There is a blank page in front of me......and it demands to be filled. So it shall. With utter nonsense. But hey, here we go again....
I don't own Harry Potter. So there. NO slash in this story.
I Wonder How Much Deeper The Ocean Would Be Without Sponges?
It was dark again. It's funny how that happens. It's light, and then suddenly it was dark. Light, dark, light, dark, light, dark, like a never ending cycle, as the planet keeps its orbit.....as time slipped like sand in the hourglass....as the planet spun on axis....
"Sirius Black stop playing with the light switch already! It's hurting my eyes." James rolled over, pulling his pillow over his eyes.
Sirius groaned as he moved away from the fifth year Gryffindor boys light switch. "Awww James, I'm sooo bored... I'm meellttinngg...."
"Well, there's always..." Scores of pillows were thrown onto the bed of one Remus Lupin, with intent to kill and enough force knock him to the ground.
"Well, heaven forbid you should try to improve your minds sometime other than in-between eight and three..." He muttered.
"Would you shut up about homework already Rem?" said Peter from the corner bed, where he was attempting to sit with his head on the floor and his legs slung over the bed. "Don't you think we're smart enough already?"
The others stared at him.
"What?" He mumbled, as his face slowly turned red, not from embarrassment but from sitting on his head too long.
"Err...Pete? Where is your history book?" asked James.
"Under the far table leg. It was a little rickety so I fixed it." He said.
James walked over and pulled it out.
"Pete, do you see something wrong here?" He asked, looking casual.
"Like what?"
"Like, maybe, that its still in its original plastic cover? Like, it's never been opened?" He said.
"Oh, that. Top resale value when it's never been opened" He said proudly.
The others stared. "Um, where do you sell it?" asked Remus.
Peter narrowed his eyes. "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." He said slyly, struggling to pull himself up from the floor, but only succeeding in falling fully off the bed with a loud THUNK.
The others looked at each other for a moment, but then chose to ignore it. Remus coughed quietly.
"So, James....how is Quiddi.."
"Oh, it is awesome, we practiced from five till eight today. Rather early, but you know, no pain, no gain! We did all sorts of drills, then we planned lots of...."
Ten minutes later Remus sincerely regretted asking, and began to glance around the room as James energetically showed him different moves with much waving and thrashing of hands. Peter was drooling as he stared at a jelly squid he was contemplating eating, and Sirius studied something he'd found under his nail.
"Guys, do you maybe want to go do something...we could go to the kitchens...."
"And torment the house elves!" Sirius jumped up with excitement.
"Sirius! That's NOT what they're there for..." James gave up when he saw the manic smile spread across Sirius' face.
"No, lets go try and find another passageway..." Peter said.
"Guys, what do you think is the meaning of life?" Sirius's short attention span had struck again, and he was lying on his back staring at the ceiling.
"Cheese." Peter said promptly. He smiled goofily as the other boys glanced at him.
"Well, I'm definitely not saying grass. I mean, that stuff is nasty even in deer form. What do you think Remus?"
Remus sighed. "I'm not sure, I mean, when you think about it..."
The others groaned. They weren't about to listen to another Remus-musing. The one on the purpose of the planet Pluto a few weeks ago had been dull enough.
"Okay, so...we could go prank Slytherins..." said Peter, attempting to cut Remus off before he got over excited about the current topic. However, it turned out his attempted intervention was not necessary.
A very loud BANG came from the lowest part of the stairwell, followed by loud thumps as someone made their angry way up the stairs. But the fifth year boys did not have to wonder whom. And their suspicions were confirmed as the door swung open.
"You four are in so much trouble..." said Professor McGonagall, standing ominously over the beds where the boys were sprawled out staring nonchalantly up at her. She pulled a letter out of her pocket and flipped it open to show them, they glanced at it from their beds. Peter ate his jelly slug. Remus coughed.
"This is a letter from the Department of Public Safety in the Ministry." She said. James blinked, then reached for his Quidditch chart. He stopped with some slight trepidation, as he saw that McGonagall was starting to steam at the ears.
"Minnie, I'm starting to get the feeling that you are upset with something." Sirius smiled cockily up at her from the nearest bed. She turned to glare threateningly at him.
"The Department has sensed that there is a safety hazard in this castle, and they are coming to inspect it tomorrow. And do you know where they discovered the safety hazard to be coming from?"
"Umm...I dunno, Snape's hair?" James laughed at his 'joke'.
