Disclaimer: I own nothing!

A/N: I know that it's been awhile, but I'm finally back and my writer's block has lifted. Again thanks to everyone out there who has reviewed this story, I hope this next chapter does not disappoint! I changed the title as you may have noticed but I'm still not happy with it so it may change again in the future. This will be my last update in a while cos I'm going on holiday, but I'll make this one extra long. Thanks again to all you groovy people who reviewed, you're all stars!

Also could someone please tell me whether this is a Mary Sue or not- I don't mind, I'm just curious.


Christmas didn't really affect me that year, not in the way it normally did. I was always extremely big on festivities but it just wasn't the same without my parents there. I hated having to stay in the castle for such a length of time- especially at Christmas, and everyone was being so over protective that I wasn't even really allowed to go outside.

The other girls in my dorm tried not to make a big deal about going home, but I could tell that they were all excited- it seemed to crackle round them like electricity. It was almost a relief when they left; it meant that there was no one tiptoeing round me, trying to say the right thing. I would have preferred it if they simply pretended to be ignorant to my current situation but instead that treated my as though I was dying or something.

The day that everyone boarded the train home, the castle turned eerily quiet. At breakfast there was no more than ten students struggling to fill up the vast hall that echoed with emptiness, and Sirius was nowhere to be seen. As far as protectors went, he wasn't very good- for all he knew I could have been kidnapped or brutally murdered in the night, but he didn't appear to be very concerned.

The common room was like something out of the twilight zone- it felt like I was the only person left in the world as I sat alone amongst dozens of vacant chairs. At least it meant that I didn't have to race 100 other eager students for the best seats- I had my pick of the lot. And no one was hogging the tables or the fireplace. If it wasn't so depressingly lonesome it might have actually been quite pleasant, but I hated being the only person around. After half an hour trying to amuse myself, I became frustrated and decided to see if Sirius was in his dormitory.

I tiptoed up the spiral staircase and peeked round the door. There was a line of neat, recently made beds, and at the very end lay a mess of crumpled covers, disarrayed clothing and bare skin. I could make out some dishevelled black hair at the top of the bed, and a foot stuck out from the side. His sleeping form was almost endearing and I hated to disturb him, but I was far to bored to go back downstairs alone.

'Sirius.' I hissed, tickling his foot until he groaned something inaudible and kicked at me grumpily.

'Go away James.' He mumbled, turning over.

'It's not James you idiot, Jesus what do you two get up to in the mornings!' I cried, shaking him.

'Ella, what the hell are you doing in my dormitory/' He demanded, sitting up and looking around in confusion.

'Everyone's gone home and I'm so bored that I would actually brave the uncharted territory of the boys dorms.' I told him

'But-but you're not supposed to be in here, I could have been doing a whole manner of private things.' He protested, smoothing down his hair.

'Like what exactly? Besides I know for a fact that Lily's always up here.' I replied casually, lying back on the bed opposite him.

'Yes but that's different-she's James' girlfriend, we have to put up with her invading our personal space for the greater good.' He replied, exasperatedly.

The greater good?' I giggled in a questioning voice.

'I.E keeping James happy- he has the most filthy temper when he doesn't get his own way.' Explained Sirius, as he finally got up, stretching his lanky arms skyward, revealing his lean, perfectly formed torso that gleamed in the morning sunshine. I felt the breath catch in the back of my throat before I mentally scolded myself for thinking such shallow, cliché things about Sirius. It was common knowledge that he had an extremely attractive exterior- some might even say faultless, but I knew how one dimensional and superficial he was, and depth and modesty were things that I valued very highly in people.

'Well I suppose that now I've had my wake up call, I might as well get up.' He yawned, rooting around in his trunk for some clothes.

'I have to say, for someone who's meant to be protecting me, you're not doing a very good job of it.' I remarked as he pulled on a Pink Floyd t-shirt and some old jeans.

'Well you've always struck me as the type of girl who could look after herself. He shrugged, collapsing back onto the bed and crawling under the covers.

'Yes well, if the dark Lord appears in front of me, I think that I may need some back up' I replied sardonically.

'Well what the hell would I be able to do, run around screaming until he blasts me to pieces.'

'Oh I don't know, anyway who the hell is Pink Floyd?' I demanded, eyeing his shirt.

'Pink Floyd are an amazing band I discovered whilst staying with my aunt Flora in Devon. I warn you now not to say anything remotely negative about them, or I will be forced to put you in a full body bind until you apologise.' He explained slowly, as though he was speaking to an idiot.

'Hey I was just curious.' I cried defensively.

'Good.' He murmured, closing his eyes and lying back serenely in his unmade bed. He no longer made an effort to speak and I was beginning to suspect that he'd fallen back to sleep. I was beginning to get a bit fed up- it was just as bad as being in the common room only here there was a strange, unpleasant smell that always seemed to linger around boys rooms.

'Sirius would you please get up- this place reeks.' I moaned, eyeing something green and mouldy looking that lurked under one of the beds.

