Chapter Three: Saying Something to Harry
I hate this! I cant' do this anymore. I can't stay in this tower but I can't go back out into the world. What world needs or deserves another murder wandering the streets? I haven't visited *him* in so long. The others don't come anymore either, I've asked them, not too. But in order for them to leave me alone I must make an appearance at least twice a week. So when I come down for dinner I try my best not do be depressed or anything so they won't worry.
I know he watched me everyday. He hides in the shadows and watches me, looking at me to see if it's time for him to try and stop me from murdering myself. He's coming tonight, I know he is. He'll try to talk me out of killing myself and I most likely will wait another day to do it. I'll listen to him because I love him. I know he probably doesn't love me, but we are friends.
We became friends during the time when the Order was first formed. He put me in the hospital after I asked for a dreamless sleep potion. I was so furious that he had taken me to Poppy after taking off my concealing charm but now I'm glad he did. If he had not then I would have never have become friends with him or fall in love with him.
*He's* basically the only reason why I'm alive right now. The only reason I'm hanging on. If I died, it wouldn't be that bad. 'Mione and Ron have each other. Sirius and Remy have each other, no one would really miss me, but then I look at him and there's apart of me that wants to live. It wants to live another day to see *him.* And so I do, I survive another day and wait for him to come to watch me from the shadows.
I guess that he's my reason to live, and as soon as he is taken away from me I will die, but until that day comes I will continue to survive, only the day that he says he loves me will I begin to live again. Only then will I have the strength with his help, to begin to face my demons, and come out of this tower. Only then will this numbness leave me and I'll begin to understand where I go from here.
As I look outside the window I guess it is about seven o'clock at night. He'll probably come to talk to me around ten, so only three more hours of loneliness, I can do that after all I've done it for sixteen years, so what's three more hours? A lifetime?
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
There is a fire going, and light in Harry's room as I look around to see what he has done. He's reading and as soon as I enter the room, he puts down the book he is reading and says "Hello Sev., I've been expecting you." He gestures for me to sit and I do, wondering how the hell he knew I was coming.
"You know, if your going to check up on me the you should probably do it in a less obvious place." I gawk at him. He smiles and continues "He you don't go through the experiences, that I have without having acquired some skills, that you'll keep for the rest of your life." I shake my head before saying "Then you know why I'm here?" Harry gives me a sad smile before nodding. "Yeah, and you don't have to worry. I'm not going to do myself in." and even though he doesn't say it I can here they yet hanging in the air.
"I've missed our talks Mr. Potter, care to explain why you haven't come to the dungeons in a while?" He shrugs his shoulders before standing up and beginning to pace. "No reason, I've just had a lot on my mind lately." He shakes his head and goes over to the window ledge. I get up and follow, when he turns around to look at me though I see tears in his eyes. "Harry." I start to say but he cuts me off. "I'm trying Sev, I really am but I don't know what to do anymore. There are times when I just want to jump off this tower and end all this pain, and other times I just want go to the person I'm in love with and kiss them senseless."
My heart contracts at the thought of Harry loving another but now is not the time for selfish thoughts. "Who do you love Harry? I'm sure that that person loves you very much." He shakes his head and said "No, he probably doesn't. He's very special and beautiful, and the only reason I'm alive. He always has made me fell wanted, and loved and for that alone I love him. He's amazing and he's you."
End Notes: Okay, TADA! Should I continue? Please review!!! Loves, Izzy* ^_^
I hate this! I cant' do this anymore. I can't stay in this tower but I can't go back out into the world. What world needs or deserves another murder wandering the streets? I haven't visited *him* in so long. The others don't come anymore either, I've asked them, not too. But in order for them to leave me alone I must make an appearance at least twice a week. So when I come down for dinner I try my best not do be depressed or anything so they won't worry.
I know he watched me everyday. He hides in the shadows and watches me, looking at me to see if it's time for him to try and stop me from murdering myself. He's coming tonight, I know he is. He'll try to talk me out of killing myself and I most likely will wait another day to do it. I'll listen to him because I love him. I know he probably doesn't love me, but we are friends.
We became friends during the time when the Order was first formed. He put me in the hospital after I asked for a dreamless sleep potion. I was so furious that he had taken me to Poppy after taking off my concealing charm but now I'm glad he did. If he had not then I would have never have become friends with him or fall in love with him.
*He's* basically the only reason why I'm alive right now. The only reason I'm hanging on. If I died, it wouldn't be that bad. 'Mione and Ron have each other. Sirius and Remy have each other, no one would really miss me, but then I look at him and there's apart of me that wants to live. It wants to live another day to see *him.* And so I do, I survive another day and wait for him to come to watch me from the shadows.
I guess that he's my reason to live, and as soon as he is taken away from me I will die, but until that day comes I will continue to survive, only the day that he says he loves me will I begin to live again. Only then will I have the strength with his help, to begin to face my demons, and come out of this tower. Only then will this numbness leave me and I'll begin to understand where I go from here.
As I look outside the window I guess it is about seven o'clock at night. He'll probably come to talk to me around ten, so only three more hours of loneliness, I can do that after all I've done it for sixteen years, so what's three more hours? A lifetime?
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
There is a fire going, and light in Harry's room as I look around to see what he has done. He's reading and as soon as I enter the room, he puts down the book he is reading and says "Hello Sev., I've been expecting you." He gestures for me to sit and I do, wondering how the hell he knew I was coming.
"You know, if your going to check up on me the you should probably do it in a less obvious place." I gawk at him. He smiles and continues "He you don't go through the experiences, that I have without having acquired some skills, that you'll keep for the rest of your life." I shake my head before saying "Then you know why I'm here?" Harry gives me a sad smile before nodding. "Yeah, and you don't have to worry. I'm not going to do myself in." and even though he doesn't say it I can here they yet hanging in the air.
"I've missed our talks Mr. Potter, care to explain why you haven't come to the dungeons in a while?" He shrugs his shoulders before standing up and beginning to pace. "No reason, I've just had a lot on my mind lately." He shakes his head and goes over to the window ledge. I get up and follow, when he turns around to look at me though I see tears in his eyes. "Harry." I start to say but he cuts me off. "I'm trying Sev, I really am but I don't know what to do anymore. There are times when I just want to jump off this tower and end all this pain, and other times I just want go to the person I'm in love with and kiss them senseless."
My heart contracts at the thought of Harry loving another but now is not the time for selfish thoughts. "Who do you love Harry? I'm sure that that person loves you very much." He shakes his head and said "No, he probably doesn't. He's very special and beautiful, and the only reason I'm alive. He always has made me fell wanted, and loved and for that alone I love him. He's amazing and he's you."
End Notes: Okay, TADA! Should I continue? Please review!!! Loves, Izzy* ^_^