"NO MR. POTTER!" She took a deep breath and glared at him, then forced her voice to a forced-calm level. "They said it was coming from Gryffindor tower. Particularly from the right side of Gryffindor tower, and specifically from this room. Do you have any guesses as to why that might be?"
They looked around, all waiting for the others to answer.
"So, not a one of you knows?" She asked.
"Is that a rhetoric question? Cause it sounds like..." Sirius started.
"NO IT IS NOT!" She replied. "They wrote that there is a safety hazard on the level of a large nuclear toxic waste spill coming from this room! They ask if we have students living in here, and if so then why you all haven't mutated into strange forms from it! And do you think I would be joking? And that is a rhetoric question! Now explain yourselves!" She took a deep breath. "What I can't understand is why the house –elves haven't cleaned up whatever it is already." She looked at them.
Sirius had the grace to look slightly guilty at this.
"Sorry Professor. The house-elves don't clean here anymore." He said.
"Well then how do your clothes get clean?" She asked.
"Rem, Jamie and Pete take their laundry to the kitchens at night and pick it up in the morning." He said, looking slightly nervous.
"Then how do you get yours clean?" She whispered.
"I wash them." He replied, glancing at the window.
"Where?" She whispered, looking like she sincerely did not want to know.
"In...the lake...every couple of weeks..." he said.
"You wear clothes that you washed in the lake." She sat down on the bed for a moment looking ill, and put her head in her hands. "Why don't the house-elves clean here anymore?"
This time it was James who replied. "Because of Sirius. He sets traps for them." Sirius glared at him furiously.
"HE WHAT?" She shouted, turning toward Sirius. A small crowd of people from the other rooms in the tower was gathering around the door. The fifth year girls looked particularly amused.
"Mr. Black, am I to understand that you SET TRAPS for the house-elves?" she asked.
The room was silent for a few minutes. "Oh, I thought that was another rhetoric question. Yes. Yes I do. But you don't have to understand it if....." Sirius didn't get any further, as Professor McGonagall had him by the ear and was getting ready to take him to the Headmaster.
"What sort of traps does he set, if I might be so bold to ask?" She turned to the other boys.
"Oh, you know, the regular kind, ropes, nets, water and other foodstuffs in buckets on the doorframes, vicious animals...." Peter stopped when he saw his friends' faces.
"But WHY in the world would you want to trap house-elves?" She looked back to Sirius.
"Because they control the weather. Haven't you wondered why it always rains on Gryffindor matches, but never when Slytherin plays? House-elves are evil, I keep telling everyone but they just say I'm crazy...." Sirius drew breath. "I want to find out their secrets, so I interrogate them. I'm going to write a book one day...then I'll be rich and you will all be sorry." He smiled charmingly up at the professor.
Ten minutes later, all of the human-sized occupants of the fifth year Gryffindor boys dorm were sitting quietly on a bench in front of the Headmaster's desk. James was nursing a black eye, Peter was sucking on bruised finger and Remus was staring slightly dazed at Fawkes. Only Sirius, who Professor McGonagall blamed as the cause of the injuries, was unharmed. A minor scuffle had broken out in which Sirius Black, accused house-elf mutilator, Lily Evans, house-elf sympathizer, and a very large dust bunny from under the boys' rug had been the major offenders. The others had only attempted to break up the hair-pulling duo on the floor. McGonagall had compensated for her momentary loss of control in the situation by placing them all in detention. Lily had only escaped the Headmasters office by pleading a twisted ankle.
"So, I have been told that there is a problem in your dorm? Professor McGonagall has already explained the situation and the recent happenings, so now I think we need to decide how to deal with it." Dumbledore watched them. Remus cooing softly at Fawkes, Sirius was rubbing his sore scalp, James looked back at him and Peter contemplated eating something he'd found stuck to his pajamas.
"So headmaster, you're actually cutting deals with students now? You're letting us suggest our punishment? Well, in that case I think eating as much chocolate as we can till we're sick will be a very appropriate punishment."
"No, I don't think that will work, despite the fact that it sounds like wonderful fun and we could all use days like that. I was thinking that you four" he looked at them "need to take tomorrow off school" he waved his hand to quiet their cheering "and spend it, with the supervision of your head-of-house," he looked apologetically at McGonagall "cleaning your dormitory. Including under the beds." He smiled softly at the horror struck faces. "Up, up now, to bed. You need to sleep well tonight alright?"
They sputtered with outrage, but were shushed and sent to bed. As they walked back to Gryffindor tower, Peter summed up the thoughts of all four. "We....are going.... to die."
There you all are. If you want to read more, then review alrighty?