'No ones asking you to say.' Came his muffled reply, though there was no sign of any movement.

'Well if you don't want get up then I suppose I'll have to go and ask Dumbledore for another minder.' I shrugged, getting up and making towards the door.

I heard him groan in frustration behind me.

'Wait, I'll come with you.' He muttered moodily.

'Fantastic. I feel like going for a walk outside- they've kept me copped up in this musty old place for days.' I said brightly, as Sirius caught up with me.

'Its freezing outside Ella, can't we just play chess or something.' He moaned. I wrinkled my nose at the thought- I've never really understood the whole concept of chess and I've never had the patience to learn.

'Fine, we'll go for a walk if that's what you want.' He sighed dramatically.

'Super.' I grinned, pulling on a coat.

I led the way out towards the forbidden forest, with Sirius trailing behind me shivering pathetically. The air was sharp against my skin but the sun sparkled spectacularly in the sky- it was one of those days that made you feel invincible.

'Isn't it wonderful?' I cried, dancing around- feeling so lucky to be alive.

'No its bloody cold- there's nothing wonderful about frost bite!' He hissed, his teeth chattering violently.

'Oh stop being such a cry baby, you're spoiling my good mood!' I snapped, scanning the scenery for a suitable place to sit down. After analysing the place for a moment I plonked myself down under a leafy elm.

'Why do you have to sit down out here- why can't we sit down in the common room by the fire.' He whinged, jiggling around in an amusingly futile attempt to keep warm.

'Because I feel like getting some fresh air- and you need some to, its good for your.' I smiled, lying back on the soft grass. Sirius grumbled some more, before joining me on the grass. He sat sulking in silence for a while, but once I managed to conjure up an enchanted fire he seemed to cheer up. He watched me for a while with a strange look on his face before I became agitated by his scrutiny?

'What is it?' I asked irritably.

'Well, I just wondered- you know about your parents and everything, I was just wondering how you felt about it all.' He said nervously, playing about with a blade of grass.

'Oh I feel great about it.' I smiled brightly.

'Really?' He exclaimed, looking horrified.

'Of course not muffin- brain, I'm as scared as hell.' I snapped, giving him a filthy look.

'Sorry.' He mumbled ruffling his hair. His sheepish expression made something inside me soften; I could tell he was only trying to be nice.

'What I mean to say is, yes I'm terrified. I know what happens to people when you know who sets his sights on them, but what good is it going to do anyone if I sit around feeling sorry for myself or crying all over the place.' I shrugged, smiling sadly at him.

'Well if you do feel like crying, I won't go all weird on you, I mean I'll understand.' He said earnestly. I gave him a funny look and raised an eyebrow.

'That's okay Sirius- but I'll let you know next time I feel like crying.' I replied.

'I just meant that I won't be a typical boy if you happen to start crying.' He shrugged.

'Well I'll bear that in mind.' I grinned.

We lay in silence for a few more moments before he decided to speak again.

'Are you're parents members of the Order of the Phoenix?' He asked, leaning himself lazily against the tree and looking down at me.

'Yeah, they were two of the founding members in fact, but they've only really started getting into recently. Before they were basically the glorified caterers but then my dad became a spy at the Ministry of Magic- you wouldn't believe how corrupt it is there, at least half of them have some kind of connection to You know who. Life's become a lot harder for them lately, and I guess they've just found out that my dads the one responsible.' I explained. It felt good to finally tell someone exactly what was going on. I had restrained myself from telling the girls, knowing that they would bombard me with awkward question then gossip about it intimately when I went out of the room. Considering that Sirius and I were the only ones around for two whole weeks it seemed doubtful that he would discuss it with anyone else, and by the time everyone returned it would be old news.

'And your mum?' He asked

'She has the information that will put away at least three major Death Eaters.' I said quietly, knowing that it was this knowledge that had caused my parents to flee.

'I didn't know any of this stuff until they left- I guess I wasn't important enough to tell.' I sighed, doodling in the earth with my fingers.

'Hey, don't say things like that, they were probably trying to protect you.' He said softly.

'Yeah, a lot of good that did, now I'm parentless and alone with an evil tyrant breathing down my neck.' I muttered, feeling a fat teardrop down my check.

'Are you going to go weird on me now?' I choked, trying to dry my face with my sleeve.

'Course not.' Smiled Sirius, wrapping his arms around me tenderly and cradling me- I felt so utterly stupid and hypocritical as I sat there sobbing into the shoulder of Sirius Black of all people!

His arms were tight and protective and as I leant against him, consumed by a sudden wave of grief, I felt almost safe, more so than I had felt since I found out about my parents.

I felt the shift in Sirius immediately; his head came away from its nestling place on my shoulder and moved towards my face. I blinked at him for a moment, confusion raking through me until he brought his lips down upon mine and made his intentions clear. They fluttered there for one fleeting moment before I wrenched us apart aggressively and glared at him furiously.

