by iluvaqt
Disclaimer: as per default chapter.
A/N:Alexandra Bruderlin, you're my motivation to write Syl/Krit. J Thank you for sticking with me. And boo, feel free to nag me all you like, you'll definitely get something even if it is slow in coming. VietAngel, thanks for taking an interest in this – really glad you're enjoying it.
Chapter 9 –
Early morning, November 23rd 2020
Lounge, Walker Ranch
Jondy had stretched out on the sofa, Leo snug in the nook of her arm. She had tried breastfeeding him a little, hoping her natural immunity to a large number of toxins and poisons might help him combat the spider's venom, but he was so weak and restless that he didn't drink much. The storm ragged outside and she had pulled a blanket over them both. Everyone had long since gone to bed. Zack still hadn't returned and despite Syl's protests, Krit insisted that they let him figure things out for himself. He just needed a time out, Krit had suggested.
"He's had six months, time out," Syl had exclaimed in frustration. "That's enough don't you think?"
Krit had given her a long-suffering smile. "Yeah, only he doesn't know it, babe. To him, it was all yesterday. He needs to think things through, and trust me, I love you to bits but you're not great at giving people room to breathe."
Syl had huffed and pouted, but she hadn't argued further. They'd kissed Leo goodnight, and Krit had squeezed Jondy's arm reassuringly.
"He'll be okay, Dee. He's strong, just like his parents."
A tear rolled down her cheek. Deep down she knew that Leo would be okay. He had been born premature, and grown to be a healthy baby without special care. Not only had she not been able to find a neonatal unit that could take him, her concern about his genetics kept her from wanting to even leave him in a hospital unit. She had heard about the transgenic crack down in Seattle, they were screening everyone who was admitted – full blood work up. It was a good thing she'd made friends with Doctor Krista Janice. The lady doctor Carmen had taken her to she when she had gotten pregnant.
Krista had helped Jondy after the birth, she had given Leo check ups and monitored his progress personally. They wouldn't have made without her. She owed a lot to her friends, both Carmen and Krista. Leo was her whole world and without him there wasn't a whole lot to look forward to back in Vegas or anywhere for that matter.
Her body felt utterly drained of energy but she couldn't allow herself to fall asleep. She wanted to watch over him. It comforted her to hear his steady breaths and the movement of his eyes beneath his eyelids. Jondy stroked Leo's cheek and chewed on her bottom lip. Zack or no Zack, she would never ever resent having her son.
An hour later Jondy fell into an exhausted sleep. She had rarely slept at all since Leo had been born. Probably even less after she had learned about Zack. It was as though she could never give up one second without her eyes on Leo. She had put her faith in Syl, and even though it wasn't her sister's fault, she almost felt as though Leo would never have been hurt if she'd not left him. Her arm tightened instinctively around him as she slept. And in his sleep, Leo wriggled a little closer to his mother's chest.
Zack entered the house without a sound. The storm outside had broken and there was nothing more than gentle snowflakes falling now. He stood at the archway taking in the scene from the entry to the living room.
Jondy's head rested on her right arm while her left hand lay next to the sleeping child. The baby's little fist was wrapped around her index finger. The sight tore at his heart. This was the child he'd ordered her to cut out of her life. This baby. A helpless and innocent child, that clung to her even in its unconsciousness. A soft whimper escaped his lips and it roused Jondy immediately.
Zack didn't move. He didn't say a word. How many nights had it been like this for her, barely asleep, always on the edge of wakefulness, carrying the weight of this enormous responsibility alone? The concern and strain he saw etched in her face chased away all the anger he had pent up inside. She loved this child. When she had learned that he was in danger, everything had focused on him. She forgot about everything else, her well being, the storm, nothing else had mattered but getting to him. A surge of jealousy heated his blood again. How could she love this child so much? Did she love his father too? Where was he? Look at her. She was almost a shadow of her former self. He'd known this would happen. How did she think she could manage raising this child on her own? He was about to make his presence known and demand answers, when a hand held him firmly to the spot.
It wasn't Krit, the hand was strong by didn't have the strength of a male X5. And it wasn't Syl, the thick, well-worked fingers dug firmly into his shoulder. He could have shaken off the hold, but he didn't. Instead he waited for its owner to say his piece and move on.
"She wouldn't have come all this way if she didn't have something very important to tell you," Buddy said in his wise, non-intrusive manner.
