School is Hell . . . Duh!

Chapter 3

Intervention

There once was a man from Texas who got mediocre grades and in general, didn't really do much. This of course didn't matter. In the near future, this young man found himself about to be drafted in to the Vietnam War. Not that that mattered. His rich Daddy got him into the Texas National Guard. Such cowardice would usually get a man condemned for life, but once again, this mattered not. Later, this man would become political and run for president. Did he win? Heck no. But thanks to his friends, his Daddy's friends in the Supreme Court, and clueless morons in general, he was able to convince the public that he won. Where is this man you ask? Why he's in the White House, currently impersonating the 43rd president. But enough about "President" George W. Bush, let's go on with our story.

Disclaimer

Usually, this is where the writer says, "I do not own Silent Hill" and etc. So this is probably going to come as a surprise to most of you. I DO own Silent Hill. That's right, I am the producer and director of the Silent Hill video games. First of all, I would like to thank all of you for your support. Every copy you guys purchase keeps me one step away from working at some crappy job like Steak n' Shake (yes we have these in Japan too). I would also like to apologize for Silent Hill 4. You guys are right, the action was done well, but the plot just plain sucked. I wanted to tell everyone else on the project about this flaw but they didn't seem to want to listen. But anyway, thank you. And now, on with the story.

I left the alley on my way to the "school." I soon learned from the map that Silent Hill only has one school, which is an Elementary school. No High schools which is ultra cool. I could live here and stay at home and watch porn all day! Oh wait, I wouldn't have a TV. Damn, so much for that plan. But either way I had the slight problem that all the roads to the school were destroyed. This would be a problem. On the ground were two pieces of paper with words on them. Whoever was doing this is going to get into so much trouble for littering. Anyway, on one page was "doghouse" and Levin St." on the other. I guess that's where I'm going next.

A few minuets later . . .

All the houses looked the same. Luckily, there was the house with the doghouse. After I dispatched two of the rejects, I reached the doghouse and got the key taped to the roof. I unlocked the door and went inside. It was cold in here as outside. On the table was a first aid kit. Grabbing that I went down the hall, taking some pistol bullets. On this other table was a notebook. I decided to write down everything that had happened to me up to this point.

When I was done, my arm was very tired. I decided therefore, that the makers of this game should make saving a lot easier, like the typewriter from Resident Evil. I went to the back of the house. I learned from my map that from the back I could get to the school. There was just one problem. The door was locked.

"Who the Hell locks their doors from the outside?" I yelled as I eyed the three metal padlocks that barred my exit. I looked to my left and saw that, according to this map, I had to get three keys. I decided to screw that. With my pistol, I shot the locks off the door, unfortunately, I didn't think about getting shot myself.

You see, apparently bullets ricochet and, my arm got shot. I'm not going to include the four-lettered words I said. I had to heal myself now. I got out my first aid kit and then stopped suddenly. How was I going to "use" it? In video games, all a person had to do was press "use" on a certain health item and then everything would be healed, and all I would have to do with the health drink is just drink it. Wait! That's it! I think I have to eat the kit!

A few minutes later . . .

I helped myself to some root beer in the fridge. My arm was healed, but my stomach was really making me feel queasy. I think I should've taken the Band-Aids out first. Yeah, those things are totally not good for my carbs. I got up after a few minutes of rest. I had to get out of there as school was probably over by now and "The Simpsons" was going to be on soon. Time to go to the school to see what's going on.

I walked outside and instantly it got dark. "Night again?" I asked. "Must be part of that daylight savings time deal. And with that, I trudged on.

I ran for about a quarter of a mile. Nothing new really happened. Except that I shot more chicken and rejects, I found some more ammo, and my stomach was really, really giving me problems with the first aid kit that I ate. Maybe I should get a refund, I think the kit went past it's expiration date.

I ran past the bus that brought me here. For a second, I thought that maybe I could use it like those kids on the "Magic School Bus" did. Make it turn into a time machine or something to get me the Hell out of there. I got on and started singing the theme song. Nothing happened. I grabbed the health drinks off the bus. It looked like I was going to have to go to the damn school after all. Damn.

Footnotes

Once again, I would like to thank you for reading this and buying my video games. By the way, if you want a more serious look into the world of Silent Hill, I will be writing a novelization of Silent Hill 2. It will be coming out soon, about the same time as the update for this story. Which will be a lot sooner than this one did. Bye now.