Disclaimer: Vin is an idiot, and does not listen to his brain, or his beta...
And oh yes-don't, won't, I wish...
Master Greyson: Is this not the appropriate place to grace this page with the 'proper respects' to be paid to our dear readers?
Miss Raven: May we dispense with the formalities, and proceed with the drudgery?
Mr. Stone: Harrumph...I believe, Mr. Vincent, that it is time for the acknowledgement of the dicriminating, intelligent reviewers of your fictional accounts of our grandglorious adventures...
Garfield: I second the motion!
Miss Kori: Was a motion put forth?
Now is come for all good men and women of faith to read the glorious distribution of the 'proper respects.'
Duyt: You be not man? I most humbly beg forgiveness of thou, and do implore thee to reveal thy name of record-either that or send a picture without...ouch! Not again! Brain!
Malcore Xan'thex: Yet again, we meet. I beg you, do not divulge to any man this secret! Richard Greyson not only is burdened with the heart of a Lemming, but he also cavorts about in lady's frilly unmentionables...
I Think I forgot your name: Thank you kindly, dear sir, or madame. Must I repeat myself ? I went to Titans Tower-but they sent me off, because I was too corny, and lame. The comments concerning my taste in humor were from the review by Kage no ni yoru...sorry. Koriander/Kori-eh? Koriand'r is the name of a 20th century crimefighter, unrelated to the characters in this story.
DarkestMidnight: Thank you for being the delightfully delicious deliverer of discerning reviews that you are. Yes, I found Miss Kori's display to be both gross and funny also. Well-funny, anyway...
HVK: Yes, Hell does that from time to time...especially when someone questions my omphaloskepsis. I assure you-Trigon has a full ski parka.
Liljimmyurine: Thank you-I think? At what point did the story cease to be hilarious? And you might have known, but did not-therefore you shall also bow to my mighty powers of omphaloskepsis!
Baka Zero: Thank you-but I like you: you may address me as 'Lord'-no need to be formal. I am glad that you appreciate my creativity in 'borrowing' laughs from Monty Python! But how shall I read your literature, if you are anon-a-mouse?
On to the continuing jollity!
The chapter titled 'Carnal Wishes, and Vows of Chastity.'
( This annoyingly mundane page break brought to you by the cowardly adminstration of FanfictionDotNet.)
SOME WHATLATER
The 'Adolescents,' less one of their number, hid like weasels in their carriage. Theywaited just over the river bridgement for the hopeful escape of their dearest friend Kori. To their amazement, Kori was forthcoming, and not long in doing so.
"Miss Koriander! You are saved!" Cried Raven.
"How ever did you escape?" asked the dullard Garfield.
"And how came you to formulate so cunning a plan?" added the Milquetoast Richard.
Miss Kori blushed. "My mother once recited to me the mighty power of the womanly charms," said the gracious, and delectable Miss Kori.
"Yes-that explains our escape" figured the ever-so-intelligent Mr. Stone. "But do tell how your escape was made?"
"I am stronger than I look, Mr. Stone." Stated Kori, the master of stating the obvious. "You do not forget?"
"Harrumph!" Blubbered Stone. "Of-of course I do not!" He absentmindedly rubbed his chest in the vicinity of his most recent broken ribs...
"It was a simple matter for me to escape their ravenous clutches. But my clothing, I am afraid, I was unable to retrieve. ."
"That's why you look different!" Observed the omniscient Garfield. "You are naked as a Jaybird!"
"You are simply magnificent, dearest Kori," fumbled the unworthy Richard. "I refer, of course, to your clever plan, and escape..."
"Of course?" puzzled Kori. "Do you mean to say that you find my naked, virginal, voluptuousness unattractive?" She stammered, "Must I become so utterly despairing as to openly solicit your carnal attentions?"
"Hear-hear," coughed Stone.
"I, for one, would require no further invitation," volunteered Garfield.
Miss Raven deliberated-should she administer the coup de grace to Master Richard, or draw-and-quarter Miss Kori...? She decided upon the civilized course, and turned her back to the offenders of her sensibilities, muttering "Inbreeding Aristocrats... ."
YET MORELATER
The carriage approached stately Greyson Manor, stopping at the enormous guest house. Here the two young ladies exited, in order to freshen up before the evening repast.
"Kori," Miss Raven began, "do you not understand Master Richard? His history is thus: Richard was an orphan..."
Miss Koriander drew a sharp intake of breath. "No! Surely you are mistaken?"