His council was never rejected simply because Zack felt he wasn't forcing it on him. And didn't hurt, that he was usually right.
"So give her a chance before you go in guns-a-blazin." With that he dropped his hand and left.
Jondy heard what Buddy had said and didn't dare met Zack's eyes. She pretended that she still hadn't noticed him. Although, she'd known of his presence the moment she'd woken up.
Watching her with Leo, Zack remembered why he felt so hurt. He hadn't meant to care so much for her. And he certainly hadn't ever planned for them to sleep together. She'd become more than a friend, a responsibility, someone to look out for. She had become an extension of himself. He understood the dream now. It was his link to her. He had always known when one of his unit were in trouble, he hadn't understood it at first he thought maybe it was because he'd grown up being the leader, the first and the eldest. He had made it his duty to know where and what they were up to. He made it his responsibility to keep them safe, but with Jondy it was a little different. He could feel her. Inside. Like now as he watched her worry and hurt over her child, it pained him. It hurt in his chest. And that night he had woken up after seeing her in his dreams. It had been the same. She had been pregnant then. Something had gone wrong, had she gone into labor? She had been in a lot of pain. Being close to her now, he was reliving the dream in his mind's eye.
He had felt her desperation, her anguish. It was like he had been right there with her. Yet he couldn't help. He wasn't there her. He had been an outsider looking in. Much like he felt now.
"Zack?" Jondy called to him. She was growing impatient with him just standing there, her imagination was cooking up all sorts of horrible and wild thoughts about what he was feeling, and the longer he was silent the worse they were getting.
He left his post and walked towards her slowly. "It's easing up outside. We could take him to town…see the doctor," he offered.
Jondy could see him trying not to stare at Leo. Was he making the connection? Did he see the likeness, she wondered. When he looked away and walked to the fireplace, she thought not.
Zack kicked at the smoldering wood. The fire was almost completely burnt out, and he busied himself with refueling it. He could feel her eyes on him. He wanted to talk to her, but had no idea of how to start. He had so many questions for her. How did he end up here, and what happened to him? The last thing he remembered was waking up in that hospital in Seattle. Everything else was just a disjointed blur. Buddy had told him he was Adam Thompson, but he knew he wasn't and it certainly wasn't one of the aliases he'd used. Something was up. And he wanted to figure it out.
"Zack? There's probably a lot on your mind, and I know you're upset with me, maybe with Krit and Syl too, but we're family. Family stick together, for better or worse."
He stiffened. She was right, but he didn't feel like hearing it. They had always looked out for each other. They had each other's backs and he knew that, but she might be ignoring a certain fact and he wasn't. She had her own little family to worry about, and he wasn't part of it.
Syl bounded down the stairs, dressed in her own clothes and ready to roll. She'd woken up at the crack of dawn and was elated to discover that the storm ended. They could leave, and she couldn't describe how relieved she was to know it. Not that Buddy and Mary weren't great people. It was just stuff they had to sort through was better discussed without an audience. Their history was need-to-know, and these people lovely as they were, didn't need to know.
"So are we ready to roll?" Syl said strolling into the living room. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Zack by the fireplace. She slowed, and watched as he gave her an assessing once over while he dusted his hands. Shaking off his mood, Syl brightly greeted Leo and focused on Jondy.
"As soon as I thank Buddy and Mary for their hospitality and for everything else, we'll make a move," Jondy answered. "Even though Leo is looking better, I'd like to get a doctor to administer some anti-venom."
Syl nodded in agreement, watching Zack in her peripheral vision. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and he was frowning. He still hadn't said anything, and she was getting antsy. "You could come with us?" she said hopefully to him. Zack shot a glance at Jondy and the baby nestled in her arms. It was so fleeting that a person without their special abilities would have missed it, but she hadn't and she also hadn't missed the look of longing that had accompanied it. This was still a raw nerve for him, she guessed. Krit was right, it was a lot to take in, and maybe too much too soon. So the soldier with a heart of stone, wasn't quite stone after all. Maybe it had been ice and now it was beginning to thaw.
"I'll go get the truck ready. Sleepyhead'll be up soon, and then we can make a move." Syl tossed her hair over her shoulder, her lips breaking into a grin. "I know I'm the biggest pain in the ass and you probably wish you never remembered me, but I'm so glad to have you back big brother." She crossed to where he stood and threw her arms around his neck in a hug. Knowing he was uncomfortable with any form of affection, she made it quick and retreated before she caught his expression.
