Kuronue vs. the Doctor

Yusuke laughed suddenly. "Geez," he said, "Didn't you guys ever do anything besides steal random crap?"

Kurama smiled. "Of course! We ate, we breathed, we performed various other bodily functions..."

Yusuke whapped him upside the head. "You know what I mean!"

Kuwabara nodded. "Yeah, you tell us all these exciting stories, but did you ever do anything normal?"

"Fool," said Hiei. "Stories about everyday activities are boring."

"It's why no one ever goes to the bathroom in movies," added Yusuke. They gave him weird looks. "...What?"

Kurama smiled, looking off into the distance. "Actually, very little of our lives could be considered 'normal,'" he said, chuckling a little. "Somehow, we managed to make everything interesting..." He trailed off thoughtfully.

Kuwabara nudged Yusuke. "That means he's gonna tell another story!"

Yusuke rolled his eyes, and Kurama began.

---

"NO! No! Nonononononooooo....."

"Come on, you're embarrassing me! It's just the doctor!"

"No!"

From the sounds coming from outside the doctor's office, it might seem to the waiting room's confused occupants that they were listening to a mother and her reluctant child. However, to think that they would have to be completely tone-deaf, as both voices were adult and definitely male.

Thus they were only slightly prepared to see a fuming Youko Kurama dragging Kuronue behind him by the tip of his ear.

"Why are you even bringing me here?" Kuronue was whining. "You know I have an irrational fear of needles!"

"Oh, come on, it's just a checkup! There won't necessarily be any needles!"

"But every time I go to the doctor there are needles!"

"THOSE ARE SEDATIVES!"

As if trying to prove Kurama's point, Kuronue chose this moment to try to dash back out the door. Kurama tackled him to the ground and growled, "Look, if you behave yourself, they won't have to sedate you."

Kuronue scowled and nodded as best he could, what with Kurama's elbow pinning his head to the ground.

Kurama pulled him to his feet, and then sat down in one of the uncomfortable chairs the doctor so kindly provided. Kuronue followed, still scowling.

They sat like that for a few minutes, Kurama inspecting his nails, Kuronue glancing around nervously at the various posters on the walls. Eventually Kuronue noticed a small child staring at him. Lacking anything better to do, he stared back. A few minutes later Kuronue realized he was going to lose the staring contest, and started making faces at the kid.

Kurama whapped him upside the head. "Behave yourself!"

Fortunately Kuronue was spared a lecture, as at that moment the nurse came out the door. "Kuronue?"

Kurama jumped up and grabbed Kuronue's wrist. "Yes, he's here, and quite calm," he said, tugging on his arm and giving him a pointed look.

The nurse, completely oblivious, nodded. "Come this way, then."

She then deposited them in a white room and, after assuring them the doctor would be there in a moment, they were left alone.

"They're learning," Kurama commented to the still-sulking Kuronue. "One time a nurse said that the doctor would be there in a minute, and when the doctor didn't actually appear for another half hour because he was out playing golf, they had a huge lawsuit on their hands. You've got to be careful with your language," he ended lamely, realizing that he was only talking to himself.

Eventually the doctor entered, a demon who looked like he had a rare skin disease, which wasn't very reassuring. Kuronue hopped up on the examining table and the doctor puttered about doing various doctorly things we don't feel like describing.

After a while the doctor looked at a clipboard. "It says here that you're due for two of your shots," he informed them.

Immediately Kuronue started panicking. "You said there would be no needles!" he told Kurama accusingly.

"No, I said they wouldn't have to sedate you with needles."

"You and your pedantic tendencies!"

Kurama rolled his eyes in the manner of the much put-upon. "Just don't look at what he's doing, and it won't be as bad. Old trick."

Kuronue sighed. "Fine, fine..." He looked away and squeezed his eyes shut. However, as soon as the syringe pricked him, he jumped several feet into the air. "You said it wouldn't be as bad!" he shouted, rubbing his arm.

"It's certainly not as bad as what I'll do to you if you don't behave..."

Kuronue groaned, and looked back at the doctor. "Just get the second one over with, all right?"

"All right! Now, here's your meningitis shot!" the doctor said, pulling out an enormous syringe. Kuronue's eyes widened. The doctor chuckled warmly and put it away, getting out a normal-sized syringe. "Just kidding, this is the real shot - " But Kuronue had already fainted dead away.

The doctor looked up at Kurama. "You were right - I didn't have to sedate him!"

---

As Yusuke chuckled and Hiei grinned disconcertingly, Kuwabara looked thoughtful. I know it's hard to imagine, but just go with us here.

"So.... The Makai has doctor's offices?"

"...Yes."

"And syringes?"

Kurama glared at him. "Yes, they do. Quit ruining the suspension of disbelief."

Kuwabara huffed. "Fine, fine, you don't have to go using big words on me."

"...Whatever."

---

A/N: Just to make it clear, we're not Kuwabara-bashing, we actually love the guy. (Realize this chapter comes from the girl with Kuwabara wallpaper.) It's just he's an idiot, and we make fun of everyone. :)