"But that I were," continued Raven. "If I may continue-he was raised by a distant cousin, a certain Mr. Wayne. Mr. Wayne required, as a condition of the young Master Richard's ongoing education and keep, that Richard vow to remain free of romantic ties. Master Richard has kept his pact, and to the best of my knowledge, intends to continue in the same manner."
"How frightfully distressing for poor Richard," said Kori, with tears of sadness beginning to seep from the corners of her overly-large green eyes. "I was wont to imagine I should someday be the Mistress of stately Greyson Manor."
"I am truly distressed at your delightfully feminine show of distress, Miss Kori." Raven spoke with more kindness than usual. "I hated to speak so freely, but it must needs be that you turn your attentions elsewhere."
Miss Koriander cast herself into the arms of the dark, mysteriously sensuous Miss Raven, her bitter tears now flowing freely. "Oh, Raven-I am so utterly removed from any hope of future happiness that I shall surely die...presently." Sobbing uncontrollably, she buried her face in Miss Raven's ample bosom. "Please tell me something pleasing, that will serve to distract from my despairing."
"Ummmmm-the feeling of your lovely face buried in my considerable bosom, and wetting me with your tears of sadness is strangely effecting feelings of fondness towards your voluptuous self in my own heart?" Raven pulled Miss Koriander even tighter to her rather large bosom. "I feel myself losing the will to suppress my urges to commit unspeakable acts upon your delicious naked form."
Miss Kori sniffled, and lifted her head, to peer deep into the eyes of the equally delicious Miss Raven.
"No!" Raven corrected sternly, pushing Kori's head back down to her quite prominent bosoms. "Please continue your despairing in the same manner!"
ELSEWHERE
Garfield shook his head yet again, uncomprehending. "Do you mean me to understand, Master Richard, that you have vowed to remain chaste-forever?" Mr. Logan was quite incredulous.
"Hear-hear," Cried Victor. "A chaste existence is, indeed, a most noble endeavor. Such a man can only be admired. I say Huzzah for Master Richard, and his vow never to sample the exquisite joys of the fairer sex!" He harrumphed. "I, for one, cannot imagine such a miserable existence-to go throughout one's entire life, never to know the love of such a delectable young lady as Miss Koriander, just to name one."
"Thank you for your kind words, Sir," spoke Richard. "I think I shall retire early tonight-I seem to have taken ill, suddenly."
"I shall convey your best wishes to the lovely and full-bosomed Miss Kori, and the equally well-endowed Miss Raven, Master Richard. It shall be my honor." How Mr. Logan was able to speak with such respectful restraint, at such a sorrowful moment, must be left to the reader's imagination.
"Hear-hear!" Trumpeted the obnoxiously consistent Mr. Stone. "And I shall personally see to it that the most delectable Miss Koriander is properly consoled."
In a most peculiar turn, Victor was able to pronounce the preceding sentence with a straight face, which is more than can be said for the author.
"That will not be necessary, Mr. Stone," said Raven, who entered the room accompanied by Miss Kori, just as that last sentence was voiced, with straight face, by Victor Stone.
"Miss Kori has drawn what consolation was needed already, from myself."
Kori sniffled, just a tiny bit- "I have sworn off the male of the human species-your ministrations shall not be required, thank you, Victor."
Garfield showed surprise. "Are you to have me understand that you are...?"
"Mr. Garfield!" Scolded Raven. "The author of this story may allow his mind to dwell on such offensive conduct-but I assure you that nothing of the kind shall ever have transpired between Miss Koriander and myself!" She scowled, most convincingly. "I find myself highly agitated that a gentleman, such as you suppose yourself to be, could even think such an evil thing."
Garfield hesitated, quite taken aback. "Madame! I was about suggest that perhaps Miss Koriander had reached a decision to join Master Richard in his gallant mission of purity! I should never think to presume upon your good sensibilities, as ladies of virtue-regardless your delightful curvaceousnesses."
"Oh."
"Hear-hear!"
"Sniffle."
( This annoyingly mundane page break brought to you by the cowardly adminstration of FanfictionDotNet.)
Methinks I shall end here-before I am ended.
Thanks be to the one whose name is forgotten-but who leaves you with this parting thought:
Sorry it's not as funny as the last one, but it's the only thing I could think of, and please update soon!
(Review!... Review!... Review!...Review!...REVIEW!...
CRAZY! AH! I NEED REVIEWS
...and I have cookies...