Zack didn't know what to say. Syl had always managed to take him by surprise, but she had never responded to him in any other way than as her CO. She never questioned orders with why, whined or complained, and perhaps that was the reason why he had turned a blind eye to her attachment to Krit. He had known that they shared a close bond but he would never have guessed that they had fallen in love. He scoffed at that thought now. What did you think love was? It's trust, companionship, it's that feeling that burns inside you to be close to someone, care for them, protect them, and if it came down to it, to give your life for them. That's the kind of love that Syl and Krit had. It was what he felt when he looked at Jondy.
Zack shook his head. How stupid he had been. He had pushed her away, hurt her to protect her or so he had believed. The only one he hadn't thought to protect her from was himself. He thought of what it would have done to her, if she had gone through with his wishes. Watching Leo, those memories cut through him like a knife. How could he have asked her to do that, to terminate such an innocent, helpless child? His fingers itched to hold him but he knew he had no right. The child was as much a part of Jondy as he was of someone else. Whoever the schmuck may be. Although as he despised the idea that Leo belonged to someone else, he longed for the opportunity to show Jondy that, that didn't matter to him anymore.
It had taken loosing his memory to see the light. He was attracted to her even in his amnesia. He'd confessed that he wanted to remember them, and she'd told him that they were never a couple. At the time he had found that impossible to believe. They had chemistry, and it was obvious that she was as attracted to him as he was to her, but now he understood. Wanting wasn't enough. Love was a lot deeper than lust. Lust was fleeting, and that's why she had stopped them. And she had been right too. He would have blamed her again, like he was blaming her again now for what happened it the past. Why couldn't she have told him about Leo sooner? 'Why so you could cut her off sooner, build a defense against her?' It would have had the same outcome then, as it was now. He would be disappointed, jealous, and angry that she had been with someone else. Was there still someone else?
Jondy studied his features through her eyelashes. She kept her bowed, not wanting to let him see that she was watching him. He was lost in thought. She could see his jaw working, something he did when he was arguing inwardly. What was he arguing over? He's working at putting up a building between you again, that's what, a voice answered. She closed her eyes, refusing to watch him any longer. Why was she torturing herself?
Krit strolled by the archway, then did an about face and came back. He held the basket up for Jondy's inspection, a half eaten sandwich in hand. "Mary packed us sandwiches. She's been up since 5, bless her. Guess she knew we'd want to get moving as soon as the storm let up. Need me to give you a hand Dee?"
Jondy nodded. "I need my coat from the truck. I'll just change Leo and then we'll be good to go."
"Got it," Krit said with a smile. "Don't need to tell me to clear the danger zone twice."
"Wuss," Jondy called after him. She smiled to herself, and reached into Leo's baby bag for a clean diaper. She could feel Zack's gaze on her and she tried to concentrate on the task at hand. It was surprisingly difficult considering she'd done this action so many times she could practically do it in her sleep. Come to think of it, there had been a few times in the first couple of weeks after Leo was born that she probably had.
After redressing Leo and bundling him gently in a warm blanket, Jondy turned to Zack. He had replaced the poker back on the rack and he gone to stand by the window. She could see that he was looking at the truck. From where she sat, she could see Krit getting her coat, and then playfully smack Syl on the behind. That earned him a swift elbow reflex which he dodged laughing. While he was enjoying his victory, Syl had discreetly compacted a ball of snow in her right hand. And just as Krit turned to head back to the house, she threw it with full force at the side of his head. Jondy winced, almost feeling it herself. It would have been hard and cold, rather like a large ice cube. Krit turned, his lips pulled into a thin line. He ran at her and tackled her to the ground. He poked her in the ribs, and pinned her to the spot, tickling her till she cried for mercy. Satisfied that he'd served her just punishment, he helped her to her feet. She had laughed so hard that were tearstains down the side of her face. Krit was shaking her coat and Jondy groaned.
They came inside still chuckling, Syl leaning into Krit heavily. "Here ya go, Dee. I hope it's not wet," he said offering her the coat.
Jondy stood and pulled it on, shaking off powder snow. Lifting the still drowsy Leo from the sofa, she grinned at them both. "Nothing I can't live with."