'You're such a fucking idiot Sirius.' I bellowed, giving him a withering look before turning away and making my way back to the castle, feeling violated and alone. He had opened me up and pretended to care, in a heartless, shameless attempt to seduce me. How could anyone be so ruthless and shallow? I had let my guard down for little more than a few minutes and that was all it took for someone like Sirius to try and take advantage. I had been so very right about love and all the stupid games it played, but the strangest thing was that I felt almost sorry my predictions about Sirius had turned out to be correct.


After everything that was happening with my parents recently, I had completely forgotten about the ongoing battle that I was waging with romance, but Sirius' advances brought it all back to the forefront of my mind. How could love be so callous? I didn't understand anything that was going on in my life at that moment, couldn't fathom why everything had suddenly turned so complicated. The weeks prior to my parents disappearance were made up of simple, insignificant events that I didn't really even remember anymore, but now everything that happened to me seemed to have a momentous impact on my life.

Though I had been completely flabbergasted by Sirius' kiss, I can't deny the effect it had on me- underneath the inappropriateness and shock of it, a part of me had almost enjoyed the short lived sensation of having his lips pressed upon mine. The closeness between the two of us took away some of the loneliness I had been feeling ever since I learnt about the fate of my parents, and though I had wisely put a stop to the kiss, knowing that I would regret it in the long run, I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if, rather than tearing us apart I would have returned his embrace with equal ardour.

But I was still angry and confused about the whole thing. How could he use me like that when he knew exactly what I was going through? I had never needed a friend more desperately than at that moment, but he failed to take on that role and I was left feeling hollow and alone. The next day was Christmas and I had never felt less festive in my life.

It had been a week since my encounter with Dumbledore and I had heard nothing more about my parents, but I was clinging on to the hope that no news was good news. I had successfully avoided running into Sirius for the past three days, but this was mostly due to the fact that he had barely ventured out of his dormitory. A part of me was greatful for this, but deep down I knew an encounter was unavoidable and it was more than likely to be intense, unpleasant and more than a little awkward.

The inevitable happened on the evening of Christmas Eve, when I made my way up to the common room after dinner, my arms laden with decorations. To be honest, I didn't really feel like celebrating very much but its tradition and I felt I had to respect that. I crawled clumsily through the portrait hole, my vision blocked by a rather large dancing Santa and therefore I did not see the two legs stretched out across the room until I felt my self tripping over them and flying through the air. I had wondered how our next meeting would come about, but in my imagination I had always been a little less airborne. I hit the floor with a loud smack and my arms began to throb unpleasantly

'Why do you have to put your stupid clown feet right in front of me' I demanded, sitting up and glaring at Sirius, who was gazing down at me in complete shock.

'Oh yes, because that little episode was completely my fault.' He replied, his lips twitching dangerously and I could tell that he was trying hard not to laugh.

'If you so much as smile I swear to God I'll hex you so badly you'll still be charming the warts of your ass at Easter.' I threatened, giving him a particularly nasty look.

'What makes you think that I would feel the urge to laugh at your entrance Ella, there was nothing remotely funny about watching you fly across the common room.' He replied innocently, as I heaved myself from the floor and staggered over to our rather bare looking Christmas tree.

'Look Ella, before your blind flight, I did intend to beg your forgiveness when you came in.' He said seriously, coming over and sitting in a chair right by me.

'What, because of your awful, insensitive, shallow, self-deprecating, heartless, disgusting behaviour the other day?' I asked without looking at him. I could see Sirius's face scrunch up in protest out of the corner of my eye.

'I'd rather we just called it the unfortunate incident. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am Ella- I know what a bad time this is for you and how completely inappropriate my behaviour was, but I swear to you that what happened was completely spontaneous. I didn't set out to seduce you or anything sordid like that, it just kind of happened.' He said, self-disgust evident on his face, and I felt my wall of resentment crumble a little.

'Yeah well, its pretty easy to stop a kiss from happening Sirius, you just don't kiss someone.' I replied astringently. Sirius had a look of torture on his face, but I was not going to make it easy for him.

'You'd think that Ella, wouldn't you? But it had already happened before I'd even realised it had begun. I know that's hard to understand, but I'm simply asking you to try, and believe me when I say I've never felt so terrible about anything I've done in my entire life, even when I turned Katie's legs into tentacles accidentally that time in Transfiguration.' He sighed earnestly.

'I take it 'accidentally' has a different definition to you than it does to everyone else.' I remarked, but my voice was no longer angry.

'Well I guess it was slightly intentional- but I had no idea that they'd start oozing like that.' He grinned as we shared the memory of Katie turning into a human squid.

'Are we okay?' He asked seriously and I couldn't help but forgive him.

For the rest of that evening we decorated the room together, and I went to bed with the warm contentment of knowing that I had at least one friend on the premises, a thought that took the piercing edge off of the agonising sensation of loneliness I'd been experiencing for the past week.


A/N: I know that chapter was a little bit slushy towards the end but I thought that because it was Christmas at Hogwarts, I'd give Ella a break.