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Chapter 3


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Cagalli blushed and quickly pulled herself together. She stood up and mumbled an apology. She knew from the cap and sunglasses that this was the young man she threatened just a while ago.

How embarrassing, she thought. Just my luck. The guy who saved me was the one I threatened with bodily harm a while ago.

He looked at her with a familiar penetrating gaze. Cagalli thought hard. I know that look from somewhere. I just can't place it.

He suddenly stiffened and began to walk away.

"Hey!" Cagalli shouted. "Wait a damn second!" She didn't know why she was stopping him. Maybe she just didn't want him to go until she recognized him.

She broke into a run and chased after the guy. He turned a corner but when Cagalli reached it, he was gone.

Damn! No one's ever outrun me before! She cursed inwardly. She stopped and took a minute to regain her breath.

Who was he, anyway? she thought, annoyed. She racked her brains on where she might've seen him before but it drew a blank.

Argh! Screw it! Maybe he was just some weirdo who considered messing with other people's minds fun. She forced herself to forget about him and walked in the direction of the park.

She paused at the park entrance. It was so quiet and peaceful. Only a handful of people were basking in the late afternoon sun. She found a spot that was shaded by trees and sat on the grass. She closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh air. When she opened her eyes, she saw the clouds rolling gently by and frowned.

She thought that being surrounded by such a peaceful scene would make her peaceful, too.

But what she was feeling was anything but peaceful. There was that feeling again. The feeling of loneliness and of her heart being ripped in two.

She hugged her knees and buried her face in them. No one can see me here. It's okay to cry...

-

"Hey, these are pretty good," the man behind the counter of the printing shop commented, pointing at the pictures. "Are you a professional photographer or something? You should have these put in an exhibit or something."

Miriallia smiled bashfully. She looked at the photographs that she had taken. Breath-taking scenes, human interest shots, and many others. She stared at them as if seeing them for the first time. "They are pretty nice."

"Oh, stop being so modest!"

She smiled and thanked the man as she exited the shop. She took a shortcut and proceeded to the residential area of the town. It was still early but she wanted to help her mom prepare dinner.

She thought about what the man said and she grinned to herself. Her parents also thought that her shots were wonderful. Maybe I could get a job at the local newspaper as a photographer.

She smiled at the thought. The war was finally over and she was ready to start her life anew...

"I'm home!" she announced. She went inside and saw her mom in the living room talking to someone on the phone.

"Oh, here she is," her mom said. She cupped her hand over the receiver and said, "It's for you."

"For me?" she repeated. She took the receiver from her mom. "Who is it?"

"Someone named Dearka," her mom said, smiling slightly. She walked towards the kitchen. "What a polite young man..."

Miriallia blushed profusely and thanked her mom. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "H-hello?"

"Miriallia? It's Dearka."

"Yeah, my mom told me. How are you?"

"Er...I'm okay. Um...and you?"

"Okay."

Silence.

She hated uncomfortable silences so she decided to do something about it. "Er...How are things at the PLANTs?"

At that, Dearka groaned. "Yzak's torturing me. He got promoted and he's making it his life's mission to order me around."

She laughed. "Really? I didn't know he hated you that much."

"Yeah, well, I'm just letting him enjoy himself while it lasts," he grumbled. "Once the peace talks are over and everything turns out okay, I'm going to quit the military."

"Be nice to him." Miriallia sighed sadly. "Especially, now that there's only the two of you left."

Dearka was silent again. She clamped her other hand on her mouth. Me and my big mouth.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't think -"

"No, it's okay," Dearka interrupted her. "Let's just talk about other things."

She nodded, then feeling foolish she said, "Okay..."

"Um...Miriallia, the reason I called was because I want to tell you something, um, I wanted to, uh, apologize for being such a jerk when we first met," Dearka stuttered.

She giggled. She imagined Dearka, the former rude, obnoxious and arrogant Buster pilot squirming. "You already apologized for about the hundredth time."

"I-I did?"

Then she heard someone in the background.

"Would you just tell her the goddamn reason why you called? Jeez! You're so slow!"

"Mind your own friggin' business, Yzak."

"That's Commander Joule to you, subordinate!"

"Oh, please. Our shifts are over and you're standing on the same ground as I am now. Just - why don't you go back to your mother and play 'coochie-coochie-coo' or something - Ow! I'll get you for that later, you white-haired freak!"

Miriallia couldn't stop herself, she laughed out loud.

"Oh? Miriallia? Did you hear that? I'm sorry but Yzak was being an ass and...well..." and Dearka was again at a loss for words.

"He sounds kind of jealous. What is it that Yzak wanted you to tell me anyway?" she teased.

Dearka caught on the hidden meaning and sputtered. "H-hey! That's not what he meant!"

"So, why don't you just tell me whatever it is you want to tell me?"

Dearka took a deep breath. "Actually, I wanted - I just wanted to say hi, and that I, uh, I miss you."

Miriallia felt her heart skip a beat. "T-that's very thoughtful of you, Dearka."

"Well, um, it's not that I meant something by it or anything. I'm not expecting you to say the same thing. It's just that I've been thinking about how things are back there. And I also miss Kira, Lacus, Cagalli, Sai, Murdoch, Capt. Ramius, and the others. Of course, I missed you, too and well, I'm not suggesting anything or...um...and well, I was worried and..."

As Dearka babbled on and on, she smiled and said, "Dearka?"

"Y-yes?" he asked nervously.

"I miss you, too."

-

He watched Cagalli silently behind the trees a couple of meters away. He promised himself that what happened earlier that day won't happen again. He had been careless and it almost cost him his head. Literally speaking.

