14.
"I don't trust him, Mulder," Scully said softly, pressing her cheek against the warmth of Adam's body as he was cradled in her arms.
"I don't either, Scully, but can we risk it if he is telling the truth?" Mulder replied.
She sighed heavily, her breath escaping in a fine mist of condensation. "Maybe," she said. "Maybe you should just take Adam and go, Mulder. If they are tracing us through the chip…"
"I'm not leaving you, Scully."
"Then we're taking it out," she said firmly. "The cancer's back, Mulder, so the chip isn't doing what it's supposed to do anymore, if it even cured the cancer in the first place. Take it out, and at least we don't have to worry about them following us anymore."
"Is it safe?" he asked doubtfully.
"It's superficial, Mulder, right beneath my epidermis. All you have to do is nick my skin and fish it out with a pair of tweezers. I have some in my bag."
"You sure?" he questioned.
"I don't know what else to try, Mulder," she admitted. "Just take it out."
She heard him walking away from her, his footsteps seeming loud in the quiet night air. Holding Adam against her, rocking his soft warmth, she stared up at the stars. They winked and flickered brightly, cold, hard points of light thousands of years old.
Mulder had once asked her if she believed in the existence of extraterrestrials, and she'd all but laughed in his face. Now she found herself staring up at the heavens and wondering which star their planet orbited around, or if they even had a planet.
The sound of Mulder's footsteps interrupted her whimsical thoughts, and she turned to watch him walk toward her. His shoulders were uncharacteristically hunched. With his face hidden in the shadows of the night, she couldn't read his expression, but she knew him well enough to know what he was thinking.
He was worried. Worried about her, about the cancer, the chip, Adam, the Rebels, Krycek.
He was confused by her. Unsure of how to act around her. Wary.
She'd destroyed the comfort around them, she thought tiredly, broken it by her sudden affinity for running from situations that scared her. The emotional implications a relationship with Mulder held terrified her; she didn't know if she wanted to lose herself so completely. She had never, ever enjoyed giving up control and letting her emotions dictate her actions, and with Mulder that's exactly what happened. Instead of behaving and acting logically, she became irrational, did things she would never normally allow herself to do.
Felt things she couldn't control.
And she didn't want to lose him, and so lose a part of herself either.
"Penny for your thoughts," he said softly when he stopped in front of her.
"Not worth that much," she said lightly. "You have the tweezers?"
"Here. Do I have to sterilise anything?"
"You should," she agreed absently, "but I don't have anything with me. If you have a match just hold the blade and tweezers in it for a few seconds. Let them cool before you cut," she warned, turning her back to him.
The acrid tang of burning phosphate accompanied the hiss of a match being lit, and she waited patiently. Several seconds later, she felt his hand alight on her shoulder. "You ready?" he asked.
She nodded silently, gritting her teeth and unconsciously tightening her hold on Adam.
It stung sharply when he made the initial cut, pain radiating hotly down her neck when he started digging in her skin with the tweezers. He was no surgeon, and his lack of finesse made her grunt with pain.
"Sorry, Scully," he apologised. "Hold on, I've got it."
He pressed down heavily on her neck with something, and the spurt of pain made her grunt again, but then it was almost gone, only a stinging sensation accompanying a dull ache. "Thanks," she whispered, catching her breath.
"It's still bleeding," he cautioned. "Give it a few more minutes."
She stood silently while he pressed the back of her neck, focusing on her breathing. Eventually he lifted his hand and pronounced it okay. She moved her head cautiously; her wound stung in complaint, but it was bearable.
"Thank you, Mulder," she said again, turning to face him.
He was looking at the chip in his hand. Only the light of a streetlamp several feet away reached them, and the chip was nothing more than a dark, glistening stain on the palm of his hand. "Throw it away," she ordered. "We don't need it anymore."
"Scully," he said.
"No, Mulder. Just throw it away. It's over."
He nodded mutely, turning and leaving her standing on the sidewalk with Adam in her arms and blood on her neck.
She slept restlessly, her neck alternatively aching and itching, imaginings of infections and green cysts rupturing disturbed her dreams. When she woke gasping for breath, the sheets were damp and sticky around her, the room empty and dark.
She slipped a robe on, running shaking fingers through her thick hair, and went in search of Mulder and Adam, ignoring the pounding of her heart in her chest.
"What are you doing?" she whispered, finding them in the kitchenette of the motel room. Mulder's feet and chest were bare and Adam was lying happily in his arms.
"He was restless," Mulder said softly, "like you."
She shrugged. "Everything's okay?" she asked.
He nodded, turning his gaze out over the kitchen sink. "I can see the ocean from here; the moon's that bright tonight."
Unbidden, her feet moved her across the floor to stand beside him. "I was looking at the stars earlier," she admitted, "wondering which star it is."
He didn't ask her to clarify, understanding what she meant. "Some legends say that starlight is where souls live."
Scully smiled, looking up at the silver light. "It's a nice thought," she agreed.
