astonishes even me sometimes. Of course he does not know of that, that I watch him, silently, hoping, praying that he'll realize that he needs to live,that his friends aren't the only ones who need him alive. That he still has so much to do in this life. Hoping he understands that I need him alive, that I need him to live in order for me not to go insane. For I love him.

I don't remember when this love started, probably around the time the Order was made to defeat Voldemort. I use to watch him at meetings. He never paid attention for his mind was probably on his nightmares about another innocent person dying. And our friendship? That began after the Order had been together for two months. He came down to the dungeons one night to ask for a dreamless sleep potion. I refused to give him one until he told me why he needed one so badly. I told him he looked fine and looked like he had a wonderful sleep every night. Harry then took off the concealment spell on himself and I nearly started to cry.

Pale skin, ribs I could count and touch met my gaze. He was so pale, so tired looking, and weak. I demanded to know if he had been eating, of course he said no, most defiantly. I marched him straight up to Poppy and he stayed in the hospital for two weeks. He of course was totally pissed off at me but I didn't mind. I think that's when I realized that if something really were to happen to him, I'd be beside myself with worry. That it wasn't only in his interest that I protect him but also in mine.

I remember after the final battle he stayed in the tower for two months never leaving for any reason. After two days Albus magiced a bathroom toilet, a bed, and his clothes up in the tower. We all knew that he wasn't coming down, that, the tower had become his other home, second to the dudgeons where he visited me basically every night.

Dumbledore and all his friends took turns spending time with him. They never abandon them, which shows true loyalty ( such Grffyindors!) since he says that murders don't deserve to have friends. He believes that he doesn't deserve anyone although we all know he would probably die if we had not been there after the defeat of Voldemort. I know it sounds self- absorbed but it's true. Harry has always been alone and the need to feel love is finally showing after sixteen of knowing only loneliness.

I don't blame him for being withdrawn. After living sixteen years of hell and everyone always praising you, wouldn't you want to be left alone with your thoughts? To be just by yourself and try to piece back parts of your life that have been broken for so long. Wouldn't want to spend time alone grieving over all the innocent lives lost and thinking of where to go from here.

Harry hasn't a clue what to do now that his job to the wizarding world is over. I can see the lost looks and loneliness he tries to hide from Granger and Weasley whenever he makes an appearance at the Great Hall. He needs direction or something. Something to let him know that he should continue living life to the fullest, no matter what it is.

I think he's happy with the fact though that his godfather has been cleared of all charges and that the traitor that betrayed his parents is in Azkaban. I know that that news has brought some sunshine to his dreary existence, but he's still lost. He's always been lost, burdened with a task that he should have never been given to him. I wonder what he's thinking about as I watch him from the shadows.

He's stopped coming to the dungeons for our nightly talks and I know that's because he's beginning to deteriorate in soul, body, and mind. He's going back to the state he was in when he stayed in the hospital wing for two weeks but I refuse to allow that to happen again. He doesn't know that I watch him in the Astronomy Tower wandering what he is thinking. Wondering how I'm supposed to help him this time. Last time I knew what the problem was from him and I could help him. This time all I have are little clues and hints from Dumbledore and his friends. And also hints from our talks we had before he became completely withdrawn. They seem to me to show that he was and is contemplating suicide.

This, of course is not a good thing and I know I have to do something but what? I am enough of a reason to live? I highly doubt so but if I'm what Harry needs to survive who am I to deny my love? I watch him glance out the window for the 20th time in two minutes and know that I have to go to him tonight, because if I don't I know he'll try something. I know his resistance level is all but on zero. But I can't help but wonder if I'll be able to help him this time. I hope so because many lives, including mine depend on his will to live.

End Notes: I know this was short to, but Next chapter will be Harry's P.O.V. again and then some talking! Hoped you guys enjoyed!!!! Have a happy day off all you kids on the East Coast with a snow day (including me!!!!) Please review!!!!

Izzy* ^_^