He chuckled softly. Such violence...

He looked at the princess again and felt his heart ache at the sight of her. She's crying again...

He had seen from afar how she acted around her friends and when she was alone. Ever since that incident on the beach, two days ago, he noticed that she was trying her best to act normal and happy around her friends. But at night, when she was alone, she would always cry herself to sleep...

It's a good thing I decided to stay. I swear I won't leave her side... I'll watch over her until she completely gets over her grief.

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt his cell phone vibrate. Someone was calling him.

He rolled his eyes when he saw the name of the person who dared disturb his musings. He walked farther from Cagalli before answering the call just to be sure she wouldn't hear him.

"What?" he snapped, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

"Nice to hear from you, too," Dearka answered sarcastically. "I just called to check up on you since you conveniently forgot that you were supposed to call us three days ago!"

"I got here okay. Everything's fine except..." he trailed off.

Dearka sighed. "Look. If it were up to me, I wouldn't bother. But you know, Commander Yzak Joule's on the case."

"I bet he was the one who told you to call me."

"More like commanded. Anyway, how's your charge?"

"Charge? Oh, you mean Cagalli? Still not okay..."

Dearka sighed. "I was hoping she was. I was talking to Miriallia a while ago and she told me everything."

"Sad, isn't it?" he asked quietly. "You and Milly are lucky it didn't happen to you. At least you can still go back to her once everything's over."

"Yeah..." Dearka admitted blissfully.

"Listen, I gotta go. I might lose her."

"Yeah, sure. Don't forget. You only have two more days to set your affairs in order," Dearka reminded him.

"I know. I'll call when something happens."

"You better. We don't want to lose another one again."

They said their goodbyes and he hung up.

Only two more days...

-

When she had finished crying, she thought about what she and Kisaka had talked about this morning. She sighed sadly.

I want to help Orb, but I don't think being chief representative is the answer. No matter what I do, I just can't forget about Athrun.

The other representatives are right. How can I run this country if I'm still emotionally unstable? I know that Kira and the others would be very disappointed. I know that renouncing my title would risk Orb's neutral state. I know I'm being selfish...

But I can't do it. Not now. I don't think I have the strength or the will to do anything. I'm tired of all the war, the politics. I just want to spend the rest of my life in solitude...

They say that someday, I'll get over this. I've always believed that. But I just realized, what if I don't want to let go of my grief? Yes, it stops me from living the rest of my life. It brings me unending sadness. But…it's also the only thing I have left.

I don't want to think about it anymore. I think it's better this way. I just want to live in peace. Without anything to think about.

You don't have to wait until next week for my answer, Kisaka. I've made up my mind.

With that, she stood up and decided to go home. It was already past 6. The sky was already dark. Dinner at the mansion was always at 7 but she didn't feel like eating. She was sure that Kira and Lacus were still at Reverend Malchio's while Kisaka had been very busy the past few days.

Father, Athrun, I'm sorry for not being able to meet your expectations. I know you understand what I'm going through.

The way back to the Athha estate was uneventful. She noticed that there were only a handful of reporters outside her house now. Maybe some of them decided to just wait for my statement next week.

She went directly to her room and told Mana that she didn't want to be disturbed. She was so tired that she went to sleep not bothering to change into her pajamas.

-

Athrun tackled her to the ground, he was about to kill her when she screamed. Athrun stared at her in disbelief.

"You're a girl?" he asked, his eyes and mouth wide open in shock.

He offered her some of his ration. "Here, eat this. Food is still the same for ZAFT."

"My mother was on Junius Seven," he revealed. "It was just an innocent farming colony that was destroyed in the blink of an eye…"

"I mobilized immediately after atmospheric re-entry," he said, his deep, aquamarine eyes closing sleepily.

"If you do that, I have no choice but to kill you," he threatened. "So don't do anything foolish."

"Hey!" he called out. "You're sure you're not with the Earth Forces?"

He smiled. "It's Athrun."

"I didn't want to kill Kira," he admitted tearfully. "But I had no choice! He killed Nicol!"

He looked at her uncertainly. "You're giving this to me? Even if I killed Kira?"

He was floating by the observation deck, arm in a sling and deep in thought. "My father is a lost cause."

Athrun suddenly pulled her in a one-armed hug. "I'm sorry for making you worry."

"I'll protect you, Cagalli," he promised, sealing it with a kiss."

"Cagalli!" Athrun called out worriedly.

"We don't have any other choice. Get out of here now!" he ordered her, voice firm.

Athrun...what you're doing is escaping...

"I'm sorry, Cagalli. I won't be able to keep my promise," he said quietly.

No...

"Please, go now. Before GENESIS explodes."

No...

"Yzak! Get Cagalli away from here!"

No...

"GO!"

No…

"NO!"

She woke up, drenched in sweat. It was that dream again. Athrun...

She buried her face on her hands and cried.

Why did you leave me? Why? I can't live without you...You're so unfair...

-

He peered carefully in Cagalli's window. He knew that what he was doing was risky. Very risky. But when he heard her crying, he couldn't resist.

When he saw her prone form, curled up in her bed in a fetal position, he was very tempted to reach out and hold her in his hands. He longed to wipe away her tears and tell her that everything will be alright.

He looked at Cagalli once more. Seeing her like that made him regret his decision.

He couldn't take it anymore. He could no longer be the silent observer. Throwing all caution to the winds, he carefully unlatched the windows. He took off his contact lenses and pocketed them. He removed his cap and let his now-black hair fall freely on his shoulders. He took a deep breath and opened the windows.

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