Zack watched them from where he stood. He felt like an outsider again. They were so happy together, and again he wondered whether all of them were secretly like this behind his back. He had never wanted to be the bad guy. He knew their alias for him, 'Stone Cold Zack'. Good in a tight spot but don't ask him for advice on relationships. What relationships? He was the world's biggest loner. If there was one thing about the lie that he wished he could keep, it was that. Adam had friends, but more than that they treated him like family. Buddy and Mary had treated him like a son. They were had become the parents he had never had but had always dreamed about. Zack grit his teeth. Sure he had family too, he just didn't let them treat him or each other like a real family. Family shared things, supported each other, spent time together, laughed together and cried together. 'What have you ever done with them that lasted longer than a few hours,' he questioned himself. He didn't like the answer.
Lost in thought again, Zack missed the questioning look that Syl gave Jondy. Shaking her head in reply, Jondy told Syl wordlessly that she still hadn't told him.
'Tell him,' Syl mouthed impatiently. "We'll be in the truck." And pulling Krit after her, they left Jondy alone with Zack.
Turning slowly, Jondy hugged Leo tighter to her body. She knew it would be hard, but finding the right words seemed impossible. "I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I have to tell you. And just so you know, it doesn't change things – I don't expect anything from you and don't feel obligated just because… well, you'll probably feel it's your right, but…"
"What are you trying to say," Zack asked carefully, barely able to keep his curiosity from bursting out at her to get to the point. It was something important he could gather that much, but obligation, his right? His eyes zeroed in on the bundle she had in her arms. Her hands trembled slightly, and her eyes followed his. He watched her take in a sharp breath. It couldn't be, could it? No way. They were together once. His heart started doing an elaborate dance in his chest. "He's…"
"He's yours, Zack. Leo is your son," Jondy finished for him with an unsteady voice.
"My…" Zack couldn't say it. His son. The weight of her words brought every self-righteous and jealous thought he'd ever directed at her to the forefront of his mind. He had accused her of sleeping with another guy. Accused her of getting pregnant to some norm, and rubbing it in his face. He had been downright rotten to her. He had told her get rid of it for heaven sakes. His own son! He felt the blood drain from his face and his arms went slack at his sides.
Jondy watched him pale and her heart sank. She bit back the tears that started to well in her eyes and swallowed thickly. She wouldn't cry. There had been enough tears to last her a lifetime. She didn't regret what happened between them. God no. She had Zack for one perfect night, and as a result she had the most precious baby that some women could only dream of having. No, she wouldn't cry. Leo had all the father figures he needed. He had Uncle Krit, and next month Uncle Zane had promised he would be by for a visit. They'd do just fine. Without another word, she turned and left him standing there in the living room.
Her heart aching in her chest, Jondy walked out of the house. Mary and Buddy were standing on the porch, and she tried to smile for them. Taking in a calming breath, she hugged Mary. "Thanks for everything," she managed.
Mary smiled hopefully and patted Jondy's arm. "It'll work out, I just know it."
Jondy wished she had that faith, but the look on his face had told her all she needed to know. Zack had never wanted her, and he certainly didn't want to be a father. She had done what she'd promised to do. He had a right to know the truth about who he was, and that he had a son. That's all she owed him. Now that it was over, she swore she'd bury her feelings once and for all. Never again would anyone make her feel like Zack had. And never again would she entrust her heart to another's hands. Only one man had claim to it now, and he was the one sleeping against it.
Walking down the porch steps to the truck, she resisted the urge to look back. Was he still there? Was he watching them now? A tear trickled down her cheek, and she bit her lip in frustration. She wasn't supposed to cry. Leo shifted in her arms as though sensing her distress. He often did that. A little hand escaped the blanket and rested in the hollow of her neck. The movement brought on more tears. "BOM, I know," she choked out, "I love you too." Dropping kisses on his forehead and baby cheeks, she felt blindly for the door handle.
Krit watched his sister in the rearview mirror as she settled Leo in his baby seat. He had honestly thought, despite his brother's track record that everything would have worked out. After all, Zack was all about responsibility and family. They were his number one priorities in life. Even so, he decided sadly, that wasn't enough. Jondy and Leo deserved more than a reluctant father and partner. They needed love, support and full time commitment. The man he saw standing in the bay window, wasn't offering any of those things.