"I used to wish it was true," Mulder admitted, "because it meant if Samantha was dead then at least she'd be somewhere beautiful."
"Do you think she's dead?" Scully asked softly.
Mulder sighed. "I don't know, Scully. Sometimes. And then I find another piece of the puzzle and all of a sudden the hope's back, the strongest hope that she's still out there and that I can find her."
She wanted to tell him that she'd help him find Samantha, but the words refused to form because she didn't believe it. Her body was aching and her spirit was tired; she didn't have long to go. Instead, she slipped her hand around his arm, leaning against him for a few seconds. "Maybe you will find her," she said instead, watching the stars as they glowed brightly. "And then you can tell her about the starlight."
"I love you, Scully," Mulder whispered.
She smiled, pressing her cheek against his arm, turning her head to kiss his skin before facing the stars again. "I know, Mulder," she said softly. "And you know I love you."
"I wonder sometimes," he said cautiously, not moving.
"Don't," she said simply. "I… I just get scared."
"Everyone does."
She smile against his skin. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Why are you apologising?"
She didn't answer, staring at the stars. They seemed brighter, bigger, closer than before.
"Mulder," she whispered, frowning.
"What?"
"I think they're coming."
He stiffened against her, tensing. The starlight grew brighter, and Scully felt a rush of panic flow through her.
"Run, Scully," Mulder ordered, jerking against her and pushing her toward the door. "Run!"
Her feet were soft and tender, not used to the jagged surfaces of stones and sticks hidden in the shadows of the trees. Branches whipped across her face, stinging her cheeks and tugging at her hair. Adrenaline coursed through her veins, and she fought to keep up with Mulder as he sprinted through the dark forest.
"MULDER!" she screamed, stumbling over a root and crashing to the ground. Her hands and knees burnt, her pulse thundering in her ears.
"SCULLY!" His echoing yell bounced through the darkness, and she heard his panting breathing before she saw his darkened form appear through the trees. "Get up!" he demanded, reaching for her and grabbing hold of her hand.
Holding her hand, he ran with her through the trees, his breathing loud and jagged.
"MULDER! SCULLY!"
"Krycek," Mulder grunted, realising before she did who was calling. "HERE!" he bellowed.
Adam started crying, fear giving strength to his wails. His screaming mixed with the panting of Mulder's breath and the crashing of their bodies through the undergrowth.
Krycek appeared, a shadow to Scully's left, his breathing just as ragged as theirs. "They're here," he grunted unnecessarily.
"What do we do?" Mulder demanded, slowing his strides and dropping to a walk, fighting for breath and rocking Adam ineffectually against his chest.
"Water," Krycek gasped. "We get to the water. Their fire doesn't work in the water."
But they'd already been heading toward the water, Scully thought hysterically, running downhill through wild growth with a baby and no shoes and no light and they were going to get themselves killed.
The world lit up around them, orange light that smelt of smoke and flames and fear. The forest exploded into to life, birds screaming and the hissing of burning wood popping through the night sky.
"Faster!" Krycek urged, "faster!"
Scully was crying, her breath burning in her throat, hacking breaths of air that splintered her lungs with smoke.
"Holy shit!" Mulder exclaimed breathlessly as they burst out of the woods onto a small clearing. A cliff top, she thought wildly, fighting for breath, smoke burning her eyes and tears rolling stickily down her cheeks, mixing with the blood trickling thickly from her nose. "What now?"
"Start climbing down," Krycek said firmly.
Scully wanted to protest, but she couldn't. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't stand. Her legs buckled beneath her, and the world swayed and blurred.
"Scully?" Mulder asked, his face appearing over her. "Scully!"
"Give me the baby, Mulder, and take her," Krycek said.
No! Not Krycek!
She felt Mulder picking her up, the world spinning crazily with orange light and smoke and moving stars. Krycek was holding Adam with his arm, just standing there.
Her baby. What about her baby?
"Scully, I need you to hold on," Mulder said grimly.
She held on, because he asked her to, her arms locking around his chest and her legs curling around his waist.
Her baby. Adam.
"Give him to me, Krycek," Mulder said.
"I'll be fine, Mulder."
"You can't climb with one hand and hold him!" Mulder argued.
"You can't go with Scully and Adam. You have to choose," Krycek said.
Adam, Scully thought, choose Adam. Choose Adam.
"How will you manage?"
"In my jacket," Krycek said. "I'll put him in my jacket."
There were people coming out of the trees, Scully realised, people with no faces and weapons and they were burning her and her baby was with Krycek.
"GO!" Krycek screamed, pushing Mulder.
And then they were falling, the sky orange and black and starlit and she could see Krycek at the top of the cliff still holding her baby. The water was cold and she hurt she couldn't breathe and she could see Krycek on the cliff with an orange sky and her baby and the aliens.
Scully closed her eyes and sank into the water; it was dark and cold and she was so tired.
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light
